Recognizing The Signs Of A Rebound Relationship
Many people get into a new relationship after ending a long-term connection before they’re emotionally ready, only to find that coupling progressing too fast and ultimately fizzling out in a relatively short time. Read on to explore what a rebound relationship is, how it can affect you emotionally, and what signs you should watch for to evaluate where you’re either rebounding or in a rebound relationship.
What is a rebound relationship?
Ending a serious relationship often leaves people with a combination of unresolved emotions. Sometimes, people get into a new relationship before they’re emotionally ready, which can set the connection up for failure. Jumping into a new relationship immediately after a breakup to “bounce back” is often called a rebound.
“A ‘rebound relationship’ is commonly understood as a relationship that is initiated shortly after a romantic breakup—before the feelings about the former relationship have been resolved.” — Too Fast, Too Soon? An Empirical Investigation into Rebound Relationships
Understanding the characteristics and signs of a rebound relationship
While it can be challenging to know exactly how your partner feels or their level of emotional connection to the relationship, you can use a few characteristics of rebounds to help you form an opinion one way or the other.
Recent breakup
If the breakup was recent, there might still be lingering feelings that need resolving. It may be a rebound if you or your partner connected with someone new after recently ending a long-term relationship.
Frequent comparisons to ex
If you or your partner make frequent comparisons to an ex, it could be a characteristic of a rebound relationship.
Fear of commitment
If you or your new partner hesitates to commit to the relationship or make any effort to move forward, it could be a rebound.
Rapid pace
If the new relationship progresses unusually fast, it may be a rebound where one partner strives to attain the deeper emotional intimacy they shared with a former partner.
Why do people seek rebound relationships?
There may be many reasons to seek a new relationship before you’ve found closure from the last one. Explore why some people get into rebound relationships.
“Rebound relationships reflect a change in mating strategy which is evident in a temporary shift in the characteristics of the pursued mate and the benefits gained.” — The Rebound Effect, Indiana State University
Getting over a breakup
Breakups are often painful, emotionally challenging experiences that leave people feeling lonely, confused, or insecure as they work to process their unresolved emotions. During this complex emotional period, they may seek validation that they’re still desirable and attractive or distraction from their complicated feelings through a new relationship.
Forming an emotional connection
Many people feel lonely after a breakup and may seek to form an emotional connection with someone new to fill the void left by the bond they shared with their former partner. It can be essential to note that if you're getting into a new relationship while you’re not emotionally available, you should tell your partner from the beginning. Connecting with someone else after a breakup can help you find your new normal.
Can rebound relationships be a good thing?
Rebound relationships seem destined for failure, so how could they be a good thing? Everyone isn’t looking for a serious relationship. Some people prefer to date someone for a while and then move on when things get more serious. If both partners are upfront about their expectations and emotional availability, a rebound relationship can be a source of companionship and comfort that gives everyone what they need and allows them to move on without hurt feelings. Honesty and communication are key components in a healthy relationship, whether it’s a rebound or not.
Impacts of rebound relationships
Your mental health
Using a rebound to avoid examining and processing your feelings can be counterproductive, extending how long you feel these negative emotions.
By contrast, if both partners know the relationship's scope and potential at the outset, a rebound can help you affirm your new start and promote growth.
Partner’s mental health
If your partner is aware that it's a rebound relationship and you agree that it's what you need at this point in your lives, it can be a healthy connection that meets everyone’s unique needs.
However, if only one person is aware that the relationship isn’t likely to go anywhere, it could cause them pain and emotional distress.
Recognizing the signs of a rebound
You will likely be aware that you’ve gotten into a rebound relationship if you’re the one who’s not quite ready to move on, but if you're wondering whether your partner thinks your new relationship is a rebound, there are some signs.
Talking about the ex all the time
If they talk about their ex all the time or frequently make comparisons between you and their ex, your partner may still be experiencing unresolved feelings related to their former partner.
Very little time between relationships
It might be a sign that it’s a rebound if there was very little time between your partner’s last relationship and this one.
The connection is superficial
You may be in a rebound relationship if your partner is emotionally unavailable, and your connection feels superficial because they can’t offer deeper ties. However, it can be important to remember that many people have emotional attachment issues or other reasons for emotional unavailability.
The relationship focuses on sex
You may be in a rebound relationship if your entire connection focuses on sex. If the majority of what you do together is related to sexual activity and you aren’t forming an emotional connection, it could be a rebound.
Emotional unavailability
If you’ve tried to establish an emotional connection and found your new partner to consistently be emotionally unavailable, you may be in a rebound relationship.
