My Partner Hates My Dry Sense Of Humor - What Should I Do?

Updated October 15, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

When someone doesn’t directly express their anger, displeasure, or disagreement, but instead expresses it indirectly, through sabotage and negativity, they may be acting passively aggressive. While this may not seem like a big deal once in a while, passive-aggressive behavior can cause friction and conflict, leading to resentment and confusion in relationships. Romantic relationships are no exception. If you notice your partner consistently acting passively aggressive, that may be a sign of underlying issues that need to be addressed.

dry sense of humor

Is passive-aggressive behavior affecting your relationship?

With this in mind, in this article, we will explore passive-aggressive behavior in more detail: what it is, how it can manifest in relationships, and how couples can take steps toward clearer, healthier communication. 

What is passive aggression?

Passive aggression, also known as passive-aggressive behavior, is a form of communication in which a person doesn't directly communicate negative emotions like disagreement, frustration, or resentment. Instead, they show their displeasure indirectly, in a way that can run counter to their actions. For example, a person may agree to do something, and then use subtly hostile behavior to express their disagreement, even though they outwardly agreed to the activity. It’s common for people to act passively-aggressively out of fear of conflict or as a form of manipulation.

Passive-aggressive behavior can lead to challenges and misunderstandings in relationships. It can also prevent couples from resolving conflicts. When one partner acts aggressively without directly addressing the reason for it, their significant other may experience confusion and hurt feelings. The passively-aggressive partner, on the other hand, may experience increasing feelings of resentment and frustration when the issue isn’t addressed, despite not actively communicating the problem to their partner. 

Frequent passive aggression between partners may point to underlying communication issues, and, depending on the circumstances, can even be a sign of a toxic or abusive relationship.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

What can passive-aggressive behavior look like?

When someone is acting passively aggressive, it can be tricky to recognize, because they will typically avoid directly expressing what’s bothering them. Instead, they may resort to indirect behaviors to show their unhappiness, such as:

  • Sarcastic comments
  • Backhanded or insincere compliments
  • The silent treatment
  • Sulking or acting like they're “in a funk”
  • Intentionally sabotaging or interfering with agreed-upon activities
  • Guilt-tripping

When asked what's bothering them, someone who’s acting passively aggressive may insist that nothing is wrong, that they’re just in a bad mood, or that they’re just imagining things, only to continue behaving in a way that’s subtly hostile.

man upset about a dry sense of humor

How can couples manage passive-aggressive communication?

Healthy communication is a key component of healthy relationships. If you notice your significant other acting passively aggressive, the following tips may be helpful for changing the dynamic:

  • Avoid getting defensive. When your partner is being sarcastic or patronizing, it can be tempting to respond emotionally. However, this can lead to arguments, and at times make the conflict worse. It may be helpful to take a step back and get some space before you return to the interaction.

  • Try not to make assumptions. Because passive-aggressive behavior can make it hard to know what a person is thinking or feeling, it may be important to not make judgments based on their outward behaviors. Aim to avoid jumping to conclusions until you've had a chance to talk through the issue. 

  • Practice empathy. Sometimes, people act passively aggressive because they are afraid to bring up an issue directly. Sitting down with your partner and raising the issue gently and empathetically may be useful for helping them open up about what's bothering them. 

  • Make a habit of healthy communication. One of the best ways to prevent passively-aggressive behavior in relationships is to make a habit of managing disagreements in an open and healthy way. By creating a dynamic where it’s safe for your partner to openly disagree with you, you can set the stage for healthy conflict resolution in the future. 

Because passive-aggressive behavior can sometimes point to other issues with a couple's communication or relationship dynamic, seeking outside help, such as couples counseling, may also be a useful step. Speaking with a licensed relationship therapist can allow both partners to express their feelings in a neutral, safe environment, get to the bottom of ongoing issues, and learn to address them in a more constructive way. A counselor can help couples develop the tools for strengthening their communication and avoiding misunderstandings, both during therapy and in the future. 

Due to the cost of traditional couples counseling, which can be upwards of $200 per session—and is not typically covered by insurance—an increasing number of couples are opting for online therapy through platforms like Regain. With prices starting at $65 per week, and the ability to speak with a counselor from wherever is most convenient, couples may find virtual counseling to be a more accessible alternative to in-person therapy. 

Studies have found online couples therapy to be an effective alternative to traditional counseling. One study, published in 2020 in Frontiers in Psychology, found that online couples therapy led to an increased therapeutic alliance between couples and their therapists. Another, published in 2022, found that couples who received counseling online saw similar improvements as couples who received in-person counseling when it came to relationship satisfaction.

 dry sense of humor

Is passive-aggressive behavior affecting your relationship?

Takeaway

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to a person communicating negative emotions indirectly, usually through subtly hostile words and actions. Forms of passive aggression may include backhanded or sarcastic comments, sulking, guilt-tripping, or sabotaging tasks or activities. In a relationship, passive aggression can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a lack of conflict resolution. By practicing empathetic and healthy communication, and avoiding getting defensive or making assumptions, couples can set the stage for more open communication in their relationships. For couples who would like outside support in managing passive-aggressive behavior, counseling—either in-person or through platforms like Regain—may also be a valuable resource. 

For Additional Help & Support With Your ConcernsThis website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started
This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform.