Gottman Method And Couples Therapy: What Is The Gottman Institute?

The Gottman Institute is a training center for therapists, a place to locate Gottman Method-trained therapists, a research institute, and an educational platform for couples, parents, children, and other individuals. The Institute created the Gottman Method for Healthy Relationships, a revolutionary new technique for managing, understanding, and working with emotions and relationships. It incorporates the strategies of multiple models to create a new and updated way of handling conflict.

The Gottman Institute relies on rigorous research and verified studies and continuously conducts its own research to continue developing the Gottman Method to be more finely tuned and accurate. In this article, you will learn more about the history of the Gottman Institute and how it might help you and your partner.

History of the Gottman Institute

The Gottman Institute started in the 1970s as a research project that observed couples and their behavior in their relationships. During the 1970s, psychology generally said that only individuals should be studied. It was believed that some of the important aspects of a person's psychology could be obscured and confused by studying couples. However, Dr. John Gottman pursued his research on couples regardless and discovered a series of standard, common trajectories and principles regarding the couple relationship.

Dr. Gottman worked with many other researchers and therapists in developing the Gottman Method, including Robert Levenson, Neil Jacobson, and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. The Gottman Institute was formally founded by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman in 1996 and has remained an authority for couple relationships and partnerships.

Today, the Gottman Institute has a wide variety of methodologies and concepts that assist both couples and Gottman-trained therapists in the journey toward more successful coupledoms. The Institute hosts workshops and events to allow couples to explore the Gottman Method and its techniques, and they regularly publish new material and findings.

What is the Gottman Method?

You might be wondering, "How does Gottman marriage counseling work for couples?" The Gottman Method is a relatively new therapeutic method that utilizes specific strategies to improve couple relationships and manage problems between partners. It can be used both in long-term form and in emergency intensive therapy that lasts two to four days.

One of the primary principles of the Gottman Method regarding conflict resolution in couple relationships is that there are two kinds of problems in a relationship: problems that can be resolved and perpetual problems. According to the studies conducted by Dr. Gottman, approximately 69% of relationship conflicts can be categorized as perpetual conflicts, meaning that the conflict will likely be a part of the relationship in some form or another for the entire duration of the relationship. As such, the Gottman Method focuses on helping couples understand and manage the perpetual conflicts in their relationship.

Gottman Method and the “Four Horsemen”

According to the research done by the Gottman Institute, there are four predictive factors of divorce (also known as the "Four Horsemen") and seven principles of a healthy relationship. The Gottman Method aims to minimize or eliminate the four factors of divorce while cultivating the seven principles of a healthy relationship.

The four horsemen are:

1) Criticism of the partner

2) Defensiveness

3) "Stonewalling" (refusal to interact with the partner)

4) Contempt

The seven principles of a healthy relationship:

1) Building "love maps" (analyzing and learning to understand your partner's "world")

2) Expressing love and affection for one another

3) Turn toward one another (AKA developing good communication skills and giving your partner your full attention during conversations)

4) Accepting influence (allowing your partner to "influence" your decisions and decision-making process)

5) Solving solvable problems (some problems have a solution; couples must work to find solutions and compromises)

6) Managing conflict (couples learn to understand the inherent conflicts in their relationship, practice managing them, and accept that there are conflict themes that are constant in the relationship)

7) Creating meaning (in a partnership, each individual develops a history with the other person, which enriches their relationship and connection with one another)

When both partners in a coupledom cultivate the seven principles of a healthy relationship while avoiding the Four Horsemen, their relationship has the opportunity to grow and flourish. Both people must understand these concepts fully and use them successfully; couples who want to work together to improve their relationship are more likely to have lasting success.

Who can benefit from the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method can benefit couples from all different backgrounds facing all different types of problematic situations. In fact, recent research has shown that the Gottman Method can benefit both opposite-sex and same-sex couples. Couples from various social, economic, racial, and cultural divisions can all benefit from the principles laid down with the Gottman Method.

