When And How To Reject A Guy Nicely: 12 Tips For Letting Someone Down Easy

Sometimes, when we go out with someone new, we make an instant connection—and we know we want to see this person again. Sometimes, however, we go out with someone new, and we know they're not someone we want to go out with again. In these cases—when we need to part ways—we need to find the best way to tell them so.

Rejecting a guy is never an easy task, and it can feel somewhat uncomfortable. But what's even more uncomfortable is having to go through a bad date with someone you are confident will not be the one for you—or even a fun time out. That's where it becomes extremely important to know how to let someone down easy. It's important to be as kind and polite as you can be. After all, hurting someone's feelings is not the end goal.

Below are 12 tips for letting someone down easy.

1. Plan it out

One of the best things to do when rejecting someone is to plan out exactly what to say. While it can be difficult to figure out, and it might seem awkward to prepare a rejection speech, this process ensures a polite but firm refusal. Moreover, it allows for practicing and feedback from others, which can help avoid unnecessary roughness, rudeness, or embarrassment. After all, it's never the goal to embarrass the guy but rather to let him know that this isn't something to pursue further.

2. Find a personal place

Getting away from other people ensures that no one else is going to witness the event. Of course, in the interest of safety, it's a good idea to get out of the earshot of others, but not necessarily out of their line of sight. This ensures that should anything go wrong; there is someone nearby to intervene.

3. Get it over with

Putting off rejection is only going to make it more difficult for everyone involved. This is why it's important to make it happen. Committing to this ensures that the other person isn't feeling like they're in limbo, and the individual who is doing the rejection can get through it and feel like they can move on. It's similar to ripping off a band-aid, and it's going to make both parties feel a whole lot better to get it done quickly and move forward from there.

4. Do it yourself

Getting a rejection by proxy can make someone feel terrible. It can feel embarrassing because it shows that someone else knows they're being rejected. It can also be embarrassing because it may make the individual who is being rejected feel like they're not worthy of an in-person conversation. You can avoid causing someone this embarrassment by just stepping up and delivering the rejection for yourself. This allows the other person to know that they are worth speaking to in person, even if they are being rejected. Rejecting them in person also allows the rejectee to react and get their thoughts and feelings out (though in case those thoughts or feelings are inappropriate, you may want to plan to have someone nearby to help and intervene).

5. Be honest about it

Giving someone false hope that a change in your thinking may occur in the future is not the way to go. Instead, deliver your news effectively and make sure to be completely honest. That doesn't mean being rude or telling them what's lacking about them. Rather, it's about letting them down gently but making sure they don't hold out hope that something is going to change or that they can ask for a date again in the future.

6. Stick to "I" statements

"I" statements are going to refer back to the person doing the talking. Instead of saying something like "you're not the kind of guy I want to go out with," it's better to say things like "I just don't feel a connection." The statements should all start with the word "I" and should never refer to "you" as this can feel like you're passing blame and judgment on the guy. Avoiding this is a good idea. If there is no way around it (such as the guy being rude, inappropriate, or otherwise not getting the hint), keeping things as simple as possible is the best way.

7. Allow time to process

The other person may have difficulty processing what's being said or may experience sadness or frustration. These are normal emotions, and while it's not necessary to stick around for them, it can be helpful to them to allow these emotions out. If the emotions start to border on abuse, anger, or anything that feels uncomfortable, it's a good idea to get out of there and let someone else work with them to get through their emotions. Planning for one of their friends to take care of this may be a good idea.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

8. Don't give in

It can be tempting to be swayed by a display of emotion or by the wheedling that may take place. It's important that if a decision has been made that the relationship or date is just not going to work out, that's the end of it. There is no turning back, changing of the mind, or anything else. The rejection should be left to stand, or the person asking for a date may believe that they can twist things around and that emotional manipulation will help them get what they want.

9. Don't lead them on

Many people feel like giving a fake number or playing the "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" card is the best way to go. This is not the case as it can also give the individual false hope that something could happen somewhere later down the line. It can also feel even more crushing when they find out the truth. Being honest, open and direct and just saying no politely and firmly makes a huge difference. It lets them know to move on and try again with someone else because this date will not happen with you.

10. Keep it serious

For too many people, the best way to reject a date request is to make a joke or try to laugh it off. This is an extremely serious thing for the person doing the asking, and laughing or making jokes can make them feel embarrassed. It could also come across as one person thinking they're better than the other, even if that's not the case at all. Instead, keeping things serious and being polite but saying no is a great way to show respect but still get the point across at the same time.

11. Say it using no uncertain terms

If the person doesn't seem to be taking the hint or gets rude, aggressive, or in any other way inappropriate, it's time to bring it all down and offer a rejection that cannot be disputed. Unfortunately, people don't always want to take no for an answer and are determined to get their way no matter what. It's not polite, and it's not going to save feelings, but if it's necessary to spell it out in no uncertain terms, it's necessary. Be crystal clear about what you're saying.

12. Walk away

In the end, it's important to walk away and just be done with things. If the other person is being inappropriate or won't give up, then it's time just to be done with the whole thing. Have someone else nearby that will step in and help in getting away and breaking up the conversation. From there, there shouldn't be any additional conversation with the guy who was asking because this is the end of the conversation and the end of any attempt to be polite.

Plan your breakup strategy in online therapy

It’s never easy to let someone down. This task can be even harder when we have difficulty expressing ourselves.

Online therapy has worked for many people who want to learn how to express their feelings in a positive way. Online CBT has been quite effective in helping those who struggle with relationships and communication.

If you're struggling with finding someone special or you feel like you're always meeting the wrong guys, then you may want to look for help through Regain. Regain is an entirely online service that allows you to connect with a mental health professional. After all, finding the right guy will be as much about you being the right person for yourself as it is about them being the right person for you. Of course, you want to make sure that you are at your best, which may mean working on yourself first. 

Takeaway

Improving your level of confidence, working on your social skills, and feeling better in your skin will be some of the tasks you can expect to work on through therapy. With Regain, it becomes even easier to do these things because you don't need to worry about going to a therapist's office. After all, a therapist's office can be uncomfortable and awkward. That's why online therapy is such a great idea and allows people the comfort of being in their own homes while they're talking to someone and getting the help they need.