Who Is Dr. John Gottman, And What Are His Contributions To The Field Of Psychology?
Dr. John Gottman has made an enormous impact in the psychology community for marriage and family counseling. For the past forty years, Gottman has developed successful methods that help committed couples find stability and health in their marriage. During this time, Dr. Gottman has won several awards, including the Burgess award for Outstanding Career in Theory and Research and he American Family Therapy Academy award for Most Distinguished Contributor to Family Systems Research. Getting to know who he is and how his extensive contributions to psychology will help broaden his reach and bring more awareness for those who need help. This article honors Dr. John Gottman and what he has contributed to the field of psychology, especially in the fields of marriage and family counseling.
Who is Dr. Gottman?
Doctor John Gottman is a professor, researcher, and author in the field of psychology. He has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from the University of Wisconsin and has worked for numerous universities throughout the years. Currently, he is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington, Seattle, and the Executive Director for the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle. He is married to Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, and together, they work toward their mission of helping families create and maintain stable homes.
Dr. Gottman is known for co-founding the Gottman Institute, authoring multiple books, and for creating the 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work with Nan Silver. He has studied marriage and family relationships for over four decades and works to repair troubled marriages through the Gottman Institute. Dr. Gottman has also written the books 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, Eight Dates, and What Makes Love? His books are accompanied by DVD companions, workbooks, and training guides for other counselors all over the world.
What is the Gottman Institute?
The Gottman Institute was founded by both Doctor John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. The mission of the Institute is to reach couples and families of all ethnicities, religions, orientations, and economic levels to help patch broken relationships and promote healthy marriages and families. The institute bases its work purely on research and uses their studies to help create new and improved programs that promote healthy relationships in marriages, families, and parenting.
Through the Gottman Institute couples can go to live workshops, as well as use, take-home training materials. It also offers training in research-based assessment techniques and intervention strategies for therapists who want to learn the methods for their practice. Lastly, the institute supports the Gottman Referral Network, which provides therapy referrals to couples in need.
What is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a couples' therapy technique formed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman that is a culmination of their years of research involving relationship therapy. The method is based on the understanding that negative emotions like jealousy and insecurity have a much larger impact on a relationship than positive emotions.
But how does Gottman marriage counseling work? The therapy technique is focused in building communication and listening skills with your partner and learning how to cope when you undoubtedly make a mistake. What is the Gottman method for relationships? The Gottman Method can be used at any point in a relationship as it is based on how you, as a couple interact and teaches you how to build relationship and problem-solving skills together as a team. It can be done as a 2-4-day intensive course for couples in crises or over a longer period for less serious cases.
When a couple chooses to use Gottman Therapy, they will first each establish a relationship with their therapist as individual. These initial meetings are important for the therapist understand each of the partners individual personalities along with how they view relationships. After these introductory sessions, the therapist will thoroughly assess the marriage, including working through conflict and topics of disagreement. The therapist and couple will then discuss different components of healthy relationships based in research, working to remember the fondness they first felt during the beginning of their bonding.
Gottman therapy is based in teaching practical skills to implement healthy practices in marriage. The therapist will apply these principles and work to develop trust between the couple. Sessions are focused on relationship management as the therapist provides insight into why partners react the way that they do. The Gottman Method wants to identify how intimacy works inside each relationship to leverage that intimacy when problems inevitably arise.
What are the seven principles for making marriage work?
Based on the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work written by John Gottman and Nan Silver, the seven principles are based upon years of follow-up studies conducted in workshops by Dr. Gottman. Dr. Gottman and research partners found that couples who followed these principles remained married and shared a healthy and stable relationship. They are as follows:
1. Enhance your love maps
Dr. Gottman says that your love map is the part of your brain where you store everything you need to know about your partner. This map includes all of their likes, dislikes, stresses, insecurities, histories, and more. Couples become more intimate the more than know about each other and are happier when they take the time to participate in each other's lives. Get to know your partner on a deeper level and allow them to do the same with you.
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
Dr. Gottman stresses the importance of fondness and admiration in a marriage. Without them, marriages will crumble quickly. He suggests taking time to nurture your fondness and admiration by writing down what you appreciate about your partner. Try a list of three things you are fond of and why you are fond of them. Then let your partner read this list. Dr. Gottman calls this exercise "I Appreciate." You can also nurture your passion for each other by planning a date that involves a new activity or sharing a hobby.
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
Strong marriages have full emotional bank accounts. That is, they do small things every day that show their love and care for their partner. These intimate gifts do not have to grandiose expressions of love but can be found in the little things, like calling when you know you are going to be late or leaving a note of appreciation by their shoes before they go to work. These small but meaningful expressions of love bring you toward each other and help support you when your marriage hits the rough spots.
