Understanding Your Child’s Disposition: Insights On Normal Kid Temperament
No one knows your child as well as you do. But some days, their personality and behavior may leave you scratching your head. A lot of this confusion might be due to your child’s temperament. But what is temperament, and how does it play a role in your parenting? Here, we’ll explore the general definitions of temperament, different types of temperament, the leading temperament traits, and how understanding your child’s temperament can lead to smoother parenting in the long-term.
What is temperament?
A lot of what people call the personality of your child comes down to their temperament. Psychologists define temperament as the inborn way that people respond to the world around them. For example, how does your child react to new situations? The main components of a person’s temperament are something they’re born with, so a person’s temperament typically doesn’t change all that much throughout their life. However, the intensity of the temperament traits, explained below, can be affected by parenting styles and the family environment.
Key factors of temperament
When looking at infant temperament or a child’s temperament, there are three main factors that experts consider: 1) Reactivity, 2) Self-management, and 3) Sociability.
These three factors each exist on a spectrum, so your child might be described as having “high reactivity” or “low self-management.” Understanding where your child falls on each of these three spectrums can be key to understanding your child’s temperament.
Let’s look at these temperament traits one by one and define them.
Reactivity describes how strongly a child feels or reacts to events around them. A child with high reactivity may tend to feel strong and have a high activity level. Children with a high activity level may be easily distracted and reactive. Children on the lower end of the reactivity spectrum might be described as “reserved,” and are usually less assertive and sometimes less active when it comes to physical activities.
Self-management explains how in control of their behavior and feelings a child is. It also involves their overall attention span and persistence. If your child has high self-management, they’re likely to have a longer attention span and be able to control their emotions when something frustrating or exciting happens. Children with lower self-management tend to quickly change from one activity to another and may require a lot of encouragement to get through tasks.
Sociability describes how at ease a child is when they are confronted with new things, experiences, or people. Kids with high sociability tend to be more adaptable and love to be around other people, even from a young age. Those who are lower on the sociability spectrum are often great at occupying themselves and love routines.
Once you’ve explored these key factors of a child’s temperament, you’ll likely be able to see where your child falls on each of these three scales. Researchers have been able to generalize three temperament types when it comes to describing a child’s temperament traits. They are easy/flexible, active/feisty, and slow to warm/cautious.
Of course, not all children can be categorized into one of these boxes. However, research indicates that about 65% of children can, where 40% are easy/flexible, 10% are active/feisty, and 15% are slow to warm/cautious. The remaining 35% of children fail to fit neatly into one of these categories, but instead show a mix of the temperament characteristics. Naturally, these temperament traits vary in intensity from child to child, which is why children with similar temperament characteristics shouldn’t be immediately lumped into the same category.
Nervous temperament
Some new studies have found that, in addition to these initial three temperament indicators, there may also be a “nervous temperament.” While the nervous temperament doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is set up to be anxious or nervous for the rest of their life, it can be a sort of early warning sign. The nervous temperament might be an indicator of future mental health issues, such as depression or reliance on drugs and alcohol.
However, it can be important to take these warnings with a grain of salt, especially if your child is still very young. While the nervous or anxious temperament may be a good indicator for older children, it is generally not as reliable when it comes to an infant’s temperament.
Temperament and personality
Now that we’ve looked at the definitions and major temperament characteristics, let’s look at how temperament is related to personality. Many people think that personality is just a synonym for temperament, but that’s not exactly the case.
To start, temperament is considered an inborn part of a person. This means that while the intensity of certain temperament characteristics may change throughout a person’s life, their temperament as a whole won’t change.
How experiences shape a child’s personality
Personality, on the other hand, is largely shaped by a person’s experiences. This means that while your child’s temperament isn’t likely to change with time and input, their personality can be shaped and molded by their experiences, including the family environment.
The influence of a child’s personality on their behavior
Both temperament and personality can play a big role in behavior. So, the behavior that you observe in your kids may be due to both their personality and their temperament. However, their behavior can also be largely dependent on their experience, and children’s patterns of behavior often change as they grow and experience more.
