Want To Be The Best Girlfriend? 10 Things To Keep In Mind

Relationships aren’t easy, but most of us want to be the best partners we can be.  There may be many different obstacles that can surface as you work on growing your relationship. Here are some things that you can keep in mind as you work on building a healthy relationship.

Don’t be a people pleaser

It may be prudent to start with a word of warning. In your effort to be the best girlfriend you can be, consider holding on to your sense of self. While your partner may think you’re a great girlfriend, going against who you are and what is right may only hurt you in the long run.

While self-improvement may be a positive goal, changing yourself fundamentally to please someone else might not be healthy. Instead, you may want to find a partner who will appreciate you, respect you, and love you for the woman who you are. Perhaps the best way to be an amazing girlfriend is to be confident in who you are. 

You’ve probably heard it said that you can’t properly love someone else if you don’t love yourself first, and there may be some truth to that statement. As you work on being the best girlfriend possible, you may want to keep in mind that it starts with being yourself and having healthy self-esteem.

Remember that love is an action

It could be helpful to remember that love is not just something you say or something you feel. In your relationship, it may also be an action that you take. If you want to be a great girlfriend, you might want to focus on showing your boyfriend love.

As you build trust within your relationship, it may be important that you show that your words of adoration mean something. If you’re constantly saying that you love your boyfriend but failing to back it up with action (or doing something that contradicts your words), it could have a negative impact on the trust in your relationship.

Remember, love is a choice

At the beginning of your relationship, it may have felt easy. You both likely felt those initial feelings of love that propelled things along. You may have had a constant flutter in your stomach and were excited every time you saw your partner walk into the room. 

As the relationship continues to grow and deepen, some of those initial feelings may begin to fade. Some people mistake this with thinking that they are no longer in love with the other person, but that may not be the case. Love can progress through different stages. After you’ve been with someone for years, it may not feel the same as it did in the beginning. While some of those initial warm-fuzzy feelings you had can wane, your relationship may be growing into something even deeper.

That may also mean that there could be some days when you don’t have those lovey-dovey feelings at all. It might be that you’re angry at your boyfriend, or you could feel indifferent. You could be reaching the point in your relationship where you have to start making more of an effort to maintain love. Some days may be easier than others. Still, when you take positive steps toward improving your connection, your feelings may follow.

Find out what makes your partner feel loved

Not everyone feels loved the same way. Dr. Gary Chapman explains this concept in his book The 5 Love Languages. These love languages are:

• Words of affirmation

• Acts of service

• Gifts

• Quality time

• Physical touch

You and your partner might not have the same love language. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be a great pair. It may just mean that you may have to be a little more proactive in how you show love to them.

If their love language is words of affirmation and you naturally show love through acts of service, you may be trying to show love, but they may not be feeling it. Understanding how your partner feels love the most can go a long way in helping to keep your relationship healthy.

Take an interest in their hobbies

You don’t have to have everything in common with your significant other to have a good relationship and be a great girlfriend. But it can go a long way if you show some interest in in some of their favorite pastimes. This doesn’t mean that you need to watch every single football game, for example, but your partner may love it if you found some information about their favorite team. You may not know the first thing about cars, but you could show them love by taking them to a car show for the weekend. It doesn’t matter what the hobby is. Simply showing genuine interest can go a long way in helping the two of you connect.

Give them some space

It may be important to spend quality time together if you’re going to build a strong relationship, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be together all the time. It can be healthy for you each to have a little space from each other. And it’s also healthy to have friendships outside of your romantic relationship. Allow them to have that space where they can connect with their friends and keep the bonds strong. 

Be true to your relationship

If you want to be a great girlfriend, you need to be true to your relationship. This could mean different things to different people. While some may have open relationships or be polyamorous, others prefer monogamy. Whatever the boundaries are in your relationship, stick to them. This can go a long way in showing your significant other that you’re serious about the relationship and that they matter to you. Here are some examples of how you can honor your relationship:

• Avoid tempting situations

• Discuss your boundaries

• Don’t keep secrets

• Maintain open communication

Don’t make him try to read your mind

There’s a common misconception that if the person you’re dating really loves you, they’ll know what you’re thinking and what you need without you having to say it directly. This can cause a lot of problems within a relationship. No matter how much your partner loves you, they still may not be able to read your mind. If you want something from them, consider telling them what it is. Avoid trying to make them guess and then getting frustrated when they don’t get it right. Being open and honest and clearly communicating your needs can set your relationship up for success.

Don’t belittle them

Nobody likes to be belittled. And yet, it can be easy to fall into the habit of belittling others when we get frustrated or upset. Consider that putting your partner down will only make them feel less motivated to work on the issues in your relationship. 

Be willing to work on your relationship

Relationships can be tough. It may not always be easy to be a great girlfriend, and your partner may not always behave the way you want them to. That’s why it’s important to be willing to work on your relationship.

Relationships are fluid and always changing. You may have to make adjustments as time goes by. If both you and your partner continue to grow and develop as people, there may be things that will change in your relationship. Some of these changes might be easy, and others could be hard. If you really love your partner and want to be a great girlfriend, consider committing to the process of working on the relationship as it grows.

Working on your relationship could include things like reading books, learning about relationship skills such as communication, or going to couples therapy. Some couples may find in-person counseling intimidating. It could be difficult to discuss sensitive topics like love and intimacy in a clinical setting like a therapist’s office. Online counseling could be a better alternative for the two of you. With this form of counseling, you and your significant other can participate in counseling sessions from the comfort of your home, or even from different locations if you prefer.

Online relationship counseling is also supported by scholarly research in the field of mental health. A recent study found that couples counseling conducted via videoconferencing technology is just as effective as in-person counseling. Researchers found that couples undergoing this form of remote therapy experienced positive outcomes like increased relationship functioning and mental health gains. 

Counselor reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time… She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

Takeaway

Being a great girlfriend may not be easy, but it can be well worth the effort. If you need help on how to improve your love life and your relationship skills, a compassionate therapist like those at Regain can help you with that too. Reach out today to get started.