Letting Him Go: Managing Emotions & Fostering Personal Growth

A lot of mental, emotional, and physical energy often goes into relationships. It is this energy that can allow a relationship to flourish, but it can also make it extremely hard to let go. Having so much invested in the relationship can make it hard to walk away from the relationship, even if you have a feeling that it might be time to break up. It can be difficult to decide between staying together or breaking up, and it often requires a lot of thought and consideration, as it can significantly impact your life one way or another. 

As difficult as it can be to decide to end a romantic relationship, sometimes, it is time to let go. Here, we’ll explore a few signs to consider if you’re trying to determine if it might be time to end the relationship, as well as a few tips for what to do next.

How to know when it's time for letting him go and prioritizing your mental health

Deciding to break up can be very difficult. Every relationship is unique, but if you’re trying to decide if it might be time to walk away, below are a few signs that it may be time to let go: 

Letting him go when the pain in the relationship outweighs the good

All relationships can have their ups and downs, highs and lows, but if you have found that the bad far outweighs the good in the relationship, it may be time to consider walking away. In a healthy and positive relationship, there is joy, love, connection, support, kindness, and mutual consideration. However, if your relationship is dominated by negative feelings, it may be a sign that it’s time to let go. The relationship can be a huge positive addition to your life. But when your relationship is characterized by annoyance, meanness, anger, irritability, or distance, it can feel like the joy is gone and the relationship is not adding much to your life. When the positive aspects of one's relationship shift to negative or disappear, it's important to consider whether that may be a sign to let go. Continuing in a relationship that causes more hurt than happiness can prevent you from healing and moving forward.

There is a lack of respect

Mutual respect is an important part of a healthy relationship. When respect is lacking, it can be very hurtful. Disrespect in a relationship can come in many different forms. It could involve treating your poorly, not listening to your concerns, ignoring your needs, violating your boundaries, disregarding your feelings, or breaking your trust, among other things. If you feel like your partner doesn't respect you, it can be important to have a serious conversation about it. Make sure to talk openly about your concerns and be clear about your needs for respect and consideration. If the behavior doesn't change, it may be time to get out.

Noticing your physical health and personal growth: Signs you should be letting him go

You feel like you are giving a lot and getting little in return

All relationships require a bit of give and take. A successful relationship involves mutual effort and reciprocity, where both partners contribute equally. However, if it feels like you're always giving, and your partner is always taking or is just complacent, it may be time to evaluate the relationship. Are you feeling like your needs are being met, or does the relationship feel like a burden? There are indeed moments where the relationship can feel unbalanced—perhaps your partner has fallen ill and cannot be as present for you, or perhaps they have been given an increased amount of responsibility at work and are less available—but these temporary imbalances can be understandable. However, if you feel like you're continuously not receiving as much as you're giving your partner, it may be time to rethink the relationship. When the balance in a relationship shifts, it’s easy to fall into patterns of feeling unappreciated and drained.

Feeling undervalued and knowing it’s time for letting him go

In a healthy relationship, each person will feel valued. But if your partner continually puts himself above you or your needs without regard to how it impacts you, it can cause you to feel used and resentful. In this dynamic, everything is their way or the highway. Your feelings and needs matter, and it’s important to be in a relationship where they are acknowledged. Your partner intends to make sure that he's content, comfortable, and satisfied, even at your expense. You may sense that something is wrong when your needs are consistently ignored or dismissed. When you express your wants and needs, your partner either says no or ignores your requests. You may realize that your partner’s behavior is unlikely to change, and this could be a key signal to move on. This can be a sign that the relationship is deteriorating or is not serving you, and it may be time to consider letting go. 

You no longer see a future together

If the thought of staying with this person and building a future together fills you with dread, it may be time to consider walking away. When your focus shifts from a future with your partner to dwelling on the past, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Perhaps previously, you loved the thought of building a life together and growing closer over the years, but now, you may find it difficult to imagine the relationship growing and adding to your life moving forward. When you've decided that you can't continue living the way you have been, it may be time to tell your partner that you want to end the relationship. Reaching this point can be difficult, but it’s important to prioritize your happiness and well-being.

What to do next after letting him go: Managing emotions and personal growth

After you've taken the difficult step in breaking up with your partner, what do you do next? When a relationship ends, it’s important to take time to reflect and process your emotions. This period of self-reflection can help you discover new strengths and insights about yourself. It can be challenging to cope, so you can consider some of the ideas below: 

How to allow yourself to feel love again after letting him go

After a breakup, you may have a range of intense emotions. It’s essential to focus on your healing and well-being as you navigate this emotional journey. You may feel sad, heartbroken, frustrated, disappointed, angry, and wistful, among other things—even if you are confident that breaking up was the right decision. Despite these emotions, trust that you are on the right path toward healing and personal growth. Try to allow yourself to feel all your emotions and be patient with yourself as you experience a range of feelings. Living in the present moment and embracing each emotion as it comes can help you heal more effectively, giving yourself kindness to move past your pain. Remember that in moments of heartbreak, it may feel like the end of the world, but healing is possible. You can allow yourself to grieve. While grieving, remember that there is always hope for a brighter future and new beginnings.

Coping with the emotions of letting him go through self-compassion

As you navigate the aftermath of the breakup, try to practice self-compassion as often as possible. According to a study published in Psychological Science, self-compassion can help mitigate the negative emotional impact of divorce. Try to be kind and loving to yourself; you can try treating yourself as you would treat a good friend in the same situation.

How mental health professionals can help after letting him go

Improving your mental health and physical health after letting him go

It's important not to isolate yourself after a breakup. As you deal with the pain from the breakup, you may feel tempted to withdraw from others and spend more time alone, but leaning on your support system can be very important as you try to heal. Try to spend time with friends and family who love and care about you; it may help you to cope with the pain and find a new perspective. 

Seek help through therapy

If you would like additional support, a trained therapist can help you process your breakup and work through the grief process. A therapist can also listen without judgment, helping you navigate your emotions in a safe space. A therapist can also help you better understand yourself and the patterns you bring to new relationships. And, research has shown that online therapy can be effective for a range of concerns, including for improving self-esteem and forgiveness after a breakup. 

After a breakup, you may feel emotionally drained and exhausted, and the thought of a potentially long commute to an in-person appointment may seem daunting. With online therapy through Regain, you can speak with a therapist from wherever is most convenient for you so long as you have internet—no commute necessary.

Counselor reviews

“He’s amazing - he’s gotten me through some tough times and reminds me I’m not made of super human strength - that I’m human with normal emotions and it is in fact okay to cry. He has been an amazing support through a horrible breakup.”

“Nadja was very supportive and listened to my concerns in a non-judgmental way while offering helpful advice to get me through a very rough time in my relationship. Ultimately she helped me see that that the relationship hadn't been working for me, and she helped give me confidence to break out of the cycle and believe in myself in order to leave the situation. I would recommend her as a counselor to anyone going through personal or relationship issues!”

Takeaway

Walking away from a relationship can be very hard sometimes, especially if you feel you have invested a lot into the relationship. But if you are feeling like it may be time to break up, you can consider some of the signs detailed above that it may be time to walk away. If you would like support as you navigate these and other relationship concerns, an online therapist can help.