How To Make My Boyfriend Want Me Sexually: Navigating Uneven Sex Drives

Having a different sex drive than your partner can create challenges in a relationship. When one partner consistently wants to engage in sexual activity more frequently than the other, one or both partners may find themselves feeling frustrated, stressed, or unloved, which can put a strain on the dynamic between partners. 

That said, uneven libido is a common challenge that many couples face, and there are a variety of steps couples can take to ensure their emotional and physical needs are being met. In this article, we will explore what it means to have a different sex drive than your partner, possible causes for differences in libido, and how you and your partner can navigate differing sex drives in your relationship. 

What are uneven sex drives?

“Uneven sex drives,” “sex drive mismatch,” and “uneven libidos” are all common terms to describe a situation where one romantic partner wants sex more often than the other. This is a very common challenge in relationships, and it can affect couples of all ages and genders. 

Sex drive discrepancy can have a variety of possible causes. These may include, but are not limited to:

• Aging
• Medications, such as certain antidepressants, high blood pressure medications, and some forms of birth control
• A lack of sufficient arousal during sex
• Fatigue or a lack of sleep
• Previous trauma, such as sexual abuse
• Mental health conditions, such as depression, stress, and anxiety
• Hormonal imbalances
• Certain medical conditions, such as female sexual interest/arousal disorder (FSIAD) or male hypoactive sexual desire disorder (MHSDD)
• Challenges with self esteem or attraction levels

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It’s important to keep in mind that no two people are alike, and there is no universal, one-size-fits-all level of sexual desire. In fact, some individuals don't experience sexual desire at all. However, uneven sex drives can still pose issues in a relationship, leading to feelings of rejection in those who are frequently turned down by their partners, and to a sense of obligation or pressure in partners who are less interested in sex. In some situations, this can cause resentment or frustration in one or both partners, leading to hurt feelings and conflict.

Managing an uneven sex drive in your relationship

Although uneven sex drives can be frustrating and distressing, it's important to know that in many cases, mismatched libidos can be addressed, and do not have to mean the end of the relationship. Couples can take various steps to improve their connection and sexual satisfaction. Methods for managing uneven sexual desires can include:

Practicing healthy communication

Sometimes, sexual desire discrepancy can occur because one or both partners have difficulty communicating their needs and desires. Talking openly about what they like, dislike, and want to try can help couples get on the same page about how to maintain intimacy. 

Scheduling sex

For partners with busy schedules or other distractions that may take their attention away from sex, creating a routine around having sex can help couples plan in advance and make sure they both have the time and energy to be intimate.

Changing the way you have sex

Diminished sexual desire can sometimes come from a lack of pleasure during sex. In these cases, changing your approach to sex can help—whether by experimenting, giving more attention to foreplay, or spending time practicing other forms of physical intimacy in order to get in the mood. 

Finding alternatives

Sexual activity does not always have to involve penetration. Masturbation, oral sex, and toys are all options worth exploring for when both partners are not in the mood to have sex.

Consulting a doctor

For couples whose mismatched libidos are caused by a medical factor, it may be helpful to consult a healthcare provider. For example, if a certain medication is responsible for a reduced sex drive, a doctor may be able to recommend an alternative. 

Working with a therapist

Sometimes, mismatched libidos can be a sign of an underlying issue in the relationship. Other times, even couples working to address their uneven sex drives still experience challenges. In any case, there may be situations where a couple chooses to seek outside help, such as a relationship counselor. Couples therapy can be helpful for couples experiencing challenges with intimacy, allowing them to express their feelings and needs in a non-judgmental environment. A licensed therapist can provide personalized recommendations to help couples improve their connection and find a healthy, respectful path to an improved sex life. 

Due to how personal it can be to discuss topics like sex and intimacy, some couples may not feel comfortable discussing them in person at a therapist’s office. In these cases, online therapy through platforms like Regain may be a helpful alternative, allowing couples to speak to a counselor from wherever is most convenient and comfortable for them. Additionally, the ability to message a counselor outside of therapy sessions may also be helpful for couples in need of extra advice as they work to improve their intimacy.

The effectiveness of online couples therapy has been researched in various studies. One, from 2022, found that couples counseling via video conference provided similar improvements in relationship satisfaction to face-to-face counseling. Another, from 2020, found that online therapy enhanced the therapeutic alliance between couples and their counselors. 

Takeaway

It can be frustrating and distressing to not want sex as much as your partner. That said, this challenge is very common among couples, and it often does not have to mean the end of the relationship. Mismatched sex drives can be caused by several factors, ranging from certain medications to aging, stress, and certain medical or mental health conditions. By taking steps to address the challenge, such as communicating, adjusting their approach to sex, and seeking medical help if needed, couples can work towards improved intimacy in their relationships. 

If you are interested in seeking outside support for uneven sex drives in your relationship, you can connect with a licensed relationship counselor through a platform like Regain.