Looking For A Boyfriend? Six Tips To Help You Find The Right One

Depending on your stage of life and individual needs, being single can offer countless benefits. You get to explore your independence, pursue new passions and hobbies, and learn how to spend and enjoy time with yourself.

If you’ve explored your single life and feel ready to build a life with someone else, you may feel excited and hopeful – but at the same time, dating can get complicated. Finding your future boyfriend requires time, energy, and vulnerability, and you may feel unsure where to start. 

The process of looking for a boyfriend – or any partner, for that matter – does take time, but the reward of a healthy relationship is often well worth the investment. The following six tips can help you enter the world of dating, build honest connections, and ultimately find a boyfriend whose values and goals align with your own.

Building a healthy relationship: Six tips to find your future boyfriend

Before reviewing these tips, take a moment to reflect on your definition of a “healthy” relationship.

If you’re dating to find a boyfriend or any partner, thinking about your dating history – as well as your romantic goals for the future – can help you pursue and attract the best partner for you.

A healthy relationship can take many forms, but key pillars of a healthy romantic connection include: 

• A meaningful emotional connection, meaning that partners make each other feel loved, heard, and emotionally fulfilled.
• Open and honest communication.
• The ability to maintain friendships, family bonds, and other meaningful connections outside the romantic relationship.
• Preservation of each partner’s hobbies, passions, and interests, whether shared or separate.
• The ability to respectfully disagree and engage in productive conflict.

As you search for your future boyfriend, keep this list in mind and don’t hesitate to return to and build on your definition of a healthy romance. No relationship is perfect, but imperfect pairings can thrive when both partners are committed to each other’s health and well-being, both physically and emotionally.

1. Build a community around an interest or hobby

If you’re passionate about a particular hobby, a sport, a social cause, or another interest, try to attend events or groups for people who share your interests. A local book club, an adult sports league, or another organized activity can be an excellent way to nurture your passions and potentially meet a romantic interest along the way.

According to 2019 survey record from the Pew Research Center, a majority of U.S. adults surveyed (32%) said they first met their spouse or partner through friends or family. When you nurture these connections, you may be invited to join various communities and groups that ultimately lead to your next romance. 

Be open to these connections, say “yes” to social activities when they align with your interests and needs, and see where this openness takes you!

2. Have fun

Dating can feel high stakes, particularly if you’re firmly committed to the idea of finding a boyfriend. It’s perfectly okay to date with this goal in mind, but you may find dating less stressful – and more rewarding – if you view each date and potential connection as an opportunity to have fun.

As you continue looking for your future boyfriend, try to reframe your dates and social events as opportunities to try new things and make new connections: whether they’re romantic, platonic, or even professional. 

If you’re out in the world, having fun, and genuinely enjoying yourself while dating, you’re more likely to attract people with similar mindsets, and potentially shared interests and values as well. 

3. Be honest

On your first date with a prospective love interest, you may feel tempted to exaggerate past achievements or hide perceived flaws and quirks. While it’s human to feel self-conscious about your shortcomings, it’s just as human to recognize and own up to our flaws. 

By being honest and addressing areas for improvement early on, you invite your potential partner to be honest and open with you. In most romantic relationships, a groundwork of honesty is essential: in one study, researchers noted that romantic partners’ honesty with each other can even predict the longevity of their relationships.

If you want to find the one and make your connection last, start with honesty and see how your relationship builds. In general, it’s best to “lay everything all out”, so to speak, and be transparent about your flaws, passions, and goals for the future, so both people have enough information to decide whether they’re ready for a committed relationship.

4. Sharpen your listening skills

Whether you’re on a spree of first dates or finally in a committed partnership, good listening skills enhance any stage of a relationship.

As you continue to date and get to know a prospective boyfriend, allow curiosity to guide you. When you’re genuinely curious about your date’s life, opinions, experiences, and values, you’re more likely to listen and appear more interested, attractive, and engaged. 

Becoming an active listener requires patience and ongoing attention; but if you’re looking for advice, keep the following pointers in mind for your next date:

• Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing in new, exciting, and potentially unexpected directions.
• Challenge yourself to put your whole attention on the other person: not just the words they say, but their complete message, from the emotions in their voice to the way they adjust their body as they speak.
• Eliminate any distractions: your phone, a TV blaring in the background, and any other tech or external factors that could get in the way of thoughtful conversation.

5. Prepare for a range of emotions

After a promising first date, or perhaps an unexpected encounter with someone at a local event, you might feel overcome by feelings of excitement and anticipation. Romantic connection can be an intense feeling, and the promise of new love inspires many people to continue looking for their ideal match.

Ideally, feelings of excitement and fun are core aspects of your dating experience, but moments of rejection are also inevitable. Being rejected or letting someone else know you’re not interested can be painful, regardless of which side you’re on. 

As you continue to date, learning to accept that excitement, promise, and rejection are all part of the experience can help you navigate these emotions with a clear mind and steady focus. The notion of acceptance is often easier said than done, but these strategies can help you find your calm while searching for “the one”:

• Keep moving. If you receive a rejection text or call after a few dates, take any feedback or learning moments to heart, but be kind to yourself. Every dater makes mistakes: the key is to learn from these moments and apply your takeaways to future relationships.
• Practice mindfulness exercises. You can integrate simple techniques like mindful eating, mindful breathing, and walking meditation into your daily routine to reduce stress, clear your mind, and improve your overall well-being.
• Keep friends close. As you continue to date, make a conscious effort to maintain your friendships and consult them for support. Their advice can give you a sense of direction and reassurance.

6. Connect with a professional therapist for support

You might begin the process of looking for a boyfriend on your own– but if you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions and possibilities, a professional therapist can offer tools to help you remain calm and confident throughout the search.

While some people prefer face-to-face therapy, a growing number of both individuals and couples turn to online therapy for their relational and mental health goals. Using a digital platform like Regain, you can connect with a board-certified therapist within a few days of completing a brief questionnaire. Each therapist has at least three years of professional experience, as well as expertise in relationship therapy, dating, and related topics.

Several studies show that online therapy can be as effective as in-person alternatives, including a 2022 review of nine studies of four different online couple relationship education (CRE) programs. Based on their analysis, the researchers concluded that online CRE programs can effectively address common troubles reported by distressed couples, including confidence, commitment, aggression, and depression. These results are promising, highlighting the potential of online platforms to make education and therapies available to couples. 

Takeaway 

If you’re looking for a boyfriend, you may feel excited, eager, and hopeful – but as you continue to put yourself out in the world, you may also encounter moments of disappointment or confusion. 

While you can work through these emotions on your own or with the support of loved ones, a therapist can help you find deeper clarity, calmness, and keep you grounded throughout the dating process. 

You deserve a boyfriend and partner who makes you feel loved and respected. Before your next date, a therapist can help you solidify your goals and show up as the best, most confident version of yourself.