Husband Seems Emotionally Disconnected? Boost Emotional Intimacy & Support

If you have noticed that your husband’s demeanor has changed and he is not as talkative or connected as in the past, you may be concerned that he is disconnecting from your relationship. However, there are many reasons that a person experiences a change in behavior, and emotional disconnection can be a sign of a deeper issue or mental illness. You may also be experiencing changes in your relationship and are unable to communicate as easily as before. Living with a spouse who is emotionally distant can be extremely difficult and lead to feelings of frustration and loneliness. You most likely are in love with your husband and want to try to understand where he is coming from so you can both get back on track. It is also important to remain calm, supportive and not to get angry at each other. Let's discuss what else to do if a husband is feeling disconnected from partner.

What to do if your husband seems emotionally disconnected and lacks emotional intimacy

When your husband seems disconnected and uninterested, you may feel at a loss for what you should do, especially if his behavior has been going on for quite some time. There are solutions for this problem, and you can figure it out together. While you may feel frustrated and want to give up, try to offer support and let them know you are available to help with whatever they may be going through.

It can also feel very personal when your husband is acting this way. When you try to connect with him, he shows no interest. When you ask him questions about his day, he gives short responses. This can be hurtful and can start to take a toll on anyone. To help the situation, try to set aside how personal his disconnection feels and try out the methods below.

Identify the root cause when your husband seems emotionally disconnected

Start by trying to figure out the root cause of the issue. Has he been working longer hours? Is he stressed out over money, work, or having too much to deal with when he gets home? Has he experienced a loss recently, or is it close to the anniversary of someone's death that he was close with? Does he struggle with mental health problems? No matter what the situation, remember that people react to stress, sadness, and frustration in many ways. Something deeper could be going on that your husband is dealing with. Therefore, you should try to be as supportive as possible when your husband seems emotionally disconnected. Be sure to tell him you care for him and that you are here for him. Creating an open door for conversation and comfort may be exactly what he needs from you.

It is important to try to figure out what it is and, if possible, help him to remove some stress if you are able. If he spends long hours at a demanding job, he may be less than thrilled to come home to do chores or cook. His behavior could be that he is having difficulty juggling his work responsibilities and daily tasks. Please pay attention to when he acts emotionally disconnected. Is it on certain days, or is it every day over a long period? The sooner you know the root cause, the faster you two can discuss the issue and get back on track. Whether that is counseling or talking it out together, you two can come up with a plan.

Once you find out the root cause of making him feel this way, validate his feelings and tell him you are fully supportive of what he is going through, even if it is difficult to understand. Practice active listening and do your best to not try to solve the problem. Simply, listen to what your husband is saying and try to understand his feelings.

Kindly and respectfully ask your husband about their behavior

If you cannot find out what is causing your husband's emotional disconnect, you may have to ask him about it directly. Confrontation can be less than enjoyable but practicing great communication skills is important. When it comes time to sit your husband down and ask him about his behavior, try to be sensitive and soft-spoken. Avoid being abrasive or angry with him for his behavior. Give him time to explain his feelings, and do not be angry if he does not express them the first time you ask.

If your husband starts to stonewall or shut down and become silent, you may have to reassure him that his feelings are valid and not shameful. Make it known that what he says will stay between the two of you. Promise that it will stay between you and your husband. If he thinks you will run off and tell his problems to people outside of your marriage, he may be hesitant to trust and confide in you. 

Be there for him and show him support for any reason

If the reason for his disconnected emotions is not unhealthy, let him know you support him. Thank him for opening up to you. No matter what your husband may be going through, be there for him and let him know he can come to you to talk. Be a safe place with no criticism or judgment. Let you know what he tells you will not be told with anyone else. This will help him trust you, especially knowing his feelings and problems will be held in confidence. If he finds a way to work through it, support him. Even if that means he would like some alone time now and then. There is nothing wrong with your husband wanting some time to himself. If it works and he is getting happier and becoming more involved like he used to, you know that your approach to listening is working. 