4. Let your partner influence you
Instead of trying to make decisions on your own, include your spouse in your decision-making process. This inclusion is especially important during big life choices; however, the small decisions also count. Your partner’s influence is important, considering they know you on an intimate level and the consequences of our choices impact each other. Bringing each other into these decisions is not about one partner controlling the other, but forming mutually beneficial decisions for the two of you in your marriage.
5. Solve your solvable problems
Dr. Gottman says that solvable problems are the ones without any underlying issues. These are the ones that hurt less than the bigger problems, the ones that can be resolved with calmness and a willingness to listen. To solve your solvable problems, you need to be able to approach the situation calmly. Try to talk out the situation in a way that repairs the rift between the two of you. If you can't right away, Dr. Gottman says take a 20-minute break to calm down. Then, once you are calm, come to a compromise and stick with it.
6. Overcome gridlock
Gridlock refers to the fights that feel impossible to solve. Dr. Gottman says these arguments are usually about your dreams. Your dreams for your life, your marriage, and everything in between. To have a productive conversation about these problems, you must be open to hearing your partner's dreams and be open to exploring what it is that you have dreamed of. Remember that these conversations can be stressful, so always come to the conversation open and willing to take a step back if needed.
When you are stuck, reflect upon the bond you share made up of the rituals, roles, and goals you have created for your family. These are the things that bring you close together, that remind you of a common goal. When these principles do not work or your partner is not on board with working through conflict in a positive way, relationship therapy is a helpful source for you to work on your marriage together.
Reaching for professional support
Dr. Gottman’s contributions to marriage counseling has revolutionized not only the study of marriage, but also the way couples interact bringing them to reconciliation and authentic love. If you are interested in pursuing the principles developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, talk with a relationship therapist who specializes in their methods. A therapist can help inform you both on healthy communication behaviors you both can practice especially during times of stress.
If coordinating schedules is problematic and the commute to therapy appointments difficult, consider online therapy. You and your partner can work on improving your communication and building a healthy relationship in the comfort of your own home. Research also supports the benefits of online therapy for couples counseling. For example, a study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health looked at how effective online psychoeducational interventions using the Gottman method was in improving marital communication in 72 heterosexual couples living in Shiraz, Iran. Results from the study showed that the couples ability to communicate improved significantly and their negative patterns were resolved.
If you are considering online therapy, Regain has several therapists available to help you on your path a healthy and strong relationship. Whether through using principles specific to Gottman’s approach to marital counseling or you and your partner’s unique preferences, you will both enjoy the growth you share together and the beauty of commitment in health.
Takeaway
Dr. John Gottman has contributed a great deal to the psychology community and has helped countless couples directly and indirectly through his books, programs, and pieces of training. He understands the importance of a healthy and happy marriage and how happy marriages can lead to happy families. Through the Gottman Institute, his workshops, through his numerous books and workbooks, couples, and families all over the world can benefit from his years of research and findings on relationships.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs):
Who are John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman and what did they do?
You may have heard of Gottman, the Gottman Method, or John and Julie Gottman. To understand Gottman’s theory, one first must understand the Gottman Institute and the Gottman Method. The Gottman Institute is directed by Dr. John and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, a married couple that specializes in research and clinical psychology in the relationship realm.
John and Julie Gottman have dedicated their lives to relationship research, and each have a stack of awards and accomplishments tied to their names. They also have built the Gottman Referral Network to help others find a relationship coach that fits their needs. When you and your spouse develop a “Gottman relationship,” you’re more likely to move past any issues you may be facing as a couple.
Dr. Julie Schwarz Gottman is a trained psychologist, an author, and a speaker who has, alongside her husband, developed tools for couples like the Gottman card decks. Julie Gottman is seen as an expert in her field and currently works in Seattle, Washington. She ensures the practice continues to grow through a commitment to excellence and high standards.
The goal of the Gottman Institute is to help couples have stability in their lives. Through the Gottman Method, couples are able to learn about their weak spots and how to grow together toward a stronger future. The Gottman Method is a type of couples therapy that utilizes Gottman’s theory, otherwise known as the Sound Relationship House Theory. This theory has seven levels which are set up like floors in a house and are as follows:
- Build love maps
- Share fondness and admiration
- Turn towards instead of away
- Maintain positive perspectives of each other
- Manage conflict
- Make life dreams come true
- Create shared meaning
All these levels are held together by two pillars, trust, and commitment. The Sound Relationship House Theory is the foundation of the Gottman Method. Couples therapy at the Institute involves working through each level and building an even stronger foundation. John and Julie Gottman have developed the method to be applicable to every couple and even have a position for a Gottman relationship coach to assist in the therapy process.
Just as Julie Gottman works with a wide variety of patients, the method can work for anyone. Gottman couples are proven to find success working through the problems they’re facing because when working with a Gottman relationship coach, dealing with problems becomes much more manageable.
