How To Get Over Trust Issues To Improve Your Relationship
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You may have heard the term “trust issues” used to describe having difficulty trusting friends, partners, or loved ones. But what does it actually mean to have trust issues, and what happens to a person’s relationships when they struggle to open up to others? We will explore the answers to these questions, as well as ways of combatting trust issues or lack of trust, in this article.
What does it mean to have “trust issues”?
Often, the term “trust issues” is used to refer to a tendency to distrust other people’s words, actions, or promises. People with trust issues may struggle to believe that other people will follow through on what they say, approach interactions with suspicion, and have difficulty opening up.
Trust issues can take a variety of forms, and they can manifest in a variety of ways. Common signs of challenges trusting others include, but are not limited to:
- Constantly doubting yourself or others
- Fear of betrayal or abandonment
- Avoidance of commitment
- Suspicion of other people’s motives
- Persistent pessimism about relationships
- Distancing oneself from others or sabotaging relationships
- Difficulty forgiving others
Trust issues are often grounded in past experiences, mental health disorders, or some combination of the two—whether or not a person’s doubts about others end up being proven correct. Common factors that can lead to the development of trust issues include:
- Previous trauma or abuse
- An insecure attachment style
- Past betrayal—whether in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a relationship with family members
- Childhood rejection, trauma, or neglect
- Certain mental health conditions, such as paranoid personality disorder (PPD), post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder
How trust issues can affect a relationship
When a person has trust issues, this can create challenges in their romantic, platonic, and familial relationships. Not being able to form trusting connections with others can lead to social isolation, a lack of support structures, and other mental health challenges.
Trust is the foundation of a healthy romantic relationship. In order to make the most of your connection with your partner, it’s important to be able to feel safe, secure, and able to be yourself around them, without fear of judgment or betrayal. Without the ability to be vulnerable around your significant other, or to rely on them when times get tough, you may find yourself feeling insecure, alone, or on edge. This can lead to stress, conflict, and potentially even unfounded accusations, all of which can put significant strain on a relationship.
Managing trust issues
People with trust issues in their relationships can experience a variety of challenges. However, with time and dedication, trust issues are also possible to overcome. If you would like to improve your ability to trust people, you can start by taking the following steps:
Practice healthy communication. Honest, healthy communication and trust often go hand-in-hand. When you are free to be open about your emotions, and to discuss what’s bothering you without fear of repercussions, trusting others may become easier. Practicing good communication habits, such as being honest about your emotions and challenges, and making others aware that you have difficulty trusting, can be a good starting point for building connections with others.
Find common ground. Sometimes, it can be easier to trust others when you have something in common with them. When you know you share this common ground, you may already have the foundation of an honest and open interaction. Consider topics that you might feel safe discussing openly with others, such as hobbies, current events, or other shared interests, and try building conversations around them.
Accept that building trust takes time. Trusting others can be difficult, especially if you haven’t known them that long. Trust can take a long time to build in relationships, which is why it may be important to remember that there may be a period of discomfort before you’re comfortable fully opening up. By accepting that this can be normal, and giving yourself permission to experience this part of the process, you may have an easier time getting past this initial stage of relationship-building.
Consider counseling. It’s not uncommon for trust issues to cause significant distress—both for the people who have them, and for their romantic partners. For those in need of extra support in learning to trust others and foster healthy relationships, therapy may also be a worthwhile investment. A licensed counselor can help individuals identify the root cause of their trust issues, developing a custom treatment plan for learning to open up, practicing vulnerability, and strengthening their relationships. Whatever the source of the trust issues, therapy can be an invaluable resource for learning to manage them, for both individuals and couples.
That said, attending in-person therapy sessions isn’t always feasible. For those whose trust issues are linked to anxiety or previous traumatic experiences, leaving the house to commute to a therapist’s office can be challenging. For this reason, online therapy, through a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals) may be an attractive alternative, thanks to the ability to attend counseling from wherever is most convenient.
