What Is Hypervigilance, And Can It Affect Your Relationship?

There are times when being vigilant can save your life. For example, you need to be alert and watchful when you’re driving in heavy traffic or walking alone in a dangerous place. However, hypervigilance is different. When you’re hypervigilant in situations that don’t require it, your relationships may suffer significantly. So, what is hypervigilance? Here’s a brief explanation, how it can affect your relationship, and what you can do about it.

What is hypervigilance?

The American Psychological Association Dictionary defines hypervigilance as “a state of abnormally heightened alertness, particularly to threatening or potentially dangerous stimuli.” If you’re hypervigilant, you’re overly sensitive to your environment. You hear every noise and see every movement. You’re overly alert and aware of the smallest details. And you’re on guard against any imaginable threat. Hypervigilance is not only a state of mind but also a type of behavior that others may notice.

Symptoms of hypervigilance

Symptoms of hypervigilance vary, but there are some common themes. Here’s what you might notice if you or someone close to you is hypervigilant.

First, there may be physical symptoms, such as:

• Rapid breathing
• Sweating
• Dilated pupils
• Restlessness
• Rapid heartbeat

Behavioral changes may be harder to pinpoint because they aren’t the same from one person to the next. However, the following are some of the most common signs of hypervigilance:

• Constantly checking the environment
• Difficulty focusing on conversations
• Easily startled
• Overreacting in hostile ways
• Feeling overwhelmed in a crowd
• Overestimating the chances of a threat
• Being highly sensitive to facial expressions and tone of voice
• Taking perceived disapproval, hesitation, or others’ discomfort in a very personal way.
• Not being able to sleep

Is it hypervigilance or paranoia?

Hypervigilance may seem very similar to paranoia, but they are different in a few important ways. First, people who are paranoid have delusions. They think that specific people are out to harm them. If you’re hypervigilant, you’re hyperalert to anything that might happen. Also, when you’re paranoid, you think someone is trying to harm you right now. Hypervigilance is being on high alert to be ready for what might happen next.

Causes of hypervigilance

Hypervigilance can happen to people who have become fearful that a bad experience will repeat itself. This fear can come from a variety of sources and mental conditions.

Generalized anxiety

There’s some disagreement among scientists about whether anxiety leads to hypervigilance or vice versa. In one scientific study, a certain breed of rats behaved in a way that led scientists to conclude that their hypervigilant state contributed to their anxiety. However, other scientists have proposed that it is the anxiety that causes the hypervigilant. Harmful state. Until more research is done, it’s hard to know which comes first. However, anxiety and hypervigilance often go hand in hand.

PTSD

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a specific anxiety disorder that happens after someone experiences or witnesses an event that was traumatic or perceived as life-threatening. Traumas that may lead to PTSD include military combat, near-fatal car crashes, sexual assault, rape, or other violent crimes.

Childhood traumas can also lead to PTSD. Some of the most disturbing traumas for children include parental physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse; prolonged bullying or cyberbullying; the death of a loved one; or parental neglect.

Hypervigilance is one of the most significant components of PTSD. Research has shown this fact over and over. For example, one study showed that Vietnam combat veterans were most likely to experience hypervigilance and detachment from others more than any other symptoms of PTSD.

Attachment anxiety          

Psychologist John Bowlby and, later, psychologist Mary Ainsworth studied the types of bonds babies developed with their parents. Of these three types, the anxious-ambivalent children became extremely distressed when separated from their caregivers.

What does this have to do with hypervigilance? People who have an insecure attachment are constantly aware of possible threats. They’re usually in a hypervigilant state that can become more pronounced when their anxiety is triggered. Adults can have insecure attachments as well, with both friends or romantic partners. When they do, hypervigilance is often a part of the equation.

Mental illnesses

Hypervigilance is also associated with certain mental illnesses. People with schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder may experience hypervigilance when having an acute episode of their illness.

What triggers hypervigilance?

