I Can't Find A Girlfriend: Seven Reasons You Might Be Struggling To Find A Partner

Do you often feel like everyone around you has a partner, but you cannot seem to find a girlfriend no matter what you do? Finding a significant other can be challenging, and it can start to feel frustrating if you feel like you are trying really hard to find someone to no avail. If this is something you’re experiencing, it’s possible that you might be looking in the wrong places, searching for the wrong traits, or only considering one type of attraction, among other reasons. Read on for seven possible reasons you might be having a hard time finding that significant other.

Seven possible reasons you could be having trouble

Every situation is different, but if you are interested in finding a girlfriend and seem to be having trouble finding one, below are some possible explanations to consider: 

You are looking for the wrong traits

Do you know what it is that you’re looking for in a partner? If you seem to be struggling to find a partner, it’s possible that there’s a disconnect between what you are currently looking for and what you might actually want. For instance, maybe you are very outgoing yourself, and you assume that you’d like to date someone who is also outgoing, so that it feels easy to hit it off right away. But maybe further into the relationship, you would get along just as well with someone who is a little more reserved at first, but you just haven’t given those people a chance. In this example, it’s possible that there are other traits that might be far more important for you in terms of compatibility—such as compassion, core values, goals, respect, communication skills—than simply being outgoing, but you are immediately filtering people out based on this one trait.

You are only considering physical attraction

As you are meeting new people and trying to find someone to date seriously, what types of attraction are you considering? While physical attraction can be important, it is only one part of the equation—especially for a more serious relationship. It can also be very important to have an emotional and intellectual attraction to this person in order to build a healthy, lasting relationship. If you are only considering physical attraction as you date, you may be overlooking other valuable forms of attraction. For many people, physical attraction is also something that may grow over time as other forms of attraction are present. 

You are trying to force a connection

Is it possible that you are trying to force a connection with someone even when there is not really anything there? If you are very eager to have a partner, it can make sense to want to make something work with someone even if there is only a slight connection between you. But forcing a connection will likely not lead to a very positive, fulfilling relationship—and it may even mean you miss out on a more genuine connection with someone else. Try to be patient and let things unfold. You may meet someone special when you least expect it. 

You’re looking in the wrong places

Are you only looking for people on casual dating sites? If you are looking for a relationship, that may be harder to find on a site that is oriented toward one-night stands and fast hookups. If you like the online dating scene but want a more serious relationship, it may be better to try a site or app that encourages relationships based on your likes, dislikes, interests, and relationship goals. In addition, it may help to try to meet more new people in other ways. For instance, you could volunteer or join a club for something you’re interested in, attend a speed dating event, or even ask your friends if they might know anyone. 

You don't actually enjoy each other’s company

This one is along the same lines as trying to force a connection, but when you are in a relationship with someone, often one of the biggest factors is that you both enjoy spending time together. You both genuinely enjoy each other’s company. If this is not the dynamic between you and this other person early on, it may not bode well for the relationship. Laughter and enjoying each other can be a big part of a happy relationship.

You two want different things

It can be important to make sure that you find a person who wants the same things you do in terms of a relationship. For example, if you want a serious relationship and they are just looking for a short-term fling, it may not work out well. Or if they are planning on moving a thousand miles away in a few weeks or months, and you are not interested in a long-distance relationship, trying to date seriously may not make sense. As you are meeting people, it may be helpful to consider what you’re looking for and addressing that with new people when it feels right. For instance, if you are looking for commitment, does this person want the same thing?

Mental health challenges 

Finally, for some people, it may be worth considering if there are any possible mental health challenges at play that could be affecting their dating life. For instance, if someone has social anxiety disorder, they may have added stressors and fears surrounding dating that could be making it more difficult to meet someone, such as having an intense fear of interacting with strangers. If this is something you are experiencing, know that help is available. You can connect with a therapist for help in person or online and find ways to manage your symptoms.

How online therapy can help

Whether one of these reasons or other possible dynamics may be at play in your dating life, it can sometimes be difficult to tackle them on your own. If you would like help in addressing these concerns, you can connect with a licensed therapist. 

If you have social anxiety disorder, the thought of traveling to an in-person appointment and meeting with a stranger face-to-face may feel scary. This is where online therapy can be a great option. With online therapy through Regain, you can meet with your therapist virtually and from wherever you have an internet connection, including the comfort of your own home.  

And research has shown the effectiveness of online therapy for a range of concerns, including social anxiety disorder. One such study found that a therapist-guided internet cognitive therapy program for social anxiety disorder “significantly reduced social anxiety symptoms.”

Takeaway

It is not always easy to find a significant other, and sometimes, it may feel like you can’t possibly find someone no matter what you do. If this is something you’re experiencing, consider some of the possible reasons detailed above that could be behind some of your difficulties in finding someone. For additional support with these and other relationship concerns, you can meet with a licensed therapist online.