Will A Compatibility Test Ensure A Healthy Relationship?

Compatibility in a relationship is vital. Without some form of compatibility, the relationship may not even exist. And if it does, it can be strained and tense. Instead of something you look forward to, your relationship can turn out to be something you dread, and no one wants to feel stuck in a relationship like that.

Finding out if you and another person are compatible may start in the early dating phase when you get to know each other. It may begin with an online dating profile or app and you wondering, "How compatible are we?" Maybe there is a relationship compatibility test you take. However it begins, when you meet someone you find attractive, you may want to see if you are compatible beyond infatuation.

What is compatibility?

Compatibility is the ability of two people to get along and integrate parts of their lives. Compatibility doesn't mean that you are precisely the same as the other person; after all, we are all individuals. Our idiosyncrasies and quirks that make us unique are particular to us, and we should celebrate them.

In a relationship, however, there needs to be some level of compatibility. Otherwise, you wouldn't get along at all, and what kind of relationship would that be? Compatibility also means that we like things about the other person that can keep us interested and engaged in the relationship after the initial infatuation is gone.

What compatibility looks like

Are we compatible? What does compatibility look like in action? How can you tell if you and the other person are compatible? While there are things like a couple's compatibility test that you can take to gauge what your compatibility would be like with someone, the best way to see if you are compatible with someone is to talk about it and give the relationship a try.

When you talk about areas of your life that are important, you can learn both what the other person values as necessary and if their values align with yours - even trying a dating relationship with someone puts those values and important things into focus to see how compatible you are in real life. There are a few areas you may want to prioritize when looking at compatibility with someone.

Interests

It gives you a common thing to bond around. While it's easy to get caught up in dinner, movies, concerts, and social get-togethers, at some point, doing something every day becomes unsustainable.

The idea of normalcy in a relationship - the regular ins and outs of your days together and apart - can frighten some people. They worry that losing the early days' passion and infatuation may mean they lose the relationship itself. 

Sex

Are you concerned if “are we sexually compatible with each other?” Sexual compatibility is another area you want to consider in a relationship. If the two of you don't have matching sexual expectations, it can create frustrations and dissatisfaction that can spawn other relationship problems. You don't necessarily have to have exact matching libidos, but the concept of what a good sex life is and what it contains should be somewhat similar. That compatibility isn't necessarily something an online sexual compatibility test can tell you.

You may think that experimentation is the best way to find out if you are sexually compatible. While that has its merits, the best way to find out if you are sexually compatible is to talk about it. An open and honest dialogue of expectations, desires, and needs is going to get you further in the long run. Sexual compatibility is about making sure that you both meet each other's needs and that there are no hidden expectations that the other person is expected to live up to without telling their partner.

Time

How you spend time together and apart is an essential area of compatibility. If you want to spend every waking moment with your partner, but they want to have individual time regularly, this can create hurt and rejection feelings. The two of you don't need to want to do the same things simultaneously to be compatible, but there needs to be a balance between the two of you being able to do what you want to do that will make each of you happy.

Talking about what you want out of your time together is a great way to address this issue. You can talk less about the logistics of when to see each other and more about what the desire for the couple's time and alone time is meeting. Once those needs are made known, the two can discuss ways to meet those needs, both of you.

The future

You probably have at least a vague idea of what we want for the future. By no means do you have to have it all laid out and nailed down with a three-, five--, or ten-year plan. But it's ok to know what goals you have and what you want for the future. Your partner also has their ideas about the future. Compatibility in this is vital if you are thinking about having a long-term relationship.

Talking about the future doesn't have to be scary. It can also be a bonding experience as you both get more vulnerable with each other. If you want a family, this is an excellent time to bring that up, not as an ultimatum but as a desire you have. Then let them tell you about their desires for the future. If they aren't the same, perhaps you can compromise as you build a life together.

Stress

Compatibility in how you handle stress can be a big deal in a relationship. From hard days at work to weeklong trips to see your partner's family, stress is triggered in various ways and to varying degrees. The way you handle stress individually and as a couple is an area of compatibility that can be important throughout your entire relationship. Stress is a part of our lives, and it can affect our relationships in some significant ways.

Learning how the other person deals with stress is best done before the stress hits. Do they withdraw? Do they get angry? Do they distract? These are different ways of handling stress, and it may be that your partner handles stress differently than you. Compatibility in this area doesn't necessarily mean that you act the same when under stress. Instead, you can support each other and help one another deal with their stress in healthy ways that fit their personality.

Learning how to be compatible

Compatibility isn't the luck of the draw - it takes work to cultivate and develop, even if you are already somewhat compatible.

Going beyond compatibility testing with online therapy

You can learn compatibility. You aren't doomed if you find that you aren't compatible in one or more areas. If you both are willing to work at it, you can develop compatibility. A licensed online therapist can help the two of you learn how to be compatible and compromise so that you both meet each other's needs.

Compatibility is about needs

Ultimately, compatibility isn't about getting along and liking the same things. Rather, if the two of you can find ways to meet the other person's needs, your compatibility can grow and flourish, and the relationship may be better for it.

To meet each other's needs, you both need to make your needs known. Sitting down periodically and asking each other, "What needs are we meeting and what needs aren't being met?" is a great way to check in and see if your compatibility is flourishing. Make sure this communication goes both ways. Compatibility is a two-way street; both people must have their needs met for a healthy relationship.

Will compatibility testing help?

Personality compatibility tests may give you a starting point to talk about compatibility, needs, and how you can take care of each other. However, because you score well on a test doesn't mean that the relationship is guaranteed to be healthy. Compatibility is only one aspect of a relationship, and a marriage compatibility test will help you assess if your possible partner is worth the risk and for keeps.

There are other factors (such as attraction and commitment) to take into consideration when asking if a relationship is healthy or not.

There may not be one test to guarantee a healthy relationship. Still, the effort you put in, the care you have for one another, and honest communication can help you cultivate a healthy relationship.