How Men Think: Understanding Your Partner

Communication can be an essential aspect of any relationship but understanding how your partner communicates isn't always as easy as it sounds. While your significant other may be very open about how they feel or what they’re thinking, they may not express themselves like you do. This can make it challenging to understand them, but it doesn’t mean that you need to scrap your relationship. Instead, you might try adapting to their communication style and putting in the time and effort to ensure that your dynamic makes it possible for you and your partner to communicate effectively. The following article provides an analysis of how many men think and how it may affect your relationship.

Men tend to be more practical than emotional

Men tend to be more solution-based than led by their emotions. This means that they will often communicate or interact with others to get something done, not necessarily to understand the emotions behind the problem. Let's imagine, for example, that you are telling your partner about some recent source of stress. When you and your partner engage in this kind of conversation dynamic, and both sides have different goals, you may feel that your partner isn't truly listening or that they may not care about your feelings. Your partner might get defensive if you believe these things about them. Helping your partner understand that you may not want a solution, but rather just a listening ear, can allow them to be more at ease. You can try saying something like, "I would appreciate moral support right now, not solutions."

Men usually use less non-verbal communication

When you feel like you can't read your man, it can be somewhat frustrating. Men tend to have more direct verbal communication and use very little non-verbal body language to get their point across. So, you may commonly misunderstand what they’re trying to say. 

The more time you spend getting to know your husband or boyfriend, the more effective you may be at reading them. However, direct and open communication can still be vital. If you’re not sure what your partner means, try asking them. 

Conversations may be brief

Men tend to approach most conversations with the intent to find a solution. A conversation with them often involves addressing an issue and identifying the right way to fix it. They may not be as interested in conversations that have no point to them. Therefore, many of the interactions that you have with your partner might be brief since they are speaking to solve a problem that you have.

If you want to talk to your partner to learn more about them, discuss their feelings, or get them to open up, it can be important to communicate this to them. It’s likely they still care about these deeper conversations even if they don’t show much interest in them. Compromise and openness about communication styles can make it easier for you to get what you want out of your interactions with each other.

Men may respond to negative situations by withdrawing

Women often expect their conversations with their partners to be explorative and empathetic as they work through their problems. When they encounter negative situations in their lives, they may want to talk about them with others and express their feelings. Therefore, you may want to speak to your significant other about your problems as they arise. This can help you feel understood and validated and may provide you with a source of comfort and support when dealing with something undesirable. It can also demonstrate the intimacy of your relationship since you can be vulnerable and let your partner in with ease.

While we have shed many gender stereotypes that have negatively contributed to the way men have expressed themselves to others and themselves, many men still approach emotions by bottling them up or dealing with them on their own. They may only need to spend some time alone to work past their negative feelings, or they may not feel like talking about it but can handle their emotions independently. 

It can be important to know that this is a common coping mechanism for many men. They may not need to work through everything with you, and they might not believe that all experiences justify bringing these problems into the relationship. As long as this doesn't negatively impact their mental health or create issues in the relationship, this behavior may not be too concerning, and you might not need to take it personally. 

Of course, all men are different, and some are more expressive or in touch with their emotions than others. The same applies to every other individual, regardless of their gender. 

Men may respond better when they can lead

Men may feel as though their partner is trying to control their actions if they are given commands regularly. Although some men may be passive with their partners, those who take on a leadership role may feel insecure if they cannot take the lead or feel no control over the direction of their relationship. They may feel incompetent if they get regular reminders to do certain things or if they’re told that they aren't doing enough in the relationship. It can be helpful to frame certain issues as suggestions rather than commands. Letting your partner take the lead can also allow them to feel more competent as an individual and within the relationship. 

Communicating with your partner more effectively

It can be easy to think that communicating in a relationship is as simple as talking to your partner. Still, we each have unique communication strategies that can make it difficult for us to understand how to meet our partner's needs while having our own needs met. The guide above may help you understand how your man communicates and what you need to do to adapt to this style so you can have a healthy relationship with your partner. While some changes may need to be made, remember that some things are simply a part of you or your partner’s personality. Try to remain respectful and ensure that you are both heard. This can lead to a fulfilling and lasting relationship, even among couples who communicate in starkly different ways. 

Online counseling with Regain

Learning how to communicate effectively with your partner can be difficult, and you may need help along the way. Regain is an online counseling platform that can connect you with a certified therapist to work with you and your significant other. Hop online at a time that suits you both, and you can start chatting with your therapist through video calls, phone calls, or in-app messaging. You and your partner can also message your therapist throughout the day as issues arise in your relationship. Developing healthy communication and a deeper understanding of one another is possible with the right tools and support and Regain can help you get there. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Couples struggling to connect and understand one another may benefit from online couples counseling. In one study, researchers found that participants of an online therapy intervention were able to make “concrete changes in their relationship” and understand one another on a deeper level. This increased their relationship satisfaction and decreased their distress. 

Counselor reviews 

"Cris Roman saved my marriage. His approach to therapy taught my husband and me the skills we needed to change the way we communicated and the way we understood each other. He is very non-judgemental and helps each person make sense of the other's feelings and actions without taking sides or placing blame. His ability to make you feel heard while helping you to see and understand why your significant other is acting a certain way is phenomenal."

"With Cassandra's help, we've been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She's very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She's skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel comfortable with her."

Takeaway

Deeply knowing another human being can take time and effort. It is often through intentional conversation, vulnerability, and active listening that you can grow in your understanding of your boyfriend, husband, or anyone else in your life. Understanding can be a two-way street, and it can be essential that your significant other also takes the time to get to know you. If you’re experiencing trouble connecting with your partner, a licensed online counselor could provide guidance to get you both on a different path. Regain can match you with a couples therapist to support you in the process of growing closer to your partner and understanding each other more thoroughly.