I Have A Coworker Crush -- What Should I Do?
Working with the same people in a specific workplace means that you will generally see them more often than you do the other people in your life. It's not uncommon for people to spend most of their waking hours with co-workers and other individuals in the workplace. Usually, when people work together, the relationships and feelings are strictly platonic and professional.
In other cases, co-workers may develop an interest in one another which extends beyond professional boundaries. This happens more frequently than you may think. When it comes to a co-worker crush, proceeding with caution is highly imperative.
A word on workplace romances
Workplace romances and workplace dating can work out either really well or very poorly. Virtually everyone has heard the horror stories of two co-workers becoming romantically involved with one another, only for the relationship to fall apart and impact everyone in the workplace. In some scenarios, one or both parties either quit their jobs or have been fired. To avoid situations like this, it's not uncommon for employers to create policies that prohibit romantic involvements with co-workers.
Workplace romances are not doomed to fail in every situation. Things generally run smoothly when both co-workers are in a good place with one another. However, issues can arise in areas pertaining to favoritism, other co-workers feeling left out, or perceptions that one or both parties are letting their romance distract from professional obligations.
If a breakup happens when two co-workers are dating, it leaves the potential for sour feelings. Usually, when two people date and split up with one another, they don't have to see each other every day. When you date and then break up with a co-worker, you will likely have to keep seeing each other.
Not everyone can handle constantly seeing their ex at work. This is one of the reasons why people sometimes end up quitting their jobs. Even if no one quits, the workplace's general dynamic may up being impacted by the two forlorn co-workers.
If you have a crush on a co-worker, you should be aware of the realities associated with workplace romances. Your co-worker crush may work out, but then again, it may not. In truth, there are no guarantees. Still, if you have a crush on a co-worker, knowing what to do next may depend upon the situation and the company.
What should you do if you have a co-worker crush?
How you decide to go about dealing with your crush will significantly impact you. There are proper and improper ways of dealing with the situation, but only you can determine your next move. Here are some tips to keep in mind.
Learn the company policy on workplace dating
Many companies prohibit dating co-workers due to the potential of upsetting the workplace. As much as you may like your co-worker, you don't want to put your job and financial stability in jeopardy. Getting some information and finding out what your company does and doesn't allow will be important.
Certain companies are OK with it, while others may require you and your co-worker to adhere to particular guidelines or even sign certain documents. Either way, knowing where you stand and what your options are can't hurt you.
Learn if the crush is reciprocated
Finding out whether your co-worker also has a crush on you can be tricky. However, it's an important step. All crushes are not returned, and you don't want to jump the gun before learning whether the feelings are mutual. Be warned that there are correct and incorrect ways of learning if your crush is reciprocated. As much as you may like your co-worker, you never want your behavior to come off as harassing or bothersome.
If it turns out that your co-worker also has a crush on you, then finding out where your company stands on the matter is advisable. Both parties need to be fully aware of where they stand, the risks, and how they plan to handle themselves if a romantic relationship happens and subsequently ends in a breakup.
If your co-worker crush is not returned, then you don't need to proceed any further; it just means that person isn't the one for you. Learning that your crush isn't reciprocated can be initially hurtful, but in the long run, you may even be grateful for it. Everything happens for a reason, and we live in a big world. Sometimes, it just takes time and living life to encounter that special someone for you.
Set boundaries
If your co-worker crush evolves into a relationship, then you both should look into setting boundaries. This is mainly to ensure that your romance doesn't interfere with either one of your careers. Setting boundaries when you're dating a co-worker requires maturity and integrity on both ends.
A great place to start is agreeing that your romantic relationship issues will not carry over to the business workplace. Of course, this is easier said than done, but if both co-workers are mature and honest individuals, the proper boundaries can be maintained.
Furthermore, you should commit to not allowing favoritism to carry over from your relationship into the workplace. It's one thing to treat your significant other as special when you're out of the office; it's completely different to give your co-worker special treatment in the workplace simply because you two are also dating.
Don't let the naysayers get to you
To certain individuals, workplace dating is regarded as inappropriate and unprofessional. People in your personal life may tell you not to do it or claim that the relationship is doomed to fail before it even begins. This is not true in all cases; many people have married and started families with someone they originally met at work.
If both you and your significant other have gone through the necessary steps at work, set healthy boundaries, and remain on the same page with one another, don't worry about the naysayers. At the end of the day, your relationship is your relationship, and no matter what you do in life, there will always be critics.
You have to believe in yourself and your partner while knowing that the potential for success as a couple is worth exploring. Either way, don't let others dictate the trajectory of your life.
Weigh the pros and cons of dating a coworker in online therapy
Whether you're dealing with a co-worker crush, struggles in the workplace, or another matter altogether, professional feedback can always be of value. Guidance from individuals who specialize in helping others is immensely useful, especially in situations where you feel unsure of how to proceed forward or are otherwise stumped. Asking for help is never anything to be ashamed of; it simply goes to show that you're self-aware and knowledgeable of the reality that everyone needs help sometimes.
