Learn How To Ghost Someone Who’s Not Healthy For You: Ending Toxic Relationships

If you've seen unhealthy signs or red flags in your relationship and you're wondering what to do next, you're not alone. Many people in the middle of toxic relationships find themselves wondering how they even got in this relationship in the first place. The unwitting partner in a toxic relationship may blame themselves for not seeing the signs once they realize that they are in a toxic or abusive relationship. Sometimes, cutting off contact and getting yourself somewhere safe and supportive can be the best way to take care of yourself.

In this article, we talk about some of the warning signs that are often present before people get into toxic relationships, warning signs for relationships that have the potential to turn toxic, and where to get help if you find yourself trapped in a toxic relationship. We’ll also focus on how to ghost the person you need to eliminate from your life. Let's start with some of the common warning signs that your relationship may be toxic.

What is the best way to ghost someone?

In a nutshell, the best way to ghost someone is typically to cut off all contact with them. This includes in-person interactions, phone calls, text messages, email, social media connections, etc. Another critical part of the ghosting method is blocking someone from being able to contact you. 

To ghost and be ghosted can be challenging; however, someone who is insulting or overall disrespects your boundaries may not be the best person to try and negotiate with. If you’ve blocked their phone calls, stopped all text messages, emails, and social media interactions, the person you used the ghosting method on may get the hint. 

Sometimes, a person who you have ghosted may attempt to create new accounts, emails, or phone numbers to contact you. If this happens, do not respond, but block these new numbers and accounts. 

Why should you ghost someone? Signs your relationship may be toxic

The term "toxic" refers to behaviors that intentionally cause physical, mental, or emotional harm to other people. These types of actions can have a ripple effect and don’t always just hurt one person. If you're in a relationship with someone who is mistreating you or making you feel like you are the "problem," it's likely that their behavior is toxic. 

Once you realize that you are in a toxic relationship, you likely have two options. You can exit the toxic relationship as safely and quietly as you can and not ever breathe another word to your ex. This is why we use the term "ghosting." When you ghost someone, you're basically disappearing like a ghost in the night. While "ghosting" is not often seen as polite, in cases of ending abusive and toxic relationships sometimes it's necessary to defend your own mental health or safety.

Option two is to try to work things out with your partner, perhaps by seeking professional help like relationship therapy. The caveat with this option is that most people who initiate toxic relationships don't usually seek therapy independently. It may up to you to decide which option works best for your needs, your family, and what will be the best solution for maintaining your sense of well-being and good mental health. Following are a few more warning signs that a toxic relationship is on the horizon.

Boundary violation

Boundaries can be an integral part of healthy relationships. We need to be able to say, "I'm comfortable with this, and I'm not comfortable with that." If you're not used to setting boundaries, it can seem scary or intimidating, but in reality, it's often an important part of making relationships work for all involved. 

Let's say that someone repeatedly brings up a topic that is personal or painful. Imagine you've asked them not to speak about it, and they keep bringing it up. This can be one way a person might disrespect or ignore your boundaries, whether intentionally or not. 

Another example could be that they persistently call you early in the morning while you're sleeping after you've politely asked them to stop. If someone disrespects your boundaries over and over again despite your speaking to them about it and trying to change the dynamic, it might be time to distance yourself.

Lying

An important foundation of many healthy relationships is honesty. If you aren't telling your partner or loved one the truth, the relationship may be based on a false sense of reality. 

When someone you love lies to you, you can feel a variety of ways. You may feel betrayed or like you can never trust them again or take their word at face value. The foundation of the relationship may be shaken. 

If you find that someone you are close with is repeatedly lying, it's likely time to create a healthy distance from that person. You want to make sure that people in your life respect you enough to tell you the truth. You don't owe anyone an explanation if someone is lying to you or manipulating you; they disrespect you, and it's okay to cut them off.

Physical, verbal, or emotional abuse*

*Below, we focus on some common signs of abusive behavior. This content may be triggering. If you believe you might be in an abusive situation and need help, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline  (1-800-799-7233) for immediate support.

There can be a huge difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive one. An unhealthy or toxic relationship may involve things like codependency or sacrificing needs for the other person disproportionately. These relationships may have the potential to be healed through a combination of psychotherapy and behavioral changes. 

An abusive relationship, on the other hand, has very little chance of thriving. Being in an abusive relationship may mean your safety and well-being are at risk through one or more types of abuse, whether physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual or so on. The abuse may occur on one end or both in this kind of relationship.

Here are some signs of an abusive relationship to look out for:

• Angry outbursts that may escalate to threats or violence
• Intense, unwarranted jealousy
• Limiting or controlling someone’s reach to resources like money, work, etc.
• Telling a person what they can or can't do
• Making someone's social connections limited (whether that's friends or family)
• Coercing or forcing someone into sexual acts
• Physical aggression
• Stonewalling
• Gaslighting
• Insulting or tearing down a partner
• Manipulation, deception, and controlling behavior

If you are experiencing any of the signs mentioned above, you have every right to ghost your abuser. There are times when it may be crucial to cut off contact with someone, especially if they're prone to fits of rage, physical violence, or sexual abuse. Your well-being is of the utmost importance, and you don't owe anything to someone who is hurting you. 

Is it a fear of confrontation - or something else

You may be wondering, "is ghosting due to a fear of confrontation?" Maybe you cut off ties with someone because you're afraid of what they'll say and do if you express your feelings. There's a balance here, and there may be situations where it could benefit you to express how you feel. Meanwhile, there are other scenarios where as much as you'd like to say how you feel, it might not be safe. You're not doing anything wrong by ghosting someone who has the potential to harm you or who takes their temper out on you. 

If you’ve done what you can to mend the relationship, are worried about your safety, or overall feel like it’s best for you to walk away, you might be right. When in doubt, it can help to speak to a professional or someone you trust to get some outside perspective. Plus, having support from others might help you feel more empowered to make the decision that’s right for you.

How to find professional support

Exiting a toxic or abusive relationship can involve a lot more than just ghosting. Even if you do decide to cut off contact with your partner, it can be helpful to have the support of someone who’s on your side. A licensed therapist can offer individual or couples therapy to those who might benefit from getting some outside advice.

Options like online couples therapy can help those in a relationship or attempting to leave one. If it makes sense to do so, you can even attend sessions with your partner. Online therapy may make it easier to consistently seek help thanks to its convenience – you can speak to your therapist from home, work, your car, or wherever else you might find an internet connection. That means you can also get help somewhere discreet if you need to.

Research shows that the distance an online therapy platform creates can make it easier for all participants to work together and divulge as much as they need to in order to work through various obstacles. Even if you decide to attend therapy alone, a relationship therapist might be able to offer unique insight that helps you figure out whether ghosting is the best way to move forward.

Takeaway

Sometimes, ghosting someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries or safety can be the best way to keep yourself safe while also ending the relationship. In other cases, toxic relationships may be able to be mended with the help of a professional. No matter what, remember that you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone if you feel unsafe or unsupported in a relationship. Wanting to move on can be reason enough to end things.