I Don’t Feel Anything For My Partner: Get Back In Touch With Your Relationship
If you feel like you and your partner have grown apart, you may not know where to turn. There are a variety of reasons this could be happening, and each relationship is different. No matter how long you have been experiencing these issues or how bad you feel, it is, it is never too late. There is always a way to get back in touch with your relationship and with yourself.
You may want to make sure that the relationships you do have are in the best shape to provide you with lifelong happiness and fulfillment. Sometimes, this means reaching out for a helping hand.
What causes relationship to lose their spark?
When you grow apart from your partner, you may wonder, "Why don't I feel anything for them anymore?" The simple answer to this is you need to get the spark back. Over months or years, as we are in a relationship with someone, the excitement can fade. This is completely normal and is usually just a sign of stress in a relationship. If this is the case, you can do more to relax together and communicate more openly to fix your issues.
On the other hand, sometimes the spark fades due to the neglect of your relationship. Some examples of neglect in a relationship include failing to take time for one another or taking your significant other for granted. If this sounds more like you, there may be some more work to be done.
No matter how bad you feel your problem has gotten, there is always a chance to turn it around. You may require some extra help from a licensed professional, but it can be done. If you are dedicated to fixing your relationship and you're willing to give your all, you can get the spark back.
Communication troubles
Lack of communication or lack of good communication is a top reason why couples struggle to stay together. The importance of being open with your partner is paramount to a healthy and long relationship.
If you feel you are having troubles communicating with your partner, speak up! No issue can be solved if you don't call attention to it. You can't expect your partner to know what's going on with you internally unless you tell them.
If you are having an issue with your partner communicating with you, the solution is a little more complicated. You can still start with calling attention to the issue at hand. Make sure to do this in a loving and gentle fashion. If you come off as demanding or accusatory, you may not make progress. If you feel you are not making progress resolving the issue yourself, reach out for help.
Some people have difficulty expressing their emotions and need a little extra support. A therapist could give you the push you need to send your relationship into the right direction.
Infidelity
If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it can cause one of you to think, "I don't feel anything." There are a few reasons this happens. The first reason is as a result of a defense mechanism. The downside, though, is that it blocks you from feeling the good and the bad things.
Another reason could be because the relationship doesn’t serve you anymore. Some people never heal in a relationship from infidelity. It all depends on your moral compass and what you are willing to forgive. If this is something you feel you can't get past, don't force it. Staying in a relationship where you are not happy may only be hurting you and your partner.
Either of these issues could warrant a visit with a therapist. The emotions and workings of a relationship following a dishonest act are fragile. For this reason, they should be handled with care. Getting a therapist involved ensures that you are doing all the right things you can to preserve the good things in the relationship. It also helps to heal the bad effects, making it potentially easier and quicker to get back on the right track.
Underlying issues
If an underlying mental health issue is causing you to think, "I don't feel anything," you are not alone. Many people in relationships can relate and have been successful in seeking out help.
One of the major mood disorders that cause these types of feelings is bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder can make you feel extreme emotions one minute, followed by extreme swings to apathy at the next. This condition is treatable, normally with a combination of medicine and therapy.
Another underlying condition that could cause you to lose interest in your relationship is depression. Depression can affect anyone, and it doesn't matter how good or bad your life is. This disease does not discriminate. When you are struggling with depression, you may notice a decrease in interest regarding most of the things you love. Depression is not an easy thing to manage, but help is available. With some counseling and intervention services, you can get back to feeling like yourself again.
Underlying conditions which cause your problems can range from mild to severe. You don't want to take a chance on being wrong about which end of the spectrum you are on. The best thing that you can do to make sure you are taking care of yourself and your relationship is to get help. A licensed counselor or therapist can accurately diagnose and treat you.
If you take the right steps, you can be on your way to a healthy and happy relationship in no time.
Compatibility
If you and your partner are not compatible, this can make you feel "I'm not happy in my relationship." You may not be able to force your feelings to make it work. Even if you have been able to do so in the past with some success, this cannot last forever. If you are realizing "I don't feel anything," look at how compatible you are with your partner. Do you have similar interests? These are important questions to ask.
Be honest with yourself when you answer them. If you are staying in a relationship because you do not want to be alone, you may only be hurting yourself and wasting your own time. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone that is enriching to your life and complements you.
Choosing to stay in a relationship where you are incompatible with your partner is never a good idea. Not only are you wasting time and keeping them from who they are meant to be with, but you are also stealing that time away from yourself. When you are with the person who's meant to love you, you will likely feel fulfillment and happiness like you never have before.
