How To Win Your Girlfriend Back After A Betrayal

When someone you care for betrays you, loneliness and sadness are not close behind. Despite these feelings, you may care for her deeply and hope to continue a relationship with her. How do you go about doing that? You may be worried that she doesn’t want you back or that you are not capable of changing in ways she may ask from you. Or that even if you change, she will still reject you. These are valid questions, but you can only answer them if you take the time to self-reflect and be willing to openly talk to your girlfriend. Unfortunately, there is no foolproof method to win someone back, especially after a betrayal. You must trust that if things are meant to be, they will be.

You do not have to make any rash decisions. Most of the time, breakups happen for a reason. Especially if there was a betrayal, there will be hurt and sadness there that you probably should not gloss over. If you want to do things right, you must be willing to take it slow and think about what your ex truly needs. Use the following steps as a guideline to move forward.

Pick yourself up and practice forgiveness

After a breakup, especially after a betrayal, there will be a period of mourning. When things end, you may experience feelings of sadness, anger, and loneliness. You are going to feel the effects of that abrupt ending. So, let yourself feel it. Give yourself time to process these feelings and, when you are ready, make a plan that determines what you will do next. If you truly want to continue your relationship, do your best to work through feelings of doubt and recognize your self-worth and inner beauty. There is a place for humility and knowing when you did something wrong, but it won't help you or them if you let yourself wallow in the sadness.

Decide if you really want her back

After you have picked yourself back up, . Did you make a mistake, but you want her in your life? Or do you not want her back, but you're feeling lonely, and it would be easier to get back together? You want to avoid creating a pattern of breaking up and making up. If you want to be with this person, you must commit to being with this person. And to do that, you need to know what it is that you want. It's okay to take some time to figure that out for yourself. The more time you take to figure out what you want, the better you will articulate it down the road.

Ask if you can talk together

If you decide that you truly want to get back together with your ex, reach out to them. See if they'll get a cup of coffee with you, or go for a walk, or meet you at home. This may not be an easy thing to ask, especially if your ex feels betrayed and hurt by you. They may not want to meet up with you. They may need more space to work things through on their own. If that's the case, you must give them their time, just like you had their own. You can make it clear that you want to meet with them when they are ready. Put the ball in their court to reach out when the timing is right for them.

Find out which areas of your relationship need to change

When you finally meet, recognize that your relationship will not be going to go back to how it was before. Your relationship ended, so something must change. Most likely, your ex has some ideas for how they would like things to change. Give them the space to tell you. Really listen to what they have to say and take to heart how your actions have affected them. The list could be long, or it could be short. But the length of it does not matter. What matters is the actual content of the list. Only you can decide if you are willing to change the things that need to be changed for the relationship to be successful. And if you have ideas for how things should change, let these be known as well. Create a dialogue about working on a respectful and loving relationship for the future.

Make those changes as best you can

Here's the kicker: if you want to a second chance that lasts, you must do the work. Everything you discussed that helps improve the dynamics of the relationship better should be done. Even the smallest requests from your ex will need to be respected for them to see that you are taking change seriously. Remember, it's not easy to get back together with an ex after a betrayal. There will be old wounds that need to be mended. The only way to heal them truly is to listen to what your ex needs to feel safe and loved again. Show them that you are capable of the change they are asking for.

Start the relationship over

Now is the time to recognize that you have a second chance. If you are actively working to change the way you both have agreed will help heal the wounds of betrayal,  you may  start to see that things are going well. Keep moving forward. Try not to let past baggage and old hang-ups get in the way of the new relationship that you have. Avoid dwelling on the negative events of the past and focus on creating new, healthy memories going forward. This is your clean slate. Whatever happens from here has nothing to do with your past mistakes and everything to do with what you have learned.

Or be okay if she still says no

On the flip side, you can do everything right, and the relationship will still end. Work towards acceptance that you may not be able to win her back. Whether it's because she's too hurt or you are unable to change, or things just aren't meant to be, you owe it to yourself and to your ex to be okay with the outcome. Yes, it will hurt. You will be disappointed that you are not getting that second chance. But you are ultimately showing respect and love for your ex by letting them go when they are asking you to let them go. You want to be with someone who wants you back unequivocally. Sometimes relationships simply do not work out. This is the time to end your relationship with compassion and kindness while looking to the future where a healthy relationship may be. 

Reaching for help

Breakups and makeups are common for many people trying out new relationship as we mature. We learn a great deal in each stage, but sometimes we get caught up in the pain of a relationship ending that we miss the lesson altogether. Life continues nonetheless, which is the essence of human existence. When you are  ready, help is available for you to move forward with your life.

If you have relationship questions that you don't feel comfortable asking people you know, consider talking to another party. Therapists are trained to give you the help you need without ever judging you or telling you exactly what to do. It's a wonderful tool to have when you're feeling down and are unable to find any way out of the sadness. If you are unable to meet with a therapist in-person because you do not have the time from a busy schedule or it simply is not accessible to you, consider online therapy. Meeting with a therapist online is convenient and comfortable, as you can attend sessions in the comfort of your own home. Furthermore, research shows online therapy to be as effective as in-person therapy. For example, an extensively in-depth study reviewed 373 other studies exploring the efficacy of online cognitive behavioral therapy. Their results found it to be just as effective, and sometimes more so, as in-person therapy for treating a range of conditions, including depression, anxiety, relationship troubles, and many others. 

Regain is an online platform that connects people just like you with counselors that can talk with you through breakups, makeups, and everything in between. It works by answering a few questions about yourself and your needs and matching you with a therapist online. Since the therapy does not occur in real-time, you can send messages whenever it is convenient for you. Your therapist will only respond at set times throughout the week or month, depending on how much help you would like. The platform can be used for you individually or can accommodate you and your partner in the same chatroom so that you both can speak to the counselor. Your partner can be added at any time.

Takeaway

Getting back together after a breakup can be hard. It takes a lot of work to build back up the trust that was probably lost by the break. If you have tried to heal on your own and find that you need help, never be afraid to ask for support from a licensed professional, even when you feel that your finances do not allow it. With online therapy through Regain, you have the flexibility to get the help you need month-month without having to worry about breaking the bank. Money should never be an obstacle to your mental health, especially when helping with relationships. If you would like more information on the Regain platform and how it can help, or if you would like to be matched with a therapist, go to www.regain.us/start to get started.