Learning To Trust Your Husband Again: After The Affair

After an affair, what comes next? If you make the conscious decision to move forward as a couple and remain in the marriage after your partner has been unfaithful, it can be helpful to fully understand what the process of rebuilding trust might look like. 

It may be challenging at first, as well as rewarding as you recognize each step of progress being made. You may experience feelings of anger, joy, sadness or progress. You may question your next right step, both in the relationship and in your healing process. Acknowledging the spectrum of experiences as you continue to walk in recovery and progress can be a helpful step to long-term emotional health and wellness. 

What questions should you ask yourself to help you determine your next right step?

We do want to note that there are many ways you can streamline your healing process and heal in a more healthful way. Below, we’re highlighting the key questions to ask yourself to help you determine if you plan to stay in the relationship after the affair, what the healing process may entail and the role online therapy can play in supporting both you and your husband. 

1. Do you have the ability to give your partner a second chance

After the affair has been exposed, do you feel that you want to work though the emotional confusion and pain in this moment?  Is there room for a second chance after cheating? The choice is entirely yours — and there isn’t necessarily a wrong answer. 

Ultimately, you know you and your partner best. Remaining in a confident and honest state of mind as you work to answer that question can help you to walk away with the best answer possible for your unique situation. Outside input from a therapist or an unbiased mediator may also prove helpful. 

2. Are you able to process and move through your feelings?

Can you envision a loving and caring future with your partner, looking past the painful feelings you may be having now? If your desire to love and grow with that person is still accessible past the feelings of the present moment, you may consider attempting to  rebuild the intimacy and  trust in your relationship.

3. Are you able to forgive their affair?

This question can be difficult to consider, especially if you are experiencing difficult feelings. It can be helpful to understand that forgiveness does not equate to acceptance or pardoning the infidelity. It simply might mean that you will not allow yourself to be overwhelmed with emotional pain over a decision that wasn’t yours. Instead, it may It empower you not to allow the pain you’ve endured to define your present or your future.

You might consider sitting thoughtfully with the questions above to ensure that you come to the correct and most helpful conclusion for your specific needs. You may also consider seeking marital or individual counseling before making any final decisions.

Exploring the process of healing 

The process of re-establishing the trust in the relationship can begin as soon as the infidelity is revealed. Although your partner cheated, it doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end if you don’t want it to. Here’s a look at some possible steps you might encounter in the healing process:  

Open communication and counseling

Counseling sessions can be useful tools to help facilitate open and honest communication after the affair. You might choose to seek individual therapy, couples counseling or both.

In some instances, there may be underlying issues that might need to be approached, identified, and discussed. You and your partner may have a more healing experience if you remain vulnerable, open and honest about everything.

Remorse and forgiveness 

A person who has cheated may feel and show remorse. A person who has been hurt by infidelity might feel encouraged to rebuild when they see that their partner is remorseful, extending a base of forgiveness to continue on the healing journey. 

We do want to note that generally, remorse cannot occur in a healthy, consistent if the unfaithful partner does not acknowledge their wrongdoings and take the blame for the infidelity. A therapist can support both of you in accurately identifying both of your feelings and the next right step in your specific case. 

Honesty and acceptance

The unfaithful person might try to relate to the feelings that you’re expressing on the other side of the healing process, and accept that they were wrong for cheating. They might choose to commit to be faithful moving forward and not be secretive or dishonest in any way. 

In this process, you may also see them confess and ask for forgiveness. It may feel uncomfortable, but it can be a helpful step that sets the tone for transparency, validation and honesty going forward.

Couples working to move past infidelity can benefit from identifying the negative factors that caused discord in a healthy, non-blame-oriented way. Although feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal may manifest at different points in the process, being open and honest in acknowledging the issues is a primary step toward reacquiring trust after cheating and rekindling intimacy.

Cutting off contact 

Throughout the process, you might find it helpful to have the person who cheated end the affair permanently, and terminate all communication with the person they cheated with. 

This step can be a powerful method of enforcement that might help to remove possible temptation for another occurrence. 

Open communication regarding the logistical execution of this step can be helpful for both you and your partner. For example: It may be necessary for them to change their route to work, request a reassignment or transfer at work, or find a new breakfast or coffee spot to stop by each day.

Conflict resolution 

As you both walk through the healing and rebuilding process, you might find that you run into certain conflicts. Identifying and implementing effective strategies for dealing with conflict can be a helpful step to prevent it from being a major stumbling block in your rebuilding process. Conflict management is generally critical in any relationship, even one where infidelity hasn’t occurred.

This reestablishment and reaffirmation of the couple’s commitment to one another even in moments of frustration generally requires the support of both parties. A therapist can be a helpful mediator to seek accountability and support from.

Rebuilding a connection

As you continue to heal, you may feel that it’s time to re-forge your intimate connection as a couple. This generally takes place for many after the acknowledgment and act of forgiveness.  This can be a helpful step to truly connect and engage in emotional conversation and return to physical and emotional intimacy after the affair as you once had before. There is no need to rush this process, and you may be encouraged to take whatever time you need to evaluate the other person’s behavior before engaging in any form of connection with them. 

How can online therapy support those who are healing from affairs?

Affairs are extremely individual and emotional processes to heal from. Depending on the surrounding circumstances and your own personal experiences, you may feel completely overwhelmed or avoidant — which may make it difficult for you to leave the home. Online therapy can be a more approachable and accessible option for many, connecting you with a therapist from your smart device. 

Is online therapy helpful to those recovering from being cheated on?

When you’re cheated on, you may experience the formation or exacerbation of mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety disorder. Symptoms of the experience can look different for everyone. However, online therapy can be a helpful and effective resource to help you work through your emotions and address the physical and emotional manifestations of the conditions listed above, according to a thorough meta-analysis conducted by the National Council on Aging. 

Results were collected from over 40 independent clinical studies, and were validated by the experience of over 1,000 clinical trial participants over those studies. 

Takeaway

Learning to build trust with your husband again after infidelity is a personal and honest decision. It can be helpful to determine if you can return to a place that allows trust and love within the relationship, both for your husband and yourself. Online therapy can be a useful tool to help you make that decision in the healthiest way possible. Regain can connect you with a therapist in your specific area of need.