What Does Resentment Mean For Your Relationship? Therapy And Mental Health Tips
Resentment is a very complex feeling that can be incredibly detrimental to an otherwise healthy relationship. It may occur when one partner feels like they are doing more than the other to maintain the home or if one partner feels they aren't getting enough of the other's time.
If you are experiencing resentment in your relationship, it may be time to address it and come up with a plan to overcome it. You and your partner may need to work hard to rebuild a relationship free of resentment. If you let the resentment and contempt in your relationship build-up, you may risk permanently damaging or ending your relationship.
What is resentment in relationships?
Resentment in a relationship may result from one or both partners feeling unappreciated, taken advantage of, or forced to accept something under unfair circumstances. Sometimes it may mean you aren’t feeling empathy from your partner. You may feel undervalued or unrecognized due to a situation or event or a series of these events that have built up.
Many things that make us feel resentful start out small. You might have said something about your needs not being met. After nothing changed for a while, the feelings may have started to snowball. You may become bitter or angry because you feel there was unfair treatment.
What does resentment mean for your relationship?
Having a child is one example of a major life change that can bring about resentment. Once a child has been brought into the home, partners may compare the amount of work they are each doing and feel like there is a disparity. This can cause difficulties in the partnership such as arguing—or feelings of resentment.
However, an argument doesn’t necessarily need to take place for feelings of resentment to take root. Sometimes, a lack of communication, which can prevent arguments, may actually magnify feelings of resentment. You may begin to resent your partner for not knowing something was wrong or trying to fix it, even though you never spoke up about what has been bothering you.
The good news is, no matter the reasons for your feelings of resentment, with effort, empathy for your partner, and attention to your relationship, it is possible to get past it.
The negative effects of resentment in a relationship
Feelings of resentment can be incredibly damaging and toxic to a relationship. Here are some ways they may negatively impact a partnership:
Impaired communication
Lack of empathy
Reduced intimacy
Reduced interest in spending time together
Inability to understand one another’s feelings
Competing for the spotlight
Passive-aggressive behavior
Impaired communication
When feelings of resentment occur in a relationship, it may affect communication. When you feel undervalued or unappreciated, it may deter you from wanting to talk to your partner. Alternatively, you may have already attempted to start a conversation and found your feelings were minimized or unheard. This can exacerbate your frustration and resentment toward your partner, ultimately making problems worse.
Over time, this lack of communication can cause bigger issues in your relationship. If you aren’t talking to your partner, small issues are much more likely to snowball into larger problems. To ensure this doesn't happen, or to overcome issues before feelings of resentment arise, it may be important to practice healthy communication and active listening with your partner.
If you would like to improve or overcome your communication issues but aren’t sure where to start, therapy may be able to help. A trained couples therapist can identify your issues and provide advice and strategies that may help you get back on track and improve your relationship.
Lack of empathy
When resentment is present in a relationship, it may bring about a lack of empathy between partners. Many people find it difficult to understand—or have a lack of desire to understand—their partner’s emotions when they feel resentment. This may be because they feel they were treated unfairly, are being misunderstood, or have been ignored.
A lack of empathy may cause further problems in a relationship if it is not addressed. It may affect communication, as well as hinder your ability to support your partner through good times and bad. This may make it difficult for couples to connect authentically.
Reduced sex drive
Feelings of resentment can negatively impact attraction and intimacy in a relationship. Both emotional and physical intimacy are very important aspects of most romantic relationships. Intimacy makes us feel loved and reminds us why we chose the partner we did. It can facilitate a strong bond and connection with our partner. A lack of intimacy may cause one or both partners to feel lonely—and to potentially seek intimacy outside the relationship. It’s important to mention that most relationships go through periods where the level of intimacy goes through highs and lows. Fortunately, with a bit of effort from both partners, it is completely possible to improve intimacy in a relationship.
Loss of interest in quality time
Resentment is a complex emotion and can breed feelings of contempt for your partner. If you are experiencing a reduced interest in spending time together, it may be due to feelings of resentment. Quality time in a relationship is important, and if resentment is causing you to spend less time together, it may be something that needs to be worked on.
Competing for the spotlight
Couples who feel the need to compete for the spotlight—with the intention of being heard—may cause resentment in a relationship.
Resentment is often caused by feeling unappreciated or misunderstood in the relationship. Many times, if both people are feeling this way, they may compete to be right or to be understood. However, to improve the relationship and overcome the need to compete, communication can be key. Practicing active listening and empathy when your partner is talking or needs support may be crucial.
