I Can't Be Happy: How Depression Impacts Relationships
When it comes to romantic relationships, many things can stand in the way of happiness. It could be financial troubles, work stress, poor communication, or selfishness that causes trouble to pop up in your relationship. These are all normal challenges that couples face. However, if you constantly think, "I can't be happy," it could be that symptoms of depression are impacting your relationship. This is just one of several ways that depression affects relationships. Yes, depression and anxiety in relationships are real and common in so many couples.
What depression looks like
Major depressive disorder is a serious mental health challenge that should not be taken lightly. The Mayo Clinic says, "Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called a major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think, and behave, leading to various emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living."
People with depression may experience symptoms like:
Loss of interest in hobbies and activities
Change in appetite - Either eating more than usual or not eating enough
Change in sleep behavior - Either sleeping more often than usual or not enough
Increased anger or irritability
Fatigue
Withdrawal from family and friends
Feeling sad, hopeless, or lonely
These are just some of the symptoms that you could be experiencing. And, you may experience some but not all of the symptoms. If you are noticing depression symptoms or believe that you are experiencing a depressive episode and are not being treated, seek help from your doctor or a mental health professional such as a therapist.
How depression impacts relationships
The effects of depression can impact a person and their relationships in many different ways.
Your partner feels responsible
When you're in a relationship with someone that cares about you, they don't want to see you hurting. And, it's possible that if they see that you are having a hard time that they are going to think that they are in some way responsible for it.
This can be frustrating for both of you. You must be able to communicate to your partner that they are not responsible for the way that you're feeling. You want to communicate to them that you are not feeling down because you aren't happy with your relationship but that your depression loneliness causes it.
A good way to get your partner to understand this is to have them come to a counseling session with you. Your therapist can help explain to your partner the details of depression, how it can impact your life, and other information that can help them understand what they can do to support you as you work through it.
You don't want to go out
Depression can make just going through daily tasks difficult. Things like getting out of bed, taking a shower, and eating can feel like almost impossible tasks. That means doing things like going out to dinner and the movies or doing a game night with friends feels out of the picture for you.
This can be difficult for your partner to understand. If they want to go out and don't feel good about it, this can cause problems. Your partner may become frustrated because they are tired of staying in, or they feel like you are always making excuses not to have to go out. If they don't understand how depression is impacting you or haven't been honest with them about how you're feeling, they aren't going to understand that you have a legitimate reason for not leaving the house.
You are hard to get along with
Many people connect depression with sadness and don't realize that it can cause anger and increased irritability. If you are fighting depression, it can cause you to have a short temper with those you love.
If this is happening, it makes you a hard person to get along with. You may blame your partner for things that they are not responsible for, which can cause hurt and resentment in your relationship. If your partner is aware that you struggle with depression, they may be willing to overlook some of your irritability because they know where it's stemming from. Still, if they don't know what you're struggling with, this can leave them feeling confused about the relationship.
Romance is the furthest thing from your mind
When you are struggling to get through the day, one of the last things on your mind is putting forth an effort to be romantic. According to Johns Hopkins, a lack of sexual desire is often a symptom of those that are depressed.
A difference in sexual desire can be a common issue between couples anyway, and when you add depression into the mix, it can make it an even bigger challenge. If your partner feels like you are only going through the motions or aren't even able to do that, it can leave them feeling lost about where you stand in the relationship. This can lead to hurt feelings over assumptions that are being made. Your partner may feel that you aren't attracted to them when it's your depression getting in the way.
Your partner feels unappreciated
When you are struggling with depression, the chances are good that your partner is picking up your slack. Here's what this could look like in your life; they are the ones that are:
Handling the housework
Taking care of the children
Doing the extra running
Cooking all the meals
Making excuses on why you can't get together with friends
Handling the bills
When you are depressed, there are times when you might lack the ability to handle these tasks or even care if they are getting handled. You know the electric bill needs to be paid, but you don't care if it happens. You know there is no food in the house, but you aren't hungry and don't want to get out of bed, so you could care less if there are groceries.
When one partner is carrying the weight of the relationship, it can be exhausting for them.
What you can do about it
If you see that your depression is causing problems within your relationship, there are things that you can do about it.
Get help for yourself
If you know that you are struggling, then you need to reach out for help. Even if you don't care about doing it for yourself, if you love your partner and see that your depression is impacting them, remember that helping yourself is helping them as well.
Talk to a counselor if your girlfriend or boyfriend is depressed or if you're at a loss for what to do and things become out of control. Keep in mind that anything may be mended, but only with the help of professionals. If your depression is causing you to feel like you don't want to leave the house, work with an online therapist from Regain. You can get the help of a licensed counselor right from your bed. This can be through video chats or simple text messages. This removes the excuse that you don't want to get showered or dressed for appointments. Therapists are available 24/7 to help you when you need it most.
Practice self-care
Wellness practices can be an important part of managing depressive symptoms, in addition to treatment prescribed to you by your doctor. People experiencing loss of interest in activities or hobbies can focus on self-care practices, such as getting a proper amount of sleep, not staying up all night because you don't feel tired, or sleeping all day because you don't feel like waking up.
