Is Your Partner Having An Emotional Affair? Signs And Cues You Might Be Missing

Has your partner seemed like they're acting different than they used to? Maybe they seem distant, or maybe they're even more emotional and friendly than ever. Maybe they seem too clingy or too far removed. No matter what's going on, you may have noticed that there are some changes and now you're wondering just what might be going on. Or maybe you haven't noticed anything at all, but your friends and family are making remarks that something is wrong. To determine whether your partner is having an emotional affair, you may want to keep your eyes peeled for some telltale signs. Ultimately, though, the best way to know for sure is to have an open conversation with your partner.

What is an emotional affair?

When you hear the word “affair,” you likely think of a physical or romantic affair. But emotional affairs can be a little more complicated. An emotional affair can be defined as any inappropriate relationship between your partner and someone else, particularly one that offers them intimate, emotional support. Emotional affairs are all about providing the kind of things you’d expect from a partner – love, compassion, understanding, and support. But if someone else is filling these needs for your partner, that may leave little room for your relationship.

Signs of an emotional affair

Before you talk with your partner about whether an affair is occurring, you're likely going to want to find out what some of the signs are. From there, you might be able to understand better what's going on and f it's time to confront your partner. Below are some common signs that your partner is having an emotional affair that you may want to take note of if you see them.

Contacting someone when they're with you

Now, your partner talking to their friends or even their colleagues when they're with you is not generally a cause for concern. You would likely expect that sometimes they would want or need to talk to these people. But excessive contact might be a sign of something else.

Talking with someone about your problems

Sometimes, you just need a good vent -- and having a close friend that you can vent to when there's a problem in your relationship can be normal. But there are some things that you and your partner likely want to keep to yourselves. There are probably secrets that you don't talk about with anyone else or confidences that you expect them to keep. If they're talking to someone else about those things, however, it may be a sign that there's more to the story.

Bringing up someone else constantly

Again, your partner may have stories to tell you about their colleagues or other people that they talk to, and that can be perfectly normal. They might even come home every day with a different story or a couple of stories, but if they're talking about that person a lot,, then that's not a good sign. It may mean that they're thinking about that one particular person quite frequently and they may be doing more than just thinking about them.

Spending a lot of time with someone

We're not trying to say that your partner shouldn't spend time with people. However, if they're spending a lot of time with a particular person instead of you, it can be understandable to be concerned.  This may be especially true if their time spent with someone else comes on suddenly or seems to take precedence over your time together.

Talking about how much someone understands them

If your partner starts talking about all the ways that this other person understands them and gets where they're coming from, it may indicate they’re forming an emotionally intimate bond. Having close friends can be important, but so can having a uniquely deep bond with your partner. If your partner confides in someone else over you, it can create tension and resentment in your relationship.

Keeping secrets about contact with someone

If there's nothing bad about the contact your partner has with someone, then there's likely no reason that they shouldn't be able to talk to you about it. But if they're lying about who they’re talking to or hiding it from you, it may mean they know they're doing something that they shouldn't.

Why addressing an emotional affair can be important

Maybe you already suspected that your partner was having an emotional affair, but you're not sure what the big deal is. Your partner needs close friends, too, right? And they may not have any intention of taking that relationship any further than what it is. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be concerned or that you don’t deserve the chance to talk through your feelings. Even if an emotional affair isn’t happening now, there may be potential for one to develop down the road – unless you address what’s going on, of course.

Emotional affairs generally start as friendships. That friendship slowly starts to get closer and closer over time and can eventually turn into what's considered an emotional affair. An emotional affair can be hurtful enough on its own. But in some cases, emotional intimacy can be the stepping stone to a full-blown case of infidelity.

Now, that's not to say that every friendship you or your partner has will turn into cheating. The two of you generally should have healthy friendships outside your relationship. It can be crucial to have people that you can talk to, vent to and whatever else you need. But it can also be important to keep some boundaries and to make sure that you and your partner aren't getting caught up in any emotional entanglement.

Sometimes it's difficult for either one of you to realize what's going on or to recognize that an emotional affair is happening. You might think they're just nice or they might think they're just friendly. But when you start to recognize any of these signs, it may be a good time to talk with your partner. They may know full well what’s going on, or they may not.  Either way, the only way to do something about the issue is to own up and talk to them. From there, you can make your choice about what to do.

Seeking Professional help

If you and your partner may be facing an emotional affair, seeking professional help can be an important step forward. A mental health professional can help you manage emotional infidelity or signs of it. Most cases of emotional infidelity are rooted in something deeper. Whether it be incompatibilities, poor communication, or any other relationship issue, the cause of an emotional fair usually must be uprooted before it can be resolved.

If you and your partner are looking for a mental health professional to help with an emotional affair or any other type of mental health issue, online therapy may be able to help. With online therapy, you can access support from anywhere at any time. A few clicks are all it takes to connect with a professional who understands your needs. That makes it easier and a whole lot more efficient for you to get the help you're looking for.

Plus, research supports the fact that online therapy can be highly beneficial for couples. One study, for instance, found that the majority of clients participating in online couples therapy felt they had a better working alliance with an online therapist. These clients also felt that distance helped them feel more comfortable opening up more to their therapists. So, online therapy may help you cover challenging topics that may be challenging to discuss in person. 

Takeaway

If your partner is having an emotional affair, you might notice subtle signs that clue you in to what’s going on. Cues like talking excessively about someone else, having inappropriate levels of contact with someone, or withdrawing from your relationship to invest in another can all be worth noting. The best way to know what’s going on in your partner’s mind is to talk to them. While it can be challenging to do so, having an open, honest conversation may be the best way to move forward.