Is my child’s temperament atypical?
All of these definitions and examples bring us back to our initial question: Is my kid’s temperament normal?
Since infant temperament remains largely unchanged throughout a lifetime, there’s no way to target one “normal” temperament. According to The Long Shadow of Temperament, which is a book that explains the long term findings of Jerome Kagan and Nancy Sindman, who spent about 25 years observing children and their temperaments. They show how a growing number of identifiable temperaments can give insight into understanding children (and adults). They also discuss the applications of their findings when it comes to promoting positive parent-child relationships and healthy parenting practices.
Distinguishing temperament from behavior in children
When it comes to what many might refer to as “bad temperament” in infants or children, they’re probably actually referring to bad behavior. Such behavior might include throwing temper tantrums often or withdrawing and refusing to talk or cooperate with others. The good news, though, is that unlike temperament and personality, behavior can be changed with some practice and patience over time.
Parenting to your child’s temperament
Now that we’ve explored the different facets of a child’s temperament, let’s look at some healthy parenting tips to promote a positive relationship between you and your child.
The first thing to remember is that your child is not the only one in the relationship with a temperament: you also have your temperament to take into account! By being aware of both the temperament of the child and your temperament, you can be better able to adapt your parenting style to the needs of both the parent and the child.
Next, you need to determine your child’s temperament type. Remember, they’ll likely fall into one of these categories: easy/flexible, active/feisty, or slow to warm/cautious. Of course, your child may not fit directly into one of these temperament categories, and that’s okay. You may also want to get some help with determining your child’s temperament type. A licensed professional can help you identify your child’s needs according to their temperament and create a parenting plan that will benefit everyone. Resources like online therapy can make this process much easier by allowing you to access care from the comfort of your own home.
The effectiveness of online therapy
You don’t have to worry about the quality of your and your child’s care being compromised, either. . Research shows that family therapy sessions conducted online are just as effective as they are in person. With an online therapist, you can discuss your concerns about your child’s behavior in a safe, accessible environment.
Takeaway
Understanding your child’s temperament – whether it falls into predefined categories or not – can be a key part of parenting them with compassion and understanding. Knowing their temperament can also help you adjust your parenting style accordingly. It may be worth remembering that each child’s reactions to these new parenting measures will vary in intensity. Plus, it might take some time to find a new rhythm while you’re modifying and improving your parenting style. So, even if it seems difficult or tumultuous at first, don’t give up! Ultimately, what will make the shift in parenting techniques effective is likely consistency and adaptability.
What are common characteristics of normal kid temperament?
Generally, children have three types of temperament: Easy, difficult, and slow-to-warm up. Each temperament has its characteristics. Easy children tend to be active, happy, outgoing, and adapt easily to the environment and with new people. Easy children tend to have mild reactions that are easy to soothe. Difficult children, on the other hand, tend to cry often and have a negative mood. These children respond and react with intense reactions. They also have a difficult time figuring out how to adapt and adjust to environments and new people. Babies and toddlers with difficult temperaments may have a difficult time transitioning to a new caregiver, they also tend to have briefer sleep durations.
Lastly, slow-to-warm-up children tend to be calm, observant, and have a low physical activity level. Slow-to-warm-up children tend to take longer to adapt and adjust to new situations and unfamiliar people. You can expect children with a slow-to-warm-up temperament to eventually open up more once they feel comfortable around the people or environment they are in. Babies and toddlers who have slow-to-warm-up temperament often experience separation anxiety when separated from their parents, they also have a harder time being soothed. They also tend to be difficult to sleep train at first, but once comfortable, everything tends to be easier.
What is an easy temperament in early childhood?
An easy temperament in childhood can be characterized by children being happy, calm and easily adapting to new situations. These children respond and react to things mildly. They find it easy to adapt to and adjust to things, have a positive mood, and have regular daily routines.
How does a poor temperament manifest in a child’s behavior?
