The Pros And Cons Of Forgiving A Cheater
Continuing a relationship with someone who cheated can be challenging. However, many individuals believe that a partner's infidelity should not automatically mean the end of a relationship and that it actually shines a light on issues that may need to be addressed.
Others believe that infidelity should mean the end of a relationship. In many cases, people on both sides of the aisle feel strongly about their positions. However, whether a person should forgive a partner who has betrayed theirtrust depends upon themselves, what type of relationship they want to have, and what they would like to experience in the future. Learning how to forgive someone for cheating and rebuilding trust may be possible with time and hard work, and online therapy can be a valuable resource to support you through this.
Why people are unfaithful
There are numerous reasons why people cheat. Occasionally, they feel a desire for different experiences. Rather than communicating this feeling with their partner or leaving, they engage in cheating.
In other scenarios, cheating can happen as a result of seduction. They feel attracted to someone new who enters their life even though they weren’t looking for a new partner.
Ultimately, cheating is a choice. When deciding whether to forgive someone for cheating and move forward together, it may help to remember that it is not your fault, regardless of the reason your partner was unfaithful.
The pros of forgiving a cheater
No two relationships are the same. As such, some people want to find a way to forgive someone for cheating. Regardless of the ultimate decision of whether to forgive them, if can help to know the upsides of such forgiveness.
Finding out that your partner is cheating can be a painful experience. Whether or not you decide the pros of forgiveness outweigh the cons (or vice versa) is entirely your decision. However, below are some of the possible advantages of forgiving someone for cheating.
Healing and letting go of anger
The ability to let go of anger and resentment is one potential benefit that comes along with forgiving someone. Feeling hurt, angry, or even resentful after betrayal is common, and your feelings are valid. However, when these feelings are not processed or released constructively, problems can arise.
Forgiveness can sometimes allow for the person who was wronged to heal. The healing process can be complex because it may take some time to rebuild the relationship's foundation. Ultimately, holding on to negative emotions can be harmful, especially to the person who is maintaining those painful feelings.
Learning how to let go, forgive, and move forward in life can be a valuable life skill, and the merits are not exclusive to a romantic relationship.
Fixing relationship challenges
When infidelity happens in a relationship, it is sometimes a symptom of other underlying problems. This doesn’t justify infidelity, but forgiving someone who has cheated may allow for more deep-rooted problems in a relationship to be addressed.
Solving the cause of relationship problems can sometimes result in a partnership that is stronger in the long run. When addressing problems that exist in a relationship, it may be helpful to talk to a licensed relationship counselor, whether in person or online.
Having a potential future with your partner
Despite the opinions of others, not everyone is ready to end a relationship after infidelity. Many people are still interested in seeing whether a relationship has a future. They might have invested many years as well as time and attention into their relationship.
It may be difficult to know what lies ahead, but people who are interested in seeing if their relationship has a future deserve to do so. This will likely require them to forgive the one who cheated and attempt to move forward in the relationship.
The cons of forgiving a cheater
Despite what many people view as upsides to forgiveness, others maintain that cheating crosses a non-negotiable line. There can be some downsides to forgiving someone for cheating, and each person deserves to be aware of them as they decide what to do next. If you’re unsure about what to do anymore with your relationship, it’s better to seek help from a professional.
Infidelity sometimes happens again
One drawback of forgiving a person for cheating is that they may cheat again, this can be a huge fear for most people which hinders them from giving forgiveness. Some people cheat multiple times after having been forgiven. Forgiving someone for cheating can be interpreted as acceptance of infidelity, and some people may take advantage of that.
You may also wonder whether your significant other was cheating during the entire relationship. In addition, if the cheating happened with an ex, it might help to ask your partner about their contact and connection with their ex. Asking about it can give you some assurance and help you stop thinking about the possibility of the other person cheating.
Ongoing hurtful reminders
Remaining in a relationship with someone who cheated can sometimes be hurtful. It can be hard to feel comfortable around a partner who was unfaithful. Memories of the past will only give you pain which can hinder you in giving forgiveness.