If you are having trouble breaking it off with your partner or you can't make a decision, reach out. A professional can guide you through the process of having these difficult conversations. Having someone by your side during these times will ensure that you get your point across in the easiest and most effective way.
This way, you can avoid expressing yourself in a way that is not consistent with your feelings. You can be sure to be precise and to the point while also giving your partner what they need to have a clean break from the relationship. This is the best way you can try to spare feelings, as well.
Finding a therapist
Finding the right help is not always an easy thing to do. It is important to find someone you are comfortable with while also handling the logistics of appointments and commutes.
If you and your partner have children or conflicting schedules, the scheduling of appointments could become especially stressful. One option is Regain. Regain offers accredited therapy services exclusively online. Their counselors and therapists have thousands of hours of experience and are ready to help all kinds of couples. Their online interface is user-friendly and matches you with a therapist uniquely qualified to support you in your area of need. Also, appointment times are around the clock, making it easier to fit therapy into your schedule.
Online couples counseling has shown tremendous efficacy in supporting couples who are experiencing detachment from one another. A recent online intervention using internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (iCBT) was designed to assist couples in identifying problems within their relationship, then jointly identifying solutions. At the end of the program, couples noted increased marital satisfaction and confidence to handle conflicts related to core issues.
Takeaway
If you are tired of thinking, "I don't feel anything," and you are ready to make a change in your life, reach out to a licensed online couples therapist today through Regain. By working together with a caring, qualified counselor, you and your partner may feel more empowered to address issues together and strengthen your connection.
Frequently asked questions
What is attraction in a relationship?
There are various kinds of attraction. Often, most, if not all, forms of attraction will be experienced in romantic relationships. There is physical attraction, emotional attraction, aesthetic attraction, intellectual attraction, and romantic attraction, to name some of the main types of attraction.
If you’re in a romantic partnership, the chances are that you are talking about a lack of romantic attraction when you say that you don’t feel anything for your partner. If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, the initial spark may have waned, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t come back. Often, the day to day mundane can make a relationship start to feel boring.
If that’s the reason that your attraction has fizzled, it can help to liven things up by trying new things or actively thinking about what is attractive about your partner. What drew them to you in the first place? Chances are, that even if they’ve grown and evolved, they’re still the same person with whom you fell in love. If that’s not the case and you either found something out about them that made you unattracted to them or they’ve changed, this may be the reason for your loss of attraction.
Is my mental health influencing my ability to feel affection toward my partner?
Mental health can impact your relationships, whether those are familiar relationships, friendships, or romantic relationships. Mental health conditions such as eating disorders, depression, or bipolar disorder, can all impact the way that you feel toward your partner. If you struggle with eating disorders, for example, you may find that the condition impacts your ability to be emotionally or physically intimate with your partner. You might find that you are focused on the condition or you might feel ashamed and want to hide your symptoms from your partner.
The same is true for symptoms of other mental health conditions, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression. Depression can cause you to feel feelings of emotional numbness, which can impact your ability to feel something for your partner.
What should I do if a mental health condition is affecting my relationship?
If you are struggling with a mental health condition or with your mental health in general, whether you have a diagnosis or not, therapy is an excellent option. When you are battling mental health concerns, the payoff may be more than just possibly improving your relationship, and you will likely have more reasons than one to work on your mental health.
If you have a mental health condition such as an eating disorder, it’s most beneficial to seek a practitioner who works with eating disorders specifically. A specialist will have the appropriate knowledge and training required to help you. If you’re considering couples counseling but are in need of mental health treatment, it might be beneficial to look for a counselor to see one on one first. However, the support of your significant other is important. Seeing a couples therapist together can help you not only repair your relationship but get the support you need from your partner who may not know exactly how to encourage or assist you otherwise.
Support groups are another option for those undergoing mental health conditions, grief, loss, and more. There are support groups for those who have a partner or family struggling with addiction. If your partner struggles with substance use and it’s something that contributes to the tension in the relationship, this might be a good option for you. Group therapy differs from support groups in the sense that a therapist doesn’t always or even usually run a support group, whereas a therapist does run group therapy. Going to a support group can be incredibly helpful, but seeing a licensed mental health provider is the most beneficial in many cases.
What kind of therapy should i choose?
If you are seeking counseling to help your relationship, couples counseling is a great route. If you are seeking help for a mental health condition, however, seeing a provider one on one who concentrates on that condition in their work is likely the best place to start. That said, even if you’re facing a mental health condition or a life circumstance such as grief or loss that you attend one on one counseling for, you may attend family therapy with your families in addition to seeing your own therapist.