Hypervigilant states typically happen in response to something specific. Common triggers include:

• Being in a crowd
• Feeling claustrophobic
• Being in new situations
• Facing uncertain circumstances
• Being reminded of past traumas
• Being present when there’s shouting or arguments
• Being criticized
• Being embarrassed
• Being with someone unpredictable
• Feeling abandoned
• Expecting pain

How it affects your relationship

Hypervigilance and all its causes, symptoms, and triggers can have a serious impact on romantic relationships. Here are some of the ways it might affect you and your significant other.

Dependence

The hypervigilant person may become dependent on their relationship partner. Being in a constant state of alertness may prompt them to behave in needy ways. Depending on someone else to take care of you isn’t a good way to develop a healthy relationship. The person who has taken on the role of caregiver may become resentful, distressed, emotionally exhausted, or sad, and they may lose interest in maintaining the relationship.

Trust issues

Someone who is constantly scanning their environment for threats cannot trust anyone. They may be acutely aware of every move you make, trying to avoid the threat that you’ll leave them or have an affair with someone else. Healthy relationships are built on a reasonable amount of trust between partners. Without that trust, the relationship can go downhill very quickly.

Clinginess

People who are anxiously attached to their romantic partner tend to be very clingy. They hold on tightly because they’re afraid the relationship won’t last. They fear being abandoned, so they grasp as tightly as possible. This can cause the other person to feel smothered. At that point, they may detach from their partner, spend as little time with them as possible, or even leave the relationship.

Identity issues

People who spend most of their lives in a hypervigilant state have a little emotional reserve for building a solid identity. Even if the hypervigilance started later in life after a traumatic event, the identity they once had might diminish as they focus on perceived threats. Being with someone who has little sense of who they are is difficult at best. Much of the joy in a relationship comes from being with someone who has their own style, interests, values, and personality.

Emotional outbursts

Hypervigilant people may have a hard time managing their emotions. When their feeling of being under threat is at its worst, they may spend a lot of time crying, screaming, or acting out in destructive ways. These emotional outbursts are very hard to witness without becoming upset along with them or emotionally detaching from the relationship. Eventually, it becomes emotionally exhausting for both people.

What can you do about hypervigilance?

Hypervigilance can be a very serious problem, both for the relationship and for each separate partner. If the hypervigilance is relatively mild or short-lived, you may be able to improve the situation on your own. You can also practice self-help at home or work with a therapist on these issues. In that case, your counselor can guide you in finding the best ways to cope with and improve the situation through home practice. Here are some things you can do for yourself:

• Practice meditation
• Take care of your physical needs.
• Be mindful of your emotions.
• Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or guided imagery.

If your hypervigilance is long-lasting or severe, it’s important to seek mental health help from a licensed medical professional.

The person who is hypervigilant—and the person in a relationship with them—may need individual therapy to help each of you deal with the problem from your perspective. To improve your relationship and develop healthier patterns of interaction and bonding, you can talk to a couples’ counselor at Regain.us for relationship counseling. Regain offers a match with a therapist who has been trained to work with those having a wide range of disorders. For someone with hypervigilance, staying at home may feel the most comfortable, and sessions with a Regain counselor can take place right at home, so long as you have an internet connection and an electronic device. You can meet with a counselor individually or as a couple.

Research done over the last few years has shown that online cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) can be greatly beneficial to many who are experiencing a mental health disorder, including those such as hypervigilance brought on by trauma. Through online CBT, negative feelings and behaviors can be replaced by positive feelings and behaviors. This can be especially helpful for those who see danger everywhere. Online CBT can be more effective than in-person CBT in many cases.

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Takeaway

Being aware of your environment is not a bad thing. Yet, when you’re constantly on guard, you don’t just feel miserable. You also damage the relationships that matter to you most. And, if your partner is hypervigilant, being in a relationship with them is extremely challenging.

The good news is that you can get treatment for this state of mind. You can learn to relax and enjoy your surroundings. You can discover the most helpful ways to support each other. Then, you’ll both be stronger as individuals and develop a healthier relationship day by day.