Understanding The Dangers Of Triangulation In Toxic Relationships

It’s not always obvious – especially at first – if you’re in a toxic relationship.  Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, in particular, are often skilled at manipulating others to boost their ego. One of these ego-boosting techniques that they use is known as triangulation.

What is triangulation? 

Triangulation is a manipulation technique where one partner – usually with narcissistic personality disorder – will bring another person into a relationship to force someone to compete for their attention. As the word triangulation implies, three (or more) people  are involved in this dynamic where the person with narcissistic tendencies creates a love triangle of sorts – although it does not have to be a romantic relationship. It can also be a friendship, a work relationship, parent-child relationship, or any variety of other situations. Triangulation often manifests when the person with narcissistic traits plays people against each other for their amusement.

In romantic relationships, the manipulator brings in a third person (generally a new romantic interest or a friend) into the relationship in order to create jealousy, uncertainty, and conflict. For example, the manipulator may decide to use the new third person to communicate things to their partner rather than talking directly to their partner. By bringing the third person into their dynamic and communicating through them, they are controlling the communication process. In some instances, the triangulated individuals will even fight for the manipulator’s attention.

If your romantic partner is using triangulation techniques against you, then you're likely in a toxic relationship. Using manipulation tactics is never acceptable behavior, especially when they are trying to manipulate someone they're supposed to love and care for.  It can be difficult for people who have experienced triangulation techniques to move forward. Being forced to compete for attention and being manipulated in subtle ways can harm a person's psyche. These tactics often make a person feel like they are not worthy of the affections of other people.

It's about control

There are situations where people will use triangulation techniques in a more understandable way. For example, if one partner cheats on the other, they might not want to talk to them for a while. They might use an observer to communicate with their partner until they're ready to have a face-to-face conversation. This is a bit different than the toxic type of triangulation that is being discussed here today.

The use of triangulation to manipulate others is about control. A person with narcissistic tendencies might use triangulation to control the narrative. The basics of triangulation psychology are that they want people to think about things in a certain way. They want others to use their talking points, so they seek to use others to spread their desired narrative. It's all about controlling the flow of information and showing others that they're the one who is in charge.

This is an entirely selfish action. When someone actively manipulates others with triangulation techniques, they're doing so with a purpose. They might enjoy the attention that they're getting. It's also possible that they enjoy feeling powerful due to manipulating a situation and making others do their bidding. 

One of the biggest problems is that the person with narcissistic traits who uses toxic triangulation against others does not have anyone's interest but their own in mind. They don't care about how you or the others in this strange relationship feel. It's simply about control and leveraging their power over others. You don't have to put up with this behavior, and neither do the other people who have been brought into the situation.

Triangulation and cheating

Your partner might even be cheating on you if they're treating you this way, which is another example of triangulation. It's hard to say for sure what is going on, but people who manipulate others are often prone to making selfish decisions. The people that your partner uses in their triangulation scheme could wind up becoming part of a complicated love triangle. Your partner might even be doing things specifically to make you jealous or to make you feel like you need to compete for their love.

For example, your partner might wind up playing people against one another by promising them all the same thing. You think that your partner is loyal to you, but they might be telling other people that they want to be with them romantically. Triangulation may manifest as using flirting with others on social media as a way to gain more attention and to make their would-be partners feel a greater need to compete for their love and affection. To normal people, actions like this will seem absurd. However, if you've been caught up in a triangulation web, it can be difficult to find your way out when your feelings and emotions have become entangled.

Just understand that the dangers of toxic triangulation include being manipulated and led to believe falsehoods. Your partner could be cheating on you, leading you to feel a decreased sense of self-worth. Your self-esteem and overall confidence in yourself can take a real hit when a cold-hearted individual like this is manipulating you. You don't have to put up with this, and you can choose to remove yourself from the situation.

You deserve better

You certainly deserve better than being manipulated by others. When a partner with narcissistic tendencies is manipulating you, it can be hard to figure out what to do. Triangulation psychology states that you might feel like you love this person who is manipulating you. Don't feel bad about having these feelings. Just understand that this relationship is toxic and that you will be better off trying to find happiness outside of it.

People can indeed change, but you should not accept someone trying to manipulate you and belittle you in this way. When someone shows a complete lack of respect for your feelings, they are not showing you love. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. It's important to know that you can find a relationship with someone compatible with you. This emotional pain that you're experiencing right now can pass, and you can feel happy once more.

Many people wind up getting manipulated by people with narcissistic tendencies who use triangulation to their advantage. Some people are simply skilled at pulling people in certain directions. You aren't to blame for falling under their spell, but you also don't have to continue to suffer for no reason. Take the time to assess your situation and move on with your life if you feel that you're being manipulated by triangulation.

After going through a situation like this, triangulation psychology states that you will likely feel very emotionally drained. When you have been manipulated by someone you love, it may not be easy to move on with your life. You might even develop trust issues that can keep you from fully committing to future relationships. This is why you should never face problems alone. You can rely on the help of skilled professionals to pick you back up and place you on a happier path.

Therapy can help

Therapy is going to be one of the best ways to get over being manipulated by a person with narcissistic tendencies. You might feel vulnerable right now due to what you have gone through, but you can start moving forward again. Speaking with an online counselor about your toxic relationship can help you come to terms with all that has happened, and recognizing it was not your fault. Your online counselor can help you cope with what has happened while also teaching you how to cultivate healthy relationships in the future.

Forgiveness therapy is a type of sub-therapy that is growing in popularity due to its effectiveness in helping individuals who have experienced emotional abuse – which is what triangulation often is. Forgiveness therapy helps patients learn to let go of the past and learn to move forward. Forgiveness is not about absolving your toxic partner from the hurt they inflicted on you, but rather to help you let go of the hurtful feelings left behind. One study on “depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress for women after spousal emotional abuse” found that those in forgiveness therapy experienced significantly greater improvements in depression, post-traumatic stress, self-esteem, anxiety, and other areas compared to those who participated in other types of therapy. 

Studies have also found that online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy in many situations. Online counseling through Regain is a convenient way to get help when you're feeling down after a breakup. They know what to do to help get you back on your feet. You never have to face depression, anxiety, or heartache alone when online counselors are readily available. It's possible to reach out at any time, and you'll be able to attend these counseling sessions without ever having to leave home.