Why Some Women Prefer Dating Dominant Men
When it comes to dating, everyone looks for something different, and some people may not even know exactly what they’re looking for quite yet. Different characteristics are appealing to various people, and some women find that they prefer to date men who appear more dominant in nature. There are a number of possible explanations for what attracts women to dominant or authoritative men, and this can vary from person to person and situation to situation. Read on to learn more about what might cause some women to develop this preference in their dating lives.
Men who take charge can be sexy
Lots of women say that men who can take charge are sexy. This may be in the workplace, at home, or elsewhere. Women who were the dominant ones in their past relationships may have discovered that they prefer it when the man takes charge instead of them. For many men, taking charge of a situation comes naturally, and women may like the confidence they seem to exude. Perhaps they also appreciate the decisiveness of a dominant man and respect that they are a man of action rather than contemplation.
Confident men may seem more capable
Many different studies have shown that confidence is an attractive trait, regardless of someone’s gender. Dominant men may be more confident than others, increasing their attractiveness to some women. A man with a dominant personality may know who they are and what they want out of life, and because of their increased confidence, they may feel more prepared to go after it. Someone who seems capable and self-assured may be more desirable than someone who doesn’t appear to know who they are, what they want, or where they’re going.
Men who are dominant might be stronger providers
Some women look for men who can provide for them. The confident nature of dominant men can lend itself well to financial and career success, making them more desirable by some women. Those who tend to be shyer or more submissive might not get ahead in their career as easily and may not be willing to do what it takes to find success. Therefore, dominant qualities like confidence can be important to find in a potential partner for some women.
Not all women are looking for men who can provide for them, though. Many independent women are simply looking to date someone who treats them well. That being said, it is possible to listen to a woman, respect their opinions, compromise, and still have a dominant personality.
Some women enjoy being sexually submissive
Some women consider themselves to be sexually submissive. You might have heard about dominant relationships where a man takes control in the bedroom. Women who enjoy submitting to men sexually may look for dominant male partners. Sexual attraction and desire can play a big role in deciding what types of men women are interested in dating. It just so happens that some women identify as sexually submissive and feel that they need a more dominant man. Being with a man who is submissive may not need their needs in the bedroom or elsewhere for that matter.
Authoritative men make some women feel safer
Everyone likes to feel safe, emotionally and physically. For some women, having a man with a dominant personality by their side can help them to feel safer in the relationship and overall.
A man who's dominant might be more fun
Some authoritative men might be more fun, simply because a dominant personality is often associated with being more outgoing. People who are outgoing may be more likely to be willing to get out and do fun things. This can be in the bedroom, but it can also apply to many other areas of life as well. For those that want to enjoy life and have a good time, dominant men may fit the bill for achieving just that.
Genetics
Genetics can also play a role in women preferring dominant partners. Some women tend to look for dominant males when they are looking for mates without really understanding why. Similarly, some men seem to be naturally drawn to submissive women. Keep in mind that this isn't always going to be the case, though. Some men love dominant women, and some women seek out gentlemen. Regardless, genes could play a role in a woman's preferences, even if this information isn't completely understood.
Societal expectations/social norms
Some women like to seek out men with dominant personalities due to societal expectations and social norms. Most people would say that having a man as the head of a household is the typical societal norm. These gender roles and social conventions are being challenged in the modern era, but some still find them appealing. A woman might want to find an authoritative man because they want to have a man who will take charge of the relationship. They may see this as the ideal relationship structure and do what it takes to make it happen.
Not everyone feels this way, of course. Some women like being the ones to take charge in a relationship. Many women love to be the breadwinners in a marriage, as well. Still, it can be important to acknowledge that some women choose men with dominant personalities due to wanting a relationship that fits their ideal view of social norms.
Online counseling with Regain
Dating can be complex, and you may not always be so sure of what you want or need in a life partner. People date for different reasons, depending on their desires for a long-term relationship or a short-term fling. If you need help navigating the dating scene, Regain can offer support. Regain is an online counseling platform for individuals and couples. Whether you need to work through personal problems that are making your dating life more difficult or need to gain clarity with your partner, online counseling can allow you to get care without the extra effort often required for in-person therapy. Instead of driving long distances, being on a waiting list, or paying high costs, you can begin to get the care you need from the comfort of your home.
The efficacy of online counseling
Online counseling can be a viable resource for couples experiencing problems in their relationship. One study showed that couples participating in online couples therapy reported significant improvements in their relationship satisfaction and confidence. They also experienced fewer negative qualities within the relationship. Additionally, couples also found that they improved as individuals, with many of them having less difficulty with symptoms of depression and anxiety, higher quality of life and perceived health, and stronger work functioning. The results of this study speak to the efficacy of online couples counseling.
Takeaway
While some women may prefer to date dominant men, others might like getting to know the more submissive types. Many things can factor into an individual’s preferences when searching for a significant other. Rather than focusing on the personality traits of people in a relationship, it can be important to look at the health of the partnership. Regardless of whether a woman dates someone dominant or not, certain qualities like kindness, respect, and empathy can be crucial in any stable relationship. Those questioning the health or quality of their relationship may consider speaking with a professional through online counseling platforms like Regain. Online counselors can be effective sounding boards when trying to figure out what you expect and need from a partner, and they can effectively alert you to any red flags as well. Everyone deserves healthy relationships, no matter the type of person they prefer to date.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What is a dominant person like?
There are two main types of people in this world: dominant and submissive. These two categories often describe individuals who are opposite from one another, although these traits can run on a spectrum. Dominant partners often take control and are more likely to resist authority. This means that they can be quick to take on leadership roles and make tough decisions.