This also involves making healthy food choices. If you don't have much of an appetite, work on eating little healthy things when you can. Work on increasing how much you can eat. The less you eat, the worse you feel. You may have to force yourself to eat at first, but eventually, it can help you start having the energy you need to get through the day.
Other things that are a part of self-care include exercising, journaling, meditation, and finding things you enjoy. Its purpose is to help you be as healthy as possible with your physical, emotional, and mental health.
Be honest
When they know that you are struggling with something outside of the relationship, it can help them know how to support you better. It can also reassure them that they aren't the cause of it.
Let them know you don't need them to “fix” you
Your loved one doesn't want to see you hurting, and this can make them want to find a way to fix your depression for you. Unfortunately, this isn't possible. And, the more they try to "fix" you, the more you could end up feeling like they don't love and support you as you are.
Be open with your partner about how they can support you through this time, even if it's just telling them that you'd love someone to sit with you.
Let them know it's okay to go without you
If you don't feel like going out to any events or activities, don't stop your partner from going. Let them know that you don't expect them to stop living their lives because you struggle with depression. If there is a time when you could use them to be there with you, then communicate this to them. But make sure that you aren't trying to keep them just sitting at home because you don't feel like going. This can cause resentment.
In the end, the best thing you can do when depression is impacting your relationship is to get help getting your depression under control. Reach out to a therapist to get started.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Is it possible to never be happy?
Feelings of sadness are a completely normal human emotion. While most people experience unhappiness from time to time in their everyday life, the majority of people can overcome their feelings of sadness and get back to living their best life. However, a small percentage of people, no matter how hard they may try, rarely feel happy in any aspect of their life. They could be successful, wealthy, and have the best life imaginable, yet they cannot truly feel good regardless of their circumstances. This could be due to an underlying mental health condition, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed. If you are experiencing feelings of sadness and hopelessness, one of the essential things that you can do is reach out for support from your family and friends. You may also wish to seek professional help from a mental health therapist who can help you work through your feelings of sadness and provide you with a treatment plan that may improve your life's overall quality.
Why is it so difficult to be happy?
It’s okay not to feel good all the time. Experiencing sadness is a common human experience that people may feel every day. However, regardless of how hard they try, some people find it challenging to be happy despite committing to living their best lives. While you may be diagnosed with a mental illness that involves symptoms causing you to feel unhappy and hopeless, other reasons may be holding you back from living a happy and carefree lifestyle. If you suspect you could be experiencing a mental health disorder, consider contacting a professional therapist. If you are trying to increase happiness in your life, here are some common reasons that could be contributing to your feelings of unhappiness:
- You are never fully satisfied with what you have at the moment. For example, you live life believing that you will be happy when you have an item, meet a goal, or have a certain sum of money. However, when you live life this way, you will always be chasing something you believe makes you happy. When you finally achieve this or obtain this thing that you’ve been desiring, you may no longer feel satisfied and thus turn your energy to achieving or obtaining something that may not bring happiness in the end either. To overcome this feeling, try to practice gratitude for the things you have in the present, like your family, friends, or good health. When you focus on what you have at the moment and practice gratitude daily, you can become less anxious about what you don’t have and instead focus energy on what you do have.
- You continuously compare yourself to others and what they have. We live in a world where social media has taught us to believe that influences and celebrities live their best lives all the time. However, what people don’t realize is that those very public figures usually fail to be transparent with how they feel or the reality of daily life. They may post a picture of themselves smiling on a beach somewhere tropical but could be experiencing a bad mental health day. The feeling that our best life is right there for the taking if only we had so many more material things can feed into our lack of self-awareness of what really matters in the world, such as acts of kindness and doing things for yourself and your mental health.
- You are too focused on the end goal that you forget to feel alive at the moment. Human nature can seem to be all about achieving success for us to survive. However, when we focus too much on the end goal, we forget to appreciate the journey and who we become along the way to achieving our goals.
- Negative thoughts and negative self-talk. Whether you have a mental illness or not, negative self-talk is a tempting and frequently damaging habit. Rather than talking badly about yourself, it’s essential to practice daily positive affirmations that boost confidence and bring happiness into daily life.
- You are too focused on external rewards. When people become too focused on materialistic items, they can lose sight of what it means to feel alive and experience a happy life. Happiness comes from within. Therefore, rather than focusing on that new car or designer watch, focus on the essential aspects of life: being healthy, having close relationships with your family and friends, and feeling rewarded by doing acts of kindness for others. This concept of finding happiness in acts of service for others is a method that is suggested as one of the most powerful techniques in positive psychology.
What do you do when you are not happy?