Children with poor temperaments are most likely to have negative moods and withdrawal which makes them avoid new situations and activities, it’s also a difficult time for them to adapt to certain situations and environments. It can be hard to change a child’s temperament, but you can still do something as a parent by ensuring their needs are met, practicing child care, making your children feel comfortable, and letting them express emotions. You can also help children learn emotional regulation techniques and be consistent with giving support and being a positive example.
What is a difficult temperament in the context of child development?
In the context of child development, children who are born with difficult temperament often have a negative mood, are easily agitated, have briefer sleep durations, and are extra sensitive to stimulation. These children may also choose to withdraw from daily routines and new situations. As these children develop, you might notice them reacting with intense emotions. They tend to exhibit strong reactions such as frequent crying, screaming, and kicking. Difficult temperament is associated with behavioral problems. Babies with difficult temperaments are most likely to have behavioral problems when they enter early childhood. It could affect development issues such as socialization with friends and other children in school. It can also have an effect when meeting unfamiliar and new people.
If you feel like your children have difficult temperament, support them by making sure their needs are met, and maintain a predictable routine and consistent method for disciplining while still ensuring the children feel comfortable. Every child has very different experiences so make sure to understand your children well. Some children are naturally adaptable while some need more guidance from caring adults. Some children find it easier to open up while some tend to take more time. Give them the support suited for their needs and prioritize child care regardless of the child’s individual temperament. Be patient as the child tries to adjust, whether it be at school, in a different setting, or with friends, as it can be a challenging time for them. As much as possible, help the child adjust to new experiences, even if they feel little pleasure in it.
How do I know my child's temperament?
You can identify your child’s temperament by observing their behaviors and traits. Observe their activity level, the intensity of their emotions, whether they show over or little pleasure in things, how they react to different situations and new people, and their adaptability, mood, approach, and withdrawal to situations. Once you know these key features to look for, you can also observe other children and their respective temperaments.
Why is my child so temperamental?
Your child is temperamental because it’s their own individual way of reacting and responding to the world. It is the set of in-born traits that determines how they approach the world. Temperament is not something a young child chooses, nor is it created by the parent. It is how the child tends to adjust, adapt, and react in their own way.
What age does temperament develop?
Temperament develops over time. It is already present as babies are born and just develops as the child grows in age. At around age 3, you can expect a child’s temperament to become stable.
What is poor temperament?
A poor or difficult temperament in babies is characterized by being irritable, crying, easily upset, demanding attention, and sleeping lightly. Poor temperament in children makes it challenging for children to interact with others around them, especially with new people. Some children with challenging temperaments may have trouble socializing with friends or adjusting to school. In the presence of challenging temperaments, it’s the role of the parents to guide their children on how to improve regardless of how challenging it might be. Other children can open up easily when guided, while others might take more time to take everything in.
How can I improve my child's temperament?
Take for example a young child with a slow-to-warm-up temperament. Children with a slow-to-warm-up temperament tend to be shy around new people since they need more time to feel comfortable around a new setting or unfamiliar people. As a shy child, socializing can be a challenging aspect as they often withdraw from participating in new experiences. Children who are shy and have slow-to-warm-up temperaments need support from parents to help them slowly adapt to new experiences, make friends, and adapt to routines. If the shy and cautious child is having a harder time adjusting to new routines or making friends, guide them carefully and give them enough time to adapt. There are a lot of ways to support a shy child. One can try teaching a shy child some socializing skills. Make time for a shy child to warm up and be comfortable. Avoid giving a shy child labels, the shy child might take it personally.
Another example would be for easy temperaments. Babies, toddlers, and children with easy temperament are often in a good mood and have regular eating and sleep schedules. A child with easy temperament adapts easily to changes in their environment. Parents can help a young child with an easy temperament manage their emotions more by teaching meditation and mindfulness techniques. On the other hand, regardless of the child’s individual temperament, a good parent will likely be able to see ways to improve life for their children. No matter how challenging it might be, there’s always room for improvement.
Can you change a child's temperament?
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