Should I Leave My Cheating Girlfriend?
Being in love with someone who is cheating on you can put you in a tough position. On the one hand, you love your girlfriend very much, and you want your relationship to work out. On the other hand, she’s cheating on you and seems to have a hard time giving you the loyalty you deserve. You might feel as if you are at a crossroads. Should you leave your cheating girlfriend or give them a second chance? Some couples can overcome infidelity and move on to build a stronger relationship. Others might not be able to get over this betrayal, and it could naturally lead to a breakup. Whether or not cheating should mark the end of your relationship is a personal decision, but there are some considerations that may influence your choice one way or another.
Should I leave my cheating girlfriend?
Several factors can help you figure out whether to leave your cheating girlfriend or not. It can be important to carefully weigh your decision without rushing into it. Asking yourself the following questions could be a start, but it’s ultimately up to you to decide what your expectations of a relationship are and what you’re willing to forgive. You deserve a healthy relationship, and it’s up to you to create one alongside your partner. Consider the following when deciding whether to leave a girlfriend who has been unfaithful to you:
Was their cheating a one-time thing?
Before deciding whether you should break up with a cheating girlfriend, take a step back and consider the frequency of their behavior. Was this a one-time incident, or has your girlfriend cheated on you multiple times? Some people are serial cheaters who are repeatedly disloyal to the person they’re with.
If your girlfriend cheated on you one time and feels remorseful for it, then you might be more inclined to offer your forgiveness. The situation makes a big difference when you're figuring out how to react. If you were away from home for a long time and they made a mistake born out of loneliness, then perhaps you can move forward together. If, however, they cheated on you because they were bored, thought another person was attractive, or were trying to hurt you, that may be less forgivable in your eyes. It's up to you to decide whether any type of cheating is forgivable. Breaking up with your girlfriend is acceptable if you feel it is the right call to make.
Why did they cheat on you?
Knowing why your girlfriend is cheating on you can be helpful when you're trying to make up your mind, too. It can be important to sit down and have an honest conversation about what occurred. Try to keep an open mind and practice emotional regulation. Yelling at them or lashing out in some way probably won’t allow the conversation to be productive. Abusive behavior is never appropriate either, even when someone has wronged you.
Allow your girlfriend to explain their actions and why they decided to cheat. It can be crucial that they’re open and honest with you, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Knowing the truth can help you decide what to do next. You also deserve closure, regardless of what happens moving forward.
If the reason for the cheating can be resolved, it’s possible that you two can get past it together. For example, if your girlfriend expresses that their needs weren’t being met and they acted out of desperation, you may be willing to give them another shot.
Do you love them?
Whether you love your girlfriend or not can play a vital role in deciding what to do. If you love them, that love usually won’t disappear immediately upon hearing that they cheated. You may feel anger, sadness, and grief, but that feeling of love will likely remain. If that love exists, it might be worthwhile to try to save the relationship.
However, if you don't love them, it may not be worth it to stay and try to work things out. Repairing a relationship after infidelity can be time-consuming and take lots of effort. It’s a process that people who love each other are more likely to make it through. If you don’t see a future with your girlfriend, it may be time to move on.
Can you work on your relationship problems?
Repairing a relationship can take a lot of work. Both partners need to be committed to this process if the relationship is to be saved. There might be things that you need to change in your relationship to get things to work. For example, your girlfriend might have strayed due to you not spending enough time with them. While you shouldn’t be blamed for their mistake, it still might be necessary to adjust your behavior if you want the relationship to work out long-term.
Not everyone has the strength to confront their relationship problems. If you can find it within yourself to make the necessary changes, you might grow a stronger bond as a couple. You may not be able to trust your cheating girlfriend for a while, but you can keep working on other issues as the trust develops over time. Eventually, you might find that your relationship has become healthy again. Couples therapy can also help turn your relationship around, and it can be important to commit to having more honest communication in the future.
Is considering an open relationship an option?
You could also consider having an open relationship. This type of relationship allows a couple to pursue other sexual partners outside of the primary relationship. For some couples, it’s a productive way to keep things exciting while still being able to commit to each other. Depending on your views, it might not be an option that you or your partner would consider. This type of relationship can run contrary to many religious views, and it's not something that everyone is comfortable with.
Most open relationships take a lot of communication to work. Some people think monogamy is too restrictive for their tastes, and many couples have found that open relationships can be just as satisfying and healthy as monogamous ones. However, open relationships only work when both parties are comfortable with the idea. If it’s not right for your situation and needs, that’s acceptable. Be sure to express this to your girlfriend.
Online counseling with Regain
If infidelity has impacted your relationship or your mental health, it can be tough deciding what to do next. Some couples choose to work through cheating and come out stronger on the other side. If you’d like to see if you can mend your relationship with your significant other, you might consider couples counseling. Regain is a platform that offers online counseling for couples and individuals experiencing a range of issues. Talking to your partner about sensitive issues like cheating can be difficult; but, having an objective mediator to listen in and guide the conversation can make a difference. Instead of adding more to your plate, you can get the help you need from the safe space and comfort of your home.