The Gottman Method addresses relationship themes such as conflict, communication styles, emotional distance, and more specific issues like infidelity, sex, money, and parenting. Most couples can benefit from relationship therapy as it serves not only people on the brink of divorce. You can find a Gottman couples therapist near you using the Gottman Referral Network on the Gottman Institute website. A specially trained Gottman relationship coach can help any couple get back on track. By using a Gottman relationship coach, dealing with marital issues becomes so much more hopeful.
What are Gottman’s main principles that determine if a marriage will work?
The principles developed by John Gottman are the seven levels from the sound Relationship House Theory. With a Gottman relationship coach, dealing with each of these principles becomes easier to manage. The first, building love maps, involves knowing your spouse intimately. This includes their likes, dislikes, hobbies, music taste, and more.
The Gottman Method says this is important so that you know how to love your spouse in the best way possible. Secondly, couples are supposed to build their admiration toward one another and complement each other’s positive traits often. Thirdly, couples should turn toward rather than away from each other. So, if there’s a fight or conflict, instead of running away or shutting down, each partner is encouraged to stay open and be willing to work through the issue. Turning away from your partner will ultimately cause them to feel ignored and will make the problem worse.
The fourth level is to take on a positive perspective and essentially assume the best of your spouse. So, if they forget to do something you asked them to do, assume the best of them instead of attacking them. The fifth level has to do with the conflict. Couples should consider their partner’s thoughts and viewpoints instead of only trusting their own perspective.
They should work together to solve the conflict that is able to be solved. The sixth level involves each spouse helping the other reach their goals and dreams. This means acting like a team and coming up with your own unique way of doing things, almost like little rituals that are special within your relationship.
The Gottman Method can help couples determine which of these levels needs the most attention. By utilizing the Gottman Method, couples will be able to see both the strengths and the weaknesses within their marriage. A Gottman relationship coach can also assist in this process.
What are Dr. Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
The Gottman Institute utilizes an approach called the “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse” to help guide couples in communicating with one another. According to John and Julie Gottman, when couples begin using any of these four communication styles, it can signal that the relationship is headed south and needs help fast. The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse are:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling
Criticism involves attacking your partner’s character instead of their actions. Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman differentiate between criticism and complaints by describing complaints as being about a certain action and criticism as being about the person doing the action. If you focus more on criticism than calm complaints, it’s likely to create more strain in the relationship. The Gottman Method helps couples move from attacking character to pointing out behavior one spouse would like to see change.
Contempt is an attack that can quickly grow abusive if not carefully monitored and controlled. Those practicing contempt will feel like they’re better than their romantic partner. They may roll their eyes, use sarcasm when responding, or call their partner names.
According to Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, there is nothing more destructive to a relationship than contempt for one another. With a Gottman relationship coach, dealing with contempt becomes so much easier to spot and shut down.
Communication is nearly impossible when either partner is being defensive because the conversation is stuck in defense mode and typically does not go anywhere. A Gottman relationship coach can help point out when defensiveness is being practiced and help you both to control it.
Stonewalling involves zoning out or turning away from one’s partner and can occur when conflict is too overwhelming to deal with and shutting down feels easier than facing the issue head-on. Many people may use moments of silence and withdrawal to regain their focus and composure. But Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman explain that doing so will cause the other spouse to feel like you don’t care enough to talk. They recommend explaining to your partner that you simply need some time to think before talking.
A Gottman relationship coach can help couples recognize each of these communication styles and learn to move beyond them. You can find a Gottman therapist who is well-trained through the Gottman Referral Network. A Gottman relationship is a successful one, as John and Julie Gottman would say. Of course, no couple is perfect, and everyone has conflict and struggles. However, forming a Gottman relationship has been shown to improve on these issues tremendously.
What is number one cause of divorce?
According to John and Julie Gottman, contempt is the biggest predictor a divorce is right on the horizon. Contempt essentially conveys to the other spouse that you think you’re better than them. It removes respect from the marriage equation, says Julie Gottman. It is the worst of the Four Horsemen. By using the Gottman Method, couples can learn how to keep contempt out of their marriage.
Couples can also benefit from a Gottman relationship coach through the Gottman Referral Network. Dealing with contempt can easily sour a marriage, but it does not have to be a hopeless situation. With a Gottman relationship coach, dealing with marital problems becomes so much more manageable.
How do I make love last using The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is well-proven to be an invaluable resource for struggling couples all over the world. In therapy, couples will address several issues from parenting to money to communication styles. There will not be a single issue that gets looked over because of the detailed layout of the Gottman Method. Couples therapy will be so much easier to navigate as well. There is support available for all types of couple from every background.
To get connected to a Gottman relationship coach, you can go through the Gottman Referral Network. This network exists for the benefit of the entire human family with a large variety of resources for every need and situation. Thanks to John and Julie Gottman, such a resource exists to make couples thrive. With a Gottman relationship coach, dealing with marital problems becomes so more manageable and couples build healthy patterns of communication and bonding.
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