What To Do When Courting A Woman

Courting is largely a lost art. If the woman you're interested in is bringing it up, you should know that it's not the same as dating. Even if you do know what courting is, it can be hard to know what to do.

Because many people are interested in courting but are unfamiliar with it, this article will spend some time defining it. If you already know what courting is and you need a little help, feel free to skip to the section titled "How to Court a Woman".

Successfully courting a woman

If you’re used to dating, courting may seem boring and time-consuming in comparison. Courtship is about getting to know the person and making a serious commitment to each other before taking certain steps in the relationship. Successfully courting a woman means taking this as an opportunity to get to know her rather than looking at it as a box to check.

Courting etymology

You may think that "courting" is just an old-time way of saying "dating," and there may be some truth to this. Through much of the history of European aristocracy and royalty, courting referred to looking for someone to marry or getting to know the person you had already been betrothed to. The word "courting" was adopted because it often took place at the "court" of a noble person like a king or queen. The people who spent time at court were called "courtiers" or "courtesans".

Courting someone to marry may have been romantic, but it often wasn't. People often married for legal, economic, or political purposes rather than for love. When two people were betrothed, often with minimal or no first-hand acquaintance, courting could be more romantic. For them, the courtship meant getting to know and care for the person they had already been promised to.

Courting today

Courting has changed a lot since the days of court drama and palace intrigue, but it still happens. Today, courting means spending time with someone with the direct intent to determine whether they would be a good marriage partner. In that regard, it could be perceived as more serious dating.

Some people like the idea of courting, and it can have some advantages over dating. Courting is also encouraged among some religious communities that emphasize traditional and conservative values.

Courting vs. dating: The pros

Courting isn't what most people are familiar with, but it does have some advantages over dating. For one thing, there can be a lot less pressure. The philosophy that courting is meant to determine whether someone is right for marriage means ending a courtship is often a lot more amicable than a breakup between a boyfriend and girlfriend. Most people who prefer courtship over dating take a Thomas Edison approach: courtships don't fail; they successfully identify people who aren't right for you.

Courting is also a lot less ambiguous than dating. People who are courting may never need to have an awkward discussion about the nature of their relationship or their hopes for the future. That can make things a lot easier and save energy that can go into other aspects of the relationship.

Finally, courting often means no sex until marriage. That may seem hard, but it can also have some significant advantages. Sex can complicate a relationship, and putting it off lets you get to know the other person without desire potentially clouding your judgment.

Courting vs. dating: The cons

That doesn't mean that everything about courtship is perfect. While some people find the clear intentions of courting to be a load off their shoulders, not everyone sees it that way. Some people who date for a long time before breaking up take it hard because they thought that that person was the one they were going to spend the rest of their lives with. People who court can arrive at that position much earlier in the relationship, potentially making it even harder.

Further, some people believe that it's better for the relationship if the partners have sex before getting married. After all, sex can cause some serious problems, and if you don't find out about them until after the marriage, it can kill the honeymoon.

How to court a woman

Now that courting has been discussed a little more in-depth, you may be wondering how to go about it. If you're used to dating, but the woman you're interested in insists on courtship, you'll quickly find that they aren't always the same. Here are some tips to get you started down the right path:

Talk to her

It may be important for a successful courtship that you quickly find out what courting means to her, particularly if you aren't from the same faith community. If you are from the same religious or cultural background, you probably know what courting means to her because it means the same to you. However, that doesn't mean that the two of you shouldn't talk about your relationship.

If you're not from her faith community or cultural background, or if she's interested in courtship over dating because of reasons other than her faith or culture, you might want to talk to her about what courtship means to her as early as possible. Not all models of courtship follow the same rules or guidelines. 

Take it seriously

Whether they're coming from traditional faith communities, conservative cultures, or just sick of the dating scene, most women don't suggest courting because they're casual when it comes to relationships. They may suggest it because they're serious, so you might want to take it seriously too.

Talk about everything

Another potential benefit of courting is that you don't have to be afraid to discuss issues, no matter how big or small. Many people who date find that they never got around to talking about significant things before they got married. This could be because the issues never came up, or perhaps they came up but didn't seem pressing. If something comes to mind while courting a woman, talk about it. Similarly, if she brings something up, take it seriously even if it seems like it's early in the relationship.

Don't be afraid to call it off

Because dating is open-ended, it can be easy to ignore problems, hoping that they'll go away or resolve themselves. This may not be the case with courting. Courting has two potential conclusions: breaking it off or getting married. That means that if you don't think that the relationship will work for any reason, you might need to bring it up, even if it means ending the relationship. 

Calling in the experts

Courting is sometimes misunderstood. Still, understanding what courting means to a woman is one of the most important things you can do to make sure that it goes well. Courting can also be complicated, and you may find that you need some additional help.

If the girl you're interested in courting comes from a faith community or cultural background that encourages courting, talk about it with people from the community or culture who understand it better. If she thinks that courting is better than dating, you might need to call on a relationship counselor for more advice and information.

Relationship counseling

Relationship counselors aren't just the people you call in to fix relationships gone bad—they're experts in relationships. You can reach out to them for support even when things are going okay or before a relationship has taken off.

If you’re actively courting a woman, though, you may find it difficult to make time for a traditional therapy appointment. This is where online therapy may prove a better alternative. With online therapy, you can save time by skipping the commute and accessing professional counseling services from home. It may also be easier to schedule an appointment since slots are available around the clock. 

This type of remote counseling is also backed by science. A recent study showed that internet-based counseling delivered via videoconferencing is not only effective for individuals, but for couples as well. This includes those couples who are dating, courting, or already married. 

Takeaway

When you’re engaged in any type of relationship, you can expect certain challenges to arise. But you don’t have to navigate them alone. For more information on how online relationship counseling can help you successfully court a woman, visit Regain today.