Is Your Partner A Sociopathic Liar? Recognizing The Signs

It can be difficult to love someone with antisocial personality disorder. Sociopaths may present as charming, fun, and attentive at the beginning of the relationship, but those emotions are mimicked, not genuine. Read on to explore how sociopathy affects a person’s thoughts, actions, and emotions, and how to recognize when you’re in a destructive relationship. 

What is antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)?

ASPD is a mental health condition that heavily affects how a person processes their thoughts, justifies their actions, and feels—or doesn’t feel—certain emotions. People with antisocial personality disorder may establish fixed thought and behavior patterns that deviate substantially from cultural and societal standards. People with ASPD are often also called sociopaths or sociopathic. 

“They don’t follow socially accepted norms or rules. People with ASPD may break the law or cause physical or emotional harm to the people around them. They may disregard consequences or refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Research suggests that ASPD affects about 1% to 4% of people in the U.S.” — Cleveland Clinic

What are the signs your partner is a sociopathic liar?

Does your partner expect you to meet their high, demanding standards while refusing to make even the smallest concession for you? Can you trust the things they say? It can be essential to remember that sociopathic behavior can look different for every individual, but mental health experts have compiled some common signs that your partner may be showing sociopathic tendencies.

Lying and sociopathy

One of the most common traits of ASPD is the tendency to lie. Sociopaths may lie when the truth would serve them better. They may lie for any reason—or for no reason at all. Sociopaths don’t assign moral values to actions like lying, so they don’t see it as a bad thing. Lies are often tools that help them get what they want.  

No conscience or sense of right and wrong

If you notice that your partner doesn’t seem to have any inner voice that helps guide their behaviors and decide whether something is a good or bad action, they have ASPD. Sociopaths often reject conventional moral guidelines in favor of self-serving behaviors. 

Lack of empathy

One of the critical characteristics of ASPD is the lack of empathy. They can’t imagine how other people feel in a given situation, and even if they are the reason someone is hurt, they have an inability to recognize the harm they cause to others. 

They have trouble forming and maintaining close friendships

Their behavior may be seen as cold, unfeeling, manipulative, or hateful, which can make it difficult to form and maintain long-term friendships. If your partner doesn’t have any close friends, that may be a red flag that something isn’t as it seems. 

No respect for your boundaries, feelings, or ideas

If your partner doesn’t have the word “No” in their vocabulary because they can’t comprehend a reality where they don’t get what they want, they may be a sociopath. You may see that they disregard your feelings and ideas along with your emotional or physical boundaries. 

Abusive tendencies

Many sociopaths feel angry most of the time, and it tends to be the primary emotion that they demonstrate for their partners. You may notice that your sociopathic partner uses anger and rage to inflict emotional abuse. They may also enjoy the power and control it gives them over you.

They may have anger issues

Does your partner demonstrate violent, explosive anger, have a history of fighting, or often express their rage? Sociopaths may spend most of their time angry or agitated, and express their feelings through physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. 

Impulsive, reckless, or erratic behavior

Many sociopaths act impulsively, taking action before they stop to consider how it could affect the health and safety of themselves and the people around them. They rarely consider how their words or actions will make someone else feel because they simply don’t care. 

Superficial charm

While sociopaths typically don’t experience the emotions often associated with charm, they are usually gifted mimics and can pretend with the best actors. They know what you want to hear and have a unique gift for timing that allows them to manipulate you with superficial charm. 

They may arrogantly think they are superior—to everyone 

Many sociopaths have an inflated sense of self-worth, holding on to the arrogant belief that they are better than everyone they encounter, no matter where they go. 

Self-absorbed and unreliable

A sociopath’s first concern is typically themselves. They may be so focused on what they want that they can’t devote any time or attention to your needs and desires. They may forget about commitments and disappoint you if you rely on them. 

They can’t understand their role in the problem

Bad things are always someone else’s fault, often yours, because you are there and an easy target. They know how to push your buttons and manipulate you and don’t hesitate to do so but may be unable to understand your issues with their behaviors and how their actions can contribute to relationship problems. 

Refusal to change or recognize behavior as problematic

Sociopaths often don’t see any problems with their behavior, so they may react with anger or defensiveness when confronted. It can be extremely hard for people with ASPD to change behavior patterns, and it won’t work if they don’t want to change. 

They are vindictive and seek revenge

Your partner may be a sociopath if they can take every bit of the charm from the early relationship and turn it toward vindictive revenge. They won’t let slights go and may plan their revenge for an extended time. 

Disregard for rules and the law

If your partner often shows that they feel they are above or exempt from the rules and disregards the law, frequently landing themselves in trouble with the law, it could indicate they are showing sociopathic symptoms. 

ASPD differences in men and women

Research shows that ASPD presents a 3:1 ratio of men to women, though there is a shortage of reliable information on the topic. While men may experience sociopathy more often than women, the study shows that women have increased mental health needs with ASPD. Women with antisocial personality disorder are more likely to display behaviors related to aggressiveness and irritability, while men are more likely to present violent antisocial behaviors. The study suggests developing separate treatment protocols for male and female antisocial personality disorders.

Typical sociopath relationship phases

While not a comprehensive rule by any means, many people who have been in relationships with sociopaths reported the romance going through three stages, often called the Idealize—Devalue—Discard Cycle.   

Idealize

Sociopaths are often extremely observant and may mimic the emotions and actions they believe you want to see. This may make you feel they’re excited about the relationship, and they may stay in constant communication during this first phase of the relationship. Sociopaths are often good at saying what you want to hear. 

Devalue

The interest and reward system of their brain is no longer stimulated by the relationship in this phase. For the sociopath, they aren’t receiving benefits from the coupling anymore, so it’s essentially over for them. They may become consumed with negative emotions and begin to disconnect, though they may not communicate this to their partner. 

Discard

During the discard phase, a sociopath may make it clear that they no longer want a relationship, though they may likely try to maintain a friendship so they can continue using you. 

Common effects of dating a sociopath

• Shorter temper
• You may develop a mental health condition such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Decreased self-esteem and lower self-worth
• Problems functioning at work, school, or other areas of your life. 
• Isolation from family and friends due to conflicts with your partner
• Trauma and PTSD
• Trust issues
• Emotional intimacy issues

Protect yourself against manipulation in online therapy

When you’re dating a sociopath, you should probably expect to experience a lot of emotional highs and lows, pathological lying, and many other detrimental relationship tactics from your partner. Consider working with a licensed therapist through an online therapy platform centered around relationship issues like Regain. Therapy can help you safeguard your mental health and well-being when dating someone with ASPD by teaching coping skills and communication techniques, explaining how ASPD affects your partner, and teaching you the emotional intelligence, awareness, and literacy to recognize, understand, and express your feelings and needs. 

Recent research shows that there’s no significant difference in online and in-person therapy outcomes. However, the information indicates that virtual treatment is often much more cost-effective and has shorter wait times to speak with a therapist. Teletherapy platforms often provide connection to a large variety of therapists, making it easier to find someone who works well with your personality and situation. Depending on the circumstances of your relationship, you may want to consider couples therapy, which is also equally effective online and face-to-face.

Counselor reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

Takeaway 

Dating a sociopath comes with many unique relationship challenges that can be difficult to overcome on your own. The information in this article offers insight into recognizing the signs that your partner has an antisocial personality disorder and how therapy can help you safeguard your mental and emotional health.