The efficacy of online counseling
Couples facing a wide range of issues in their relationship could benefit from online counseling. In one study, researchers assessed the efficacy of a couples therapy program delivered through videoconferencing. They found several unique outcomes, including a “positive shift in expectations” among partners. Most of the couples reported that their experience was beneficial and positive, with many reporting that they connected well with their therapist. They also felt that “videoconferencing created an element of ‘distance’ from the therapist” which “allowed them to feel a greater sense of control and comfort.”
Takeaway
Cheating can be an incredibly hurtful behavior. Still, it’s not always an indication that you have to break up with your significant other. When trying to decide whether you’ll stay in the relationship or not, it can be crucial to consider what option may be healthiest. Every couple is different, and while some partners are able to move past cheating, others aren’t. If you and your partner are willing to put in the effort to heal together, it’s possible that your relationship could be saved. Speaking to a licensed couples counselor could be a productive step toward a healthier, more satisfying relationship. Regain offers couples counseling for those who would prefer to see a therapist online rather than in person. Reach out whenever you both feel ready to take that next step.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Is it okay to forgive a cheating girlfriend?
When your boyfriend or girlfriend is caught cheating or admits to cheating on you, it can be an unsettling feeling. It may raise emotions that range from extreme anger toward the cheating partner to feelings of inadequacy or doubt toward yourself. You may be at a loss for what to do next, especially if you love your girlfriend and wish for the relationship to continue.
Forgiving a cheating girlfriend is acceptable, but it doesn’t mean you have to reconcile or stay with them. Your needs and feelings matter, and it can be important to do what’s healthiest for you. If forgiving your girlfriend can help you heal and move on, or if it can allow you to give them another chance, it may be worth doing. Taking time to reflect on how the cheating impacted you can help you determine whether you can forgive your cheating girlfriend. From there, try to make the choice that is healthiest for you.
What are the signs of cheating?
There are some common signs that might be an indicator of your partner cheating on you. These can vary from person to person, and it can be important not to jump to conclusions. Gathering evidence and practicing open communication when you have concerns may be a healthier route to take.
One sign of cheating could be a partner who has become very skilled at lying, even about the small, innocuous things. When their stories suddenly don’t seem to add up, you might start to get the feeling that they are not being faithful to you. Similarly, when you question them about this behavior or ask where they’ve been, they might become defensive or say that you are too paranoid.
Another sign of cheating might be that your partner’s online and phone activity has changed. Perhaps they always left their phone unlocked, and now they have a password. Their phones might keep pinging with a message from someone whose name you’ve never heard of, or their Google search history might be cleared regularly.
While none of these signs necessarily guarantees that your partner is cheating, they are some of the more common signs people often see when their partner has been unfaithful. If you suspect your partner is cheating, gather evidence and have an open conversation with them about it.
Do cheaters cheat again?
Infidelity impacts many people. In fact, twenty-one percent of married men and around 15 percent of married women have cheated on their spouses. Still, the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” is not always true. When we assume that someone who cheats once is likely to cheat again, we underestimate a person’s ability to change. Some people who cheat realize they have made a terrible mistake and feel a great deal of guilt about their decision. They might commit to changing and being better for their partner. However, before a cheater can change, they often need to recognize the issues that drove them to cheat and commit to healing from them to ensure that the cheating doesn’t happen again.
While some cheaters may cheat again, it may be crucial not to write your partner off immediately, especially if they are willing to work on themselves to prevent the cheating from happening ever again. Of course, some cheaters do cheat again, and it can be vital to pay attention to repeat behaviors. Making a decision that’s healthiest for you is what can matter most.
Why do people cheat on people they love?
People who cheat often have deep-seated issues or insecurities that drive them to cheat on their loved ones. These issues often have nothing to do with the person they have cheated on but rather have everything to do with the insecurities or issues they are facing. A 2017 study found that some of the most common reasons people cheat are:
- Anger or revenge – Someone who cheats out of anger or revenge might do so because they’ve discovered that their partner is cheating. They might also be angry with a partner who isn’t around much or feel frustrated that their partner doesn’t seem to understand or care about their needs.
- Falling out of love – When you become settled in your relationship, you often lose the initial feelings of passion, excitement, and butterflies that you had in the beginning of the relationship. Some people feel they need those intense, passionate feelings to be happy and feel like they are in a successful relationship.
- Commitment issues – People who have a hard time committing to another person might cheat.
- Unmet needs or sexual desire – If a couple has different sex drives or one partner doesn’t have an interest in sex, this may lead to the other partner cheating.
The study found other reasons people cheat, but these are some of the biggest ones they discuss. It is also entirely possible to have a healthy, stable, fully committed relationship with commitment issues or unmet needs without your partner cheating. The reasons above are not excuses for cheating behavior, but rather explanations from those who have cheated themselves.
Do cheaters feel guilty?
Some cheaters feel guilty after they have cheated on their partner, whereas others may not. Oftentimes, the cheater may feel bad because they have done something wrong, and other times, they may feel guilty only because they got caught. Someone who feels guilty because they hurt you is very different from someone who feels guilty because they got caught cheating. Knowing the difference can help you decide whether you think the relationship is worth saving.
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