My Boyfriend Cheated On Me! Does He Deserve A Second Chance?
It can be painful when someone that you love and trust betrays you. If your boyfriend cheated on you recently, then you may be struggling to come to terms with what has happened. Many people wind up leaving their boyfriends after learning about infidelity. Some decide to stay, though. You may be wondering if your boyfriend deserves a second chance after cheating on you or if you should move on without him.
This can be a complicated decision, and coming up with an answer may involve a lot of soul-searching. There could be many things to consider, and you might want to take some time to think about how you're going to proceed. Take a look at the information below to learn more about how you can start moving forward and whether he deserves a second chance.
My boyfriend cheated on me! Is forgiveness possible?
Coming to terms with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you might not be easy. You might have very conflicted emotions, and you could be struggling with how to react to this revelation. One moment, you might feel enraged by your boyfriend’s betrayal. The next minute, you may feel sad or afraid at the thought of losing the man that you love. It's normal to feel lost when something like this happens, so consider going easy on yourself.
Some people make the mistake of blaming themselves when their boyfriends cheat. They may question why they weren't good enough to keep their boyfriends happy, for instance. This type of thinking can be counterproductive. It could be helpful to remember that infidelity is wrong even when there are problems with your relationship. If your boyfriend was unhappy with the relationship in any way, then he should have talked to you about it.
Determining whether you can forgive him for this betrayal could be challenging, but you don't have to rush your decision. It might be too tough to figure out whether you want to break up with him right away. It may be best to take a day or so to think about things. This can allow you to come to terms with your feelings so that you can decide how to react. You might be able to find it in yourself to forgive him, but a lot of that will depend on how he behaves in the wake of the infidelity.
Is your boyfriend sorry?
Your boyfriend likely knows that he did something wrong, and he might even be sorry about it. Some people aren't remorseful about cheating, though. If your boyfriend blames you for the infidelity, or if he tries to treat you as if you are inadequate, then it may be time to end the relationship. Even if you love him, it may not be healthy to stay.
If your boyfriend is truly remorseful, then the relationship might be salvageable. People who are sorry for their actions may want to make up for them in some way. He might want to show you how sorry he is, or he may demonstrate his regret with his emotions. It may be helpful to remember that people do have moments of weakness, and they can make bad decisions at times. This doesn't excuse what your boyfriend did, but you might be willing to consider forgiving him if he is genuinely apologetic.
This is not to say that your boyfriend is entitled to a second chance just because he is remorseful. This is your decision, and you can forgive him or you can move on with your life.
Why did your boyfriend cheat?
It may be helpful to determine why your boyfriend cheated on you. Your boyfriend made the decision to cheat on you with another person, and the reasons for it might not change that. They could help color your perspective, though. For example, was your boyfriend drunk when he cheated on you? If he wasn't in his right mind, then it might be easier to justify forgiving him, even if his actions were still wrong.
If your boyfriend cheated on you just because he was bored with the relationship, then it might be tougher to forgive him for what has happened. This means that instead of trying to repair the relationship, he turned to someone else for affection.
You might want the closure of hearing why he decided to cheat on you. Keep in mind, though, that learning why your boyfriend cheated could make things tougher on you mentally. Some people decide to be done with a man who strays without hearing his side. You get to choose how to react, and whatever decision you make is valid.
Was it a one-time thing?
If you're going to keep dating this man, you may want to make sure that the infidelity will not continue. Thus, you might want to consider whether the affair was a fling or if your boyfriend was seeing someone else for an extended period of time. If he was cheating on you with someone over several months, it may make things more difficult. That is, a one-time mistake might be easier to forgive than a full-on relationship.
If you want to keep dating your boyfriend, consider that it might be tough to start trusting him again. Since he lied to you about the infidelity, you might not be able to trust that he will be faithful in the future. He will have to earn your trust over time. You may also want to address any other problems in your relationship if you want to avoid future issues.
Fixing your relationship
Fixing your relationship might not be as simple as you would like for it to be. Your boyfriend might have cheated because he didn't feel he had a close enough bond with you. You also might not feel like you can trust him enough to let him become closer to you again. This may be why many relationships end after someone cheats on their partner. It isn't easy to come back from, but it isn't necessarily impossible either.
Working on your communication as a couple may be imperative. If you didn't make enough time for each other in the past, perhaps you can change things now. You might not have realized how important you were to each other until now. Some couples take incidents of cheating as a wake-up call that signals necessary changes. You might need to consider going to couples counseling to work on problems holding you back as a couple.
Remember that it isn't your fault that your boyfriend cheated. No one is perfect, and there might be things that you can change to make the relationship better. This doesn't excuse the fact that he was unfaithful, though.
Open relationships
It could also be worth mentioning that some people like to use an open relationship structure. If you don't feel like monogamy is the right fit for your relationship, you could consider transitioning to an open relationship. These types of relationships allow couples to stay together while still seeking sexual partners outside of the relationship. Still, if your boyfriend was with someone else without your consent, then that constitutes cheating.
Open relationships aren’t for everyone. Some people are morally opposed to the idea. For others, their religious beliefs may not allow it. There could be other reasons it doesn’t solve your relationship woes, but it may work for some couples.
Online couples counselors can help
If you have decided that you would like to save your relationship, it may be helpful to reach out to a relationship counselor. These professionals have experience when it comes to helping couples overcome infidelity. This may be a severe hurdle for your relationship. Many aspects of your relationship might need to change so that you can have a future together.
