“I Hate Relationships”: Common Relationship Dysfunctions And How To Manage Them

When you find yourself in this type of cycle, you can end up saying, "I hate relationships." While it may be true that you have not had positive interactions up to this point, the truth is that the relationships themselves aren't the problem, it's the issues that arise in each of the relationships that you find yourself in.

To break free of this cycle, you must first understand where these problems exist, whether they be issues that you are dealing with or issues in your significant others. To gain a better understanding of what typically causes others to hate relationships, here is a guide that will walk you through some of the more common relationship dysfunctions and how you can properly address them.

Issue #1. A lack of communication leaves thoughts and feelings unexpressed

While relationships allow you to grow closer with another individual, it is still necessary for you to communicate with them if you expect to solve conflicts and improve your connection over time. If you bottle up your feelings or make other areas of your life a larger priority than actively speaking with each other, you and your partner will gradually build up these unresolved issues until they result in a continuous strain on the relationship. You may notice this in your relationship if you feel as though you are not listened to by your partner, or some issues continue to remain unresolved over time.

Solution: Set aside specific times with your partner during the week to talk about anything and everything. Keeping communication open will help to improve your bond and make it easier for you to solve issues with your partner in the future!

Issue #2. There is always a conflict or disagreement between you and your partner

Some couples rarely get into arguments, and some seem to be fighting during every moment of the relationship. When you find yourself locked in a constant battle with your partner, your relationship can bring you more stress than relief, which may create a rift over time that further separates you and your significant other. These conflicts may be a number of things, but the reality of the situation is that many of these conflicts are not being properly addressed or discussed.

Solution: While arguments are a natural part of relationships, it is what you do with that argument that will dictate where your relationship ends up. Whenever you and your partner disagree, make an effort to sit down and evaluate the situation with a cooler head. What is the conflict? What could you do to fix it? What could your partner do to fix it? Is it a problem that you can fix or is it an emotional issue that you or your partner may need to work on and fix? Whatever the issue may be, you must take the time to work it out. If conflict is allowed to build, it may become too much of a problem down the road.

Issue #3. You feel as though you are not a priority in your relationship

There are many people in relationships who feel as though they are not actually in one. Their partner may put other priorities above them, spend little time with them, or pay attention to other things while they are in their presence. This can make the other person feel like they are not important, which can put stress on the relationship. Unfortunately, some relationships may not be that strong, and this could be a sign that the two of you are incompatible. However, that is not true for everyone, especially if you have been seeing someone for a fair amount of time.

Solution: Make sure to communicate with your partner and let them know how you are feeling about the current state of your relationship. Often, the other person may not be aware that there is an issue with the way you two are interacting. Take some time to figure out how you, too, can become more connected, whether that be through more special date nights throughout the month or just by having more time together that requires you to interact with each other physically. If the priority isn't there, walk away from the relationship and find a partner who does value your connection.

Issue #4. There is a lack of trust in your relationship

A lack of trust stems from one of two issues. Either one partner is feeling insecure and is projecting those insecurities onto their partner or their partner has done something major in the past that has made the other partner feel that they can't be trusted. Both of these issues can be difficult to deal with as it is hard to rebuild trust once it has been lost or to initially build trust if you find it hard to open up to the other individual. If the relationship is strong enough, however, it can be fixed.

Solution: If you or your partner has trust issues and insecurities, it is important for the individual to work on themselves and to determine where these issues are coming from. Even if your partner is a trustworthy individual and would never cheat on you, these insecure thoughts will not allow you to accept that truth, which can break down the relationship over time. If your partner has done something in the past that has caused you not to trust them (but you still want to maintain the relationship), express this to your partner and work on strengthening your relationship. If they made a mistake, but they are fully-committed and apologetic, you will be able to build trust over time.

Issue #5. Past resentments continue impacting the present

Conflicts that develop at the moment are easy to solve because they can quickly be worked out and managed. Past conflicts, on the other hand, will keep rising to the surface during every other argument and make it harder for you to enjoy being with your partner fully. When you and your partner bring up these past issues that can't be fixed, it does little to solve those conflicts, as well as the new arguments that started the fight. As was stated above, continuous conflict is one of the key killers of relationships.

Solution: Sit down with your partner (during a time when you are both calm and open to discussion) and talk about all of the things that have been bothering you. Reach back into some of the things that are continually being brought up into arguments and work through those. What did your partner do or say? How did that make you feel? How can we move on from this? Although you can't go back and fix these problems, you can make a conscious effort to forgive so that your relationship can move on from old issues that no longer have any relevance between you and your partner. Then, make an effort to speak your mind when things bother you now and take the time to work these conflicts out as they come.

Issue #6. There's a power imbalance (or potential signs of abuse)

Relationships should always be balanced, but some partners seek to create a power imbalance to maintain control over the other person. This may come in more subtle forms, such as only going to another person's house or only doing what they want to do. It may also come in more visible forms, such as controlling finances or telling the other person what they are and are not allowed to do in their daily lives. In the more extreme power imbalances, they are often forms of abuse, which can range from psychological to physical harm.