Passive-aggressive behaviors
Because of the lack of communication and empathy caused by feelings of resentment, couples may resort to passive-aggressive behaviors. The feelings you have inside may have been suppressed for so long that you aren’t comfortable expressing them outright anymore. So, instead, you may display your resentment in other ways. You may make cutting remarks, freeze your partner out, or try to make them feel guilty about the way they are acting. There are many ways to exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors, and none of them are likely to help solve a case of resentment.
Resentment can weaken relationships over time, It often happens when one partner feels overlooked or overwhelmed, which can stem from issues like unequal responsibilities, poor communication, or unmet expectations. If not addressed, these feelings can create emotional distance, lead to arguments, or even cause the relationship to fall apart.
Work through relationship obstacles in therapy
If you're experiencing feelings of resentment in your relationship, it’s important to know you are not alone. If you’d like to overcome these negative feelings and improve your relationship, a professional therapist may be able to help. Regain is an online therapy platform specializing in relationship concerns. The platform makes it simple and convenient to get in touch with someone on your time, as soon as you are ready. They offer couples and individual therapy, and the interface makes it easy to connect with a licensed therapist who best suits your needs. They can provide guidance to get to the bottom of your relationship concerns and tools to overcome them.
What does resentment mean for your relationship? Find out in online therapy
Online therapy has become a great way for couples to work on improving their relationship. It can be just as effective as in-person therapy and is often more convenient. It can be difficult to work around multiple schedules and get to a physical location to meet with a therapist. Online therapy can take place at home and can be timed to work with everyone's schedule.
If you are experiencing resentment in your relationship and want to overcome it, it’s vital that you address it. If you are willing to reach out and get the help you need, you can improve your relationship and strengthen your bond. Continue reading below for reviews of Regain therapists from individuals who have experienced similar concerns and were able to overcome them.
Therapist reviews
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference in our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
What does it mean to feel resentment?
Resentment is a complex emotion that can often be described as a mixture of anger, bitterness, and disappointment. Those who have feelings of resentment may feel as though they were treated unfairly in a situation.
What does resentment do to a person?
Resentment may harm relationships and cause emotional distress for an individual. It can lead to negative emotions or feelings of contempt toward your partner. If you resent something or someone, it usually means that you haven't let those feelings go, typically because something bothered you but wasn't addressed. Often, resentment occurs when we either don't bring up something that bothered us or try to discuss the situation but are rebuffed.
Healthy communication can be effective in preventing issues and working through feelings of resentment. To improve a relationship, whether a romantic partnership or an interpersonal relationship of any other kind, it can be important to work through and talk about anything impacting the relationship and your feelings toward the other person. However, to effectively work through an issue, both individuals will need to be willing to talk about it and, possibly, be vulnerable in some capacity, which can be hard for some individuals. Overcoming this fear is essential for fostering trust.
What are some examples of resentment?
Even if you fully understand the definition of resentment, you may wonder what it looks and feels like when someone experiences it. Here are some examples of resentment:
You and your partner both have full-time jobs, yet they expect you to take on more household chores and responsibilities. When you ask them to contribute, they may tell you they are too busy with work. This can cause you to feel resentment toward them as you feel this is unfair, and you may fear that addressing it will lead to conflict or emotional distance.
Your parents said or did something that negatively impacted you as a child and refused to talk it out or apologize. This experience can linger for a long time, shaping the way you interact with them as an adult and fostering resentment. The lack of communication or acknowledgment from a person so central to your life, like a parent, can amplify those feelings of unfairness and emotional hurt.
It's important to note that these examples may not represent the way resentment will feel for everyone. Additionally, they do not represent every potential situation in which resentment can arise. The origin of resentment will vary based on each individual.
What is resentment in a relationship?
Resentment in a relationship is often due to a person feeling unappreciated, misunderstood, or unfairly treated. Resentment can be incredibly toxic and damaging to a relationship. Feelings of resentment that are not addressed may lead to further issues down the road, including lack of communication, lack of empathy, decreased intimacy, and passive-aggressive behavior. If you're experiencing feelings of resentment in your relationship, it’s important to talk about it with your partner. If necessary, support from a professional therapist may help.
Common signs of resentment in a person include persistent sadness, anger, or even disgust toward your partner. You might find yourself unable to stop thinking about what happened in the past, replaying the words that made you feel slighted or hurt. Resentment can also affect your ability to fully connect with your partner or perceive their actions in a positive light. When this builds, it can feel like your partner is taking advantage of your trust or efforts in the relationship, further deepening the emotional divide.
