How To Be A “Good” Housewife In The Modern Era
The term housewife has come to have a negative connotation in the 21st century. Still, the origin of housewife duty can be traced back to the Industrial Revolution. When people moved out of agrarian societies and into modern cities, women faced new roles in society. With this new modern lifestyle, the definition of housewife came about: a woman who stays home and tends to the children and house while her husband works in an industry-based job for forty or more hours a week. Whether they go by the name of housewife, homemaker, or stay-at-home mom, the housewife definition has certainly changed over the past century or so.
Whether this is a result of skewed reality television, the prominence of feminism in current times, or some other idealization that being a housewife is no longer relevant, this role has become stigmatized in many circles. Women in the 1930s were expected to be housewives; the idea of working outside the home was frowned upon. They were expected to prioritize their home and family over everything else, especially a career. However, in the 21st century, the role of a housewife may be making a comeback, just as we thought it had nearly gone away for good.
While housewives or stay-at-home mothers are becoming common again, it is not the same situation as women who lived back in the early to mid-1900s. Identifying the differences between the two could shine some light on how to be a good housewife in the modern era. It will also allow you to set some expectations for yourself and your marriage, so that knowing who is supposed to be doing which tasks does not become a marital concern. Communicating these kinds of expectations in a marriage may be the best way to avoid issues in your relationship early on.
Expectations of a housewife
You might be wondering how different the duties of a modern housewife might be from the role of housewife in the past. After all, domestic duties like cooking, cleaning, and keeping the children entertained seem to remain constant no matter what year it is. If you have a social media presence, you might have seen how different those tasks can be when the excerpt from a 1950s home economics textbook made its rounds online. The domestic duties of a housewife and mother outlined in the textbook were enough to make most contemporary women roll their eyes.
By understanding what it takes to be a modern housewife, you may begin to understand some of what previous women experienced in the role. However, many traditional housewife tasks have changed with the times. Identifying those changes could help you to decide the kind of housewife you desire to be today.
Clean the house
Traditional roles dictated that while the man is holding a full-time job outside of the house, the woman is holding a full-time job within the house. This meant that a housewife was responsible for laundry, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping the floors, doing the dishes, not to mention cooking and cleaning up any clutter or toys left around the house. While it could depend on the specific household, many housewives did some of these tasks daily (such as laundry) and others weekly (like dusting).
A recent study shows that, on average, women spend 17 hours a week doing housework. This could change from housewife to housewife. For example, a married woman with more than three children typically spends 28 hours a week accomplishing the same tasks. With the baby boomer generation being born in the late 1940s to early 1960s, many households had more than three children. More kids mean more laundry, dishes, and messes in general, so a mother to several children will stay even busier as a stay-at-home mother and housewife.
It would be logical to think that modern technology has helped to cut down on those many hours of housework needed to tend house. The housewives of the past did not have robot vacuums, dishwashers, or high capacity washing machines, for example. While the innovations used in the modern era have saved time and energy for homemakers, not everything has become easier. Consider the following examples.
Serving meals
Like traditional housewives, modern-day housewives are usually responsible for meals. While there are some services available today that were not available years ago like meal subscription boxes, for example, it may still up to the housewife to cook the food. And meal planning in the 21st century has become a whole other entity. There were far fewer options in the past, for one. Plus, the cost of healthy food was far less, even considering the increase in wages and the cost of living overall.
Because of the cost of healthy options, many housewives today may be forced to choose between cost and quality. This might mean making one or two low-cost meals for the week and a handful of pricier but healthier meals. With the planning involved in the modern era, housewives can spend far more time preparing for meals than they did in previous years.
An efficient homemaker in the modern era might have meals planned out before going grocery shopping. This way, she can control the grocery budget and be fully prepared to cook the meals throughout the week. By doing this, a housewife can also estimate the time needed to prepare dinner, thus allowing her to create a productive schedule. A schedule may be a key aspect of maintaining the home and managing other domestic duties.
Taking care of the kids
No matter the era, a housewife is often responsible for taking care of the children. While her partner is at work, a stay-at-home mother is left to care for her kids. Often, when people talk about what they want in a good wife, looking after the kids is part of their criteria. This usually means ensuring that they are fed, bathed, dressed, and have structured activities to do throughout the day. Although some housewives of the 21st century could fall into the trap of plopping their children in front of the television, a conscientious homemaker might organize a variety of activities and play dates with other children.
When the children are school-aged, a housewife might be responsible for making lunches and ensuring that they are prepared for school and extracurriculars. She may take them to and from school or their activities. A textbook housewife may also play the role of guidance counselor or therapist from time to time.