Generally speaking, certain problems are particularly well-suited for treatment with the Gottman Method, but almost all conflicts can be helped somehow with this type of therapy. Couples who observe that they argue or fight frequently or who have large conflicts with each other are likely to benefit from the Gottman Method. Also, couples who have poor communication, are emotionally disconnected from each other, or face conflicts with money, sex, parenting styles, or infidelity can all find benefit from finding a licensed therapist trained in the Gottman Method.

What is the No. 1 cause of divorce?

The Gottman Institute states that contempt is one of the biggest predictors of divorce. The research of John Gottman backs this up. The good news is that if your relationship is struggling, it doesn’t need to indicate an end. If you address the concerns in your relationship, you can work through them. You must do this rather than turning away or ignoring the problems in hopes that they will go away. Couples counseling can help couples work through concerns such as contempt. The Gottman Method or Gottman couples counseling with a Gottman-trained provider is one way to do this. Whether you see a couples therapist online or in your local area, you can get the help you need.

What to expect from using the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method goes through seven steps, or stages, during the entire course of the therapy. These seven steps help the couple identify, analyze, and reach a resolution or a solution for managing a conflict. Gottman Method licensed therapists are trained to work through each of these stages using particular methodologies and strategies to benefit the couple in question.

Gottman Method and couples therapy

These are the seven steps generally followed under the Gottman method:

1) During the first stage, each coupledom works to establish a working relationship with the therapist. In this stage, the couple will share their personal history as a couple and as individuals, the conflicts they've been having, and their beliefs and philosophies regarding relationships. The couple will also establish their goals for the therapy.

2) In the second stage, the therapist will assess the relationship via various methods, such as introducing a discussion where the two partners disagree. Through this stage, the therapist can learn to understand the couple better, giving them a better idea of what the couple needs to succeed in their relationship.

3) It's during the third stage when the couple learns about the basic components of healthy relationships. These components were discovered and categorized by Dr. Gottman, and they're derived from years of intense research and study.

4) Each couple likely has a reason they were drawn to the other person. The fourth stage of the Gottman Method focuses on reminding the partners of these positive memories and reinforcing the affection and optimism felt in the earlier part of the relationship.

5) This is the stage where the couple starts learning a new relationship-based skillset. The partners will practice all elements of a healthy relationship, including (but not limited to) trust development and reparation of conflicts. Again, this skill set was identified as essential based on numerous successful (and unsuccessful) couple relationships.

6) The therapist will actively coach the couple on the necessary relationship skills during this phase.

7) This is the stage of the Gottman Method when the couple is given tools and tactics that they can use over the course of their relationship to keep the partnership healthy after therapy. The therapy may continue periodically or stop completely as the couple has learned what they need to learn to preserve their relationship.

How to find a Gottman Method licensed therapist?

When looking for a therapist who utilizes the Gottman Method, it's first important to find a qualified therapist with the appropriate educational background. A good therapist should have a master's level degree (or higher) and be licensed in psychotherapy; they will be qualified to use the Gottman Method and have undergone training to understand and learn how to use the method to help couples improve their skills relationship.

Finding a licensed therapist to help you and your significant other resolve your relationship troubles is nothing to be ashamed of. There are plenty of couples who turn to therapy to manage and improve their relationship! Find a qualified Gottman Method therapist to get started on the road to happiness.

The Gottman Method can be utilized in an online therapy platform. Online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy, and many couples have gone through online therapy to improve their relationship. Online therapy is often more convenient and affordable than in-person therapy.

Regain is an online therapy platform featuring therapists familiar with the Gottman method. Regain can match you and your partner to a therapist that's just right for you. You can sign on to talk with your therapist at a time and place convenient for both your schedules.

Takeaway

Many couples experience problems and have to go to therapy at some point during their relationship. And, after 40 years of research on 3,000+ couples from all walks of life, the Gottman Institute is an authority on creating and nurturing couple relationships. This organization has helped thousands of couples regain strength and love in their relationships. As more and more therapists are trained in the Gottman Method, more and more couples can make use of this amazing therapeutic method.