People experience unhappiness every day, and it is a common human emotion that manifests in everyone from time to time. However, some people find it more challenging to be happy in life regardless of how successful and loved by others they may be. These feelings of unhappiness may be due to an underlying mental illness, such as anxiety or depression. Those who experience a mental health disorder such as anxiety and depression often feel sad all the time as a symptom of their mental illness, no matter how hard they try to overcome these feelings. What is important to remember is that you are not the only one who is experiencing a mental illness, and you are not alone in your battle. There are currently about 40 million adults within the United States who are experiencing a mental illness such as anxiety and depression. While it may be challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel, remember that there is support available to you, which can help you cope with symptoms of mental health disorders. If you suspect you may be experiencing symptoms of a mental illness, consult a medical professional. With a therapist, you can form a plan. Some people could consider trying to reduce unhappiness in the following ways:
- Speak to a mental health professional. This is often an essential step in your mental illness recovery. Once one is diagnosed with a mental health disorder, a doctor will suggest treatment options to relieve symptoms, possibly including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
- Try exercising daily, even if it’s for a couple of minutes. During exercise, the body releases endorphins that can elevate the mood and make people feel happier. Exercising is also a good option for reducing stress and helping subside other mental health disorder symptoms simultaneously.
- Eat a healthy and balanced diet. When we eat a healthy and balanced diet, we may feel healthy physically and mentally. By reducing the number of processed foods we eat, we are consciously contributing to supporting our bodies so that we can go out and tackle the day ahead of us. A healthy diet may look different for different people, so listen to what makes your body feel strong and energized, and be wary of diet fads or restrictive advice.
- Practice self-care. Taking some time for yourself every day can help you take a step back from the life factors that are causing you to feel stressed and overwhelmed and focus your energy on being in the moment.
- Be grateful for what you have, even if it’s the little things such as a good cup of coffee, your family, or your friends. With life being so busy and chaotic all the time, it’s easy to become sidetracked and distracted, thus making us forget about the things that really matter in life. This is not to say that larger worries don’t exist, but small moments of gratitude can put bigger concerns into perspective.
How can I force myself to be happy?
Whether you have a mental illness or not, no one can force themselves to be happy. There are methods and practices that you can use in your everyday life to help you try to welcome happiness with open arms. Remember, if you wish to bring true feelings of happiness into your life, you first may have to be willing to accept happiness from yourself and the world around you. Here are some methods that can help your welcome happiness into your everyday life or may help improve your mood:
- Exercise to boost endorphins and dopamine throughout your body to try to enhance your mood naturally
- Make sure to practice self-care rituals daily.
- Eat a healthy and balanced diet.
- Practice mindfulness and meditation to try learning to live in the moment
- Remember to practice positive psychology methods, such as performing gratitude daily.
- Keep a journal of your emotions so that you can further healthily process them.
- Hang out with your friends and family
- Spend time outdoors in nature
- Seek help for your mental illness from a mental health professional
Can humans ever be satisfied?
Although this may be difficult to come to terms with, just like every animal species on the planet, humans naturally and biologically will experience wide ranges of emotions. Evolutionarily speaking, some suspect that a state of always being content could lower our instincts and inhibitions, which would hinder our abilities to survive if a threat was present. Additionally, scientists and psychologists who have researched the phenomenon of evolution and the presence of depression argue that depression has played a role in developing human social and reproductive trends.
That being said, there is no scientific evidence that suggests that people will never be satisfied with their lives. Happiness is hard to measure and can look different to others than it may to you. If you wish to be happy with your life, here are some tips that can help you on your path to contentment:
- Try and exercise or do something active.
- Stop worrying about what other people are doing and what they think of you.
- Remember to be grateful for what you have today.
- Practice living your life in the present moment and being mindful
- Stop worrying about the results and focus on the journey.
- Realize that materialistic items are often not the solution to your problems
- Practice positive affirmations
What do you call someone who is never satisfied?
Another word for being unsatisfied in life can also be called insatiable or miserable people, but this seems unkind. It is usually safe to assume that everyone is trying their best. While it is common to experience being unsatisfied with life from time to time, this generally subsides, and we move on with our day.
People who are never satisfied in their life could feel sad or angry, regardless of how much fame, money, or fortune they may have. Unhappy people often try to bring the people around them down and seek sympathy from others. Additionally, people who are never satisfied with their life may seem as if they are determined to be unhappy:
- They live in the past and often wish things could have stayed the same as some glory days.
- They are often very self-centered people who do not believe in giving back to the community or doing something or others out of kindness.
- They blame others for their problems.
- They always expect the worst to come of every situation.
- They only focus on how they feel.
- They’ve adapted a negative identity and make sure that people know they are miserable.
- They are envious of other people.
- They are very critical about anything and everything all the time.
However, be wary of judging others too harshly. People who seem determined to be unhappy might not just be naturally miserable. They could be having trouble reaching out for help. Focusing on your own happiness without wondering why people who seem to have it all are unhappy will benefit you more. You never know what is going on inside someone’s head, and people who seem unsatisfied with seemingly perfect lives may need more understanding and care than anyone. Try focusing on living your own best life.
Is it ok to not always be happy?
What is the fear of happiness called?
Can you get rid of anhedonia?
What are the signs that you're not happy?
Why do I find it impossible to be happy?
Can I force myself to be happy?
What are the signs of an unhappy person?
Can anhedonia be cured?
Why am I not satisfied with anything?
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