Do Women Hate Me? Identifying And Overcoming Dating Obstacles

Updated October 9, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

No one ever said dating was easy. You may think it's hard when you are still in school, but it can become even more challenging as a full-fledged adult. Insecurity, unrealistic expectations, and getting friend-zoned are just a few of the obstacles that you may need to overcome to succeed in the dating world. You may have more control than you think over the situation, though. Here are some common dating obstacles and what you can do to overcome them:

You have low self-esteem

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Dating can be fun

Low self-esteem can rob you of your confidence and leave you feeling like you’re lacking in areas like physical attractiveness or intelligence, for example. It could also cause you to lower your standards and end up dating a girl who doesn't have the characteristics you want. Low self-esteem can also lead to issues like social anxiety, which can make it difficult to approach a woman.

Your self-talk and the way that you think about yourself can have a significant impact on your self-esteem. If you want to boost your self-esteem and start having more success in the dating world, you may need to address the way you talk to yourself. For instance, you might want to stop saying negative things to yourself and replace these with positive affirmations.

If you aren't used to paying attention to your thoughts, this can seem like a tricky thing to do. Working with a licensed therapist can help you to learn how to recognize problematic thought patterns. A mental health professional can also help you learn other ways to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

You’re looking for the perfect woman

Another obstacle that you might be running into when dating is unrealistic expectations. You don't want to lower your standards due to low self-esteem and insecurity, but there are times when you might need to alter your expectations.

There is no such thing as the perfect woman. However, many people may pass up opportunities with women who might be good partners because they don't check off every box on their list. Since no one is perfect, you  may need to set realistic expectations.

Consider making a list of the most important attributes in a partner. Then, make another list of qualities that you prefer, but aren't 100% necessary. This strategy can help you figure out what characteristics you can compromise on, and which are deal-breakers.  

Fear or anxiety may also be causing you to pass up great women. You may make up excuses in your mind for why she isn't the right one, but the real culprit could be fear of commitment or vulnerability.

You don't know where to look

Once you aren't in school anymore, it can be harder to find women to date. You may not come across any potential dating partners in the course of your day at work, so if you head directly home afterwards, your choices may be limited.  To remedy this situation, you might consider getting involved in an activity that you enjoy. Perhaps you could join a gym or find a group of people with similar interests as you.  

When looking for dating opportunities, it may be a mistake to overlook the workplace. Work romance may be frowned upon at your place of business, but you may not necessarily have to date someone that you're working with. It could be that you let a trusted coworker know that you are looking to connect with someone. Perhaps they have a friend or relative they think would be a great fit.

You can also try online dating sites. You probably know of a couple in your life that met through a dating app. If you haven’t used one before, it may feel strange finding a date this way, but it could prove worthwhile. To increase your chances of getting a good match, you may want to be honest and upfront when answering the questions on the app and setting up your dating profile. This may not be the time to give answers you think your date will want to hear. 

You move too fast

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If you’re dating because you want to be in a relationship, then you may be rushing things by trying to move the relationship along too quickly. You may want to try playing it cool and avoid giving off the impression that you’re desperate. For example, asking every girl out that you cross paths with might be sending the wrong signal. You may want to keep in mind that girls want to feel special, not like just another one of your potential dating prospects. 

Getting to know a girl before asking her out might be the best course of action. You may want to try to get a feel for whether she would be a good fit for you before suggesting a date. Once you get that first date, consider taking things slow. Take your time and let things naturally progress on their own.

You aren't succeeding in life

It might be hard to find the right girl when you are barely getting by in life. It could be helpful to consider what a woman looks for in a potential partner. She may want someone that she is attracted to who is both dependable and self-reliant. You may want to ask yourself whether you are able to check off these boxes.

If you are unmotivated in life and aren't trying to improve your situation, then you might not be putting your best foot forward. Your physical appearance may be enough to get you a first date, but it might not be enough to build a relationship on.

You might want to spend less time trying to find the right girl and more time trying to become the right partner. If you feel that you are lost or stagnant in life right now, talking to a therapist can help you get moving again. This could be a wise decision to make for your own self-improvement, but it can also help you in your dating life.

You don't want to commit

Getty/AnnaStills
Dating can be fun

It could be that you don't feel that you're ready to settle down. Or perhaps you were hurt in the past and you are afraid of getting hurt again. Either way, a lack of commitment can make it difficult for a girl to want to continue dating you. It might not be a problem right off the bat, but as the relationship progresses, she may want to see some level of commitment.

Other past experiences could also cause a lack of commitment. It could be that you watched your parents go through a messy divorce when you were a child and don't want to experience the same thing. Being able to identify and work past these situations may help you when it comes to your dating life.

If you want to overcome this dating obstacle, you may need to get to the root of the problem. If you aren't ready to commit, you might take a step back from dating for a while to figure out why. If you've been hurt in the past, then consider working with a counselor to see what you can do to recover from that hurt. 

Benefits of online counseling

If you’re facing dating challenges, talking about it with a therapist may be uncomfortable. You might feel like a failure, for example, or simply have a hard time being vulnerable with a stranger. A clinical setting like a therapist’s office may exacerbate these feelings. This is where online counseling may have certain advantages. Many people report feeling more at ease during online sessions. It might also be more convenient since there’s no need for a commute. 

Online therapy is a legitimate form of therapy, too. A comprehensive meta-analysis showed no significant differences in terms of outcomes when comparing internet-based mental health interventions to those administered in person. The study followed nearly 10,000 cases spanning varied mental health challenges and conditions. 

Takeaway

Dating might not always be easy, and there may be some obstacles to overcome. Addressing some potential problem areas could go a long way in helping you find the right woman. If you find you need additional support, reach out to a Regain counselor and begin your journey to a fulfilling and healthy relationship. 

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