How To Forgive Someone For Cheating: 12 Steps To Get Your Relationship Back On Track

When one partner breaches the trust within a relationship with cheating, it can be difficult to bring the relationship back to a healthy place. It can be challenging to forgive them or to work through the infidelity. But if you hope to continue the relationship, forgiveness can be a vital component of rebuilding the partnership and moving forward. 

So, how exactly can you forgive someone for cheating? Read on for a few ideas on how to forgive a cheater and why people cheat in the first place.

Steps to consider for forgiving your partner and rebuilding the relationship

Every relationship is different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to forgiveness that will work for everyone. But if you are hoping to mend the relationship and you’re finding it difficult to forgive your partner for cheating, below are a few steps and ideas to keep in mind as you navigate this situation:

 Schedule a time to talk about it

Having a conversation about the infidelity can be key to moving forward. But rather than letting the topic pop up randomly—potentially at inopportune times or when one person is unprepared emotionally—it might be helpful to schedule a specific time when you can both sit down and talk about it. This gives you time to come up with the questions you want to ask and better understand your emotions. It can also help ensure that both of you can approach it more calmly and reasonably.

 Ask your questions

During the conversation, you can ask as many questions as you need to in order to work through the infidelity. You can consider asking them about what happened, how frequently it happened, what type of relationship it was, if there were any others and anything else you might like to know to put it behind you fully. Or if you’d prefer to only know some limited information about it, you can also express that boundary to your partner.

 Let them talk

When you do ask a question, give your partner a chance to talk about it. Let them say what they want to say. You deserve an explanation, and even if their explanation is not immediately satisfactory to you, it can be important to let them talk. This may allow you to see what's important to them and what may have led to the affair. You may be focused on their affair's physical aspects, but it could be that the intellectual or emotional aspect is what was most important for them. That means the intellectual and emotional aspects may be something you want to talk about as well.

 Try to remain calm

You can feel whatever you want to feel about what has happened, and you may have a range of intense emotions. But, while you're asking questions and listening to their answers, try to remain calm so that you can speak clearly and so that you're not reacting purely based on emotions at the moment. You deserve to get the answers you want, but if you react out of anger, it could make it difficult for the two of you to have a healthy conversation about what's going on.

 Explain what you need

When you and your partner decide to work on your relationship, try to tell them exactly what you need to feel in the relationship. Maybe you need them to promise you that it's over. Maybe you need them to cut ties entirely with that person. Maybe you need something else. That said, it can be important to also be realistic about what you're asking: for instance, if that person works with them, it might be impossible for them never to see them again, but you can ask that they never interact socially. If you need time to process everything, you can ask for that too. 

 Continue to communicate

Throughout this process, clear and effective communication is essential. It can be very important to be able to speak to your partner about what you're feeling at any point. If you feel that they are not respecting your feelings, you can tell them that. If you are feeling uncomfortable with anything that they do, you can talk to them as well. Ongoing communication is often a vital piece of rebuilding trust and connection. 

 Take your time

You don't have to forgive or forget on any specific timeline. Instead, it's entirely up to you what makes you comfortable and what you can accept in your relationship. You can take the time you need to fully process your emotions and feelings. Forgiveness is often a process that takes time, so try to be patient with yourself and the situation. 

Get some support

You may or may not want to tell a friend or loved one about what has happened. Regardless of whether you want to share details with people who care about you, you can still lean on your loved ones for support. Enduring infidelity can be painful and draining, so try to connect with other people in your life who love and care about you. If you’d feel more comfortable sharing details with a professional, you can connect with a licensed therapist for support.

 Place responsibility where it’s due

In some cases, you may feel compelled to blame yourself for your partner cheating. Or you may want to only blame the person that your partner cheated with. Every situation is unique, but try to keep in mind where the responsibility for infidelity really lies—this was your partner’s mistake, and you are not responsible for it. 

 Try to let it go

Once you have gotten all of the answers that you want or need and taken the time to process, you can try to let it go and move forward. That could mean putting the affair behind you and deciding that you will not let it interfere with your relationship anymore. If you have accepted your partner’s apology and are both committed to rebuilding the relationship, you can try to keep the past mistakes in the past and instead focus on moving forward. 

 Get your lives back

The two of you can try to get back to some of the things that you've enjoyed in the past. Start spending time together again and engaging in different activities. If you've always loved going to the movies together, then you can schedule a movie date. If you've always loved having picnics or watching certain shows, then try to get back into those things. 

 Keep moving forward

This last piece is often easier said than done, but it can be one of the most important. If you are interested in rebuilding your relationship after cheating, try to do what you can to keep moving forward, rather than living in the past. You can focus on creating new memories together, strengthening your connection, deepening your love, and developing new plans for the future. Creating a strong relationship after cheating can be hard work, but it is certainly possible if you are both committed to doing so. 

Getting professional help

If you and your partner are having a hard time getting past an affair, you can also speak to a mental health professional for support. Talking with a professional can help ensure you both have the opportunity to get your voices heard, while also giving you an expert perspective on how to improve your relationship. Plus, research has shown that online couples therapy can be effective in improving relationship functioning.

After experiencing infidelity and trying to move forward, you and your partner may feel emotionally drained, and the thought of traveling to an in-person appointment may seem like too much. With online therapy through Regain, you and your partner can meet with your therapist without having to leave your own. You can sit down at your kitchen table, on your couch, or anywhere else that you feel comfortable with and carry out the session just like that. 

Takeaway

Figuring out how to forgive someone after they cheated can be difficult, but it can be a key piece for rebuilding the relationship if you both want to move forward together. If this is something you’re experiencing, you can consider some of the steps detailed above for how to find forgiveness. If you would like additional support in moving past infidelity, you and your partner can speak with a licensed therapist online.