Will An "Are We Sexually Compatible?" Test Help My Partner And Me?

Compatibility can be an important factor when choosing a partner. Compatibility is sometimes cited as one of the key components involved in whether a marriage stays together or ends in divorce, so it certainly isn't something to be ignored. That being said, compatibility takes on many different forms, from emotional compatibility to intellectual compatibility to sexual compatibility. Is there a way to tell if you and your partner are truly sexually compatible?

What is compatibility?

The term "compatibility" is used to describe whether a couple functions well as a unit. Two people who make great friends, for instance, might not necessarily make a good couple, as a couple is often required to function as a single entity in many respects, while friends largely retain their autonomy.

Emotionally compatible individuals typically possess similar emotional maturity levels and are more likely to have similar ideas regarding emotional expression, even if those ideas are not carried out in the same way. 

Sexual compatibility is a type of compatibility that centers around the sexual nature and expression of two people. Someone who wants a robust sex life, for instance, might not be considered compatible with someone who prefers to keep sex on the back burner or who does not see it as a significant priority. Someone who loves high-quality sex less frequently might not see eye-to-eye with someone who prefers a lot of sex but perhaps does not encourage or engage in the most pleasurable encounters.

In essence, compatibility is a state in which both partners treat one another with consideration and respect and hold similar goals for their relationship and future.

How does compatibility differ from chemistry?

Chemistry can be common between people of all backgrounds and sexual appetites. You can easily feel chemistry for the handsome stranger you see in the coffee shop every morning or for the hilarious coworker who never fails to let out a quip in boring meetings. Compatibility, though, may be far more difficult to find and might not pop up in an initial casual meeting. You might feel sexual chemistry for the guy who asks you out on a date, then find out that you aren’t really compatible. 

Sexual compatibility typically involves chemistry, certainly, but chemistry does not have to involve compatibility. 

Can a test determine sexual compatibility and help my relationship?

Many tests have been developed to determine whether a couple is compatible sexually. Some of these tests are more reputable and come after legitimate psychological inquiry. In contrast, others are less refined in their approach. There can be some value in both. Less refined tests might not offer a window into your psychological state, but they might open the door to a more serious discussion of your sexual tastes and preferences.

A "sexual compatibility" test, whether it is backed by research or not, can loosen any taboo you and your partner might feel about speaking openly about your likes and dislikes, and in this way, might offer a window into how sexually compatible you might be as a couple, and how well your sexual relationship has worked in the past and is currently working. A single test, though-even one backed by legitimate psychological inquiry-can not definitively determine whether or not a couple is compatible sexually, as there are far too many mitigating factors involved in any given relationship, and the answer to the question naturally changes over time. For example, if you failed a compatibility quiz, do not let this determine the future of your relationship.

Are there any "true" tests out there?

The most effective test in determining sexual harmony may be simply the test of communication. In all sexual relationships, communication can be essential to make sure both of you are getting what you want and need from the relationship and to make sure that the two of you are on the same page. Someone who wants a relationship might not be compatible sexually or romantically with someone who prefers to leave things unsaid and wants to see where the proverbial wind takes you.

What can get in the way of sexual compatibility?

Just as there are countless ways your personality and tastes are developed as you go throughout your life, the way you approach sex and sexuality can also be affected by numerous factors. If you and your partner were raised with very different ideas about sex, sexuality, and sexual expression, this could get in the way of compatibility. 

Religious and philosophical questions can also get in the way of compatibility. Partners are more likely to have similar ideas in this area if they also have similar religious or philosophical beliefs. Most religious systems have at least some ideas regarding sexuality and its expression. People with different religious beliefs and backgrounds might have different ideas about how sexuality should be expressed and when it should be welcomed in a relationship.

Sexual appetites can also impact compatibility. Someone's sexual appetite or libido includes the frequency with which they prefer to engage in sexual contact, as well as the type of sexual contact they prefer. If you and your partner have very different sexual appetites-both in terms of frequency and preferences-it could signal a compatibility issue.

Trust can also get in the way of sexual harmony or compatibility. If you do not trust your partner or your partner does not trust you, you might find it harder to experience truly compatible sexual relationships. Any sexual encounter can be made better by the presence of trust and comfort with one another; if the two of you constantly feel on edge, unsure, or nervous around the other, you may find it difficult to connect and experience a full, satisfying sex life consistently.

Sexual compatibility and your partner

Sexuality is typically not static. People's sexual appetites, preferences, and behaviors can change over time. Because of this, sexual compatibility shouldn’t hold the entire weight of a relationship; you should preferably be compatible in all areas. Rather than focusing all your attention on a single area of your relationship, you should look at your compatibility in all areas.

It can present challenges in a  romantic attachment when two people do not have similar sexual preferences and appetites. Sex may be one of the most important parts of an intimate relationship. 

The therapists available from Regain can help in relationships, whether you have hit a rut in your sexual exploits or the two of you are concerned about sexual harmony overall. Therapy can help the two of you more concisely identify what you want and hope for in your sexual relationship and help you communicate your wants and needs to your partner. Couples have shared in surveys that when they are talking about their relationship over online mediums, they often find it easier to open up and be honest. Another survey found that 95% of couples engaging in online therapy call the process “helpful.”

Takeaway

Sexual harmony is often a concern for people in romantic relationships. The concern is certainly valid; poor sexual compatibility has been known to make or break a relationship and can be the root of many fights and frustrations. Although building sexual harmony can take a lifetime, there are some hints and indications that you can follow as your relationship progresses, including discussing your sexual history, appetites, preferences, and tastes and whether or not the two of you frequently argue over or disagree on your sex life.