Why Am I Always Angry And What Can I Do About It?

Anger is often connected to negativity and considered an unwanted emotional response. Some people even believe that anger is a bad emotion and should be avoided at all costs. The truth, however, is that anger is a healthy emotion when it’s used properly. Anger is an emotional state that emerges for several reasons, including internal feelings of frustration and worry about personal problems. It is a completely natural and healthy human emotion but can become a problem when the anger takes over or doesn’t go away. This type of anger is an indicator of a deeper issue that once defined can be worked on, especially with the help of a mental health therapist. You are allowed to be angry about things that are happening in your life. You are allowed to be angry and easily irritated when someone treats you badly or if something doesn’t go the way you had hoped. However, when you find anger is ruling your emotions, it is time to intervene. Read on to learn how to identify the sources of your anger and the empowering strategies that can help you control it. 

When are you angry?

Are you frequently angry about the same situation, event, or comments? Do the same people seem to make you angry time after time? Figuring out what causes your anger and what is happening during those times will help you take that first step in its management. When you identify the source of anger, you can begin to take action to change the situations that you find yourself in and start reducing negative ones.

If you notice that certain situations or encounters often leave you feeling angry it might be time to look at ways to reduce those situations. Consider cutting back on the amount of time you spend doing that activity or the amount of time that you spend with a certain person. Maybe you need to change the way you interact with a certain person to make sure that you are able to manage the relationship and still feel better about yourself as well. This could help mitigate some of your anger issues.

How often are you angry?

Do you feel angry frequently? Are you angry every day? Multiple times a day? Multiple times a week? Maybe you feel like you are angry all the time. You may find yourself angry frequently and you cannot seem to find a way make it subside.  If that’s the case, reach out to a trusted friend or family member to talk it out. However, sometimes this anger is a sign of an internal issue that can be worked through in mental health therapy. 

Frequent anger or prolonged bouts of fury can be mentally and physically exhausting. Furthermore, it can lead to long-term health effects, including high blood pressure, headaches, and anxiety. You may also have recognized how your anger is affecting your personal relationships. If you are angry frequently, it could be that you need new coping mechanisms or a plan to learn how to mitigate your anger. You may be experiencing uncontrolled anger because you are not fully dealing with other emotions, such as grief or frustration.  In any of these cases, reaching out to someone who can help you discuss what you are going through, what you are feeling, and how you can start making some important changes. After all, it is crucial that you are able to carry on with your life happily and healthily.

How do I get rid of the anger?

To answer, know you do not have to get rid of the anger. For someone managing intense emotions throughout the day, you may think being happy all the time and never experiencing anger is ideal. There will be times when you get angry, and there are times where it is not only acceptable but to be expected. Again, anger is an important human emotion. Healthy anger provides valuable information about a person or a situation, It can help to focus your attention, hone your thought processes, and make appropriate decisions about your personal safety and well-being. 

Knowing how to deal with anger in a healthy way so that you can feel the emotion, acknowledge where it comes from and why is part of the process. Then you learn how to let it go. When you are able to acknowledge that you are angry, it allows your brain to focus on the feeling for the time being. You then define why you are angry. Is it something that someone else did? Is it something that you did? Is it something that you have control over? Realizing you have control over your anger allows you to change it. You can take action to change the situation and resolve your anger. 

And when someone else causes the anger?

Sometimes you do not have control over the situation or person who wrongs you. While you may not be able to control these events, you to have the power to decide how to move forward. You can tell the person how you feel, as long as you can do so clearly and professionally. Getting upset is understandable, but make sure that you are not letting your emotions get the better of you.

Screaming and yelling at someone, or worse, getting physically violent, is only going to make the situation worse. Instead, remain calm and state your case or your feelings. Yes, you may not have any sway over the person who caused your anger, but you do have control over your response. If the other person apologizes or takes action, you both can work towards resolution. If they do not, take a moment, accept it, and walk away.

Keep in mind that walking away means you still need to accept what has happened. Whether the situation is resolved or not, accept that it has happened and that it is finished. You may decide you need to walk away from the relationship altogether with that person. You may also simply little time to work through the conflict on your own. Either option is acceptable as you have the right to decide and the ability to control your emotional response.

