“I'm Feeling Bored With My Relationship”: Addressing Apathy

After you have been with your significant other for a while, it can become easy to get stuck in a routine. Things might seem very comfortable this way, but it might be contributing to a very common relationship issue - boredom. If you have been thinking to yourself, "I am so bored," and your relationship seems to have stagnated, this article will provide you with some tips on how to help alleviate boredom between you and your partner.

Identify the sources of boredom

You may be tempted to say, "I'm bored with my relationship" and call it a day, but this feeling typically goes much deeper and there are often specific reasons why people are feeling bored. Similarly, you may be have thought "I'm bored with life," but the statement does not clarify the underlying cause of your boredom.  

For instance, when you feel like you are dragging through life, try to narrow down why. Is it school? Work? Perhaps you are sick of the same hobbies. While most of these are necessary, you can make changes to them to make them interesting again. 

The same goes for relationships; you will need to figure out the factors causing you to feel a lack of enthusiasm or interest. Maybe you do not go on dates anymore, or your sex life has grown stale in the bedroom. Regardless of the reason, identifying the underlying causes will certainly help give you something specific to address. and improve your ability to communicate clearly with your partner. 

Talk to your partner about your feelings

If you are becoming bored with your relationship, the primary way to resolve it is by talking to your significant other about how you feel. Having some direction by knowing what is making you unenthusiastic or disinterested can certainly make things easier.

You do not necessarily need to lay everything on the table immediately and start by saying, "I'm so bored with X, Y, or Z", especially if you feeling overwhelmed by bringing up your feelings. Instead, try to approach the dilemma by asking  your partner questions about how they feel about the relationship.

For instance, you can inquire if they are happy with the routine you both are in now. The may say they are content, or tell you they are also are feeling the lack of excitement or boredom.  When you ask your partner to open up to you about how they feel, you might find it easier to talk about your feelings on the matter. Chances are they are experiencing a similar perspective of the relationship and may even be relieved you brought it out into the open. 

However, none of this is possible if you do not take the first step and attempt to discuss the issue. It can be scary, and you do not want to offend your partner, but a healthy relationship is centered in open and honest communication. 

Make a plan for change

Once you both have established that either one of you is experiencing boredom in the relationship, you can both start taking actual steps to rectify the problems contributing to the loss of excitement.

For example, if the issue is you both do not spend enough time with each other having fun, arrange a set day or time to find a new activity that you each enjoy. Try something new that you like mutually or explore ideas together that you both are interested in as individuals. Sacrifice is another important aspect of a healthy relationship, so even if something is not necessarily appealing to you, experiment with your partner anyway for their own sense of joy. Who knows, maybe it will grow on you.

Choosing activities does not have to be overly complicated either; you can set a slot to dedicate a movie night together or pick a romantic place to watch the sunset. Find something that gives you the opportunity to interact with one another and enjoy each other's company. At the end of the day, as long as it breaks the routine you have, you are taking a step in the right direction.

Changing your routine can be a gradual process with not every change needing to be implemented immediately, especially if you are not comfortable with adapting to many things at once. However, in some cases, if you have multiple problems, they can be indirectly fixed by the changes in routing. For instance, if a lack of physical intimacy contributes to boredom, doing these smaller activities can help this specific issue by reducing stress and creating a sense of emotional closeness, which allows for better physical intimacy. 

Implement and commit to the changes

Once you have planned out some things that you and your partner need to work on, the next obvious step putting them into action.

In the previous section, you were given some general ideas on what you can do for specific issues. Still, ultimately, the underlying cause of boredom is a case-by-case basis, and what works for your relationship will not always be ideal for another couple.

Nonetheless, you will want to do things that involve both of you being engaged and having fun. It is just a matter of figuring out what those things are, and hopefully, by creating a plan, the changes your relationship needs will be easier to make.

Equally as important as planning and making the changes is committing to them. If you go on a date, and you find that your time together did not go as well as planned, do not give up! Try again, or consider another activity you haven’t tried for next time. Long-term positive changes rarely happen quickly, and some trial-and-error might be involved, but the moment you prioritize your relationship, you should see positive results.

Spice things up

If you have already been doing various activities with a partner, and things are boring, or you are thinking "my husband is boring; what should I do?" it can just be a matter of making changes to your current favorites together, rather than finding ways to spend time together, as suggested by the earlier sections.

Nonetheless, even fun activities can become routine and lose their appeal after a while, and you will both need to do what you can to keep things interesting. For example, you might get bored with movie nights every week and prefer to do something more unpredictable, like paintball or ball room dancing.

While plans can be essential to lay the foundation for changes and improvements, spontaneity can also be an excellent tool. Whether going on a random trip together somewhere far away or suggesting something in the bedroom that you think you'll both enjoy, you can reignite a spark in the relationship where things have been going dim. Even saying "I love you" and touching them more frequently can  and cause your partner to feel more appreciated and adored. 

Always strive to do something new, as this will continue to encourage growth in your relationship. Sometimes, exploring new ways of finding intimacy and excitement in your relationship means you will need to move out of your comfort zone. However, being willing to jump into any of these new explorations can be just what you both need to leave boredom behind you. 

Consider therapy 

While the tips provided to you can certainly help resolve boredom in your relationship, sometimes implementing on your own can feel overwhelming. There is also the possibility of it not working at all due to other communication issues keeping you apart. A valuable resource available to you that can help address countless relationship issues, including boredom, is couple's counseling.

Consulting with an online mental health professional can open the door to a healthier relationship as they can professionally guide you due to their unique perspective on your case. Therefore, you can gain better insight on how to solve this common issue.

How online therapy can help

In addition, you will also learn other skills that you might have never thought you were missing since you were focused on boredom. For instance, do you both argue very often or struggle with a lack of intimacy? Learning how to communicate will go a long way to solving just about every relationship issue, not just boredom. Online therapy is a valuable option for couples counseling, especially if you or your partner live remotely or your schedules are simply too busy to coordinate to meet in-person. Furthermore, virtual therapy is supported by research to be a highly effective alternative for traditional in-person sessions. A 2021 study reported that couples participating in online therapy felt they had a stronger bond with their therapist and partner at home while also feeling a deeper connection because of the familiar home environment. 

Regain offers online counseling and therapy to anyone ranging from couples who are just looking to strengthen their relationship to those trying to prevent a divorce.

Takeaway

If you feel like you’re in a boring relationship and you have been stumped on what to do about it, hopefully, this article has helped you get on the right track. Finding excitement in your love life is not necessarily hard, but it can take a mixture of planning and spontaneity. By discovering what works for you both, you can spark much-needed interest in your relationship so that you can continue to enjoy each other's company and be a happy couple. When these tactics do not resolve your problem, do not worry. An online couples counsel is available at a time convenient for you and in the comfort of your own home.