How To Tell If Someone Is A Compulsive Liar: 10 Signs To Look For
Most of us know someone who stretches the truth occasionally in certain circumstances. Their reasons are usually harmless and often with well-meaning intentions.
But some people feel the need to lie compulsively, meaning frequently and without discretion. The American Psychological Association defines a compulsive liar as someone with a “persistent, compulsive tendency to tell lies out of proportion to any apparent advantage that can be achieved.”
The reasons why a compulsive liar lies are varied but usually center around the need to gain favor with others, elaborate the truth for their gain, save face in situations of difficulty, and more. It is important to note that compulsive lying differs from pathological lying, although the two terms are often linked together.
While a pathological liar often uses lies to manipulate others, a compulsive liar usually does not have this aim. For many, lying compulsively is more of a powerful habit and coping mechanism developed from childhood. For a variety of potential reasons, compulsive liars often struggle with telling the truth because lying may seem like a better option. If they have a goal in mind, it is often not malicious.
10 signs of a compulsive liar
Keep in mind that these are generalizations. The patterns of one compulsive liar will likely differ from another, and some may display all of these, while some will display very few. The most productive thing is to pay attention to the overall behaviors.
1. A compulsive liar lies often.
Many compulsive liars lie consistently. They may conjure fictional stories and lies about their past, hobbies, relationship status, or anything else they think they need to lie about. However, it will be much easier to detect a compulsive liar because, unlike pathological liars, they often show the typical stressors accompanying lying.
2. A compulsive liar lies for no apparent reason.
While pathological lying occurs with a goal in mind, compulsive lying does not. When you catch a compulsive liar lying, you may wonder why they did it in the first place. Often, there is no benefit or apparent reason for a compulsive liar to tell lies or create stories.
3. A compulsive liar gets nervous when lying.
You can probably spot a compulsive liar quickly because they are not comfortable when lying to others. Whether they are telling random lies or more minor “harmless” lies, they will exhibit the typical stressors of lying, such as avoiding eye contact and difficulty with conversation. You will notice these behaviors often if they tell lies a lot.
4. A compulsive liar apologizes when confronted.
If you need to discern whether someone you know is a pathological or compulsive liar, then see how they react when confronted about telling a lie. A pathological liar will deny they are lying and find ways to blame others for the situation. A compulsive liar may be aware of their lying habit and will more likely apologize. They may even come clean with the truth and explain why they lied.
5. But a compulsive liar may keep lying anyway.
Even if they have good intentions to stop their lying behaviors, compulsive liars often have difficulty stopping. If you confront them and they apologize, you may likely see them lying again soon after. Self-awareness does not “fix” compulsive lying, so the compulsive liar will continue to lie until they get professional help or work much harder at telling the truth.
6. A compulsive liar shows self-awareness.
As mentioned before, compulsive liars often realize that they often lie, while pathological liars have little to no self-awareness. However, compulsive liars may not know how to stop or may self-justify their behaviors.
7. A compulsive liar exhibits empathy.
This is perhaps the most important difference between a pathological and a compulsive liar. While a pathological liar enjoys manipulating and deceiving others without any care or respect for them, a compulsive liar does care about people but still has a habit of telling lies.
8. A compulsive liar tells the truth as well.
A compulsive liar does not lie continually without discretion. There are many times when they can be completely honest when telling a story or relaying communication. However, depending on how much they tell lies, many people may not be able to recognize or believe them when they are telling the truth.
9. A compulsive liar is sometimes open to seeking professional help.
If you are in a relationship with a compulsive liar or are closely connected with them, then consider having a conversation with them to encourage them to find professional help. A pathological liar will often resist this suggestion, convinced they don’t need help and that everyone else is the problem. But a compulsive liar will likely have more self-awareness and be more open to seeking professional help to stop lying.
10. A compulsive liar has low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem often leads the compulsive liar to tell lies about their accomplishments, relationships, or abilities. Unlike a pathological liar, they aren’t necessarily narcissistic. However, they may still need to come up with stories to boost their esteem and make themselves seem more interesting to other people.