It can be difficult to reach out to a counselor about issues surrounding infidelity, especially in person. You might feel ashamed of the betrayal in your relationship, for example. Or you might just be nervous discussing sensitive topics like this in a clinical environment. In these circumstances, online counseling may be the preferred option. Many couples report feeling more at ease discussing their relationship issues in an online environment. This form of counseling might also work better with your schedules since appointments are available day or night.
Internet-based counseling has been proven effective for couples. A recent study showed that those couples undergoing online counseling made significant relationship gains, including better functioning overall as well as individual mental health improvements.
Takeaway
Infidelity may feel like the end of your relationship. And it’s true that some relationships will end due to an affair. Counseling can help you determine the best course of action and manage the emotions that come along with this decision. Whether you decide to stay with your boyfriend after he cheats or walk away, the compassionate counselors at Regain are here to support you—reach out today.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you know if they deserve a second chance?
Determining whether your ex deserves a second chance is a big decision. You might be wondering whether your ex deserves a second chance of being a part of your life because you two likely had a deep, meaningful connection before you broke up, or you might have felt that you had a connection that you have not experienced with someone else. Wondering whether he deserves a second chance, especially right after a breakup, is totally normal. Ultimately, the decision is completely personal and up to whether you feel you will be able to move forward and build a healthy and stable relationship in the future.
In some relationships, circumstances and timing erode the relationship before it really can be explored. In these instances, you might determine that the person deserves a second chance because there isn’t great hurt that is at the root of why you chose to break up in the first place. In these instances, you might never feel as if they don’t deserve a second chance. When determining whether you want to get back together with someone, it is important that you feel confident that you won’t be spending the rest of your relationship feeling like a relationship hero – that is, someone who feels that without them giving their partner a second chance the relationship would never have worked out.
While sometimes, you might have a gut reaction that your partner deserves a second chance, or you might look at their actions and see that they have really changed and are ready for the type of commitment you are looking for. Some other considerations might include whether they did something so against your values or morals that you can’t forgive them and know that he doesn’t deserve a second chance. When making this decision, sometimes knowing he doesn’t deserve a second chance is just as beneficial as knowing when the person deserves a second chance.
Trusting that you will know whether your partner deserves a second chance and whether you’ll be able to move forward without spending the rest of your relationship feeling like a relationship hero, then it might be worth entertaining the idea of getting back together.
When should you give someone a second chance?
Figuring out whether your ex deserves a second chance is tricky and high personal. It is important to consider why you feel your ex doesn’t deserve a second chance in the same way that you’re considering whether he deserves a second chance. Some things you might consider when determining whether your ex deserves a second chance include whether you notice a change in their actions. It is one thing for your ex to tell you they have changed, but it’s another thing to have their action align with what they are telling you.
Your ex might also offer specific apologies for things that they did wrong in your past relationship, rather than just giving a general “I’m sorry for what I did wrong.” By giving specific apologies and having their actions change, they will show you that they have learned a lot from the breakup and are continuing to work on themselves. Your ex might also acknowledge that they know that they don’t deserve a second chance but will come to you asking anyway because they are confident in the work that they have put in to change.
When you speak to your ex, you’ll be able to see whether your ex deserves a second chance or whether they are just putting in the lip service because the breakup is difficult on them. Even when a person actively changes for the better, you may have moved on by the time that person comes and asks for a second chance – that’s ok. Figuring out when to give your ex a second chance is highly personal, and there is no “one-size fits all” model of when you should or shouldn’t give someone a second chance.
Does an ex deserve a second chance?
When you first break up with someone, you might wonder, “does he deserve a second chance?” and sometimes, that thought is fueled by your own emotions and hurt surrounding the breakup. It’s a completely normal thought, and there is nothing wrong with wondering and questioning whether your partner deserves a second chance. However, it is important to question whether you want to give an ex a second chance because you miss them at the moment or because you truly think they have made changes that will allow you to be in a successful, committed relationship.
Do second chances in relationships work?
Yes, second chances can work. However, when determining whether your ex deserves a second chance, it is important to make sure that you get back together for the right reasons and not just because you miss each other. When couples do not take the time to acknowledge the hurt and the wrong they feel from their breakup from one another, they end up rushing back into the relationship because it feels comfortable, which can be detrimental and lead to an inevitable breakup in the long run. When you put in the time and fully understand why you’re getting back together and why getting back together feels like the right option, you will be able to set your relationship up for success.
How do I know if my breakup is final?
You will likely experience a range of emotions when you and your ex-first breakup. However, if you feel a great sense of relief when the relationship is over, or you know that you don’t envision a future with them, then there is a pretty good chance that your breakup is final. Other signs can include you both having very different life goals or values. When you and your partner have different life goals and values, it is very unlikely that those will change over time, which will make it incredibly difficult for you to get back together successfully.
How do you deal with a boyfriend cheating on you?
First, allow yourself time to process your emotions. It's normal to feel hurt and betrayed. You can share your ordeals with a trusted and receive comfort. If the pain becomes unbearable, you can talk to a counselor to receive guidance.
What should I do after my boyfriend cheated on me?
After discovering your boyfriend has cheated on you, it is essential to prioritize self-care and emotional healing. Take space to reflect on what happened and communicate your feelings. Think about what you’re going to do next. You could either forgive or close this painful chapter in your life. However, whatever your next move will be, make sure that it is aligned with what’s best for your well-being.
How do men act after they cheat?
How does a woman feel after being cheated on?
How do you deal with a cheating boyfriend that you love?
Does the pain of being cheated on ever go away?
What percentage of relationships work after cheating?
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