No matter how much the person apologizes, promises not to do it again, or tries to atone, they cannot take back their actions. Despite the saying “past is past” to some degree, the act of cheating can add a new dynamic to the relationship. The pain caused by the incident will leave a mark on someone’s life.
You deserve better
Remaining in a relationship with a person who cheated may rob you of the opportunity to be in a relationship with a partner who won't cheat. Despite what you’re feeling at this time, it is possible to be in a healthy relationship that is free of cheating. Look for a person who won’t give you pain, or cause you hurt in life.
They may want to leave
If your partner has cheated, knowing what to do next is not always easy. Weighing the pros and cons can be helpful, but ultimately you must make the decision that is best for you. Also, you might remember that forgiving someone who cheated does not always mean that they will want to remain in the relationship.
Occasionally, people cheat because they are looking for an out. Paying attention to signs might be helpful to avoid these situations, but ultimately there is nothing that you did wrong to cause this.
It takes a lot of consideration to discern whether to forgive someone who cheated. Occasionally, people who have cheated attempt to blame their partner or claim that if their partner had or hadn't done a particular thing, they wouldn't have cheated. You might be cognizant of this so that you don’t internalize any such excuses.
Each individual is accountable for their actions. How a partner conducts themselves after cheating may give you insight into their character. Are they remorseful? Do their actions match their words? Are they showing they can change and putting in the work to do so? In many cases, a sign of them working on themselves is through individual or couples counseling.
Learning to forgive with online therapy
Wondering how to forgive a cheating partner? Relationship conflict is often complicated enough; adding cheating to the mix often makes matters more complex. Some people can work through these challenges on their own, but others may require help. There's nothing wrong with that. It’s not easy to forget the pain and hurt that your spouse brought to you which is why it’s good to seek help from a mental health professional.
Benefits of online therapy
The ability to seek advice when necessary can be a valuable skill that helps in relationships throughout life. Signing up for online therapy with Regain may help you navigate the process of deciding whether or not to forgive your partner. A relationship therapist or family therapist can be effective in helping you heal from this experience, no matter what you decide to do.
Efficacy of online therapy
With Regain, you don’t have to go to a therapist’s office, as therapy takes place remotely, which research has shown to be just as effective as in-person therapy. This may be especially helpful if you live in an area with few therapists or if you simply prefer to speak with a licensed therapist who lives outside your community.
With Regain, you can speak with a licensed relationship therapist via phone or videoconference at a time that works for you. Also, you can contact them in between sessions via in-app messaging if you have questions or concerns, and they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.
Takeaway
If you’re trying to decide whether to forgive someone who cheated, you don’t have to navigate this process alone. With Regain, you can be matched with a licensed therapist who has experience helping people who are experiencing infidelity. By talking to a licensed relationship counselor, you may find that you are better equipped to make a decision about your relationship and move forward confidently. Take the first step and reach out to Regain today.
Frequently asked questions (FAQ) about infidelity
Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?
Cheating sometimes leads to the end of relationships. However, this isn’t always the case. It often takes work to rebuild trust in a relationship, and occasionally a partner may feel they don't want to forgive. If they don't want to forgive, it can be difficult to move forward. In these cases, the relationship or marriage may not go back to normal. However, even if a relationship doesn’t necessarily go back to normal, forgiveness can sometimes lead to a new beginning. The person who has been aggrieved likely won’t forget what happened, but sometimes people move forward with a sense of renewal and healing. Healing from an unfaithful spouse is an ongoing process that doesn’t happen overnight. Don’t feel pressured because it's only human nature to take time and grieve after a loved one betrayed you. It’s not easy to heal from all the pain and hurt caused by an affair.
Should you forgive your partner after they’ve cheated?
There's no definitive answer as to whether you should forgive someone who has cheated. It's up to you to make that decision. While forgiveness can be a strength, you might ask yourself if you want to take a risk on someone once the trust has been broken. It's not wrong to do, but try to weigh the advantages and disadvantages when it comes to giving forgiveness to a cheating spouse or person. You might sense that this was a one-time thing and be able to forgive them. If you feel like forgiveness can be a big help towards your healing journey, consider doing it. If you find it possible to forgive them and help them work on all the other red flags, you could cultivate a long-lasting relationship.
