Starting A Relationship? 11 Good Qualities To Have As A New Partner

The start of a new relationship is an exciting time. You're enjoying the process of getting to know a new partner—and you're learning how to be a good partner to your new person.

The quality of your relationship with another person is largely dependent on each of your personality traits and how these qualities interact with each other. If you are with someone who has undesirable qualities or who has a personality that is very different from yours, there is likely to be conflict down the road. This means that cultivating a potentially long-term relationship starts with identifying these features in your new partner long before you enter a serious stage in your relationship—and deciding if you can live with them.

That said, not everyone knows what they should be looking for in a serious partner (and may miss some major red flags along the way). If you're in a new relationship and trying to determine if it has the potential to grow, here are 11 good qualities to look for in a partner (regardless of gender) that you should also see in yourself.

1. You and your partner are honest and open about your feelings and thoughts

Trust is usually grounded in an honest, communicative relationship. If you or your partner consistently lie about things that impact your relationship or withhold your true feelings from your partner, you won't be able to build the solid foundation you need for your relationship to survive. Honesty can be demonstrated by a match of words to actions. When you're honest, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say. In regard to communication, there should be openness when answering questions, offering thoughtful and authentic responses. 

2. You and your partner make an effort to demonstrate your affection

The initial stages of a relationship are often passionate, but you must pay close attention to how you and your partner interact as you get to know one another. For example, do you or your partner only show your affection in the bedroom? If so, it may indicate that you two could only be interested in each other sexually rather than romantically. If you instead have a relationship where you and your partner pay attention to the little things and make an effort to show your affection to each other on a day-to-day basis, this is a good sign that the romance is real and will carry into the later stages of your relationship. Make sure that you look for a partner who reciprocates the affection that you give to them.

3. You both actively listen in a conversation

Everyone hears what you say, but not everyone listens. A good listener seeks to pay attention to your words with the intent of understanding and, if asked, providing solutions for the situation that you may be going through. Do you feel that your partner engages with you when you are having a conversation? Does your partner bring up things that you have told them in the past? Do you feel listened to, and do you make a conscious effort to hear your partner as well? If both you and your partner truly care about what the other is saying and you act on what you learn from those conversations, a long-term relationship can become a possibility.

4. Compromise on both sides allows your lives to click seamlessly

The capacity to compromise is one of the qualities needed to succeed in a relationship. Some partners will try to maintain control in a relationship by only doing things that they want or integrating their significant other into their lives without offering reciprocation. When this happens, the other person may feel as though their interests and opinions aren't important, too. A good partner understands that a relationship is built on give and take, which requires compromise, meaning that they are involved in your life and do things that you want to do—and vice versa. 

5. There is freedom for both partners

Although you will want, of course, to do things as a couple, you still need to maintain your identities and do things alone. When you spend too much time together or if you have a clingy partner that requires you to be by their side at all times, the relationship can become stifling rather than enjoyable. Your partner should be able to live their own life while still working time for you into their schedule, and you should expect the same for yourself as well. 

6. Both partners demonstrate high levels of maturity and dependability

No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who can't handle their life or their emotions. For example, if you are dating someone who does not prioritize cleaning their house, who skips work because they don't feel like going, or someone who acts out because they feel a certain way, you may have a rocky path ahead of you. Your partner (as well as yourself) should do their best to make sure that they are taking care of all aspects of their life and doing their best to be aware of their emotional responses and how they impact your relationship. Signs of immaturity will hinder progress in a relationship. 

7. You can be vulnerable with each other

From the good to the bad, your partner should be the first person that you can rely on to support you through anything—especially the tough stuff. If you or your partner refuse to let each other in, it can be hard to maintain an honest relationship, as you may feel out in the cold with your partner. Opening up and letting your partner in on whatever is going on can strengthen and deepen your connection.

8. You're aware of each other's needs and behaviors, and your own as well

Awareness is an important quality to have in any relationship. Your partner should know exactly what you are looking for from them, and you should know what your partner needs. On that note, however, awareness shouldn't stop at each other. You should also be aware what you need for yourself. Partners who don't take care of themselves or understand who they are can easily become lost or unhappy in a relationship. There should be an equal amount of self-awareness and awareness for your partner in your relationship dynamic. If needs or behaviors are ignored on either side, things can unravel quickly.

9. High confidence and healthy self-esteem is present in both parties

As was stated above, a clingy partner never makes for a good partner. This happens for two reasons. Firstly, someone who is clingy will want to spend too much time together, which can tire out the relationship and make you feel like you need more space rather than more time with your partner. Secondly, someone who lacks confidence and has low self-esteem will often have trust issues, and they may not believe that their partner will stay with them. This can result in trying to keep a tight hold of their significant other. Both you and your partner should be confident about yourself. If you have self-esteem issues, you may want to consider reaching out to a professional who can help you evaluate the causes behind it and how you can improve your perception.

10. You always have fun in your relationship

Many of the qualities good relationships have on this list are serious, but your relationship doesn't have to be. While you need a partner who is serious about their life and who takes care of business, you should also expect to have a partner who has a sense of humor and with whom you share interests. Whether it's a hike on a Saturday, a mid-week movie, or a concert on Friday night, you and your partner should make opportunities to do fun things together—and these should never feel like a chore. 

11. Both of you maintain a positive outlook

Being with someone who has a positive outlook on life can help you have a better quality of life, as well. These types of individuals can turn any situation into a lesson and find the good in it. Being around this type of person will give you positivity and make you feel grateful for everything you have. Why is this important? If you date someone with a pessimistic attitude, you might start seeing things in a more negative light, leaving you feeling drained and depressed about some things you are experiencing. Positivity is something you and your partner can work on together. This way, as challenges come along, you can meet them together, head on. 

Be the best partner you can be: An online therapist can help

Even if both you and your new partner have all the personality traits listed above, you can still experience relationship issues. When you do, you might consider online therapy as an option for getting back on track. Online therapy has become a popular way of working through all sorts of issues, from relationship trouble to mental health disorders. Many people have found online therapy as effective as in-person therapy for working through a rough patch with a partner and maintaining healthy relationship dynamics.

If you and your partner have reached a rocky point in your relationship, consider counseling help at Regain. Regain is an online counseling platform designed to help couples target all of their issues and improve their relationship in the process. You can meet with a counselor alone or with your partner, or a combination of both. Your Regain therapist can help you and your partner figure out where your stumbling blocks are and how to get past them for a happier, healthier partnership.