Does resentment mean hate or anger?
Having feelings of resentment does not necessarily mean you have feelings of hate, and hate is not a synonym for or a definition of resentment. In fact, you can love a person very much while having feelings of resentment, and this is part of what makes feelings of resentment so complex. Resentment is often caused by a person doing something that makes you feel as though you were treated unfairly or misunderstood. You may find yourself unable to stop thinking about what happened or the words that may have been said while angry. These lingering feelings can negatively impact your life, as you may perceive their actions or intentions in a way that deepens.
Questions to ask a mental health professional about resentment
How do you address resentment in a relationship?
Addressing resentment in a relationship, especially a marriage, requires open communication, mutual understanding, and a commitment to resolving the issues that cause partners to resent one another. Start by identifying the cause of the resentment, which often stems from hurt, disappointment, or unmet expectations. It's essential to express your feelings constructively, avoiding negative behaviors like hostility or avoidance.
Practicing self-compassion can help you manage difficult emotions and approach your partner with empathy. Resentment often builds when negative feelings are left unaddressed, so prioritizing honest conversations is key. If you begin to resent the involvement of family members, consider discussing boundaries and how their actions may be affecting the relationship. Working together with your partner to rebuild trust and focus on shared goals can lead to a stronger, more successful relationship.
Can therapy help people deal with anger and resentment in relationships?
Yes, therapy can have significant benefits. Having someone trained in relationship therapy can play a vital role in addressing anger, resentment, and negative emotions in relationships. Therapists help couples and individuals identify the root cause of their feelings and teach techniques for healthier communication and conflict resolution. For example, resentful feelings may arise from perceived injustice, unrealistic expectations, or past experiences of hurt. Therapy provides a safe space to navigate these challenges and explore tools like mindfulness, self-discovery, and practicing self-compassion.
Couples therapy can be especially effective when the other partner begins to resent their partner due to unresolved issues, while family therapy can address tension stemming from family members. In workplace situations, such as issues with a coworker, therapy can help manage anger and build better communication skills to reduce negativity.
What mental health challenges can lead to resentment?
Harboring resentment is often tied to unresolved hurt or unmet expectations. Mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma can exacerbate these feelings. For instance, mental health problems can lead to difficulties in managing emotions or recognizing the needs of a partner or family members. This can contribute to bitterness, resentful feelings, and a sense of injustice in the relationship.
Other contributing factors include chronic stress, fear of vulnerability, and an inability to address difficult emotions constructively. Without intervention, these challenges can create patterns of negativity and long-lasting damage in relationships.
What is the best therapy for anger and resentment?
The best therapy depends on the needs of the person and the dynamics of the relationship. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is highly effective for managing anger, negative feelings, and resentment, as it focuses on changing unhelpful thought patterns. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is beneficial for couples, helping partners reconnect and resolve unrealistic expectations or hurt. For situations involving family members, family therapy can address intergenerational dynamics and foster healthier communication.
Therapy often emphasizes techniques like mindfulness, self-compassion, and identifying triggers to manage emotions and reduce hostility. These approaches can provide the tools needed to rebuild trust, repair relationships, and lead to more happiness and stability.
How to let go of resentment in relationships?
Letting go of resentment requires a conscious effort to address underlying hurt and repair trust. Start by reflecting on what happened and exploring why it continues to cause you to feel resentful. Practicing self-compassion is crucial, as it helps you manage feelings of bitterness and disappointment without blaming yourself or your partner. Focus on rebuilding trust by communicating openly and avoiding negative feelings or behaviors like hostility.
Letting go may also require revisiting past experiences to understand how they influence your current relationship. Learning to forgive another person doesn’t mean excusing what went wrong, but rather reclaiming control over your life and emotional well-being. The element of fear or avoidance may cause you to hesitate or shy away from addressing these unresolved matters, but it’s important to confront this head-on to break free from the cycle of resentment. Therapy can help you process these emotions and develop healthier ways to cope, reducing your inability to move forward.
Can anger be a mental health issue?
Yes, anger can be a mental health issue when it becomes chronic. It may lead to negative behaviors like hostility, avoidance, or aggression. Unmanaged anger can contribute to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or interpersonal conflict, particularly if it stems from unresolved hurt or a history of disappointment.
Anger can also lead to resentful feelings or negative emotions that strain relationships with family members, friends, or a co-worker. Left unchecked, it can disrupt your ability to maintain a healthy life or constructively make decisions. Seeking therapy or anger management programs can help you better understand your emotions, develop coping strategies, and ultimately reclaim your sense of well-being.
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