Although housewives may have been responsible for keeping children away from Dad in the past so that he could relax after work, parenting in the modern era is usually more of a team effort. Today's housewife communicates with her partner and parents alongside them. Although her partner might be tired from a long day at work, it’s generally recognized that a full-time housewife will also be tired from a long day of caring for the house and kids.
Spend one-on-one time with your spouse
A significant difference between traditional housewives and today's housewives is their interaction with their spouses. A 1950s home economics textbook may have instructed housewives to allow their husbands to relax and let them have quiet time when he returns home from work. It might also advise that the wife not pile her problems on her husband and instead, be a sounding board for him.
Married couples in the modern era tend to do better with communication. Today, it is widely recognized that while a man should be able to talk to his wife about his problems and concerns, a wife should be able to do the same with her husband.
Being a good housewife in today's world
Times have changed. For a while, that meant being a housewife was uncommon and even looked down upon in some cases. Fortunately, times are changing yet again. Society is becoming more open to the idea of mothers staying at home with their children or wives staying at home to keep up with the house. With the cost of daycare these days, it might be the best option for many families.
Whether you work full-time or stay at home, navigating the domestic duties within a relationship can be challenging. Therapy is a popular option for couples experiencing difficulties in this area. Still, making time for yet another in-person appointment can seem impossible if you already have a hectic family schedule. In these cases, online therapy could prove a more convenient alternative. This form of therapy can be accessed from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Plus, appointment slots are available around the clock.
Web-based therapy is a legitimate form of therapy backed by science. One recent study found that therapy delivered via videoconferencing is effective not only for individuals but for couples and families as well.
Takeaway
Remember, being an effective housewife in this century could mean a variety of different things. Some priorities might include keeping the house clean, the kids fed and entertained, making well-rounded meals, and maintaining a relationship with your spouse. Ultimately, though, you get to decide for yourself what role works best for you and your family. If you find that you need guidance and support along the way, the compassionate and trained counselors here at Regain are here to help.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Is being a housewife easy?
This will depend heavily on your situation. For example, being in a complicated financial situation might make being a housewife very stressful, or having a special needs child, or choosing to homeschool. There are many circumstances that could make your role as a stay at home mom/ wife more complex.
Being an American housewife is full of tasks that can make the role a bit overwhelming. If you have children, the number of extracurricular activities American school possesses may pose some stress for a young housewife. Taking kids to school, home from school, to however many activities they have after school, and home from those activities can make time at home to do work more sparse or broken. That being said, when first adapting to the stay at home role, there will surely be a transition time before you get comfortable with the routine you have and the schedules your children have.
Is being a housewife good?
There is absolutely no problem with being a housewife if that is what you want to do and it is financially feasible for you.
The only problems would arise if you make major life decisions, such as staying home with your kids or leaving a job, based on external pressure rather than “following your heart” so to speak. Maybe you feel external pressure from a partner, a job, your friends, and societal expectations, but do not let them influence your decision to stay home or pursue a career. That is an intimately personal decision to make, and you should not need to apologize for it or explain it.
But remember that feminism, and women’s rights, are centered around choice. That means that in an equal society, women have the right to choose the life they want, rather than having those decisions dictated for them by lawmakers, bosses, or other authority figures.
Being a stay at home mom/wife is fulfilling an important role in the fabric of society. Contributing to a job or career with a skill that you excel in is an important role in the fabric of society. Just remember, that choice is yours, not anyone else’s.
What makes a good housewife?
According to the English dictionary, a housewife is “a married woman in charge of a household.” This definition is open to a lot of interpretation regarding what is considered household matters. Nevertheless, this more modern English translation below will list a few different stay at home tasks that a good housewife might adhere to:
- Cooking meals
- Cleaning
- Taking care of the pets/children (if any are had)
- Transporting children to school and/or extra-curricular activities
- Supporting her family/household members
- Doing laundry
- Educating your children and helping with homework or homeschool
A more traditional image of a housewife may also include using a sewing kit to stitch up any worn and torn materials in the house. This image usually included a woman carrying around a small sewing kit in her dress pockets for those emergency sewing projects that just couldn’t wait. Additional tasks may be incorporated depending on your unique family and household.
Beyond that, remember that taking care of yourself means a happier household for the whole family. For you, maybe being a good mother and wife means maintaining an exercise routine, investing in interior design, signing up for a boxing class, maintaining an active and fulfilling social life, or more. Before worrying about perfectly fulfilling the role of a good housewife, prioritize instead being the best version of yourself that you can be.
What is the politically correct term for a housewife?
Stay at home mothers tends to be the preferred term for housewife. For similar reasons that are stated in “Is being a housewife good?” the term housewife itself tends to have a negative connotation for some people. Nevertheless, the term is not considered derogatory and can be used. Just be aware that some people may take offense to the diction.
Who is happier, a housewife or working wife?
