Is Your Partner A Constant Liar? How To Know And When To Get Help

If you suspect your partner is a constant liar, it can be an unsettling space in which to find yourself. There may not be an easy way to remedy the situation, but there are ways to mitigate the damage that this can do to your peace of mind and your relationship. Lying is such a common practice that it is naïve to assume your partner is never dishonest.

As a matter of fact, if you're able to be completely truthful with yourself, you can admit that even you indulge in occasional dishonesty. We're human, fallible beings. It's safe to say we ALL struggle with honesty from time to time. But there is a real difference between being a pathological liar and being dishonest occasionally.

The more important issue to decide is whether or not this is harmless, infrequent behavior or if there's more to it. This article will explore the difference between occasional, harmless white lies and a habit of constantly lying. We'll also cover how to recognize whether your partner is a constant liar and finally get help.

 Lying in childhood

Most of us realize in childhood that lying is a good way to get ourselves in trouble with parents, siblings, and even friends. Unfortunately, we also learn, early on, that it is indeed a good way to get ourselves out of a jam. We've all heard the silly rhyme, "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Most people have no desire to be walking around with flames shooting out of their backsides. Then why do it? Why lie? Well, put, it's an easy way to manage situations that might otherwise seem unmanageable.

As children, we sometimes found ourselves in a position that a little lie was a helpful way out of. We still often hear, "what's the harm in a little white lie?" That's more of a moral question to be wrestled with by each individual. The truth is, most people STILL lie. Before you gasp and decide that this must constitute a bad person, let's dive into that a little deeper.

Why we lie

When we're approached to do something that we don't want to do, some might find it useful to explain that we'd help if we could, but sadly we're not available as "We've got another obligation." What obligation, might you ask? Well, that's where some might choose to insert a harmless, innocent lie. Does this make for a bad person?

Well, that's not a fair question since "bad person" is a subjective judgment. Sure, we could argue the hassle of managing lies and the warnings that "it'll surely catch up to you!" But frankly, it's been enough of a useful tool for a sufficient amount of time that most have found that the benefits outweigh the negative consequences. So, when you consider whether your partner is a constant liar, it might be a good idea to consider what they tend to lie about.

It sounds oversimplified to suggest that what a person lies about might be an important part of determining whether there's a problem with dishonesty. The rule in my many romantic relationships is that we do not lie to each other. That's been a good standard in maintaining a happy connection, as well as trust, between many couples. That's a pretty basic expectation in a romantic relationship, and put, if we all subscribed to this thinking, think of the chaos that could be avoided within our intimate partnerships.

Simple, right? Is it REALLY, though? What about the loaded questions your partner might ask? "Do these pants make my butt look big?" Yikes, you may as well run for the hills! A majority of us have not reached a level of enlightenment that would allow us always to answer, perfectly honest when asked questions like these. That being said, because we love our partners, there are times that the greater good dictates telling even hard truths. This is not a black and white issue. This is an area with some shades of gray.

When your partner lies

Most of us don't lose sleep over whether our partner lies about the silly stuff to keep the peace. But what happens when you begin to notice a pattern in your partner of lying unnecessarily? For some, lying has become a way of life. A habit of communicating. This isn't a gray area; this is a problem.

When you realize your partner regularly lies to others, there's a good chance they may be regularly lying to you as well. A good rule of thumb is to trust your intuition or gut. If you feel like there's something more substantial to your partner's struggle, to be honest, than the occasional white lie, then it's time to take a closer look at what's going on.

Unfortunately, if your partner has a habit of lying, simply asking them about it will likely yield more lies. This can seem like a dead-end, and if we're not careful, we can spend a lot of time ignoring behavior that needs to be addressed out of sheer lack of direction.

The frustration that comes with feeling like you can't trust your partner, on even the simplest things, can damage your relationship. Trust is at the center of intimacy. When a relationship fails to involve trust, intimacy typically falls by the wayside. This creates a strain that can lead to a loss of affection and ultimately cost you the relationship altogether.

What to do when your partner is a constant liar

So, what should you do when you feel that your partner is a constant liar? It's time to reach out for help. First of all, it's important to remember that you are not alone. There are rarely struggles faced by partners that others haven't navigated before you. 

An example of one suggestion to talk about it. If you're willing to speak up and call out your partner's behavior, then you and your partner are forced to back up and restart the conversation. You might also have to deal with the awkwardness of accepting that honesty probably isn't going to be a regular part of your communication.

The crossroads of whether the behavior is problematic for the overall health of your relationship rests on whether you are at peace with and can accept your partner's habit of constant lying or if you no longer feel your need for honesty is being met. There isn't a hard and fast rule for when to seek help, as our responses to this and many other relationship issues vary from person to person. Again, trust your gut.

When you find yourself increasingly preoccupied with your partner's dishonesty, or if you are nursing a growing resentment towards them, this is a sign that you need to seek help. Help might be found by turning to professionals for guidance, to work with both you and your partner.

Help might also be found in gaining the insights and support of trusted advisors to assist you in leaving the partnership. Most importantly, if ever the constant lying becomes a threat to your safety or the safety of your loved ones, then seek help immediately. There is never any shame in reaching out to others for assistance.

Navigate obstacles to your relationship in online therapy

Relationships are complicated. Anyone who suggests that their partner is without faults refers to a pet rather than a person or has lost touch with reality. One of the greatest and most fulfilling of life's experiences is learning to coexist with other humans. Our need for intimacy often leads us to seek out partnerships.

Part of participating in intimate relationships includes learning how to navigate the less desirable characteristics of your partner. When honesty is an issue, it can rob the relationship of intimacy. This can ultimately lead to the demise of the partnership. If your partner occasionally indulges in white lies, you'll likely not have an issue. However, if you believe your partner is a constant liar, then it's time to take inventory and decide how to proceed.

Regain is an online platform that you and your partner can use to get help. The counselors and therapists on this platform are fully licensed and qualified to help you. If you take advantage of this online platform, you and your partner can get started right away on fixing the issues you have with constant lying.

Takeaway

Whether you set out on a self-help mission by reading literature on how to navigate this issue, connect with a professional counselor, or end the partnership, know that you have every right to expect honesty in your relationships. There's an old saying, "Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth-telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving." We may not always LOVE the truth, but we tend to love those willing to tell us the truth. We all deserve honesty in our partnerships.