Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn? Exploring Healthy Sexuality Vs. Porn Addiction

Human sexuality is generally a complicated topic, as it’s intensely personal and unique. While porn can be a norm for some individuals, other people may have different beliefs — which is why a healthy understanding of what porn is and how it can be used tastefully can improve the quality of life of all parties in any type of romantic relationship. 

Below, we’re exploring scientific suggestions around healthful consumption of pornography, signs of porn addiction and the role therapy can play in establishing healthy sexual patterns.

Is pornography healthy? 

Science currently suggests that there isn’t anything generally wrong with moderated use of pornography for most. Many expert sources agree that watching porn in moderation can be a perfectly healthy  way to explore your sexuality or create opportunities for intimacy with your partner.

Exploring porn prejudices: How to process and communicate honestly 

Preconceived notions and prejudices about porn can be influenced by a variety of factors, including how one was raised, possible past sexual trauma or a misconception of the porn world and what pornography entails.  

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Encouraging your partner to avoid porn may result in miscommunication or frustration. According to the 2017 dissertation work of Dr. Noel Clark, sexual shame “can be internalized but also manifests in interpersonal relationships, hurting trust, communication, and physical and emotional intimacy”. 

If you find yourself concerned around pornography or your boyfriend’s viewing habits, speaking to a licensed therapist can help. They can support both of you in having open and honest communication about your sexual boundaries and preferences. 

Identifying porn addiction

People might watch often. However, porn isn’t generally an activity that’s intended to educate people about sex or become a replacement for physical intimacy.

Here are a few signs to look for that may signal unhealthy porn consumption patterns.

Lack of interest in sex

People who are addicted to pornography may lose interest in physical intimacy and sex in their relationships. This may be because they have a preference for a specific type of sexual activity, or they may enjoy the rush of dopamine when they’re engaging in this way sexually. If you or your partner identify patterns like this in your relationship, honest conversation and working with a licensed therapist can support you in healthier habits. 

Inability to meet goals or deadlines

Excessive porn consumption may result in missed deadlines or slow progress on long-term goals. The person engaging with the porn may feel that their time is better spent pleasurably, and may use this as a form of stress release. Over time, this can impact one’s life. 

Therapy can be a helpful resource, as well as ongoing lifestyle changes. 

Unrealistic or offensive requests during sex

If your partner has begun requesting unrealistic, degrading or inappropriate acts in the bedroom that go beyond your comfort zone, it may indicate a reliance on porn. 

Open communication in a sexual relationship can support a healthy and sustainable experience for everyone. Having sexual preferences can be healthy. However, if your boyfriend is crossing previously established boundaries to mimic what his pornographic tastes are, you may choose to seek therapeutic intervention. This, coupled with honest conversation and ongoing communication in the bedroom can result in a more pleasurable experience. 

Spending large amounts of money to watch porn

One of the most prominent signs of porn addiction in some occurs when your partner spends large amounts of money on a pornographic material. While spending money on porn isn’t generally a bad thing, excessive spending could indicate a reliance that can have a financial impact over time. 

Counseling and seeking financial accountability can be a healthy step forward in breaking this pattern. 

Using porn as a coping mechanism 

Due to the positive feelings that porn can offer with each use; some may choose to use porn as a coping mechanism. Signs of this may include withdrawal from conversation or conflict, a lack of effective communication and general lethargy or apathy. 

Therapy can be a helpful alternative that can allow your partner to be heard and process their feelings. You might also choose to be readily available to emotionally support your partner as they work through their times of stress. 

How to have an open discussion about pornography

In any sexual relationship, it can be helpful to explore and set boundaries with your partner. If your partner’s pornographic habits make you feel uncomfortable, consider voicing your concerns while maintaining an open mind. People generally have individual sexual preferences, but may be able to come to a healthy compromise or alternative with healthy and open communication.

Discussing what explicitly makes you uncomfortable about porn can lead to you’re a stronger relationship. Both of you may also walk away feeling more confident in your bond and in your individual sexual identities, as both of your needs can be fulfilled.  

How can online therapy support those living with porn addiction? 

Porn can be a personal matter — and the idea of speaking with someone face to face about it can feel overwhelming. This can be a barrier to treatment for some. Online therapy can be a possible solution, allowing patients to speak discreetly with a therapist at any time through their smart devices. 

Is online therapy helpful to those wishing to address intimacy concerns? 

Pornography and intimacy concerns can be exacerbated by mental health conditions. Online therapy can be an effective means of support for communication and accountability that can help to limit the incidences of excessive pornography use. It may also serve as supplementary support to address potential underlying causes of pornography overuse, such as depression or bipolar disorder. 

Supportive information for this claim was gathered and reviewed by the National Center for Health Research. Both the analysis and subsequent hypothesis were affirmed by a thorough analysis of over 40 separate scientific studies.

Takeaway 

Partners watching porn can be a normal part of sexuality and exploring one’s identity. However, overuse or dependence can cause a concern later on. Having an honest and calm conversation with your partner can make you feel more confident in your relationship. Online therapy can also be a resource to help both partners have more affirming and aligned intimate experiences. Regain can connect you with a therapist in your area of need.