Can a cheating partner change?
Do people change past their mistakes? Will the relationship or marriage still work out after forgiveness? Some individuals want to work on themselves and do better, while others are stuck in unhealthy patterns. Forgiving someone who cheated often involves trusting that they want to change. You don't have to forgive them if you're uncomfortable with the idea. You may have an intuitive sense that they'll hurt you again during your relationship or marriage. It can be difficult to heal from all the pain they’ve caused you in the past. Your well-being is what matters the most. Consider looking at things holistically, and don’t put all the blame on the other person. Try to hear what the other person has to say. There might be a reason why things happened. Try to ask for an opinion from your friends and family on whether it’s a good idea to forgive your cheating partner. Reflect on your boundaries and check whether such things deserve to be fought for. If you feel like your partner isn't going to change or doesn't have the desire to make behavioral shifts, you have the right to move on. There’s no point in dwelling more on the pain and hurt of the betrayal. Easier said than done, but take your time to heal and accept the truth of the situation. You won’t be able to forget absolutely everything that happened but take baby steps towards moving on. There’s hope in healing from infidelity. Be honest about your feelings and slowly work on towards healing on your own.
Can you love someone after they’ve cheated?
You may love your partner dearly even if they cheated. The emotions during this time can be confusing, but there are no right or wrong emotions. It takes immense effort to stay strong, face this world, and continue with life despite knowing the act of betrayal that just happened. If you’d like to explore what you’re feeling and what you should do next after your spouse or husband cheated on you, you might discuss your emotions with a licensed online therapist. Therapy is a safe space to talk about your thoughts and feelings. It’s a great way to address your hurt, pain, and confusion.
Should you stay with someone who cheated?
If you forgive someone who cheated, it can show that you have faith in them despite experiencing pain; that you still have hope for them to change, and you have hope for the relationship to work better this time. You may believe it was a one-time thing, and you're willing to give them a second chance after cheating. Perhaps your partner explained the reason behind the cheating. Maybe you get why they did it, and so do they. They've promised that they will work on themselves in therapy and make an effort in the relationship with you.
You can forgive someone who cheated and stop labeling them as a cheater, which can be another key aspect of moving forward. If you're always calling them out for being unfaithful or throwing it in their face, you may not truly be forgiving them. People make mistakes. Forgiveness is being able to let go of the pain and the past. However, the other person needs to be honest and be accountable for it before they ask for forgiveness. Your partner may not have wanted to hurt you. Perhaps, with time, they'll see why they were unfaithful and can explain it to you. It's up to you whether you choose to move on or not. It may be worth it, and you could live a long, happy, fulfilling life together. But it’s not easy to just forgive and forget. It’s your partner’s responsibility to make you feel safe and assured in the first place. If you’re still unsure whether to forgive a cheater or not, you may talk to your friends and loved ones and hear their opinions to see if they’re in the same boat as you.
How can you forgive your partner after infidelity?
If you're hurt after your partner cheated on you, that's normal. You don’t have to force yourself to get over the cheating. No matter the amount of pressure others put on you to do so, this is your life, these are your emotions, and the way you feel is valid. Take your time to slowly heal. Seek support from your loved ones and stay strong as you continue with your life.
You may need to take some space and let the anger cool down. It can be hard to accept the truth of the situation that your spouse had an affair behind your back. It's okay to come to a point where you take a break from a relationship after experiencing cheating. You can tell your partner that you're hurt by the cheating, and you want to take a break. Focus more on spending time on improving yourself and start putting effort towards prioritizing your own needs. Also stay away from things that can make you remember what happened, especially the affair partner. It can help to rely on your support system, which includes your friends and family. You can also seek the help of a licensed mental health professional who can help you through the challenges of having someone cheat on you. Whether you see a therapist online or in your local area, therapy can prove effective in helping you recover from cheating. That is because a therapist can help you gain more wisdom when it comes to your healing journey, as well as how to forgive a spouse or another person after cheating.
