What Is Hate? Are You In A Love-Hate Relationship?

When you're in a relationship, you may feel like you always want to love and support your partner. What if you feel like you hate your partner sometimes, though? Could you be stuck in some love-hate relationship, and if so, is it worth it to keep going? The answer can depend on the experiences that drive your emotions as well as the solutions that you and your partner are able to make use of. No matter what, making the best decision for you can likely be achieved through self-reflection, talking to your partner, and getting some outside perspective. Let’s take a closer look.

What is a love-hate relationship?

A love-hate relationship can occur when two people both love and hate one another at the same time. You can love your significant other very much while still finding them to be infuriating. Ups and downs often characterize these types of relationships. A couple might be very content one week but may fall into a negative pattern the next. These relationships can be very tumultuous, and they may not always be healthy, either.

Relationships like this can cause you to experience a wide range of different emotions. This can wind up being very problematic, and it could even lead you to question why you're together. You can go from loving someone to feeling disgusted by their mere presence. It can seem bizarre to feel this way, and the rollercoaster of emotions can likely be too much for most people to handle. Regardless, some people have been able to fix their love and hate relationships to cultivate a more positive romantic bond.

What is hate in this type of relationship?

The word hate in this context might not necessarily mean that you hate your significant other with every fiber of your being. After all, hate is a very strong word and might not always be the most accurate descriptor for what you're experiencing. This can sometimes be the reason why people assume that they aren't in a love-hate relationship. You might merely feel annoyed or inconvenienced by your significant other. 

And, while experiencing conflict like this in a relationship can be normal, when things swing from one extreme to the other or frequently are unstable, it may be cause for concern. That’s because healthy relationships often involve finding productive ways to address incompatibilities or conflict without leading to resentment. Contempt and negative feelings toward your partner can spell trouble for the longevity of your relationship.

Signs that you're in a love-hate relationships

Though it may seem like it should be obvious, it can actually be somewhat difficult to determine if your relationship falls into the “love-hate” category. Overall, if your relationship tends to bounce between extreme ups and downs or is characterized by frustration and resentment, it may indeed be worth taking a deeper look at.

Your relationship is always intense in both directions

People who are in a love-hate relationship often note that they experience intense emotions. Your connection to your partner might be very strong in both a positive and a negative way. For example, on the days when you're getting along great, you might feel almost inseparable. It can feel almost sublime during these times, but the good days usually don't stick around forever.

Bad days can be equally intense, but they swing the pendulum in the other direction. You might have heated shouting matches and argue with one another until you're blue in the face. 

On-again off-again

Love-hate relationships are also commonly associated with being "on-again-off-again." Do you find yourself constantly breaking up with your significant other? Do you also seem to make up regularly and keep trying again? This can be a strong indication that you're involved in a love-hate relationship. Your love for your partner may keep drawing you back, but the relationship's constant strife might drive you apart repeatedly.

A superficial connection

Many love-hate relationships can occur due to the two people involved in the relationship not having much of a connection. You might be very attracted to your partner, but this doesn't mean that they are a good match for you.

Your lack of a true bond may lead to conflict between the two of you. You might not even have much in common, which can lead to you simply not understanding one another. Some people may have personalities that are like oil and water. True love can bloom from this type of love-hate relationship, but if incompatibilities lead to intense disagreements, they may be too strong to be overcome.

Are communication issues present?

In many of love-hate relationships, poor communication can be at the core of the problems. Unclear expectations, unaddressed emotions, and pent-up frustration can lead to significant, dramatic changes in the dynamic of a relationship. Luckily, this is something that can be worked on overtime. If you're willing to go to couples therapy, you can likely learn how to communicate with one another more positively.

It's up to you to decide how to proceed

Understanding the signs of a love-hate relationship may make it easier to see where you stand. Whether you're in one of these relationships or not, it’s ultimately up to you to decide how to proceed. There may be situations where it's healthier to decide to move on rather than stay in a relationship that isn't making you happy.

Even so, it can also be possible to repair many relationships. If you love your partner enough to want to try to fix your concerns, then options that help can be available to you. 

One such option may be attending online couples counseling sessions. With the help of a professional, you can grow your bond while addressing any challenges that might be holding your relationship back. A licensed therapist can work with you to turn your love-hate relationship into something more satisfying for you both.

Research suggests that most people who pursue online counseling find some benefit in it, too. One recent study found that 95% of couples who participate in online couples counseling find it helpful. No matter what happens next for your relationship, it’s likely that getting some outside perspective can be a good first step.

Takeaway

Relationships that seem to fluctuate between extremes in terms of emotions, connection, and conflict may be classified as “love-hate” relationships. While these sorts of dynamics can sometimes be mended and improved, in other cases, they may mean that a couple simply isn’t a great fit. Only you can decide what’s best for your relationship, but a professional like a therapist can offer some insight that might help you make the right choice.