Signs That Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

Are you worried that your spouse might be cheating on you? If things haven't seemed normal lately, then your gut instincts could be correct. It’s important not to jump to conclusions. You can take the time to look out for various signs that your spouse could be cheating on you. 

Before you can definitively say, "My partner is having an affair," you're going to want to know for sure. Read on to examine potential signs of infidelity.

Your spouse is acting distant

Perhaps the most common signs of cheating is noticing when they start acting distant. When people are having affairs, they often feel out of sorts. Your spouse might not be comfortable around you any longer because they know they're cheating on you. This could cause them to act cold or rude toward you. Sometimes you might even notice that your spouse will act uneasy out of fear that you will catch on to their secret.

If your spouse was always a warm and loving person before, this type of behavior could set off some alarm bells. It could mean that something significant has changed, and there could be a reason for it. Your spouse might be cold toward you because they feel connected to this new person now. Whatever the case, it's something that you should see as a sign that your spouse is having an extramarital affair.

Your spouse wants sex less (or more) frequently than normal

Changes in someone's libido should also be considered a sign of an affair. Sometimes people who are having affairs will go through changes related to sexual desire. You might notice that your partner starts avoiding sex with you. They might be avoiding intimacy due to having those needs fulfilled elsewhere. This can also go the other way, too.

Some people get sexually reinvigorated due to having an extramarital affair. They might start trying to sleep with you more, and you might notice that they have greater sexual endurance than usual. These changes to your sex life might not be a mere coincidence, or your partner could be trying to compensate for having an affair. Try to determine whether your spouse is cheating you when you notice changes to their sexual appetites. It might also be strange if they start doing new things in bed after many years of complacency.

Your spouse looks or smells different

There are also potential physical signs of an affair. Some of these are sexual in nature. When people have sex, there will often be little marks left behind. You could notice marks on your spouse's body. Some people might even try to hide things such as stubble burn or marks from being spanked sexually. If you see signs like this, it's probably obvious that your spouse is cheating on you.

You might also notice signs of infidelity such as the scent of perfume or cologne on your spouse's clothing. If the scent isn't coming from you, you might conclude that it's from someone else. Lipstick marks and stray hairs may appear as well.

Your spouse spends a lot of time away from home

Is your spouse spending lots of time away from home? You might have spent most of your evenings together for the last several years. If you don't seem to see your spouse as often now, that could be a bad sign. They might be spending several hours out of the week with a new lover. This isn't always the case, but sudden changes in the amount of time you spend together are potentially alarming.

Your spouse suddenly changes their appearance or style

Sudden appearance changes could also be a sign that your spouse is cheating on you. Has your partner always dressed a certain way or kept their hair in one particular style? If so, it might seem weird if they suddenly alter their appearance after many years. People can indeed change their styles without it being related to infidelity. It's simply worth considering these adjustments in the context of everything else.

People often make appearance changes when they are having an extramarital affair. Someone might start dressing more provocatively, or you might notice someone wearing perfume or cologne more often. You might want to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, but it's important to be honest with yourself, too. Think about whether their change of style is a normal thing or whether it's a potential sign that your spouse is having an extramarital affair.

Your spouse changes their work schedule

Work schedule changes might seem innocuous at first, but it could be a sign that your spouse is lying to you. Long hours at the office and sudden business trips might seem a bit out of the ordinary if your spouse's schedule always used to be consistent. It's possible that your spouse could be trying to use work trips and work hours as a way to cover for engaging in an affair.

Of course, this is a lie that could be verified by looking for some information. You could call the hotel where your spouse is supposed to be staying, or you could call your spouse's place of employment to verify if they are working or not. Unless someone is covering for your spouse's lies, you might be able to find out if they're having an extramarital affair one way or the other. This can be tough to accept, but it's certainly better to know the truth.

Your spouse is acting defensive

People who are having affairs will often be very defensive. They might wind up getting really mad or tense when you question them about something. If you ask your spouse where they're going or why they look so tired and get a defensive response, that is a red flag. It isn't normal for people to respond to simple questions in such a harsh manner, and it's especially problematic if your spouse never used to get defensive about their plans in the past.

Your spouse is openly flirting with others

Is your spouse much more flirtatious than usual? Perhaps you have noticed them checking out other people lately, either in person or on social media. You might even find that your spouse is bold enough to flirt with the server at the restaurant or something else like that. If this type of behavior is not standard for your spouse, it could signify something has changed. 

If your spouse seems to be acting funny, take note of it. Some people are just open and friendly individuals who come across as being flirtatious, and others may genuinely enjoy the attention they get from flirting. Since you should know your spouse pretty well, it'll be easy to tell if this behavior is unusual or not. Trust your instincts, and don't be afraid to ask your spouse why they act this way.

Your spouse doesn’t wear their wedding ring as often

Lastly, if your spouse seems to be wearing their wedding ring less often than usual, this could be a bad sign. This is only a potential sign of an affair if your spouse always wore the wedding ring before. If you are just now noticing that they seem to have it off fairly often when you see them, this could be a sign. They might be slipping the wedding ring off to see their lover and then forgetting to put it back on before going home.

Being aware of these changes could help you to catch your spouse in a lie. There could potentially be a reasonable explanation for someone not wanting to wear a wedding ring any longer, too. For example, the ring might not fit great any longer if your spouse's hands have become swollen due to weight gain or pregnancy. If you can combine this sign that your spouse is having an extramarital affair with some of the others mentioned above, then your apprehension might be warranted.

Consider online couples counseling

Whether your spouse is having an extramarital affair or if you are having marriage problems, it's going to be smart to get help. Online couples’ counseling is a great way to work on your marital challenges. Professional online therapists can help you overcome significant problems, such as mental health challenges, preventing you from having a happy marriage. They work with married couples to help them learn to communicate better while strengthening the connection that they already have. If you are worried about your marriage, then reaching out to skilled online counselors could help turn things around.

Online therapy via Regain is discreet in that users can talk to therapists anywhere they are connected to the internet. It's also possible to reach out at any time via text messaging. It's quite convenient for busy professionals who need marriage counseling, or couples who may be in tense dynamics where they want to attend therapy, but not in the same room just yet, as wounds from discovering an extramarital affair can be fresh. There is no need to worry about strict office hours, and the counseling is provided by licensed practitioners. 

Online couples’ therapy has been proven to have many advantages for those who utilize it. In a systematic review and meta-analysis of nine studies involving four web-based therapy programs for couples, researchers sought to measure the intervention’s impact on factors like relational satisfaction, quality, confidence, commitment, communication, and conflict. 

Researchers found that, for the 2000+ couples who participated in online therapy, the majority experienced significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, commitment, confidence, and communication skills. Additionally, but to a limited extent, couples observed reductions in symptoms of anxiety, anger, stress, depression, aggression, and problematic alcohol use.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Takeaway

Whether you’ve found out that your partner is cheating, you are struggling to overcome distance between you and your partner, or you have been thinking about starting an emotional affair, there is a licensed therapist at Regain who will offer you support with a compassionate and nonjudgmental approach. You can work with your dedicated counselor to learn how to communicate more directly with your partner, work through infidelity, or practice ways to become more intimate. When you’re ready, you can reach out today to get started.