What Does It Mean To Be Bi Curious?

To those who are unfamiliar, the terms associated with the sexuality spectrum can be confusing. While some would argue that labels are unnecessary and a societal construct, others find that labeling their feelings and experiences is actually helpful, affirming, and useful in figuring themselves out.

One of these identification markers is the term "bi-curious." Bi-curious and bisexual are similar but not quite the same, and some who are bi-curious might identify as straight. In contrast, someone who identifies as bisexual is unlikely to simultaneously attach the term "straight" to themselves. So, what does it mean to be bi-curious?

Bi-curious: A definition

Are you bicurious? A bi-curious individual is someone who may experience attraction to people of both sexes but does not identify as bisexual. Not identifying as bisexual has many possible reasons; for some, coming out as bisexual is far too daunting due to family, social, or cultural pressures.

For some, the term "bisexual" feels too set and doesn't allow for experimentation without the commitment of identifying with that sexual identity. For still others, bisexual feelings are fleeting and extremely uncommon, and labeling yourself bi-curious feels like the most accurate and apt way to describe how you feel.

Someone who is bi-curious might be actively experimenting with people of different genders to determine whether or not they are bisexual, or they might be people who have only just begun to evaluate their sexual preferences.

Although some people seem to feel intense pressure to identify themselves in concrete terms, many men and women do not have definitive, concrete definitions for their likes and preferences in any aspect, let alone their sexuality. The term "bi-curious" leaves plenty of room for experimentation and interpretation, which offers some comfort to individuals who are not altogether certain of their sexual preferences.

Bi-curious versus bisexual

The greatest difference between someone who is bi-curious and someone who is bisexual lies in their resolution. A bisexual individual knowingly experiences sexual or romantic attraction to people, both male and female. Conversely,  someone who identifies as bi-curious might suspect they are attracted to people of both sexes or occasionally experience attraction to both sexes but do not experience a consistent or resolute attraction to people of both sexes.

Determining whether you are bi-curious or bisexual can occur over a short period of time or might be a long journey. You might experience an interest in someone who is not of the same gender you generally are attracted to—but only once, which begs the question: are you bisexual, or are your sexual interests relegated primarily to personality, without interference from gender?

Is bisexuality something you find yourself regularly associating your feelings with, or is it only an occasional, fleeting thought? For some, bi-curiosity will linger for a brief time and dissipate. For others, being bi-curious is their window into exploration, which leads them to determine they are bisexual—or to identify with another form of sexual attraction altogether. Although it may seem as though they are intimately related, being bi-curious and bisexual are not two points on a continuum.

I'm bi-curious: What next?

The pressure to figure out your sexuality may be great, but it is important to remember that your life is your own, and you do not have to be in any rush to define yourself—unless, of course, you want to. You can go as quickly or as slowly as you want in experimenting to determine who and what you like, including whether or not you are sincerely attracted to both sexes or you have felt attraction for just one person whose sex deviated from your norm.

For some, the next step is to begin reaching out to people whose sex you suspect you are attracted to and investigating further. Although people are not objects to be experimented with at will, some form of experimentation is often involved.

Pursuing several dates and establishing a romantic connection could be part of determining whether or not your bi-curiosity is leading you somewhere, or you could focus entirely on sex and sexuality and use that as your guide and gauge. It is important to take your time and be honest with the people you involve in your search.

For others, further investigation is required before any actual action is taken. Reading others' accounts of their own experiences, investigating how you feel while out and about, and even putting your name, photo, and some information about yourself on dating sites can all help you determine how you feel and how you would like to proceed.

As with any sexual encounter, though, safety and communication are necessary, both for you and for anyone you might be with. Letting the person you are with know that you are inexperienced and unsure of your attraction is paramount; some people might welcome experimentation, while others might feel used or abused at the notion.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Being upfront with your partner allows both of you to feel safe, comfortable, and considerate as you explore. Safety is also important, and letting at least one person close to you know where you are may be a good idea. While you might not be ready to come out to family and friends, it is best to let at least one person you know and trust know where you will be and why, should anything go awry.

Pitfalls of the term "bi-curious"

Although the term "bi-curious" can be extremely helpful and useful, some possible pitfalls are associated with its use. The most common concern is the erasure of bisexual individuals. The bisexual community has long come under fire by people who identify as either homosexual or heterosexual. It has often been suggested that bisexual individuals are either homosexual or heterosexual and eventually choose one gender they are ultimately attracted to. Marrying someone of one gender is often used to establish this narrative and argue against bisexuality as a sexual identity altogether.

Unfortunately, using the term "bi-curious" has the potential to feed into this erasure; if you experience attraction to both genders, even in fleeting moments, it could be argued that you are, in fact, bisexual. Because sexuality exists on an extremely broad spectrum, it is inaccurate and unrealistic to portray bisexuality as a 50/50 split between the attraction for one sex and the attraction for another sex. Instead, people might find themselves attracted to one gender 98% of the time and another gender 2% of the time—but both instances indicate bisexuality. Adopting "bi-curious" as an identity can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and negative associations.

Using this term can also keep you stagnant in your sexual identity and preferences; if you force yourself to stay within the framework of bi-curious, you may not feel free to explore with love, sex, and relationships as thoroughly as you might if you wholeheartedly identify as bisexual. Many men and women who only consider themselves bi-curious willingly refrain from engaging in long-term relationships or overt sexual encounters, so as not to "tip over" from curious to an actual identity of bisexual. This may once again reinforce unhealthy and unkind stereotypes about people who identify as bisexual, who have long had to work against outdated and inaccurate notions regarding sexuality.

Explore your sexual identity in online therapy

Being bi-curious is simple enough: you are curious about multiple genders rather than experiencing only heterosexual or homosexual sexual attraction. The term is usually differentiated from bisexual because it is not as thoroughly established; the term "bisexual" is typically used to denote someone who is settled in their sexual preferences. Bi-curious is used to describe someone who is merely interested in exploration or further investigation.

For some, being bi-curious is a welcome state, wherein experimentation is expected and even necessary. For others, being bi-curious is embarrassing or shameful and is kept carefully hidden. Whichever of the two camps you fall in, many men and women have found therapy a helpful tool in determining their sexuality and figuring out how this distinction factors into daily life. Bi-curiosity is not something that one needs to be ashamed of, hide, or ignore, but gathering help before definitively coming out can give you greater comfort and confidence in your decisions and identities.

Regain may be a welcome option for seeking clarity about your sexual preferences. You can meet individually with a therapist or with a partner to discuss how you are feeling. Regain is a convenient way to get help and support. As long as you have an internet connection, you can meet with a licensed therapist.

For many people, online therapy is preferable to in-person therapy. They find that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy, and the ability to meet somewhere discreet is appealing. Online therapy is a great venue for getting to know yourself and figure out the important stuff in your life.

Takeaway

Being bi-curious might be a quick-stepping stone on your way to finding a more concrete identity in bisexuality, or it could give you the freedom to experiment and explore and determine that you are actually only interested in one gender or you identify as pansexual, rather than bisexual, meaning you are attracted to someone regardless of gender.

Because sexuality has such a large and varied spectrum, experimenting is often a vital part of figuring out what terms and types of attraction you best identify with. Having an in-between phrase for what you are experiencing may prove useful. Be careful not to get stuck in this in-between, though, as it can actually halt useful, healthy expressions of sexuality.