Is Your Partner A Constant Liar? When To Get Help For Better Mental Health
If you suspect your partner is a constant liar, it can be an unsettling space in which to find yourself. There may not be an easy way to remedy the situation, but there are ways to mitigate the damage that this can do to your peace of mind and your relationship. Lying is such a common practice that it is naïve to assume your partner is never dishonest.
As a matter of fact, if you're able to be completely truthful with yourself, you can admit that even you indulge in occasional dishonesty. We're human, fallible beings. It's safe to say we ALL struggle with honesty from time to time. But there is a real difference between being a pathological liar and being dishonest occasionally.
The more important issue to decide is whether or not this is harmless, infrequent behavior or if there's more to it. This article will explore the difference between occasional, harmless white lies and a habit of constantly lying. We'll also cover how to recognize whether your partner is a constant liar and finally get help.
Lying in childhood
Most of us realize in childhood that lying is a good way to get ourselves in trouble with parents, siblings, and even friends. Unfortunately, we also learn, early on, that it is indeed a good way to get ourselves out of a jam. We've all heard the silly rhyme, "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Most people have no desire to be walking around with flames shooting out of their backsides. Then why do it? Why lie? Well, put, it's an easy way to manage situations that might otherwise seem unmanageable.
As children, we sometimes found ourselves in a position that a little lie was a helpful way out of. We still often hear, "what's the harm in a little white lie?" That's more of a moral question to be wrestled with by each individual. The truth is, most people STILL lie. Before you gasp and decide that this must constitute a bad person, let's dive into that a little deeper.
Why we lie
When we're approached to do something that we don't want to do, some might find it useful to explain that we'd help if we could, but sadly we're not available as "We've got another obligation." What obligation, might you ask? Well, that's where some might choose to insert a harmless, innocent lie. Does this make for a bad person?
Well, that's not a fair question since "bad person" is a subjective judgment. Sure, we could argue the hassle of managing lies and the warnings that "it'll surely catch up to you!" But frankly, it's been enough of a useful tool for a sufficient amount of time that most have found that the benefits outweigh the negative consequences. So, when you consider whether your partner is a constant liar, it might be a good idea to consider what they tend to lie about.
It sounds oversimplified to suggest that what a person lies about might be an important part of determining whether there's a problem with dishonesty. The rule in my many romantic relationships is that we do not lie to each other. That's been a good standard in maintaining a happy connection, as well as trust, between many couples. That's a pretty basic expectation in a romantic relationship, and put, if we all subscribed to this thinking, think of the chaos that could be avoided within our intimate partnerships.
Simple, right? Is it REALLY, though? What about the loaded questions your partner might ask? "Do these pants make my butt look big?" Yikes, you may as well run for the hills! A majority of us have not reached a level of enlightenment that would allow us always to answer, perfectly honest when asked questions like these. That being said, because we love our partners, there are times that the greater good dictates telling even hard truths. This is not a black and white issue. This is an area with some shades of gray.
When your partner lies
Most of us don't lose sleep over whether our partner lies about the silly stuff to keep the peace. But what happens when you begin to notice a pattern in your partner of lying unnecessarily? For some, lying has become a way of life. A habit of communicating. This isn't a gray area; this is a problem.
When you realize your partner regularly lies to others, there's a good chance they may be regularly lying to you as well. A good rule of thumb is to trust your intuition or gut. If you feel like there's something more substantial to your partner's struggle, to be honest, than the occasional white lie, then it's time to take a closer look at what's going on.
Unfortunately, if your partner has a habit of lying, simply asking them about it will likely yield more lies. This can seem like a dead-end, and if we're not careful, we can spend a lot of time ignoring behavior that needs to be addressed out of sheer lack of direction.
The frustration that comes with feeling like you can't trust your partner, on even the simplest things, can damage your relationship. Trust is at the center of intimacy. When a relationship fails to involve trust, intimacy typically falls by the wayside. This creates a strain that can lead to a loss of affection and ultimately cost you the relationship altogether.
What to do when your partner is a constant liar
So, what should you do when you feel that your partner is a constant liar? It's time to reach out for help. First of all, it's important to remember that you are not alone. There are rarely struggles faced by partners that others haven't navigated before you.
An example of one suggestion to talk about it. If you're willing to speak up and call out your partner's behavior, then you and your partner are forced to back up and restart the conversation. You might also have to deal with the awkwardness of accepting that honesty probably isn't going to be a regular part of your communication.
The crossroads of whether the behavior is problematic for the overall health of your relationship rests on whether you are at peace with and can accept your partner's habit of constant lying or if you no longer feel your need for honesty is being met. There isn't a hard and fast rule for when to seek help, as our responses to this and many other relationship issues vary from person to person. Again, trust your gut.
When you find yourself increasingly preoccupied with your partner's dishonesty, or if you are nursing a growing resentment towards them, this is a sign that you need to seek help. Help might be found by turning to professionals for guidance, to work with both you and your partner.