Help is available for compulsive lying
If you or someone you know is a compulsive liar, change is possible with professional help. Most compulsive liars can feel empathy and have the self-awareness to see how frequent lying can affect the people around them, even if the lies aren’t intentionally damaging.
But even though most compulsive liars want to develop healthy relationships, it may be difficult to persuade them to seek therapy. In many cases, it’s probably a good idea to begin by letting them know you care about them, but their lies affect your relationship. Emphasize your desire to establish a healthy relationship but let them know that won’t be possible if they continue lying. This could be a challenging conversation, and you may have to have it more than once. Some compulsive liars may not be ready to admit they have a problem, but some will.
Compulsive lying isn’t listed as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), but it is a common symptom of several mental health disorders. Examples include but aren’t limited to, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder. It can be connected with traumatic incidents in childhood as well.
Since compulsive lying is often a symptom of an underlying mental health problem, getting help from a mental health professional as soon as possible is imperative. When left unaddressed, compulsive lying can worsen and seriously damage a person’s quality of life and ability to function.
Despite the urgency, many people don’t get the treatment they need. Some choose not to seek treatment for scheduling or convenience matters; others may not have connection to therapy in their area. The societal or familial stigma associated with therapy can be a deterrent, as can concerns over the affordability of treatment.
The rise of online therapy provides an excellent solution to these obstacles to treatment. Online platforms like Regain match individuals with mental health professionals experienced in helping people with issues like compulsive lying and their accompanying disorders. You can speak to a Regain therapist on a schedule that suits you from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Counseling is available via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat.
Virtual counseling is often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance. A growing body of research indicates it’s just as effective for treating a wide range of disorders like depression, anxiety, trauma, and more. You can choose to visit a counselor individually, as a couple, or both.
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Takeaway
Compulsive lying can adversely affect every aspect of a person’s life, from work to family to intimate relationships. Reach out to an online counselor to begin the journey to healing.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs):
How can you tell when someone lies to you?
There are a few key ways to tell when a person is lying to you, but it’s worth noting that not everybody who lies will exhibit these signs. For perspective, certain types of lying, such as pathological lying, where a person lies compulsively, may be extremely difficult to spot. That’s because pathological liars are extremely confident in their lies and may even believe they are telling the truth. However, some common signs of lying include changing head positions quickly, breathing changes, repeating words or phrases, providing too much information, covering the mouth, and standing very still.
Again, there’s not really a way to be completely sure that a person is lying to you unless you know the truth for a fact. Additionally, a person with the habit of lying may have become extremely proficient when telling lies, and the signs of lying may not be visible. In some cases, a pathological liar may be quite obvious. Perhaps you were with the person at a location, and they blatantly state you were in another. In this situation, pathological lies are easy to spot, but pathological liars are typically experts at learning how to lie pathologically. Pathological lies can be disguised, and a pathological liar may quite easily be confused for the truth. Recognize the signs of pathological lying, or another type, in the person you are talking with so that you can learn how to spot pathological lies when they occur.
What causes people to lie?
There are several reasons people may lie, some of which could be genetic such as pathological liars. At some point in their lives, most people have lied out of embracement or some other reason. And sometimes people lie simply because the truth is uncomfortable to admit.
However, there is also a medical reason. Pathological lying, for perspective, is often a symptom of an underlying mental health problem, and the pathological lies are typically uncontrollable by the person telling them. People who lie pathologically cannot control these urges, and there likely isn’t even a reason for the lie being told in the first place. Habitual liars are similar in that they become used to telling lies, making a habit of lying not having a single cause. Whether a person is a pathological liar, white liar, habitual liar, or another type, it’s important to seek help from a licensed therapist if you believe an underlying psychiatric condition may be the cause.
Is compulsive lying genetic?
Based on new research, there seems to be evidence that compulsive and pathological lying have underlying genetic causes. A person who happens to lie pathologically will often do so when there is no clear reward or reasons. However, lying is a symptom of an underlying psychiatric condition in many cases, and that problem could certainly be genetic. However, not all types of lying are genetic, but pathological liars may be experiencing the lying symptom or disease due to genetic reasons. Remember that not all signs of lying have genetic roots like a pathological lying symptom and that pathological liars are an exception. Pathological lying is not believed to be the only form of lying with a genetic component, though, and research is still being done. Additionally, not all pathological lies or liars have a genetic root, though many pathological lies seem to be traced back to an underlying psychiatric condition.