Online counseling has been found to be as effective as in-person therapy for helping both individuals and couples. A 2022 study found that couples counseling administered via videoconference led to similar improvements in relationship satisfaction, anxiety, stress, and depression as in-person therapy. Meanwhile, a study published in 2017 found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was effective at treating various mental health conditions, including generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and phobias.
Takeaway
Trust issues can have a variety of symptoms, including persistent suspicion of others, difficulty being vulnerable, fear of betrayal, and difficulty forming close relationships. There are a variety of potential causes of trust issues, including mental health disorders, childhood experiences, and certain attachment styles. Left unchecked, trust issues can cause challenges in both platonic and romantic relationships, but they can be addressed by practicing healthy communication habits, looking for safe topics to open up about, and accepting that building trust takes time.
If you find that trust issues are causing challenges in your relationships, you can also consider therapy through a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals).
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How can I overcome trust issues?
To overcome trust issues, you must be willing to risk the pain of learning to trust in a relationship, whether you’re rebuilding trust with someone who betrayed you or building trust in a new relationship. Trust requires emotional transparency and vulnerability. You should also enlist the aid of a therapist or coach who is experienced in trust issues to work on building trust with other people or rebuilding trust in a relationship if your trust was broken. A therapist or coach can help you learn how to build trust and extend it to others. You will then need to let go of your suspicions and fears as you practice extending trust to others and repeat the process until your trust issues are null.
What are the signs of trust issues?
Signs of trust issues include:
- Trusting people you have no business trusting. It sounds counterintuitive, but many people with trust issues tend to have a poor sense of trust and trust people they clearly shouldn’t trust as a self-fulfilling prophecy regarding their trust issues.
- You anticipate people will betray you without evidence they will. It’s one thing to anticipate a breach of trust with someone with a previous track record of broken trust, but if you predict someone with no track record will let you down, you may have trust issues without any evidence they will.
- You trust people too easily or have a poor sense of trust. Trust isn’t given; it’s earned. Learning how to discern who to extend trust to and not trusting people too easily upfront is important.
- Relationship trust requires allowing yourself to be emotionally available to your partner. Those with trust issues are on their guard and can’t let down their guard emotionally for fear their feelings will be used against them.
- You may struggle with relationship trust issues if you find your partner’s honest mistakes to be breaches of trust.
- Others may see you as hard to please or self-righteous if you have relationship trust issues.
- Those with relationship trust issues generally have very shallow relationships, as they never allow themselves to fully open up to their partner or build trust with them.
What causes trust issues in adults?
There are a variety of factors that can lead to trust issues in adults. Most notably, relationship trust issues can stem from past experiences where trust was broken due to betrayal in a former relationship. Negative experiences in childhood and social rejection in adolescence can also influence an individual to lack trust in other people. A therapist or coach specialized in helping clients build trust in other people can work with you and help you recover from the broken trust in a relationship or help you build trust in a new one.
Is there a disorder for trust issues?
There is a disorder for those with a chronic lack of trust in other people or relationship trust issues called paranoid personality disorder. This disorder is characterized by pervasive relationship trust issues where the individual will always suspect people’s motives. Building trust with others is nearly impossible, even with people who are worth trusting. Trust requires overcoming the fear and suspicion someone has bad motives, so if you need help recovering from a broken trust or building trust in a new relationship, a therapist or coach can help you rebuild your trust.
Can you love without trust?
Trusting people in a relationship precedes love. Trust isn’t given; it’s earned through actions. Building trust requires both parties in a relationship to be emotionally available and vulnerable without judgment or fear. Broken trust in a relationship isn’t true love. A therapist specializing in helping their clients build trust in relationships can help you work through broken trust and help you rebuild your trust in your relationship.
How do you fix trust issues in a relationship?
Learning how to deal with trust issues in a relationship can be difficult. It is important that you and your partner work together to come up with solutions to the problem, so you can move on from it together. If you or your partner have trust issues, then it is important that you talk about them openly and honestly with each other.
Can trust issues go away?
What are trust issues a symptom of?
Are trust issues a mental illness?
Are trust issues a red flag?
What is the root cause of trust issues?
Why do I struggle with trust issues?
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