Help might also be found in gaining the insights and support of trusted advisors to assist you in leaving the partnership. Most importantly, if ever the constant lying becomes a threat to your safety or the safety of your loved ones, then seek help immediately. There is never any shame in reaching out to others for assistance.
Navigate obstacles to your relationship in online therapy
Relationships are complicated. Anyone who suggests that their partner is without faults refers to a pet rather than a person or has lost touch with reality. One of the greatest and most fulfilling of life's experiences is learning to coexist with other humans. Our need for intimacy often leads us to seek out partnerships.
Part of participating in intimate relationships includes learning how to navigate the less desirable characteristics of your partner. When honesty is an issue, it can rob the relationship of intimacy. This can ultimately lead to the demise of the partnership. If your partner occasionally indulges in white lies, you'll likely not have an issue. However, if you believe your partner is a constant liar, then it's time to take inventory and decide how to proceed.
Regain is an online platform that you and your partner can use to get help. The counselors and therapists on this platform are fully licensed and qualified to help you. If you take advantage of this online platform, you and your partner can get started right away on fixing the issues you have with constant lying.
Takeaway
Whether you set out on a self-help mission by reading literature on how to navigate this issue, connect with a professional counselor, or end the partnership, know that you have every right to expect honesty in your relationships. There's an old saying, "Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth-telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving." We may not always LOVE the truth, but we tend to love those willing to tell us the truth. We all deserve honesty in our partnerships.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is constant or pathological lying a symptom of?
Pathological lies are a possible symptom of personality disorders, including borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. The act of telling pathological lies is also associated with a disorder of its own. Pathological lying, or the habitual act of telling compulsive lies, is a disorder known as mythomania and pseudologia fantastica. Pathological liars also tend to be narcissists, as well.
Can a compulsive liar change?
A compulsive liar or pathological liar can change, but they have to want to change. A pathological liar or those who lie compulsively use lies to cover the truth of who they are and also to manipulate situations to work in their favor. Oftentimes, pathological liars only change when forced to by court order after getting in trouble. If a pathological liar is interested in getting help, counseling or psychotherapy could help them manage their impulsive behavior and the compulsive lies, they tell.
Is there a difference between a pathological liar and a compulsive liar?
While there are many similarities between pathological liars and those who tell compulsive lies, there are some key differences between compulsive lying and pathological lies. Those who lie compulsively do so out of habit, while pathological liar engages in lies pathological lying to get their way and manipulate other people. Pathological liars, in some cases, are narcissistic. Whether you're married to a compulsive liar or a pathological liar, it's better if you consut a therapist with regards to it.
Is your partner a constant liar, and how do you get him to stop lying?
There are ways a compulsive liar or pathological liar can work to stop lying:
- Whether you’re a pathological liar or compulsive liar, find your triggers. What triggers influence you to tell pathological lies or compulsive lies?
- You also need to know your lie type, such as white lies, lying by omission, telling lies to cover up the truth, or telling exaggerated lies pathological, which pathological liars are known for.
- You also want to set boundaries. Many lies are told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or because the person telling lies is afraid to say no when they aren’t interested after being invited to an event. In other cases, white lies are used when asked to take on more work when the person is actually too busy to take on more, but they agree anyways. Setting these boundaries can help prevent white lies in these situations.
- Also, lies are told by people who often lie times because they fear the reaction of telling the truth. Asking yourself what’s the worst that can happen can make you realize telling the truth isn’t going to be the end of the world.
- If you’re a pathological liar on the road to recovery from telling pathological lies that have affected the relationships in your life, the best thing you can do to avoid getting overwhelmed is to take it one day at a time. It takes time to repair a reputation for people who lie.
- Many pathological liars will tell a pathological lie regarding details of their life they are not proud of. They don’t want other people to know and tell pathological lies that suggest their life is more grandiose than it actually is to avoid embarrassment.
- Considering the goal of the pathological lie can help you break the habit of lying, as well. When you stop to think how telling lies pathological lying serves no real purpose, it can help you break the bad habit of telling them.
- Getting more comfortable with the truth will help you break the cycle of being a pathological liar or even telling the occasional white lie.
What are the 5 physical or mental health signs that someone is lying?
The five signs someone is lying include:
- When people lie, they often repeat themselves.
- A pathological liar will pause before answering.
- Pathological liars often use subconscious body language, including touching their face, mouth, or throat.
- Pathological liars sometimes won’t blink when telling lies.
- When people lie, they sometimes look toward the door.
What is a narcissistic liar?
A narcissistic liar is very similar to a pathological liar and is someone with narcissistic behavior traits who engage in pathological lies. Narcissists are commonly known to be pathological liars and will tell pathological lies to manipulate people and get their way.
What is a liar called when he has narcissistic personality disorder?
Is anxiety related to constant lying?
What are the 5 signs of pathological lying?
Can a habitual liar with narcissistic personality disorder change?
Is compulsive lying a mental health disorder?
Is lying a symptom of anxiety or depression?
What triggers compulsive lying?
Is your partner a constant liar, and what mental illness could he have?
Is lying a trauma response?
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