According to a survey, the role of housewife is favored more than a career woman who must work outside the home. While many people may prefer to be stay at home mothers/wives, the reality is that being a housewife does not provide an income. That being said, a woman faced with financial pressures may need to give up the much-preferred role of being a stay at home mother/wife in order to provide for her family.
Which is better, a housewife or career woman?
Neither a housewife nor a career woman is particularly “better” than the other. The position depends entirely on how you would like your life to live your life and support your family. If you are happy staying at home and running your family/household, caring for your family, and raising your children, then being a housewife would be better for you. If you are an ambitious woman who wants to keep busy, make an income, and insert oneself into a career, then being a career woman may suit you best. It all depends on your individual circumstances and preferences.
The only important thing is that you do not make decisions based on outside pressure. That might be outside pressure from a partner, a job, or even your girlfriends. If you want to be a housewife, be a housewife! If you want to be a career woman, go for it! Just never let anyone make you feel inferior for your decisions.
Please read “Who is happier, a housewife or working wife?” for additional details to consider.
What can I do as a stay at home wife?
Being a stay at home housewife (as stated in the English dictionary/English language definition of “housewife” in “What makes a good housewife?”) involves many tasks/chores to complete while home. These tasks may include the basics like cooking for the family, cleaning the house, gardening, maintaining the lawn, taking care of the children, supporting her husband, taking care of any pets, transportation of kiddos, etc.
There are surely other tasks a stay at home mother/wife could do such as getting involved in their children’s school activities as a chaperone/supervisor, taking care of older parents who may live in or near the household, and/or joining community organizations. Please read “What makes a good housewife?” for more information.
What housewife can do at home?
A housewife can basically do whatever she needs to do to run a clean, smooth, functioning, and prosperous family and household. This may include (but are not limited to) a number of activities described in “What makes a good housewife?” and “What can I do as a stay at home wife?” Depending on the size and type of family you have, these tasks may vary slightly.
If you chose to do so, you could be a part-time housewife who works part of the day and is home to run the house during the rest of the day. There is also the possibility of being home while working a job with flexible hours. This would allow some flow of income as well as the household to be maintained all from the comforts of the same location.
Why is housewife undervalued?
Labor that is typically completed by women, especially in the home, tends to be undervalued and sometimes even unpaid.
Housewives can be undervalued by spouses and society because of the past stereotypes into which women were forced. These stereotypes assumed that women could not and should not be involved in social, political, economic, etc. types of business because of their lack of knowledge and engagement in society. Now, housewives may still be undervalued because of their lack of income or adherence to historical stereotypes. A housewife could also be undervalued by her spouse because of the seemingly “trivial” work she must complete during the day in comparison to her husband’s work in society.
Think about it this way: If you were not arranging the house, how much would your household have to spend on a cleaning service? If you were not raising your children, how much would you have to spend on childcare, tutors, chauffeurs, etc.? If you were not cooking, how much would a chef cost?
The value of the things you do every day for your family would cost tens of thousands of dollars if you were not taking care of them.
If anyone tries to belittle you for your role in your household, remind them that instead of one job, you juggle about ten different roles, and you do it all for free.
How do housewives keep busy?
Housewives keep busy through plenty of household tasks and schedules which must be maintained. These tasks involve the basic functions of a house: cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of and transporting children, outdoor work, taking care of fellow family members and pets if need be, etc. Further details can be found in “What makes a good housewife?” Additionally, a housewife must maintain multiple schedules other than her own.
Generally, she must maintain her children’s schedules be them school-related, sports-related, and/or socially-related. A housewife must also maintain her husband’s schedule, ensuring that dinner is cooked upon his return home from work and even joining or bringing him lunch during his lunch hour. Though a housewife’s description does not technically involve these errands, a housewife and family woman may also need to take parents/relatives to doctor appointments or run with them for their own household errands if they need assistance.
Is it ok to be a homemaker?
It is definitely okay to be a homemaker if that position is financially and emotionally suitable for you. Ultimately, homemakers are always present in a family. The difference is found in the full-time and part-time roles these homemakers have. While some families may have full-time homemakers working constantly to maintain order in their house and family, others have multiple part-time homemakers (a mother and a father) working to keep order depending on their work schedules. That being said, whether you are full-time or part-time is completely acceptable as long as you are happy with your role choice.
How can I be the perfect housewife?
There is no standard for being the perfect housewife. At the end of the day, you will need to practice plenty in order to ensure everything that your household needs and complete that to the degree you believe is best. The modern English translation of being a housewife does not mean that you cannot be an active community member or figure in society. If you are able to run your house well and efficiently, then feel free to do more than just household tasks. For more information regarding at-home tasks, please read “What makes a good housewife?”
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