"I Don't Know Who I Am": How To Develop A Healthy Sense Of Self

Have you ever thought, "I don't know who I am"? It can feel scary when you do, and there are a lot of different times in life when people reach this point. If you’re feeling lost about who you are, there are many things that you can do to develop a strong sense of self.

Why it's important to know who you are

There are many reasons why having a healthy and strong sense of self is vital for your life. Some of those reasons include the following:

Other people won't easily influence you

When you don't know who you are, it's easy to go along with the people around you. If you surround yourself with the right people, it keeps you out of trouble. But, if you surround yourself with the wrong people, you can do things you usually wouldn't do.

And, even if you are influenced by people doing extraordinary things, it's still crucial to know who you are and what's important to you. Otherwise, you could be wasting your passion and talents.

You will be free to enjoy yourself and the things that you like

When you know who you are, you can allow yourself to enjoy your life. You've probably seen people before that you can tell are very confident in who they are. It most likely caught your attention because they just seemed to be happy generally.

When you know who you are, you can enjoy that person. You will see the areas that you can improve but also understand what makes you strong. This can help you to find the right opportunities for your life.

You won't make moral compromises

If you don't know what's important, you may compromise and do things you don't feel good about. But, if you struggle with knowing who you are, you may not realize these things until it's too late.

You will have an easier time making decisions

When you have a healthy sense of self, it will be easier to make decisions. You will know your priorities and have an easier time living by them. You'll also know what you enjoy more, which can make even simple decisions, like choosing where to go to dinner when someone asks you to, much easier.

Signs that you have a poor sense of self

It's easy not to realize you're struggling with your sense of self. Here are some signs that you are:

• What you like varies based on who you're with. When you don't know who you are, adjusting yourself to fit in with the people you're around becomes very easy. This might make you seem likable to others, but you aren't doing justice to yourself.
• You compromise on your morals. When you don't have a good sense of self, you may compromise on things that you later learned were important to you. This can cause you pain and also hurt the relationships that you're in.
• You experience social anxiety. The thought of being around crowds makes you nervous. This could even be people like friends and family.
• You have a hard time with goal setting. When you don't know who you are, you won't know your priorities. This makes goal setting almost impossible because you don't know what's essential to spend time on.

How to develop a healthy sense of self

Think about what's important to you

It's vital for you to determine your priorities and morals. To do this, you need to spend some time rediscovering yourself, which can take some time, especially if others have influenced you. You must learn to separate your thoughts from those of the people you've surrounded yourself with.

Learn to accept yourself for who you are

We all have imperfections and always will. That's why you need to learn how to accept yourself as you are. This doesn't mean that you aren't going to try to improve and grow throughout life, but it does mean that you're going to love yourself while you're doing it.

It's normal for people not to want to think about their weaknesses. But knowing what they are and accepting them is a part of having a true sense of self. To know yourself, you need to know both the good and the bad.

Try different things

You don't know what you like and what you don't until you try them. If you don't know who you are and what you enjoy, start trying things. If you struggle with just going along with the flow of what your friends do, you may need to take a break from doing activities with them.

Instead, try finding a group that you can join to try activities. When you get away from people you know who already have expectations of you, it can help you discover what you like. It can also help you connect and form friendships with people who like the same things as you.

Spend some time alone

It can be hard to figure out who you are when you're constantly surrounded by other people. Take some time to get away and do things on your own. Try doing what you usually do with other people alone to see how you feel about it.

Spend time journaling and just getting away with your thoughts. Some people find it helpful to go on a silent retreat. When the ability to talk to others is removed, it can be enlightening in helping you discover who you are.

Think about when you were a child

Children are great at knowing who they are and what they like. If you had a healthy childhood and not one full of abuse, it could help you learn who you are by thinking about what you enjoyed as a child. Think back to elementary school before you started to try to fit in with the crowd in your teenage years.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

What activities did you enjoy? What were your passions? And what did you want to be when you grew up? The more in touch you get with who you were, the more you can learn about who you still are. This doesn't mean that everything you enjoyed doing as a child will still be what you enjoy as an adult, but it can point you in the right direction.

When it's something more serious

Some people that struggle with a sense of self have a mental health disorder called borderline personality disorder (BPD). This disorder makes it difficult for people to control their emotions. They often have poor self-esteem and struggle with relationships.

If you struggle with knowing who you are, don't automatically jump to thinking that you have BPD or any other mental health disorder. The National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that around 5% of Americans could struggle with the disorder. If you feel you have symptoms that align with BPD, you should talk to a therapist.

BPD, like other mental health disorders, is very treatable. So, it's essential to take the proper steps in seeking treatment and getting help.

How a therapist can help

Even if you don't have a mental health disorder, a therapist can help you on your journey to developing a strong sense of self. While you may be cautious about talking to a stranger about your personal life, the fact that the therapist doesn't know you on a personal level can be very beneficial to helping you determine who you are. They have no preconceived ideas about you, and it's their job to help you to learn who you are and not to create you into who they want you to be.

If you're looking for a therapist, find out what they specialize in before meeting with them. While most therapists can help you with self-discovery, some might specialize in specific mental health disorders, so they aren't the best fit for you to work with.

Online counseling can be an excellent option if you're nervous about talking to someone face-to-face. It removes the awkwardness you're worried about from sitting with the other person. They can also help you learn skills to improve the relationships in your life as you learn to live your true self. Research shows that online therapy is effective, too, with one review of 14 studies concluding that it’s just as effective as in-person treatment. If you’re ready to get started,  contact a Regain therapist to learn more.

Takeaway

Developing a healthy sense of self isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort you put into it. If you need help figuring out who you are and what’s important to you, talk to a therapist online.