How To Forgive A Cheater Wife And Repair Your Marriage

The day that you say your vows, there may not be a doubt in your mind that your marriage will last forever. So, regardless of whether you’ve been married a long time or just for a short while when you find out that your wife cheated on you, it can be a shocking and painful experience that's incredibly difficult to forgive.

Spouses cheat for a lot of different reasons. The reality is that a lot of otherwise faithful people can become cheaters if put into the right situation. We're all human, and that makes us subject to all kinds of worldly temptations. Even the most wholesome, trustworthy, good people make mistakes. That being said, we are also all susceptible to being cheated on.

We have discussed how to forgive a cheating husband in the previous articles, but what if it's the wife who cheats? The initial shock of finding out that your wife has cheated on you can turn to pain and questioning. Why? How? When? Where? The fateful question of who? You may think that the answers to these questions don't matter very much. Perhaps they're more important than you think, though, especially if you want to learn how to forgive a cheater wife and trust them again. 

The effects of an affair

Cheating comes in all shapes and sizes. There are short affairs and long affairs. There are sexual affairs and emotional affairs. There are lusting affairs and affairs of the heart. Technology makes it easier than ever to hide our transgressions. The American Psychological Association says that women are more susceptible to cyber-sexual affairs than men.

Once an affair has happened, you can't undo it. Once you've learned that your wife has been with someone else, you can't "un-know" it. The partner and children, if there are any, may be seriously affected by the infidelity.

If you can't trust your wife, who can you trust? An affair can cause you to doubt everything in your life that you believe to be right and true. An affair is an affair. They all speak of deep betrayal.

Does infidelity signal the end of a marriage?

The simple answer is that it doesn't have to be. When infidelity happens, some relationships will end. Some will survive but never be as strong. For those who are willing to commit the time and effort to repair the relationship, it's a chance to grow better and stronger together in the future. It will likely take time, reflection, motivation, and honesty on the road to healing, but it’s possible.

Why do women cheat?

To understand why women cheat, you have to understand what they wanted out of a relationship in the first place. Some women seek love outside of the marriage because their wants have changed over time. They're looking for something in the new relationship that was lacking in their marital relationship. Before you can both move forward toward healing, you need to understand the driving force behind the affair and what sustained it.

Marriage binds a couple together. When one partner cheats, it often means that somewhere the bond became weak enough to let someone else in. Both parties may have to look deeply into themselves and their relationship to determine their discontent and their expectations for what their life would be like together.

Habits can affect relationships. Did either of you withhold love or affection? Did you stop showing emotional or physical intimacy at some point? Were your days filled with judgment, criticism, or negativity? Both of you have needs, and when the needs for attraction, desire, and intimacy go unmet, there's the risk that one partner will either break free or change the environment to meet their needs.

An affair isn't always about meeting the cheating wife's unmet needs. Something may be missing in the relationship, and your wife may not even know what it is. Or something may be missing, and they know what it is but are having trouble being honest about it. For some wives, they've expressed what is missing over and over again and haven't been heard. In most cases, women want their spouse to be the one who can meet their needs.

Part of the work towards healing requires understanding the issues that led up to the affair. However, none of those issues excuse the infidelity. It’s important not to blame yourself if you’ve been cheated on. Even if you dig deep and can see where your bond became weak, that doesn’t excuse the cheating. Vows were still made and agreed to, and trust was still broken. While you will likely have to forgive your spouse for what they did, you may also find that you need to forgive yourself. Sometimes cheating can cause a person to blame themselves for the other person’s actions and they can begin to hold onto guilt or shame. Try to let those feelings go if you’re experiencing them or reach out to a mental health professional if you’re not able to move past the emotions alone. Give yourself the forgiveness you extend to others.

How to forgive a cheater wife and repair your marriage

Do you believe that your marriage is worth fighting for? Are you ready to forgive your cheater wife? The good news is that you can get your marriage back on track if the affair is truly over and you're both willing to put in the work and time towards healing and rebuilding. But how to forgive a cheating wife? You will both need to commit to being honest, no matter how much the truth hurts you or your spouse.

The first honest answer that needs to be answered is in response to the question, "What is the status of the affair now?" Is it completely out of sight, or is it merely resting on the back burner? If the affair isn't over, urge your wife to get it out in the open. A licensed therapist can be instrumental in helping both of you get over this difficult hurdle.

Even if the affair is over, you may need a lot of time until you can learn to trust again. That means that all communication channels are open and that you and your wife talk often about what’s going on. Rebuilding trust, especially after something like an affair, is a lot of work. However, it’s not impossible.

Your wife should be able to confirm that the affair is over. You should have the assurance that they won't go back and revisit the affair. They should explain how they’ll respond if the other person tries to contact them and demonstrate that they aren’t actively communicating with them. Your part in this phase can be communicating with them what things will make you feel insecure or mistrustful.

Does your wife own their indiscretions? Do they express regret and remorse? Can your wife express what motivated them to jeopardize the relationship in the past and why they might be willing to jeopardize it in the future? The answers to these questions are important for getting to the heart of what broke the marriage bond in the first place.

Before moving to the next healing phase, both partners need to be honest about whether they want a relationship with each other. It might not be enough to stay together for the sake of finances or the children. It helps to honestly want the other person to meet their needs for attraction, connection, love, and intimacy. If the honesty isn't there or the individuals don’t believe they can meet their partner's needs, it may be better to end the relationship than to let it continue in an unhealthy way.

Moving forward after marital infidelity

Before you can both move forward, you may want to discuss how you contributed to the problem. Your wife was the one who cheated, but it’s possible that you played a part in making the relationship vulnerable to love from another person. Did the affair have something that your relationship didn’t? What fueled it? The answers to these questions can provide the key to giving the marriage back its power. Consider that you may need a professional therapist to help you dig a little deeper to get those pivotal answers.

Your wife should be willing to be completely accountable, and both of you need to let go of the shame of the experience and not hold it over each other's heads. If you both are unwilling to talk, be honest, and forgive, moving forward can be much harder, and your marriage may remain vulnerable.

Even with a therapist's help, many experiences will evoke the complicated emotions you feel surrounding your wife's infidelity. Both of you must give the relationship the time it takes for true healing to occur. In working with a therapist, you'll have the opportunity to discover what may have been missing from your relationship and work together towards filling that gap.

As you move forward, be aware that an affair will likely redefine the future of your relationship to some degree. As with anything new, you're both bound to be a little lost and shaky in the beginning. If you've made it this far, though, your marriage has room for growth, and it's worth fighting for.

Addressing infidelity with online therapy

If you’ve been cheated on, one of the best steps you can take is to get matched with a couples therapist from Regain to support you through this potentially difficult journey. Whether you need help rebuilding trust, establishing open communication, or learning to forgive, a therapist can help assist you in those goals. Going through an affair can be a very lonely experience, especially since your partner is your best friend, greatest confidant, and lover all in one. Receiving the support of an unbiased outsider can make all the difference as you try to rebuild what was broken.

If you have a phone, tablet, or computer, you’re all set to begin the process. Simply connect to the internet, sign up, and you can be matched with a therapist within hours. The journey you’re on might be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out today to get started on a path of healing, either individually or with your wife by your side.