If you're interested in benefiting from valuable professional feedback, signing up for online therapy with Regain may be a great next move. Regain therapists are licensed and available to you at a time that works with your schedule. You can meet with a therapist on your own or with a partner. A Regain therapist will be happy to help you work through your co-worker crush or relationship.
Online therapy will not magically make your problems vanish. However, in addition to being convenient and discreet, it can help you grow and evolve as an individual. Working with an online therapist may ultimately provide the tools you need to transform problems into opportunities and struggles into success stories.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Does my coworker have a crush on me?
Determining whether a coworker has a crush on you is a tricky - but essential - first step in developing an office relationship.
Just like relationships that occur outside of the office, there are some general trends that you might be able to notice to alert you that you have a work crush. Some of these are more difficult to spot than others, especially if you’re working from home, but the same principles apply.
For example, if a coworker constantly makes eye contact with you, smiling at you, laughing at all of your jokes, and asking about interest in your life, they may have a crush on you.
Other times, a work crush might just come out and invite you on a date. If you don’t reciprocate this crush on your coworker, it might feel difficult to say no in a polite, non-confrontational way.
Do the best you can to be polite and respectful, but don’t be afraid to speak to management or HR if things get out of hand.
How do you tell if a male coworker likes you?
One of the most obvious ways you can tell if a male coworker likes you is if he displays he’s interested in spending time with you. He might make eye contact, be especially friendly, ask about your interests and life, and other similar behaviors.
In general, when it comes to a crush, if they’re always looking your way, often smiling or making eye contact, there’s a good chance that they might have feelings for or a work crush on you.
Other signs could be coming over to your desk a lot, asking about your weekend, hobbies, interests, etc., and sometimes signs aren’t as evident as smiles or eye contact.
If a male coworker continuously finds ways to be around you, it could be a sign they are interested.
How do you know if a coworker is interested?
Knowing if a coworker reciprocates your work crush can be difficult, but it’s essential before you can proceed in an office relationship.
Work crushes can sometimes be mistaken for simple, friendly behavior, and the line between friendliness and flirtiness is narrow, especially in a work environment.
If they’re happy to open up, respond eagerly, and ask you questions back, there’s a good chance they’re interested. On the other hand, if they are hesitant to respond and only give vague answers, it might mean they aren’t interested in an office relationship.
Of course, the best way to know if your coworker has a crush on you or reciprocates your feelings is to ask. An honest, open, and judgment-free conversation about your feelings and potential for a relationship will provide the most insight into how your coworker feels if you feel comfortable taking that step.
What should I do if I like my coworker?
Having a work crush is an exciting but sometimes scary proposition. There are many ways that an office relationship could go wrong or cause issues for your professional career. Still, if you genuinely have feelings, it may be worth it to you to pursue trying to make it work.
One productive thing you can do is find ways to spend more time with the person. Try to sit with them at lunch or ask questions about work, for instance.
One important thing to note: try not to be overly aggressive. Flirting in a work environment is fraught with risk because it is challenging for the person being hit on to “escape.”
You never want to make any work crushes feel trapped or feel like they have to say yes to a date. Understand boundaries, and be respectful of their personal space.
Always be okay with the idea that your work crush might say no to you. It’s the end of the world, and the best thing you can do is accept it in stride and move forward with your life.
How do I know if my female coworker is flirting?
Determining if a female coworker is flirting with you or simply being nice can be difficult. There’s a fine line between friendliness and flirting, so it’s important to be cautious and not assume things that don’t exist. However, some actions could indicate flirtatious behavior.
The best way to know is to have conversations with your female coworker. Please get to know her on a more personal level.
If you notice that she’s very interested in your life outside of work, that’s a good sign. If she remembers many personal details about you and asks follow-up questions days or weeks later, that’s also a good sign.
If you notice that she’s always hanging around you, seems to turn up often, sits with you at lunch, laughs at all of your jokes (especially the bad ones!), there’s a good chance she’s flirting with you. Still, be cautious and never presumptuous. Be respectful and be prepared that things could change in an instant.
How do you tell if someone secretly likes you?
It can be tough to tell if somebody secretly likes you, especially in the current climate of working from home so often. However, there are still definitely things you can look for that might indicate a romantic attraction.
If you notice that the person makes a lot of eye contact with you or continually finds ways to talk to you, they might have a crush. If you notice that the person interacts with you differently than they do other people, they may think of you differently. You might also note that the person gets nervous around you, which could signify that they like you.
Does everyone have a crush on a coworker?
Is coworker interested or just friendly?
How common is it for co workers to hook up?
Why do we develop crushes on coworkers?
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