Stay patient with him while he is trying

While he tries to manage his situation and works to become emotionally present, remain patient. This is not always easy for many men, especially depending on the situation that they are going through. If your husband is experiencing a loss with family or friends, it could take a while for your husband to stop being emotionally disconnected and back to his usual self. Grieving is different for each person and usually has many steps to go through, not always in a clear order. If it is a job conflict, then keep in mind the solution may not be in his hands. The issue could take a long time to fix, or it could take a short amount of time, depending on circumstances, if they could make a change.

Do not try to rush your husband or make him think he is not improving fast enough. Everyone moves at their own pace, physically and emotionally. Keep supporting him through every step he makes, whether it is forward or backward. Of course, be proud of him when he moves forward, but if he takes a step in the wrong direction, make sure to try to have him open up and talk about what happened.

Take notice and recognize them for their efforts towards emotional intimacy

When you see a change, let him know you have noticed an improvement and praise him for his hard work. He might still have a lot of progress to make to get back into his usual old self, but always let him know you can tell the difference. Be sure to focus on the positives rather than the negatives if he has not changed. This may make him stress over something that was not the root cause and add additional stress on top of the main issue. You may want to help, but he needs to do it himself with your full support, not your judgment. You can also ask him if there is anything you can do that will help him further.

If he has not made any changes, talk to him about it again

If you both have talked about overcoming this issue and becoming emotionally connected again, but he has not attempted to make a change, talk to him again. Keep creating a comfortable environment for him to talk about it with you. If you stop talking about the issues he is facing, he may not attempt to change. Neither of you will be happy if he no longer makes any effort to change, so be sure to stay aware of his behavior. It is important to communicate with each other so that you both can work on this.

Try and find out why he has not made any changes. Is there an obstacle in his way of making progress? Is he still in the same situation that is causing him to be emotionally disconnected? Please do your best to find out the problem, as this can help you be more understanding and supportive of him. Also, be aware that counseling may be necessary to help him. Signs of significant withdrawal and disinterest can point to a mental health condition, in which he will benefit from seeing a counselor. As your husband's spouse, try to remain aware of his symptoms.

Consider marriage or individual counseling

If you have noticed that your husband has not made any progress or his emotional disconnection has worsened, marital counseling may be in your best interest. This may seem intimidating but seeking help from a licensed counselor is well worth it. A counselor will help you and your husband get to the bottom of why he is emotionally disconnected. They will also help both of you to improve your communication skills and improve your connection as a married couple. Marital counseling can also help him learn how to openly express his emotions and give your husband a chance to speak to a professional about his feelings to see if he would benefit from individual counseling. 

Marriage counseling not only will help you in your current situation, but it will also help you both in future situations. You both will be better equipped to handle anything that comes your way. Dealing with problems that can affect you emotionally in your marriage will come up more than once, so it is important to understand how to deal with them.

If your husband is willing, you can also ask him if he is interested in individual counseling. Often the reason for emotional disconnectedness can be sourced in an underlying mental health disorder or unresolved intrapersonal challenges. If he is hesitant to go because of concern about the stigma attached to therapy, there is the option of online therapy. Current research has shown people who attend online therapy feel they are able to trust their therapist to a greater degree and feel safer due to the nature of these visits (in contrast to in-person office visits). Rather than attending in-person therapy sessions— which can be difficult— you can connect with a therapist from the comfort and safety of your own personal space. 

Whether you both receive counsel together or individually, seeking the support of a mental health therapist is a wise choice that can improve your relationship and help your husband reconnect. 

Takeaway

Considering you are reading this article to help your husband better your marriage, you are already on the right track. Noticing that your husband is emotionally disconnected is the very first step to take to come up with a solution. When you get to the bottom of the issue, keep your husband's mental health in mind. As you may know, mental health is just as important as your physical health. So, if your husband is experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms from everything, don't hesitate to suggest that he go to counseling. Stay hopeful because there are many ways you and your husband can get back to a deep connection once again.