When To Call It Quits In A Relationship

Sometimes relationships run their course. This can happen for various reasons, and depending on the dynamics of the relationship, realizing that the end has arrived can be emotionally painful. As difficult as it may be to end a relationship, remaining in a relationship that is no longer healthy or beneficial is often worse. That’s why people need to know when to end the relationship. 

The healthy relationship to strive for

A relationship is about two people joining together and becoming partners due to mutual affection for one another. A healthy relationship should be about the needs, wants, and values of both individuals. This means giving and taking, and considering the feelings of one another. A healthy relationship is built upon mutual respect, fidelity, care, and consideration.

Two people who truly care about one another should show that through their words and actions. Being in a healthy relationship doesn't always mean that everything will go smoothly or without a hitch; however, it does mean that when an issue arises, it's the two people versus the problem, not one partner versus the other. This critical dynamic often goes missing, leading to the downfall of so many relationships.

Getting out of a relationship is not always easy, especially when there are feelings and history involved. Be that as it may, ending an unhealthy relationship or a relationship that has truly run its course is usually better than staying in a relationship that should not go on.

Signs that it's time to call it quits

There are some straightforward indicators that it's time to call it off. Sometimes people are not as aware of some of these indicators as others; in other cases, involved persons know that they need to call off a relationship but may struggle with wondering what to do if they leave. Granted, there are many reasons why people remain in relationships that they should end; however, covering the warning signs and the reasons why they warrant calling a relationship quits can be critical for both parties.

One-sidedness

A healthy, successful relationship requires both individuals to put in the work. When one person is doing everything while the other does nothing, this is a sign that something is wrong. Whenever the efforts to maintain closeness, spend time together, or otherwise engage in a relationship are one-sided, this means that it's time to end the relationship. Coming to terms with this reality can be challenging, especially when the person putting in all the work desperately wants the relationship to succeed.

Abuse

Abuse is the antithesis of love and mutual respect, which is supposed to hold a relationship together. Furthermore, there is never any excuse for someone to give or accept abuse in a relationship. Abuse can manifest in many forms, including physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, etc.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800 799-SAFE (7233).

If someone finds themselves in an abusive relationship, getting out as soon as possible and as quickly as possible is imperative. People have died because they remained in abusive relationships. Calling it quits may be tough initially, but it's worth being able to stay alive and having the possibility of a future relationship that is healthy.

Different values/life goals

This is not to say that both parties have to agree with one another on every single issue; however, if a relationship comprises two people who have very different outlooks and objectives in life, this is a sign that calling it quits might not be such a bad idea.

As human beings, we should all be growing and evolving. Sometimes, people grow and evolve together; in other cases, growth and evolution drive individuals away from one another, and that's OK. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. In many cases, certain relationships exist to help people learn about themselves and find out who they are. When someone finds themselves in a relationship with someone who has starkly contrasting values and goals, this is a sign that a more compatible partner may await them later on down the line.

Absence of trust

Trust is imperative in any relationship. When trust ceases to exist, so does the foundation of any healthy relationships. There are a series of actions and behaviors which can breach trust. Once trust is gone, it can be hard to regain. Remaining in a relationship without trust is not healthy or conducive to short-term or long-term success.

Understanding what prompted the absence of trust in a relationship can be good for reflective purposes, but remaining in this relationship will become problematic. Two people who don't trust each other will inevitably begin to question one another's words, claims, and motives. This has a way of leading to additional problems later on down the line.

Interest in someone else

If one or both people in a relationship find themselves in a situation where they are seriously interested in someone other than their partner, this is a strong indicator that calling the relationship quits is a good idea. To some extent, fantasizing is normal, but when these fantasies impede upon the existence of a healthy and loving relationship, that's when issues arise.

Of course, there are many times where people cheat on their partner and the relationship is still successful, but there was still a strain on the relationship for a period. Infidelity can also speak volumes about the morals to which someone holds themselves.

Infidelity

It's important to note that not everyone who experiences infidelity in a relationship calls it quits. However, this does not mean that remaining with an unfaithful partner is the right answer in many situations. When two people enter into a partnership and agree to be monogamous, breaching that agreement violates trust. 

After deciding to call it quits

Once you've decided to end the relationship, you may find personal reflection to be helpful. No matter why the relationship ended, there is always something to be learned. Maybe you learned about yourself; or maybe you learned about what you do or don't want in a relationship or partner. Sometimes, certain relationships can prepare us for better partnerships later down the line. In many cases, one door must close before another one can open.

After leaving a relationship, you may also find it helpful to have a reliable support system. Having people in your corner who can be there for you after such a major transition can make a positive difference. A healthy support system can also bring new ideas and food for thought to the table. Each individual has their unique perspective, which can be of value. Taking time to soak it all in will help you move forward from a relationship that has run its course.

A relationship should never encompass the entirety of your life. Having other hobbies and activities to keep your mind engaged is always helpful. If this didn't happen during your relationship, there's no time like now to get started. Sometimes, the end of a relationship means the beginning of someone discovering who they are as an individual. No person's identity should be completely linked to a relationship with someone else.

Seeking professional help

If you are looking to end the relationship, are coming out of a tough relationship, or otherwise dealing with some other personal difficulty, you may find that signing up for online therapy with Regain to be helpful. Working with an online therapist comes with a series of upsides, including the ability to receive care and assistance regardless of where you live.

Even in bad situations, breaking up with someone is still a loss – not only in the loss of a relationship, but also the loss of hopes and dreams you shared. It’s normal to experience grief – and all the stages that go with it. You may also feel a bit lost as your routine changes. A therapist can help you work through your emotions – including learning to identify and accept your feelings. A therapist can also help you work through feelings of anxiety, guilt, and regret. 

Working with an online therapist will require time, rapport, and the willingness to hear what your therapist has to say. Even if certain pointers and feedback are unexpected, it's important to ultimately remember that your therapist has your best interests at heart. It is their job to be of service to you and get to know you and your situation. It's also important to remember that working with a therapist will not make your problems vanish. Instead, it will provide you with the strength, knowledge, and resources to conquer your obstacles and ensure that you never have to go through rough times by yourself.

Takeaway

While breakups can be hard, staying in a relationship that isn’t working can be worse. There are signs – some obvious, some subtle – to let you know when it’s time to call it quits. While a breakup can be difficult, you can come out of it stronger on the other side. But you don’t have to go through it alone. Let a Regain counselor help you through your loss and learn to move forward.