A dominant person typically has a very distinct personality, with characteristics and habits that are definitive of an assertive demeanor. Both men and women can be dominant, although there are typically more dominant males than females. Therefore, dominance is described as a behavior that involves a person’s perspective and personal motivations, not necessarily their gender or social status. Here are some potential qualities of someone who is dominant:
- Goal-oriented
- Competitive
- Persuasive
- Decisive
- Rigid
- Controlling
- Organized
- Driven
None of those traits are exclusively negative, but a person’s interpretation of those traits may say otherwise. Meanwhile, dominant personality types may also exhibit the following characteristics that are usually negative:
- Distaste for confrontation
- Inability to communicate effectively
- Devaluing of other’s opinions
- Impatience or intolerance
Generally speaking, dominant partners are often motivated by productivity and strive to maintain the status quo.
What is the psychology behind dominance?
The psychology behind dominant behavior often stems from experiences in childhood. According to Sigmund Freud, dominance originates from feelings of a loss of control during early development. To compensate for that, domineering personality types may develop throughout adolescence and adulthood. Thus, a person’s mate preferences can typically be based on this perception.
For example, some people enjoy being with dominant partners as opposed to submissive ones. Although there are more dominant males than females, some men find dominant women extremely attractive. Psychology can play a tremendous role in a person’s sexual preference, especially concerning gender roles and social norms.
While some people prefer dominant behavior, others might find it brash or rude. However, dominance is generally motivated by pursuing goals and harnessing power over a person, place, or circumstance. Therefore, dominant partners may unconsciously prefer submissive lovers, and submissive lovers might have a strong preference for dominant partners. Either way, most people dislike dominant partners who are too assertive, aggressive, or patronizing.
For more help understanding the psychology behind dominant people or to figure out why you have a particular sexual preference, seek advice from a licensed therapist.
What is a dominant man called?
Common behaviors such as competitiveness, persuasiveness, and rigidity are usually linked to dominance in men. Therefore, it can be perfectly natural to prefer dominant partners over passive, indecisive, or gullible ones. It’s also customary to be seen as bossy, assertive, or controlling based on widely misconstrued gender roles and assumptions about what dominance means.
While many people prefer dominant men, some do not. Some individuals tend to appreciate softer, more submissive personality types over dominant partners. In fact, those who prefer dominant men are generally more submissive or passive themselves, with complementary personality traits and habits.
Those that respectably exhibit dominance are referred to as strong, capable leaders. However, those that disrespectfully exhibit dominance have helped coin the following terms:
- Patriarchy – organized religion, government, and society based on male dominance.
- Male Supremacy – the theoretical concept that men are superior to women and other genders.
- Male Privilege – the theoretical concept that men are afforded more opportunities in life.
For help determining whether you or someone you know is too dominant or not dominant enough, or for guidance in defining your sexual preference, speak to a licensed relationship coach.
What is controlling and coercive behavior?
Preferring dominant behavior is perfectly natural, especially for someone who’s inherently submissive. Those two personality types tend to complement one another, with strengths and weaknesses that help keep the flame alive. However, controlling and coercive behavior is something completely different. In fact, just because you prefer dominant partners does not mean you should put up with disrespect.
Coercive control consists of a pattern of negative and emotionally or mentally damaging behaviors. It can involve anything from direct or indirect threats and intimidation to assault and blatant humiliation. However, it can be important to note that some coercion is more subtle than that. Over time, unmitigated controlling habits can create invisible barriers that may result in fear, anxiety, and distrust. That’s especially true if the behaviors were used to frighten, punish, or harm others.
Thus, controlling, coercive behavior sometimes manifests in the following ways:
- Isolation from primary sources of support
- The exploitation of resources and/or capacities
- Deprivation of independence
- Micromanaging everyday behaviors
- Monitoring of communications
- Constant criticisms and sweeping judgments
- Ignorance or disregard of personal boundaries
Consult a relationship coach or therapist for help in dealing with a coercive or controlling person.
How do you let go of control in a relationship?
Letting go of control in a relationship isn’t always easy, especially if you feel threatened by an internal or external source of any kind. Because dominant behaviors often stem from a need for more control, dominance is commonly associated with controlling and coercive tendencies. If left unchecked, it can cause the submissive person to slip into depression or experience fear, anxiety, and resentment. Thus, one must know how to be dominant in a healthy way to find the right balance with their partner.
While many people prefer dominant partners, most don’t want to be coerced or controlled. In fact, coercion and control are two behaviors that can cause major issues in a relationship. So, whether you’re the one controlling or being controlled, it can be important to rebalance the equation for a long, healthy, and happy experience. Here’s how you can do this:
- Observe the situation for what it’s worth. Take a deep breath and try to remain calm despite feeling anxious about losing control.
- Take a step away for a moment. If you must, remove yourself from the situation until you’re able to calm down again.
- Work on accepting that you can’t control everything. Try to remember that certain factors about the future will always remain unknown.
- Consider your partner’s opinions. They may or may not like the way you handle certain situations when you feel out of control.
- Give the benefit of the doubt. Your partner has worked hard to prove their devotion to you, so give them a chance to show it.
- Try to determine the source of your behaviors. Could you be controlling or coercive to your partner because of insecurities?
- Stop creating idyllic images of the perfect relationship. You and your partner will never have a shortage of things to disagree about in life.
- Work on your willingness to compromise. Try not to get so upset when plans change or don’t work out the way you intended.
Seek help from a relationship coach or licensed therapist if you’re having trouble being less controlling or if you feel stuck in a controlling relationship.
- Previous Article
- Next Article