What To Do When You’re Feeling Unhappy In Your Relationship
If you’re feeling unhappy in your relationship, it can sometimes be difficult to determine what exactly is going on and how to move forward. Maybe things aren’t going as smoothly as they used to, maybe you feel like you and your partner aren’t connecting anymore, or maybe it’s something else entirely. If this is something you’re experiencing, read on for a few ideas for how to assess the situation and move forward.
Different reasons for unhappiness in a relationship
To start, let’s explore a few different possible reasons for feeling unhappy in a relationship. Every relationship is different, so you may or may not relate to some of these, but they may help prompt some useful reflections.
Feeling unappreciated
Maybe you’re feeling a little unappreciated in your relationship, like your partner is taking you for granted, and this is why you are not happy. They seem to always rely on you when they need something, but they don't seem to recognize or thank you for your efforts. If this is the case, an important first step may be to bring your concerns to your partner—maybe they don't realize that you're feeling unappreciated.
Feeling unsure about your partner
If you are having doubts about your partner and the relationship, that could be the source of some of your unhappiness. Perhaps you aren't completely sure that this relationship is for you, and that uncertainty is weighing on you. If this is the case, it may be helpful to start with some self-reflection to try to assess what you’re feeling. It might help to write down what you like about your partner and the relationship, as well as what concerns or hesitations you have. It is also possible to love and care for someone but to not be a good romantic fit with them.
Feeling done with the relationship
You may feel like you no longer love your partner or no longer want to be in the relationship, and so staying in it is causing you unhappiness. It can be hard to leave a relationship, even when we know it is for the best, so try to be patient with yourself. But if you know that you are no longer interested in continuing the relationship, ending it may be the best option.
These are just a few possible reasons; this list is by no means exhaustive. It’s also important to note that when you are in a relationship for a long time, there will likely be ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean that you are in an unhappy relationship. Most relationships experience highs and lows at various points. But if you are frequently or persistently unhappy in your relationship, it may be time to figure out how to address it.
Tips for creating more happiness in your relationship
Figuring out how best to move forward in your relationship will be unique to you, your situation, and your preferences. But if you are looking to cultivate more happiness in your relationship, you can consider some of the following tips:
Practice gratitude
It can often be easy to focus on the negatives and overlook the positives. Try to acknowledge the positive things that you and your partner contribute to the relationship, and practice gratitude for the things you love and appreciate about your partner. Do you love their sense of humor, the deep conversations you have, or the ways you support each other? Try to recognize the things you like about the relationship, which you may have taken for granted.
Look at yourself
In some cases, a feeling of unhappiness with a situation could stem from an internal feeling of frustration or discontent that we’re feeling towards ourselves or our own lives, and we could take it out on other things. This is not always the case, of course, but sometimes, it may be useful to look inward and consider if there are frustrations you have with yourself that may be the source of your unhappiness in the relationship. Are you feeling unfulfilled in work, are you missing old friends, or are you feeling bored with life? This self-reflection may unearth a different source of your unhappiness.
Cultivate mutual respect
Respecting each other in a relationship can be very important, and it goes both ways. Do you and your partner listen to each other’s concerns, do you respect each other’s time and preferences, and do you honor each other’s opinions? When you have disagreements, do you handle them with kindness and respect? Try to be kind and understanding, and ask your partner to reciprocate.
Devote time to communication
Communication is a vital part of most relationships. If you are feeling unhappy with your relationship, consider devoting more time to close, authentic communication with each other. This can be an opportunity to make sure you are both on the same page and to reconnect with each other. You can talk about your days, your interests, your frustrations, or your goals for the future. You can try to make regular communication a priority and a habit.
Add more romance
If you are feeling disconnected from your partner, you may consider adding more romance into your relationship. You could plan a date night, book a weekend getaway, or surprise them with flowers or chocolates on a random day. Romance can involve simple, small acts—like bringing them coffee in bed some mornings—or larger, more ongoing projects, like taking on a new hobby or activity together. You can experiment with different things to find something that helps reignite the spark for you and your partner.
How online therapy can help
If you're not sure what you want for your partnership or even what's wrong with it, or if you and your partner are trying to relate to each other and find happiness again, you may want to find a therapist who can help you with the process. They can work with you on identifying your concerns and finding ways to strengthen your relationship.
However, not everyone has the time to drive to an appointment, and not everyone wants to sit in a waiting room with other people. This is where online therapy can be a great option. With online therapy through Regain, you and your partner can find a therapist virtually and speak with them from the comfort of your own home.
Research has shown that online therapy can be effective for couples with relationship concerns. For instance, one research study examined the efficacy of an online couples therapy program, and it found that the program “was effective in significantly improving both relationship and individual functioning”.
Below are some reviews of Regain counselors from couples experiencing similar concerns.
Counselor reviews
"Mark got the job done. He helped my partner and me simultaneously approach the task of removing barriers to our communication by first understanding each of our unique perspectives, Then immediately providing insight and tasks to help us develop new skills to avoid obstacles. I feel that I got an incredible return on my investment that will last the rest of my life with my partner. My new skills are already proving useful in business dealings and friendships as well! Highly recommend!"
"Cindy has been a breath of fresh air when we most needed it as a couple. Her compassionate and clear communication and understanding have made us both feel heard. The way she bridges our lack of communication has helped us the trust and a deeper connection with each other. Her tools are useful and easy to understand and implement."
Takeaway
If you are feeling unhappy in your relationship, there could be many different reasons for this feeling. For instance, maybe you are feeling unappreciated, disconnected from your partner, or done with the relationship. If you are looking for ways to cultivate more happiness in your relationship, you can try some of the tips above. For additional help with relationship concerns, you can reach out to a licensed therapist online for support.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Can you fix a relationship?
If you feel unhappy in your current relationship, especially if you're constantly feeling unhappy, you are likely facing a situation where you know that it's time to either work on the partnership or leave if there is no longer happiness. If you and your partner are both invested in the process and want things to improve in it, it's possible to fix a partnership, and it is possible to learn how to be happy again in a partnership after facing hard times.
It may be that you feel misunderstood, that you and your partner want to increase affection in the partnership, or something else. There are many potential reasons why someone might find that they're no longer content in the partnership. Whether or not you know exactly what those reasons are for you, a professional may be able to help.
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