Unwillingly Single: Will I Be Alone Forever?

Being unwillingly single can be difficult, particularly if it’s been a while since you’ve been in a relationship. You see your friends and family enjoying good times with their partner and wonder if you will be alone forever. But people’s relationships aren’t often what they seem. When we desire a committed relationship, it can cloud our judgment into thinking that being in a relationship (with practically anyone) is better than being single. 

The most important thing to remember is that most people meet someone eventually, and it’s doubtful that you will be unwillingly single and alone forever. Also, remember you don’t have to spend your time waiting for the “right one” to come along. Singlehood has many advantages, so in the meantime, refocus on what you appreciate about being on your own. 

Why am I scared of being single?

It’s important to understand that it’s normal to experience fear around being single. According to psychologists, it is common for individuals who are single to worry about how others will perceive them. Society often holds a stigma about singleness, and many individuals feel pressure from others to find someone.

Fear around singleness is often more pronounced if you’re a woman, as there are cultural expectations for women to plan their futures around marriage. On the other hand, it tends to be more socially acceptable for men to wait to find a long-term partner and get married. However, all single individuals may experience social pressure and fear around finding a partner.

Psychologists note the importance of developing self-love in managing fear around being single. They note that spending time alone will remind you that you don’t need another person to fulfill you. This will be extremely helpful in the long run as you will be more likely to pursue quality individuals that will enhance your life, not enter a relationship out of fear or the belief that you need someone to be happy.

Myths about being single

Over the years, many myths have been conjured to reinforce the cultural and societal stigma around being single. Here are just a few of the myths you’ve probably been exposed to as a single person:

"Everybody is in a relationship but me"

Single people often feel everyone is in a relationship but them, probably in part because in many societies, couples celebrate their relationships often. They have engagement parties, weddings, and anniversary celebrations, all of which call attention to them. Occasionally, people will celebrate the day their divorce is final. But other than that, have you ever heard of anyone celebrating the fact that they're single? Probably not. Our society doesn't have many customs that encourage it.

However, the fact that couples are in the limelight more often than single people doesn't mean that there aren't many single people. So, you aren't alone in being single. And even though there aren't any common customs for celebrating being single, there's no reason why you can't do it.

"Being single is depressing"

You may feel sad at times when you're single. The truth is that married people feel sad sometimes, too. And, as a single person, you’re only responsible for your mental health issues. You don't have to try to navigate someone else's issues in addition to yours or try to manage how they affect each other. Besides that, you aren't overburdened by trying to balance work and a romantic relationship. Good mental health is certainly possible when you're single; in some ways, it might even be easier.

"You have to be in a relationship to be happy"

Some romantic songs suggest that without a relationship, life is misery. It can feel like society is telling you that you can never be happy alone. But you can experience true happiness with or without a mate. In one study of people's stereotypes about single people, researchers discovered no significant difference between how single and partnered people rated their well-being.

Benefits of being single

So, being single can be better than many people say it is. In several ways, being single is more advantageous. While you may or may not choose to be single for the rest of your life, you can enjoy these benefits when you are single:

#1 - Strengthens your self-identity

Knowing yourself requires giving yourself some personal time and attention. For many people, being a part of a couple ends in losing their sense of who they are and what matters. They may even define themselves primarily as a partner or spouse. When that label isn't available, it may prompt you to strengthen your sense of self.

#2 - Allows you to spend more time with friends

People in a relationship often need to spend a lot of time together to maintain those bonds. So, many married people give their friends much less time and attention than you can provide friends with as a single person. While you may not have a romantic relationship, you can be with friends more often and build a broader social support system.

#3 - Gives you more "me time"

People talk a lot about "me time," perhaps because there are so many demands on their time that they never get to focus on themselves. Again, if you're in a relationship, the other person (rightfully) receives a considerable portion of your time. As a single person, you have more time for self-care, and studies suggest that single people exercise more and are more attentive to friends and family.

# 4 - Lets you enjoy more freedom of choice

Being a part of a couple means you must consider the other person in almost every decision you make. That often results in giving up things you want to do, have, or experience because they interfere with the relationship. When you're single, you still may need to consider other people when making your decisions. But there's no romantic relationship hanging in the balance. And you choose who and what to consider when making those decisions.

What if you still want to be in a relationship? 

Even though you can be happy and fulfilled without a relationship, you may still want to be in one. There's nothing wrong with that. Relationships can be very satisfying and enjoyable, as well. Yet, if you're desperately focusing on questions like "Will I always be alone?" you may unwittingly make it harder to find the relationship you seek. Here are some better ways you can prepare yourself for a future relationship.

Resolve issues from childhood

For some, the traumas and maladjustments that happen during childhood keep them from enjoying healthy relationships in the present. It's very common for people who have survived childhood trauma to seek out the same types of people who hurt them in the past.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

When you're single, it's an excellent time to delve into these issues, find ways to understand them better and heal from them with the help of a mental health professional. When you're free from the emotional pain that held you back in the past, you can see relationship issues more clearly. And you're better positioned to connect with another person based on a healthy attraction.

Recover from unhealthy romantic relationships

You may think you’ll always be alone because you've had multiple relationships in the past that didn't go well. Maybe you've just broken up with someone you dated for a long time or been through a painful divorce. Such relationships often leave behind many unanswered questions, not only about the relationship itself but also about who you are as a partner. Relationships can also result in a lot of pain and anguish. If you jump right back into another relationship, it's easy to make an unhealthy choice based on emotional pain alone. And, after the relationship becomes serious, your excess “baggage” may get in the way of true happiness.

If you're single now, resolving the issues from past romantic relationships can clear the way for healthier relationships in the future. You can discover who you are within a relationship, what you want from a partner, and how you want to behave in a committed relationship.

Get to know yourself better

Being single provides a good opportunity to take the time to bolster your self-identity. Get to know who you are as a person. Explore new ideas, activities, places, and friendships to find exciting things and happiness in unexpected places. Notice how you respond in different situations. When you don't have to spend most of your time trying to find compromises with a mate, who you are, and what you want become much more evident.

Build self-confidence in online therapy

While being in a relationship can enhance one’s life, it also can come with stressors and challenges. So don’t feel bad about not being coupled up; being single often frees us from worrying about factoring another person into our decisions. It allows us to prioritize our dreams and clarify our hopes for the future.

Just as it’s essential to care for our physical health, many take the time they have as a single person to work on their mental health. This can provide a vehicle for more significant personal growth and self-understanding that benefits everyone. Speaking to a therapist specializing in sex, intimacy, and dating issues can help those who are active in the dating world. 

Despite its many benefits, some people avoid talking to a therapist because they think it’s impractical or that it won’t help them. Taking time out of a busy work schedule to attend appointments or commuting to and from the office can be a deterrent, as can the feelings of awkwardness that some people experience at speaking with a professional face-to-face about sensitive personal topics. 

But online therapy provides an affordable, effective solution to these barriers to treatment. With platforms like Regain, you can speak to a counselor from the comfort of home via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat at any time convenient for you. Regain therapists come from various backgrounds and are trained to help people seeking support individually, as a couple, and as a family.

Studies suggest that online therapy is as effective as conventional therapy for helping individuals with mental health issues like anxiety and depression and working to cultivate overall well-being. Online counseling is also as effective in helping couples with issues of sex, intimacy, communication, and more. 

Takeaway

The future is always uncertain. However, with guidance from a licensed mental health professional, and the right perspective, you can learn to enjoy your life with or without a partner.