A sense you’re being used
You may be in a rebound relationship if the connection feels transactional or you get the sense that you’re being used. Are they making you part of their life or seeing you only when it’s convenient for them?
Bitterness
If your partner talks about their ex a lot and often sounds bitter, they may have unresolved feelings, which could mean it’s a rebound relationship and they aren’t ready to move on yet.
No long-term plans
Being reluctant to make long-term plans with you or discuss the future could indicate that you're in a rebound relationship.
Pros and cons of a rebound relationship
If you’re working to get over a difficult breakup, consider the pros and cons of a rebound relationship before you get into one.
Benefits of a rebound relationship
Below is a list of benefits being in a rebound relationship:
- A rebound relationship can be a healthy distraction as you process your unresolved emotions—as long as both partners are aware.
- New beginnings can be exciting after a breakup.
- If the last relationship didn’t end well, a rebound could provide support and comfort as you heal.
Drawbacks
On the other hand, here are some of the downsides of a rebound relationship:
- Forming a genuine emotional connection can be challenging when your emotions are raw.
- Trusting someone new and letting them into your life can be difficult after a breakup, and you may push a new partner away.
- Unresolved issues from your last relationship may occur again.
- Your new partner can be hurt or feel used.
How therapy can help you move forward after a breakup and avoid rebounding
Many people struggle to process their lingering feelings after a breakup and don’t know how to find the emotional balance to move on to a loving, trusting relationship with someone else. If that sounds like you, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform focused on relationship issues like Regain. Therapy can help you identify and process your problematic feelings so you can move forward, ready to build a healthy relationship with someone else. Therapists can also teach practical coping skills to manage stress and communication skills to express your needs and feelings to future partners. If you're a parent or guardian seeking ways to support your child through a difficult breakup, TeenCounseling provides online therapy for kids from 12 to 19.
Recent studies show that online therapy provides the same results as in-person treatments, often with lower costs and shorter wait times. One of the most significant advantages of online therapy platforms is the access they provide to a large selection of mental healthcare providers. If you don’t find someone who fits your personality and situation well at first, it’s easy to connect with another therapist.
Takeaway
Rebound relationships aren’t always a bad thing. They can help you move forward after ending a long-term bond, but being upfront with new partners is important. The information in this article offers insight into how rebound relationships can affect both people and how therapy can help you move forward in healthy relationships with your future partners.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs) about a rebound relationship
Below are some of the most frequently asked questions about a rebound relationship.
Can a rebound turn into a relationship?
A rebound fling does have the potential to turn into a relationship, but there’s a really high risk involved. The truth about these kinds of relationships is that people use a new partner as a means of getting over an ended relationship, whether it was good or bad. It’s important to know all of the reasons and risks of an unhealthy rebound relationship.
If you’re dating someone new right after you’ve gotten out of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship lasted a long time, then you are likely a rebounding person. One of the signs you’re rebounding is you’re looking for a short-term connection that feels good and helps you get over your previous relationship. Since these are your intentions, it will likely lead to an unhealthy rebound. Dating someone new isn’t the way to get over your current relationship or breakup. Instead, the truth about rebounds is that they are often a way to distract yourself from the actual healing process.
So, while it’s not impossible, it’s usually magical thinking when you really expect a new partner in a rebound to last for a long time. A rebounding person has their sights set on the short term, and that type of person won’t support a healthy relationship. If you’re coming out of a long-term and committed relationship, this new romantic partner probably isn’t the real deal.
Why do rebound relationships feel like love?
It’s not uncommon for a rebounding person to feel like they’re in love with their new partner. An unhealthy rebound relationship can spark many feelings that are usually associated with being in love. Even before the feelings of the recently ended relationship have been resolved, a rebounding person will seek out those fuzzy feelings associated with a new partner.
First of all, a rebounding person will experience the sexual attraction and tension surrounding the new rebound. This is not unlike the physical reactions that our body has when we’re falling in love with a partner whom we really love and care about. However, in the case of a rebound, there are usually complicated intentions and pain wrapped up in these feelings, along with a desire to escape. So, while the physical reaction you have might feel like love, overall, it’s not the love you would find in a committed relationship that you and your new partner will work hard to establish and build.
Do rebound relationships move fast?
Usually, rebounds move fast and are over quickly. One of the signs of an unhealthy rebound is that it is moving quickly. The rebounding person focuses mainly on what the new partner can do for them instead of building and working on an emotional attachment or actual relationship with long-term potential. This is an unhealthy rebound relationship because it is not balanced. The person and the new partner probably spend the bulk of their time and energy on sex, pleasure, and other distractions for the rebounding person. However, once the rebounding person gets bored of this new partner, they won’t stay in that unhealthy rebound relationship for long.