Can a pathological liar change?
In general, those who exhibit the signs of being a pathological liar typically don’t view themselves as needing change. However, some pathological liars end up in legal trouble and undergo treatment, whereas some pathological liars rely on their friends to seek the treatment they need. While living with people who lie pathologically can be difficult, treatment can help identify lying symptoms or disease. Getting a pathological liar to stop lying and tell the truth on their own is extremely challenging, so it’s best to rely on a professional with experience in pathological lying. A pathological lying symptom can be frustrating. Knowing someone is telling a pathological liar, but spotting the signs of lying and communicating with the person about how you feel can also help them recognize their own triggers.
How do I stop being a compulsive liar?
The best way to stop being a compulsive or pathological liar is to seek help from a mental health expert. The signs of lying, pathological lying in particular, often stem from an underlying psychiatric condition. To lie pathologically is often uncontrollable, but pathological lies can eventually get a person into trouble. The best way to stop lying and tell pathological lies is to seek a professional's help. With that said, some of the best ways to stop the lies and reduce a pathological lying symptom are to examine your triggers, think about the lies you tell, take it one day at a time, and focus on trying to tell the truth without telling a whole story or sprinkling in lies. When it comes to pathological lying, a pathological liar will often tell a lie to tell a lie. By limiting the length of stories or explanations, pathological liars can reduce the chance they will tell a lie.
What makes someone a compulsive liar?
A compulsive liar is someone who lies habitually. They may lie compulsively to avoid confrontation, as a defense mechanism, or just because they find telling the truth to be awkward or uncomfortable.
Compulsive lying often begins as a coping mechanism developed in an environment that may be dangerous or require lying in order to live in. Therefore, lying becomes a habit and a comfort, while telling the truth becomes uncomfortable.
However, a compulsive liar is usually not manipulative or deceitful. They are not trying to obtain something or control a person by lying compulsively. A manipulative liar is a pathological liar, which can be far more dangerous.
That doesn’t mean that dealing with a compulsive liar is easy. Consistent lying is a key component of toxic relationships, so even if the liar does not have malicious intent, they can still cause great strain and problems within their relationship. But if the compulsive liar is self-aware of their lying habit and is willing to seek professional help, they can get treatment through individual or couples counseling.
Is compulsive lying a mental illness?
Compulsive lying in itself is not a mental disorder. However, the act of compulsive lying has been observed in people with certain mental disorders, including ADHD, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder.
However, compulsive lying is still a problem as it can affect the well-being of the friends and family of the compulsive liar. Though compulsive liars usually don’t have a malicious reason for lying, it can still be hard to trust them since they lie repeatedly. Lying compulsively makes it very hard to establish long-term relationships and enjoy a wide social circle.
What is a pathological liar vs. a compulsive liar?
Some people believe that a pathological liar and a compulsive liar are the same things. However, they are two different types of liars. Essentially, a pathological liar is a liar who lies incessantly to get their way. A compulsive liar is someone who lies out of habit but does not necessarily do it to be manipulative or deceitful.
A pathological liar is a bit more dangerous than a compulsive liar because they do so to manipulate people or get something they want. They are extremely manipulative and often have little regard or respect for other people.
Pathological liars are also more likely to have a severe mental health condition or personality disorder, such as antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder.
Though they are manipulative, it is important to understand that pathological liars may not be aware of their lying. A pathological liar may lie about elaborate stories, constantly changing the details and people involved, without awareness of what they are doing. They struggle to keep their lies in order. However, unlike compulsive liars or other people who lie occasionally, they pathological liars can be extremely confident when lying, even giving direct eye contact when talking with another. This can make it seem like they are being honest and telling the truth when they are not. Therefore, many people who know pathological liars often have a hard time discerning truth from fiction with them.