Solution: If your partner spends more time in their lives than they do in your, ask them if you can start leveling the playing field by spending time at your place or by doing things that you may want to do. Much like with partners who are not actively engaged, these individuals may not be aware that they are creating a power imbalance and would be happy to spend more time in your life. If there are any signs of abuse, however, you must leave the relationship immediately and seek help. Abuse is not to be tolerated in any capacity.

Issue #7. There's an inability to develop intimacy and vulnerability

People who have had healthy attachments throughout their lives will be able to trust others and open up to them rather easily. You can tell when you are in a relationship with another individual such as this because they trust you with more vulnerable aspects of themselves. People who have insecure attachment styles have trouble opening up to others and may guard themselves in an attempt to avoid getting hurt by others. Even though you may make several attempts to get in, they will continuously push you away or avoid you to themselves. When one partner doesn't allow themselves to be vulnerable, it can make the other partner feel like they have done something wrong to have deserved coldness and separation.

Solution: People are only going to open up to others if they are willing and ready. If your partner refuses to open up and is unwilling to work on themselves, the only thing you can do is find someone who is more vulnerable. If you are the partner who is having trust issues, reaching out to a counselor can help you understand some of the causes underlying these issues so that you can begin to trust others. If you are willing to put in the work, your relationships will be much more enjoyable!

Issue #8. You and your partner spend too much time together

On the other end of the spectrum, there are people whose insecure attachment styles cause them to cling to their partners in an attempt to keep them in the relationship. Even if one partner has no intention of leaving, the other partner will worry that there is a possibility and will make an effort to keep them around as much as possible. Although this will be great for one partner, it can be exhausting for the other partner, which may force them into doing what the insecure partner was looking to prevent in the first place.

Solution: While you and your partner do need to spend time together to maintain your relationship, you will still need to have your own separate lives. Alone time is vital to mental health and will allow more room to breathe in the relationship. Feeling suffocated will only lead to dissatisfaction and a further need to get away from your partner. As long as you have a life inside and outside of the relationship, you will be able to have a healthy relationship with others.

Issue #9. You feel like two different people or your lives are incompatible

Passion and looks can lead us into a relationship, but they are not a true measure of whether you and another person should be together. You may get into a relationship with someone, only to find that you have very little in common with the other person. Even if you like them, they may have different interests, values, or lifestyles that can make it hard for you two to find things to do or enjoy together. In addition to these types of issues, you may have lives that feel incompatible as well. You may have different schedules that can make it hard to get together or daily demands that put stress on the relationship. Despite an attraction and an existing relationship, these issues can make it hard to keep a relationship going.

Solution: If the issue lies in a lack of mutual interests, try to approach things with an open mind, and ask your partner to do the same. Being with someone who has different interests can open up your world to a wide variety of new activities that you may have not even known you wanted to pursue. If the issue lies in different lifestyles, sit down with your partner to coordinate a better schedule and figure out where you each can compromise to create more time together. Keep in mind, however, that this may not always be possible, and you may need to seek out someone else who is better suited for your lifestyle.

Issue #10. There is an imbalance in give and take

When you are in a relationship, you are expected to give a certain amount of time, and attention to your partner and your partner is expected to return the same amount of time and affection. However, you may find yourself in a relationship where you are giving and giving but getting very little in return. These kinds of dynamics can lead one partner to feel underappreciated despite doing everything in their power to make their partner happy. It can also cause resentment over time that puts a strain on your relationship and leads to increased conflict.

Solution: Talk to your partner about the imbalance and bring it to their attention. If they are invested and they are aware of this issue, they are going to be willing to do more so that there is an even amount of giving and receiving. If they are not interested in doing this, there is nothing that you can do to change this. Make sure that you are not constantly giving if you are not getting anything back in return. Much like they don't expect themselves to spend any time or attention on you, you shouldn't be spending unnecessary time or attention that isn't going to be recognized or appreciated.

Issue #11. There's a lack of responsibility or unhealthy behaviors

Not everyone we are going to meet is going to have their lives together. Some people may have poor financial habits or behavioral problems that cause a multitude of issues in their own lives. Others will have vices such as smoking, drinking, or drug usage that can result in even more dangerous and problematic situations. When they come into our lives in the form of a partner, their issues no longer affect just their lives. They affect us, as well. The problem that many people have with these kinds of individuals is that they may feel responsible for their well-being or they may believe that they can fix them in some ways. This is rarely the case.

Solution: Unfortunately, there is not much that you can do for people who lack responsibility or who have dangerous vices. If this is a relatively new relationship, you should choose to do what is best for you so that you do not suffer any ill consequences as a result of your relationship with this person. If the relationship is with a person that you have known for a considerable amount of time, you may want to try to help them. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide how to deal with this kind of situation.

Find support online for navigating relationship dysfunction

Facing the same types of relationship issues over time can make you feel like there are no good relationships out there. While your experience up to now has been undesirable, understanding the reasons why you are not forming great relationships can help you break the cycle so that you can reap all of the amazing benefits that relationships have to offer.

That said, theory and application are two very different things. Are you having trouble understanding how to change some of the issues causing damage to your relationship? If so, consider reaching out to Regain. Regain is an online counseling platform dedicated to helping you how to understand better yourself and the issues facing your relationships. If you want quick to valuable counseling that will help you improve your relationships, click on the link above to start today!