Can a rebound be true love?
In most cases, a rebound won’t be true love. However, some interesting new investigation into rebounds has shown that people who turn to a new partner shortly after a breakup, especially if the breakup was after a long and committed relationship, are more likely to view themselves as “date-able” more quickly after the breakup. This empirical investigation into rebounds also shows how a shorter time between a breakup and the beginning of a relationship with a new partner could indicate emotional stability and higher self-esteem, and more respect for the new partner.
All in all, a rebound is probably not true love. However, it could give you some insight about you and your new partner regarding personality and self-esteem.
Do exes come back after a rebound?
It’s not uncommon for exes to return after a rebound, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. If your ex is the type of person to leave you, be with someone else, and then come back to you when they realize the negative dynamics of a rebound, then they might have some mental health issues that should be addressed before (and if) you decide to take them back. For example, they may have some issues related to narcissism and sexual desire or the idea that they’re so great and desirable that you’ll take them back on their terms when they want you to. This type of person can be dangerous and not at all helpful for your own mental health.
That being said, even if your ex comes back after a rebound, it’s up to you whether or not you take them back. Or, you might consider individual or couples therapy. This will help both of you come to terms with your ex’s rebound and the healing process that must follow the breakdown of a relationship.
Often when a relationship ends, we are heartbroken. Unfortunately, there is no formula, method, or trick to get your ex back to you. Though many people can and do have successful relationships after taking a break from each other, all we can do is try our best to process, heal, and create our own happiness. The best bet for getting back together with your ex is to work on your own self-care and healing. If they notice that you have made healthy changes, it can be a very attractive thing. You should also remind yourself that heartbreak does heal. Even though getting back together with an ex may seem appealing, you deserve a healthy relationship as much as they do. Be sure that they are working on themselves and any issues you had while you were together before considering starting up.
How do you know it's not a rebound?
While you can’t be entirely sure of what your new partner is thinking or feeling unless you ask them and they answer you honestly, there are a few ways to know if you’re someone’s rebound. You can use these signs to determine whether your new partner is using you as a rebound.
Signs of a rebound relationship to look out for
If they’re totally into you but can’t really articulate why, or they don’t know why they’re so in love with you, it might be a rebound.
If the sexual aspect of the relationship moves really quickly while the emotional or intimate aspects of the relationship move really slowly, then it’s likely a rebound.
If they are constantly talking about their ex or comparing you to their ex, then it’s almost certainly a rebound.
If they seem determined to “run into” their ex with you around to make their ex jealous, then it’s probably a rebound.
On the other hand:
If they can say why they’re attracted to you and point to specific examples, then it’s probably not a rebound.
If they are careful to lay the emotional groundwork in the relationship before rushing through the sexual aspects of the relationship, it’s likely not a rebound.
If they don’t mention their ex, or if they see their ex on friendly terms with groups of mutual friends, or if you don’t sense any bitterness at all about their ex from them, then it’s probably not a rebound.
What are the signs of a rebound relationship?
There are several signs you’re in a rebound relationship. First of all, if your motivation is one of jealousy or revenge, then you’re probably in an unhealthy rebound. If your goal is to show off your new lover to your ex, then you’re a rebounding person. Another one of the signs is if you’re constantly thinking about or fantasizing about your ex while you’re with your new partner. Or, you might constantly be comparing your new partner to your ex. A third sign is if you’re dating someone just so that you can be distracted. You might be interested in spending time with them, but you’re not really willing to invest emotionally. Even when you’re in this kind of relationship, you might feel a fear of rejection from your new partner or run the risk of narcissism as you constantly put your own wants and needs before those of your new partner. The biggest indicator of an unhealthy rebound is the imbalance between what you’re willing to give and what you expect to get from this new partner.
How long after a relationship is considered to be a rebound?
The most common amount of time to wait after a big breakup is three to four months for a relationship that lasted for a year. This is just a common answer; in reality, there’s no right answer out there to this question. However, you should be sure that you’re healed and recovered from your previous relationship before starting dating new people. Anything before that has the huge potential to be a shallow and unhealthy rebound relationship.
Is rebound dating a good idea?
If you’re asking if rebound dating is a good idea, then you probably have an idea of the answer. In most cases, it’s not a great idea because you should take the time to heal and recover from your previous relationship before starting something with a new partner. Waiting to jump into the next relationship is good not only for you and your own mental health but also for any potential new partner who will want to open up to you. If you want a healthy and balanced relationship, rebound dating is not a good idea.