So what is a compulsive liar? As the name suggests, a compulsive liar is someone who will lie compulsively. From early on in childhood, compulsive liars find lying to be a great way to avoid confrontations or uncomfortable situations. Therefore, it becomes a defense mechanism and then turns into habitual lying.
Compulsive liars are usually not trying to be manipulative with their lies. In fact, they probably think their lies are just little white lies that are harmless. Also, unlike pathological liars, compulsive liars feel very uncomfortable lying. They are more aware of their lies and, therefore, may feel stressed or uncomfortable while telling lies. They will typically avoid eye contact, break out into a sweat, and trip over their words.
Though compulsive lying is not as malicious as pathological lying, this form of lying can still create toxic relationships. Their friends, family, and partners may become fed up with their lying as there is no clear motive or good reason for it, and they learn not to trust the person.
But compulsive liars may be more willing to seek professional help for their lying. When confronted with their lying, they are more likely to admit they have a problem. They may just need some professional help for their lying, because by adulthood, it can become a very strong habit. If you or someone you know is a compulsive liar, know that you/they can find help through individual or couples counseling (if the lying is damaging the relationship).
What's a narcissistic liar?
A narcissistic liar is another term used to describe a pathological liar. A pathological liar is someone who lies habitually to control the people around them, be deceitful, or has another goal in mind. Pathological liars lie to manipulate people or to gain something. This can make them incredibly dangerous people to be around, so it is important to create boundaries with these people as soon as you notice a pattern of lying.
The reason why pathological liars are also known as narcissistic liars is because this type of lying is most commonly associated with mental disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial disorder.
Pathological liars tend to create elaborate stories, but keep adding details that don’t add up, are inconsistent, or contradictory. However, when confronted with these contradictions or when accused of lying, the pathological liar will deny the allegations and insist they are telling the truth. In some cases, they may give a seemingly sincere apology, but soon after the pathological liar continues with their lies.
A pathological liar may not have the self-awareness that is critical for healing and treatment of this problem. That is why it is so difficult to help them or get them to stop lying. Lying is normal for them and it is so habitual that they can’t tell they are doing it anymore. When confronted, the pathological liar continues to lie and finds ways to blame the confronter and deny the truth.
But the issue is that pathological liars may not ever get confronted for their lies. Because they are so confident in what they are saying, it can be easy to believe they are telling the truth. They don’t show any signs of being stressed or anxious while lying and can even maintain eye contact. Because of this, many people interact with a pathological liar for years (or even develop a relationship with a pathological liar) without realizing they are constantly being manipulated by the liar.
How can you tell if someone is a compulsive liar?
The primary way to tell if someone is a compulsive liar is by catching them lying a lot. This can be easier said than done because it is not always easy to detect when someone is lying. However, a compulsive liar will show signs of discomfort when lying, such as avoiding eye contact, breaking out in a sweat, or tripping over their words.
You can also detect a compulsive liar when you realize that most of their stories don’t make sense or add up. Maybe the details of the stories seem off to you, or you notice that they keep embellishing or adding contradictory details to their stories. If this is a persistent pattern, they may be a compulsive liar.
However, it is important to understand the difference between pathological and compulsive liars. Pathological liars lie to manipulate people and get what they want. They have a particular goal in mind when they lie. However, compulsive liars are using it as a defense mechanism and to avoid confrontation. They are more self-aware of their problem, but it has become so habitual that they can’t stop. This doesn’t mean it is easy to live with or deal with a compulsive liar, but know that they probably aren’t trying to hurt anyone.
So if you know or are in a relationship with someone who has a habit of lying compulsively, but doesn’t seem to have a malicious goal with their lies, then they are probably a compulsive liar.
What are signs of pathological lying?
Everybody lies at one point or another but there are many signs that distinguish pathological liars from people who lie occasionally.
Intent/Cause: When normal people lie, there is usually an obvious reason. For example, they may be avoiding hurting someone’s feelings or may feel uncomfortable admitting the truth.
But a pathological liar will either have no apparent reason or motive to lie, or may do so with malicious intent. Pathological liars often aim to control or manipulate the people around them, so lies are just another weapon in their arsenal. It is possible that lies are also a coping mechanism developed from childhood, but no case report or study has found a clear cause for pathological lying.