Why am I angry?

So, why are you angry? Well, in most cases, it’s and how we choose to react. Anger can stem from many different sources. You may have gone through a traumatic life event, have personal problems that feel overwhelming, or have relationship issues that are contributing to feeling constantly on edge.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

When you’re already tense and stressed, you may find yourself blowing up at minor inconveniences facing you in life or being passive aggressive to those you love and care about. Each person has a different set of reasons that causes anger, but common causes include:

• Feeling threatened or attacked
• Experiencing frustration or powerlessness
• Being treated unfairly or invalidated by someone else
• Feeling disrespected, whether feelings or possessions

Notice that these causes are a subjective experience. That is, the reasons for anger are from a personal perspective and not necessarily what is actually occurring. Many times, you may notice your anger arising because you perceive someone has slighted you or disrespected you. However, if you take the moment to communicate with them, you find out they never meant to hurt you.  

Once you recognize the cause of your anger and how to manage it, you may find you still are unable to let go of the emotion. This is when professional help can give you the relief you are seeking. Constant anger can be an indicator of an underlying mental health condition that is affecting the way your brain processes emotions. This can explain why you are reacting more intensely than you want.

You may not realize that your emotions are disproportionate, but you have been told so by others in your life. Or maybe you do recognize that something is wrong or off about the way that you feel, but you don’t have control over it. In either of these cases, professional help will allow you to understand better what’s happening, and it will help you figure out new ways to cope with your anger. Not to mention, you may be able to get control of your anger to help you create stronger, better relationships.

What you need to do

There are plenty of different options for anger management that you can try. First, work on the steps outlined above about acknowledging your anger and either taking action if there’s something you can do or express your thoughts to the person who instigated it. Once you have done this, you may still feel angry, and that’s okay. Your next step is to work on coping strategies that will help you relieve those feelings and start feeling better.

Each person will have a unique way to manage their anger. Some people can meditate for a few minutes and feel better, while other find meditation only aggravates their anger. Some people like to sit and read a book or watch a TV show that they like. Others need to get out and run to burn off the energy. The best thing that you can do is start working on a list of hobbies or habits that help you to calm down when you are angry. Once you know what helps you will have a list of things available that you can do when that anger strikes.

Keep in mind that sometimes one activity might work better than another, or you might find that for a while, your hobby (for instance, playing the piano) does not seem to help you feel better. If that’s the case, then look into a different activity or strategy on your list and start working on that instead. Once you find the next tool that works in your toolbox, you can use that to help diffuse your anger. The idea is to learn positive methods to manage your anger so that you can move through these emotional moments and enjoy your day. 

Getting professional help

For some people, these anger-management techniques are not enough to curb the intense emotion. Contacting a therapist is often the first step in taking charge of your anger and moving towards an improved your mental well-being. Many people having a difficult time with managing anger feel ashamed and find it easier to talk to someone in the virtual realm than in-person. Fortunately, for those hesitant to visit a therapist in the office have the freedom to attend online therapy. Furthermore, research shows that online therapy can play a significant role in reducing anger and aggression in a relatively short time. For example, a 2022 study found that online therapy effectively helped people develop anger-management strategies, with participants in the online group showing improvement in only a four-week period. One method that was successful for the study participants was known as mindful emotion - a technique that involves being aware of your emotions as they arise without acting upon them or judging them. The other technique, cognitive appraisal involved reinterpreting thoughts or situations that aggravated anger by identifying alternative thoughts that did not cause the same emotional response. 

With online therapy, you can talk to your therapist and develop your own personal strategies to help you not only control your anger but understand the underlying reasons behind this emotion lingering. If you are looking to be matched with a therapist who can help you work through anger management or any other issue you want to discuss, reach for a therapist online to get the individualized counseling you are seeking. 

Takeaway

If you are ready learn how to express your anger healthily and how to manage overwhelming feelings of anger when they arise, consider professional support. Regain has highly trained and qualified mental health professionals who will work with you to understand where your anger is coming from and what to do about it. Not only that, but they’ll help you create the right coping mechanisms and de-stress techniques to help you move forward.