Family therapy differs from couples therapy in the sense that the whole family unit, or most of the immediate family unit, attends. Family therapy is an excellent option for those who have a child or family facing mental health or behavioral issues, for those who are experiencing a change in the family such as a divorce, loss, or move, or for those who are experiencing any other disruption within the family such as difficulty with conflict resolution or frequent arguments.
Group therapy is another option and can be excellent for those who are feeling alone and their struggles or who simply preferred to learn skills such as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) skills in a group setting. Again, you can combine group therapy with individual counseling, which is a common thing for people to do and is something that allows you to get the best of both worlds.
How do I find out why I don’t feel anything for my partner?
If any of the subjects in the article above resonated with you, the one that stood out might be the reason why you don’t feel anything for your partner. Think about when you started to feel the lack of attraction. Was there a lot of stress going on in your or your partner’s life? Are either of you experiencing symptoms of depression? Have you recently found out about cheating or infidelity on behalf of your partner? Was it a slow demise where you both got busy and became more like roommates than lovers? Sometimes, in long term relationships, day-to-day life gets in the way, and we don’t put as much into the relationship anymore. If the relationship is lackluster and there’s no specific reason why, this could be what happened.
It’s also possible that, for whatever reason, you simply don’t resonate with each other anymore. It could be that you’ve experienced a change in your personal belief system or that you and your partner’s needs and desires in life have changed over time. People are always growing and evolving, and it can be devastating if you don’t work together as a couple as well as you used to, but it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with either of you. It’s possible to bring love back even when you’ve grown apart in many situations, but you might choose to part in other cases. It’s all up to your own personal beliefs, needs, and desires.
Is it possible to fix a relationship if I don’t feel anything for my partner?
If you feel like the cause of your problem might be that you and your partner aren’t putting as much into the relationship anymore, putting in the effort to get closer again could be what helps. Even if you’re busy or it feels silly at first, scheduling date nights can be very helpful. Telling each other what you appreciate in the other and spending quality time together when you aren’t stressed out and aren’t simply going through the motions of the day can help bring you closer.
Couples counseling can be extremely helpful in helping people who are in partnerships where the love feels lost. There are many different forms of counseling, but something you might find helpful is to read up on the Gottman method or similar modalities that focus on building love and trust. Especially if the case is more that the love is lost or you don’t feel like you have a high understanding of each other, understanding the Gottman method or getting therapy from a mental health provider who is versed in the Gottman method can be helpful.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is another highly beneficial form of therapy for couples, boasting a 70-75% rate of recovery post-therapy. Couples therapy doesn’t have to take a long time, so don’t worry that you’ll be in therapy indefinitely. On average, couples attend therapy for about 12 sessions or three months.
How does therapy help rekindle a relationship?
Therapy helps to rekindle a relationship by giving you a place to talk through your concerns with an objective person present. In counseling, you may start to feel like you and your partner have an open dialogue again. Once you’re able to verbalize your concerns in counseling, you can work through them actively and, if applicable, learn about skills and tools to use in your daily life.
For example, you might learn communication skills such as active listening skills, ways to verbalize emotions in a non-accusatory way, and how to resolve conflict effectively. You may also learn how to provide emotional support to one another through struggles with mental health, physical health issues, grief, stress, and more if that is something you can benefit from.
Maybe your partner treats the important areas of your life, such as your accomplishments, like they are no big deal, and it leaves you feeling misunderstood or under-appreciated. That’s enough to suck some of the romance out of a relationship; you want emotional intimacy, and you both probably want to feel understood. Counseling helps you to work through this kind of disparity with guidance and support.
What does it mean to be emotionally numb?
When we fall in love, we tend to feel an abundance of positive emotions. We might feel happiness, exhilaration, gratitude, or a sense of thrill. It’s normal for the initial euphoria to morph into a calmer state of still-lively romance, passion, contentment, and appreciation, but emotional numbness refers to a lack of emotion, which can affect all areas of life, including romantic partnerships.
Some mental health conditions come with emotional numbness as a potential symptom. If you love your partner and feel numb overall, you’re likely confused or upset as to why you can’t engage in the relationship as actively as you used to. This is a sign that it’s time to check in on your mental health, especially if you’re diagnosed with a mental health condition such as depression or think that you might have one.
There are many reasons why you might feel like there’s no spark in your relationship anymore, so mental health concerns will certainly not always be the case. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a counselor for any mental health or relationship concerns you face. Mental health providers are there to help, whether you see someone in your local area or through an online therapy site like ReGain.
Is it normal to have no feelings for your partner?
What does it mean when you don't feel anything for someone?
Are there effective ways to revive a failing relationship?
What could be the most common reasons for falling out of love?
How do I know that my partner has fallen out of love with me?
What are the warning signs that you're not in the right relationship?
Is doubt a typical phase in a relationship?
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