Confidence: When telling their lies or stories, pathological liars will be fully confident in what they say. This is probably the biggest indicator that you are talking to a pathological liar and not an average person who is telling a lie. Pathological liars are not self-aware of their lies and stories and truly believe them. Therefore, they tell their elaborate stories and lies with full confidence. You will not see any of the typical symptoms of lying such as avoiding eye contact or acting nervously. Therefore, it is very common for people to believe that pathological liars are telling the truth, but not discover the truth for themselves until much later.
Frequency: Everyone tells a white lie now and again. Though nobody likes to admit it, telling lies is a very normal thing and may even be an indicator of social intelligence in our species. However, pathological liars lie all the time. No matter the situation or context, they will create stories and lies to manipulate people's emotions and seem like the most interesting person in the room. They will also lie to save face or put the blame on other people. When confronted with their lies, the pathological liar continues to lie to make their old lies make sense or justify their lies in the first place.
Signs of a severe mental disorder: Just because someone has a mental disorder does not mean they will become a pathological liar. Most people with mental health conditions and symptoms are normal, truth-telling people. But there are certain mental disorders and conditions that are often linked with pathological lying. Some of these disorders include narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. If you believe that the pathological liar in your life has one of these conditions, then look out for the following symptoms:
- Lack of empathy
- Shallow
- Inflated self-esteem
- Other verbal and mental abuse tactics
- Disregard for others’ boundaries or personal life
Turbulent Life: Most pathological liars after difficulty holding their lives together. They often jump from one job to the next because of their behavior and can seem to stay in a committed relationship. People in a relationship with a pathological liar learn very quickly to stay away from them, so the pathological liar may jump from relationship to relationship. Pathological liars may also have turbulent relationships with their family and coworkers.
What mental illness causes pathological lying?
As of right now, there is no known cause of pathological lying. But there are a few hypotheses.
Some researchers believe that pathological liars come from unhappy homes or had adverse childhood experiences that encouraged them to tell lies as a coping mechanism. Other researchers have seen an increased prevalence of brain injuries and substance usage in pathological liars and believe there is a link.
Other researchers believe that these persistent lies are a side effect of additional white matter in the brain. Typically more white matter is beneficial, and the ability to tell lies is seen as a sign of social intelligence, but pathological lying is always harmful.
It is also noted that many pathological liars also live with certain mental or personality disorders. These conditions include narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder. Persistent lies and the inability to tell the truth are common symptoms of these conditions. Unfortunately, treatment for the conditions and symptoms is rare because people with these disorders rarely lack the self-awareness or empathy to seek treatment for their lies in the first place. But even though there is a strong relationship between these conditions and pathological liars, there is not sufficient evidence to say that these conditions are the cause of pathological lies.
How do you find treatment for a pathological liar?
The truth is that it is difficult to find treatment for a pathological liar. When confronted with their lies, a pathological liar continues to lie even if they say they will change. They rarely have enough self-awareness to notice their symptoms and behaviors and therefore may not be interested in treatment.
Yet, treatment is still possible. With a lot of work and self-awareness, pathological liars can reduce and eliminate their lying behaviors.
Psychotherapy is the ultimate form of treatment for this issue. A therapist can stay calm and help a pathological liar unravel their stories and lies and begin to discern the truth. They can also promote self-awareness so that the liar can see how their lies hurt their work, home life, and relationship with others. Even if the pathological liar continues to lie and make up stories, an expertly trained therapist will be able to see through the lies and gently question them until the liar begins to absorb the truth.
Couples counseling is another form of treatment that may work. Pathological liars often have difficulty holding down a relationship as their lies often ruin any relationship they have with others. Someone in a relationship with a pathological liar may suggest couples counseling as a solution and treatment for their relationship problems.
In some cases, if a pathological liar shows symptoms of a mental disorder, the therapist may prescribe medication to help them cope with the condition. This medication may help reduce the inner dialogue within the liar that encourages them to create these lies.
However, the success rate of any treatment depends on how dedicated the pathological liar is to the treatment plan. Many liars may give up treatment when questioned and confronted with the truth.
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