Can you forgive someone for infidelity?
It's possible to forgive your partner for cheating. It may make sense if you don't trust them at first and can't forgive. But your thoughts may change after you hear their explanation. You may be tempted to check their social media messages. A cheating girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, or partner may keep engaging in the behavior if they want to stray from the relationship.
You can't control their behavior, but you can try to talk to them about it. If you can't move past the cheating and forgive, it may be time to think about letting the relationship go. Forgiving infidelity takes a lot of courage and effort from the person, it’s alright if you can’t forgive past it. Giving forgiveness to another person can be extremely difficult, especially if you were deeply hurt by what happened or if the other person made you feel awful about yourself. Break ties appropriately with your spouse who cheated on you. It’s now their responsibility to work on themselves after causing the pain and hurt associated with the affair and betrayal. It may not be easy to forgive and forget, but there will be a time when you won’t feel that hurt anymore. There is support available from professionals if you’re unsure about how to move on and deal with life after getting hurt because of an affair or betrayal.
How challenging is it to forgive someone who cheated?
Forgiving a person for being unfaithful can be challenging. Forgiving is a complicated process, and you are not alone in feeling that forgiving is hard. A person’s path towards healing and forgiveness comes along with their ability to let go of the hurt, anger, and resentment despite everything that happened.
There is no one right answer decision when it comes to forgiving infidelity. It all comes down to the unique relationship you have with your partner and whether or not you feel it is possible to forgive them for cheating. If you decide it is not possible, that’s okay. And if you decide it is possible, that’s okay too. On the other hand, it’s also valid if you still don’t know the answer to your question. You can ask for support from a professional on how to deal with forgiving a spouse who committed an affair or betrayal.
How can my support system help me as I’m forgiving a cheater?
Cheating in a relationship does not immediately signify the end of the relationship. There’s still hope in patching things up with the other person. Cheating in a relationship can change the dynamic in a relationship, but choosing to forgive someone for cheating may lead to rebuilding a stronger foundation together. If you decide remaining together with your spouse is best, you may employ the help of a licensed couples therapist.
If you do decide that leaving the relationship and the other person is better, know that you have a support system around you during this difficult time in your life. Whether that includes friends and family, or possibly a licensed therapist, you are not alone. Regardless of what you decide, know that choosing to forgive someone for cheating is your choice and your choice alone. If you’re still unsure of what to do anymore with your relationship with your spouse, a licensed therapist can help you understand your thoughts and emotions. There is no right or wrong decision.
What are some ways to address infidelity when I can’t forgive yet?
If you were on the receiving end of infidelity, you have a right to your feelings, and there is no rush to forgive. It could help to write down your feelings, whether these feelings are about forgiving or not forgiving at all. But don’t pressure yourself if you still can’t forgive the other person yet.
You can also talk with friends or loved ones about what you’re feeling. Also, a therapist may be able to support you in working through any complex emotions you experience after infidelity.
Does experiencing infidelity change you?
Once you've experienced infidelity, you may experience difficulty trusting people in romantic relationships. You may feel hurt, confused, or even angry after experiencing a betrayal from your spouse. Forgiveness can be challenging and it’s valid if you don’t know the answer on how to face the world after the heartbreaking news. You may feel reluctant to get involved with anyone at the time being, and you might stay single for a while while you work through your feelings.
You might remember that you did not do anything wrong that caused the infidelity, and you may need to explore forgiving yourself if that’s the case. It is not your fault. It’s simply not easy to forget what happened in the past. You might remind yourself that you tried the best that you could in that relationship.
Being cheated on doesn’t have to change you permanently, regardless of whether you remain in the relationship or leave. But knowing the truth and experiencing pain will impact how you see the world from now on. Experiencing difficulty with trust in your life now doesn't mean you can't work through those feelings with a licensed therapist. Try to seek help from a professional if you don’t know how to address your feelings anymore. A trained therapist can help when it comes to dealing with feelings you’ve experienced in your life.
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