What are the chances of a rebound relationship lasting?
The chances of a rebound lasting are pretty slim. By its very nature, a rebound moves very quickly, especially in terms of the sexual aspects of the relationship. This means that it has the huge potential to get boring and end quickly, as well. On the whole, a rebound can’t reasonably be expected to last very long, and it certainly can’t be expected to turn into a lifelong or long-term relationship.
With a rebound relationship, it is believed often that it won’t last very long because of the shadow of the previous relationship. But this is not always the case, and the truth about rebound relationships is that they can last just as long as any other romantic relationship. Though the time between relationships can be important healing and processing time, it is possible to process a past relationship while in a new one. With hard work and meaningful attention, the new relationship can thrive whether there has been much time between relationships or not. In addition, seeing a relationship coach can help guide you towards healthy patterns and communication.
Why did my ex rebound so fast?
Likely, your ex rebounded so quickly because they are trying to distract themselves from the pain of the breakup. This is especially true in the case of divorce remarriage, especially if you ended a long marriage. Your ex probably didn’t feel comfortable without the presence of a marriage or relationship in their life. In the journal of divorce of a person’s experience, they often feel the need to be attached to someone throughout that whole process, even if that means turning to a shallow and unhealthy rebound relationship before they’ve had time to heal and process the breakup or divorce completely.
How long do rebound relationships last on average?
Like any other new relationship, the length of rebound relationships can depend on many factors. You may even be wondering whether rebound relationships ever work at all. Rebound relationships are not necessarily “doomed from the start,” though they may not last very long if they are started in haste after the previous relationship. This is because any new relationship that is not based on a mutual desire and commitment for the other person may not have the strength to last. However, if there is that passion, desire, and willingness to go the distance in the new relationship, it may have the strength to last even if it comes soon after a previous relationship.
According to Love Bondings, people can feel the same dopamine rush with a new person whether there has been a lot of time between relationships or the previous relationship only recently ended. However, the partner needs to pursue a rebound relationship to remember that the negative emotions that come with dealing with a breakup can be fairly deep-seated. Every partner and every new relationship deserves emotional honesty and attention. If you find yourself entering rebound relationships that you truly believe should and can work, it may be helpful to reach out to a relationship coach. A relationship coach can help you process the emotions that come with ending previous relationships and entering new romantic relationships, as well as show whether rebound relationships ever work.
Can rebound relationships work?
The truth about rebound relationships is that it depends on their work, just like any other kind of romantic relationship. Oftentimes with rebound relationships, the partner getting out of the previous relationship still has a lot of work to do to process it. This is why a rebound relationship is believed that will only last a couple of months at best. However, the truth about rebound relationships is that they aren’t necessarily doomed from the start, says relate.org. If both partners can process their previous relationships and are interested in working hard for the current relationship, it is believed that it can definitely work out. If you want to know if rebound relationships ever work for you, it can also be helpful to talk to a relationship coach, especially if you are currently pursuing a rebound relationship. A relationship coach will help you process what went wrong in any previous relationships and tell you their perspective and insider knowledge if rebound relationships ever work.
What is a rebound relationship?
Rebound relationships are romantic relationships that begin soon after one or both partners have ended a previous relationship. The term rebound is used because, in this kind of relationship, it is believed that the partner or partners ending a past relationship enter the new relationship as a way to distract from the last relationship ending, feel the joy of a relationship again, or “bounce back” into the dating scene, hence the term rebound.
For this reason, many people question whether rebound relationships ever work as the time between relationships is often necessary. The truth about rebound relationships is that they begin in a highly emotional place. However, like any other romantic relationship, they can be successful if treated as a serious relationship and given the hard work necessary to make rebound relationships ever work. It can be helpful to work with a relationship coach in any relationship. A relationship coach can help you and your new partner develop more open communication.
What are the stages of a rebound relationship?
Many believe rebound relationships all follow the same 4 stages: the “rebound” or getting together with a new partner, a honeymoon phase, the inevitable issues arise, and then a breakup.
The truth about rebound relationships is that they are like any other relationship in that they require reflection, hard work, and dedication. In addition, in a rebound relationship, it is believed that partners enter a new relationship to cover up emotions or issues from the previous, which is why the question of whether rebound relationships ever work exists. This often does not lend itself well to the emotional dedication needed to maintain a new relationship, so people tend not to have faith in rebound relationships.
However, the truth about rebound relationships is that if the dedication, love, and willingness to process old feelings are there, the relationship can work. For this reason, it can be helpful to work with a relationship coach who can help the new partners process their emotions, communicate with each other, and create a space dedicated to only their relationship.
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